***** Admin Note *****
Because we really love you all and listen to you … here is another post based off of a skribit suggestion. Keep suggestiong topic using the little tool on the site … we do listen.
Also … the survey is done with. Thanks to everyone who completed the survey … and expect changes to come soon.
– SBM … aka … The Management
To my ladies …
You’re walking down the street, heading from work to your local favorite happy hour. You’re looking good because this morning you knew you were heading out looking for a new man after work, with you little power suit, that now has been adjusted to show a little post work cleavage. As you walk down the sidewalk … you hear that familiar phrase …
“Excuse me miss … can I get some conversation?”
You roll your eyes, turn around smiling because you don’t need to be called a stuck up b*tch this early in the night, and politely say … “I’m in a rush. I’m meeting some friends”.
“Well can I meet your friends too?”
*sigh* … this isn’t going to be simple. “No, we are going to a spot with my boyfriend (a lie), and I don’t want to surprise them with anyone”
“Why don’t you just slow down a little … and I’ll just talk to you while you walk. You can tell me about your boyfriend.”
Yes … even as a guy who accepts and demands the right to “holla” at any woman at anytime, luckily (for women) I can take a hint and am not going to harass someone who is not interested … I got better ways to spend my time. But, sadly every guy isn’t like me, and some are just relentless. And as someone who has been harassed by drunk, forward and fugly women at the club … I feel your pain. So, for all the women out there (cause I love ya’ll), here is …
SBM’s List of ways to get him to leave you alone
Tell him it’s your boyfriends birthday … and he’s in the club/restaurant/bar with you
Saying you have a boyfriend is the first thing women learn in “How to Duck a n***a 101”, but even a nice guy like me (I’m so considerate … really) won’t take that mess half of the time … because your probably lying. It was one of my good female friends who expanded on the classic. If it’s his birthday, and he is on the other side of the club … well … even I’m gonna give up. Just make sure he doesn’t catch you giving out your number later … women are getting called a stupid b*tch out now.
The Super Silent Treatment
As a guy, you need some sort of response. You need some small sliver of hope that your words are gonna end in some draws and backshots a number and a date. If we get nothing but silence and a mean mug … even the hardest of pursuers is going to have to give up. And for this to work, no smiling, no talking ot your girls, no nothing!!! *Warning* … There is a high probability you will get cursed out as a result.
Here … let me get your number
Women take numbers from guys all the time … every day … all day. How many women actually call the numbers that they take … 10%. We know what is happening, but like I said … all we need is a sliver of hope. She has the number … and if she does call … we know your down to ride you upside down in a seedy hotel room interested. But … be careful … don’t give him your phone to put in the number … we’re smart. All we gotta do is call our phone from her’s … and boom … got the number.
Ask for a drink … and some food … and a necklace … and some shoes … and …
We all know that simps exist … and they’re out there f*cking up the game for all of us good Cocksmen … but 75% guys are going to be turned off ASAP. The key … you need several hundred dollars from this guy and you just met him. Again … delivery is what sells it. No smiles, no laughing, no giggles, and detailed serious demands. “I know you just met me, but you need to buy me and my girls a bottle of patron platinum (club retail price of $1000) if your serious. I don’t drink anything less!”
Spit in his face
Sure there is a 50% chance that you’ll get punched in the throat by a guy if he’s willing to ht a woman (80% chance your gonna get spit back at, a drink thrown in your face, or possibly cut) … but I bet he’s not gonna try and get in your pants anymore.
Talk about how hard life as a woman is since the surgery
If this doesn’t get him to run away … well … you might as well just go ahead and marry him because there is no person on this earth more dedicated to you than this stranger here … or he’s just gay.
As always … practice makes perfect. Go out to your local street corner and practice these techniques on the teenagers posted up on the street. Once you can deter them without getting called a b*tch or having something thrown at you … your ready to take your newfound skills out into the world and happily make it down the street.
I’m not a woman, so I know I missed a couple. Got any more to add? Which ones are the most effective? Guys, what things will get you to stop … if anything?
Now you know good and well that a lot of dudes don't approach women like this. Its usually some variation of "Psst" or "Hey girl" or some other crap. And then there's the threat of violence and a cursing out if you refuse to give him your number.
The silent treatment is the only one on here that some times works. Sometimes it just gets you followed for a few blocks. I’ve never tried telling a man that it's my boyfriend’s birthday, but my whole thing is if I say I have a boyfriend in the first place, even if you know I'm lying, clearly I'm not interested, so why continue on?
Also getting his number usually does not work and gets me harassed even more b/c now he thinks there is a “sliver” of possibility and I won’t be able to shake him for a few more minutes. The other suggestions are a little too extreme for me. I’m not trying to get beat up.
On a side note: One of the things I love about men in NY (or up north in general), is if you keep walking and are not interested, they don’t get mad they just move on to the next chick. When I was in the south men acted like I cussed out their mama’s or something. They do not take rejection well at all.
that last bit is so true. ive only recently come in contact with men from the upper east side and this was very strange to me to see guys not get extremely upset and rude after being rejected. im used to getting called a stuck up b—- or some other expletive. but maybe that also has something to do with the age group && environment im in now (cuz im in college and before i was dealing with hs guys)
One thing that always gets me to do an about-face right quick, is — I was talking to this one chick in a DC lounge, and she was MADDDDD cool, and as we were going through our day jobs, and talkin she said she had 3 kids… 3 kids at 23, I rest my case. Clearly she ONLY wanted to be a friend. One kid maybe, accidents happen .. but three?
I don't beleive in lying to men that approach me. I think it's bad karma.
I simply smile and say "no thank you" to whatever comes out of their mouth. If they ask why I say, "I'm not interested."
They can't really argue with that. And I always smile so as to avoid being called a stuck up bish.
Works every time.
I like that. A very classy approach. I will try that from now on.
I agree with Jubilance. Dudes come at you with some crazy half-English holla when you pass on the street. "Aye Ma!" GTFOH. "“Excuse me miss … can I get some conversation?”….what street are THOSE men on? lol. Silent treatment is my favorite weapon. Talk to the dead air, buster.
@ Jubilence – Yes, this mess happens. Some guys just keep coming unless you're mean to them or you shock them with some unpleasant info. They're like bad salesmen – they see a "no" as a "yes" waiting to happen. I consider myself pretty nice, but my pleasant attitude has resulted in guys following me through a club, hanging onto my arm, perching on the back of my barstool, following me for blocks, etc. All this AFTER an initial "no". I had a friend who was very much from the street, and if we were together she would shake these fools off for me because she's meaner than I am.
The most effective answer I got from a girl was just a simple "No, I rather not". It stung and I was shocked and speechless, thus it worked
lol good one
My favorite way to get a guy in the bar to leave me alone is to have one of my guy friends act like he is my man. Nothing over the top he just puts his arm around me and ta da homeboy in the plaid button up, shorts and mandals is gone.
If I am out with my girls and none of my guy friends are with us (very rare) I find another guy in the bar that I might want to talk to and I am up front with him and let him know other dude is buggin me will he chit chat with me for a min. This works great cause sometimes you get along and then not only did the creepy guy leave you alone but now you have a date next week too.and even if he isn't interested at least creepy dude is gone
And if I am walking down the street I just keep walking. Don't look at em don't say anything just keep walking. Works everytime.
Bingo. As a man, I can say that's about the best response a woman who isn't interested can give. It's a refusal, but still respectful. I come at the ladies respectful, and I expect the same in return.
Even when you're saying "no."
Dudes will def buy that bottle of patron for a woman. Ive seen it with my own eyes, lol. that wont work.
Silent treatment is best but you will get called all types of names!
if a woman tells me she has a boyfriend, its game over. if she's telling the truth, i'm not trying to step on anyone's toes. if she's lying then she's not interested, and there is no point in me wasting anymore of my time (or hers). guys that curse women out after they get rejected are funny to me. like she wasn't an ugly bitch 2 minutes ago when you were trying to holla, so she isn't one now. you're only making yourself look stupid.
@BDot you make a good point about how a guy goes at a lady. If more guys came at us respectfully then we wouldn't have to have this conversation.
What I explained before is how I deal with dudes that are not being respectful.
If a guy comes at me respectfully and I'm not interested I let him know. But if he won't go away or if he gets rude then we have to start making plans to be able to get away
Great post, SBM.
Ya know what I find funny. Is that how ya'll know for the most part that we lie with the whole "I have a man" response, but then when we say we don't ya'll look all dumbfounded asking, "Why not?". It's such a dichotomy, but it's all part of the game.
@Babs. I love that approach, but some ninjas are so vile and trife that any form of decline will set them off with a "You ain't that cute anyway", which goes out of one of my ears and out the other as if that were true, they wouldn't have approached in the first place. When they say that to me (you ain't that cute anyway), I usually reply with a smile and an eye roll or say something like, "That's lovely" or some ignant ish like that…depends on my mood.
One possibly effective response to decline that I've secretly wanted to try for hilarity's sake:
– While searching for phone, discreetly drop a tube of herpes medication.
@ remi – no disrespect, but that's not the truth. at all. men in NY take rejection the worst!
I usually count on getting rejected when I go out at least once. I respect tasteful and non-belligerent responses. I'm usually very polite (which I learned is the worst thing you can be) and usually just say "hello" and try to lead into a conversation. Easy signs they don't want to be bothered: 1. The phantom boyfriend, 2. Looking down at blackberry the whole time chatting with a remote friend, 3. straight up iggin you or saying a real snarky remark. I don't stick around after that either.
I can't wait for the day I get approached and get to say "f*ck off" in my best cockney accent…
I am the queen of the silent treatment and the mean mug. Another tactic I use is giving them a fake number. It works like a charm especially if I'm in the club.
As a Brooklynite I will say NYC women are at times waay too full of them selves. Boricqua college nor kateherine GIbbs are not real colleges you learned a trade or skills you didn't build any cognitive analytical intellectual skills these chicks wouldn't know the stock ticker for Louie V for nothing and none of them are decision makers at their jobs they're just soldiers doing the task they were told to do. Yet try talkin to a group of chicks from these schools mo attitude than a room full of models, also lots of NYC women rely on Canal St all that LV/coach in nyc is mostly bootleg, we have more temp agencies (these agencies staff Macy's & Bloomingdales so the sales girl from Hollis like LL you talked to when up here was a temp and will be gone when it gets cold) and clubs than anyone else sum ladies up here hide behind them, remember clubs let in the women for free before 12A (close @ 4a) once inside they act like they are junior analyst for a financial firm, not even close. Too many nyc chicks think data entry is "official" its an entry level gig calm down!
I am not sayin it aint no fly progressive wmn in nyc but too many live a mediocre life and front like they really doin summin all the while livin in a walkup wit bad plumbin (paying like $1200 a month fa rent) two blocks from the projects and only moved in cuz their bitch of a man fooled her wit his cable gig and denali then broke out when she started that "I am independent" so her stud slithered out lef her holding the bag and we all know women cannot go back in lifestyle see Chris Rock on that one. Nyc guys do OD no ques but some of the women need to get outta this club diva "I got better shoes and bags than her" ideal out of their heads you are not grown nor progressive cuz your shoes make me wanna blow ya back out.I am more into women into culture, art social politics but if its still all about shoes n sample sales and plannin to go clubbin like you still 21 kim sweetheart in fact when hollering I ask "so what you working on?" if I get a cliched response I know I am dealin with a bull$hitter.
For me what happens when yall want us to holla and we don't how's does that make ya feel?
And I have gotten tons of wandering eyes from women WITH their men so I never wanna hear about why men always lookin from women ever again! I damn near went in on this one chick staring long enough to recite the alaphabet then her man or dude she was with came to her side!
oh boy, the age-old question, how to tell a negro 'no?'
good points. i employ the silent treatment. even to the point where i don't make eye contact so i give off the impression i'm deaf.
and i gotta agree with chillin' when it comes to remi's response about southern men. i was born & bread in the south, and now live in NYC and these fools ain't nothin' to mess with. one word: RELENTLESS! just recently i was walking down 125th st i had a guy yell at me for 6 blocks! all i could hear was "miss, excuse me miss. miss. miss." for real?? your 1st impression is yelling at me walking down the street? my own family doesn't yell at me…GTFOH.
then there's a pimp on my block so bold he'll tell women "oh i think you dropped something" just so women will stop and take time out of their day. next thing you know they've taken the bait and he starts chatting up a storm. (i fell for it once, never again)
um….temps…have you recently been rejected or something? why the hostility (bashing)?
and as a brooklynite surely you're aware of the public disrespect men constantly give women as we're minding our own business, right?
i'm not saying you're one of these men, but please don't confront and make a blanket generalization of my fellow sisters (who are hard-working even if it is entry level b/c everybody starts somewhere, who do pay their own bills and student loans, who do have standards that will not be lowered, who have the knock off designer bags because they'd rather put our money in market investments).
No I haven't been hurt why is that cuz I was detailed in what I wrote? Was I supposed to write about airhead women? And where did I bash I used the word " some" not all women I know of this behavior from friends sisters, my female realtives and women I know yes I see the jerks and their behavior is foul but it doesn't take away from the fact some grown black,white n Latino women tout a quasi professional lifestyle then expect to meet a real man also these women like the jerk men who don't know mean no means no can't handle rejection neither
I'm with babs…
Honestly, I just keep it moving…
I smile, and say, "Sorry, got somewhere to be darlin', but you have a great day."
Few men press beyond this. I think it is because it all comes out so fast they are like "damn, she ended the convo before I could get anything out."
On the rare occasion he wants to follow I don't say a whole lot, but I keep texting and saying, "huh."
Eventually he goes, "you are a busy woman, how does a man get to talk to you." and I keep on like I ain't hear him.
Works every time.
Or maybe I am a boogerwolf and thats why they give up…
For me it's a polite, "I'm already spoken for" followed by "no I am not looking for friends, but I am flattered that you asked." Then I keep it movimg w/ no further interaction. The key is to smile the whole time.
I'm so late on this post but damn this is HILARIOUS…I could never just give the silent treatment…you SURELY would get cussed out somethin' fierce by that! OMG I can't stop laughing.