In this life, there are some things that we will have to get over, double standards are one of them and stubborness is another. In the next few weeks, i’m going to dive into these topics, and present to you and inside, fly on the wall view of what men think about you. Honestly, I know several single men who will say, “I got to pick a wife out of this bunch? I’m good, i’ll just rock it solo for now.”
1) You’re stubborn, you start every conversation with what you aren’t going to do. You think you can do and say whatever you want to do and men are just going to have to put up with it.
Most, if not all men, hate when they go on a date and get hit with a list of requirements and rules. Perhaps the most popular is, “I’m not having sex until i’m in a relationship.” However, there is a long list of things that women start their conversations off with that will turn a man off right away. Let me give you ladies some advice, you need to figure out what comes out of your mouth that will probably piss a guy off. Saying things like, “I’m just not into giving head like that,” I hate to admit this, but keep that to yourself until later. “I don’t call guys, they have to call me,” that’s just stupid. My basic advice here is that what you will want to do is keep the decisions you’ve made about future relationships completely mute unless asked. It’s just a big turnoff to a guy to hear that the woman he is seeing is already dictating what the rules of a non-existent relationship are. And rules are wack.
2) You have this “i’m fine” attitude problem, you’ll have to understand that you need to be constantly improving yourself. And sometimes that means taking away some things about yourself that don’t help you reach your goal.
If I had a dollar for every time someone said, “I’m not changing for nobody.” I’d be a rich man. However, ladies if you are single, and you can’t seem to find a man, or your past relationships haven’t turned out healthy or good, it’s probably time to look in the mirror. It’s time to start evaluating what’s working and what’s not working. I know it sounds nice to say, “A man is going to love me for me.” But wait… this is a secret… He won’t. Ladies, you have that friend, don’t front, that friend who has gained a few pounds in the last few years and you didn’t say anything, and she can’t seem to get a man… look I said, don’t front. You need to tell her, no man is going to love you for you, lose some weight, or at least make an attempt. You have a friend who cusses too much. While Dr. J does not mind a woman who cusses, excessive unnecessary cussing is a turnoff to most men. If you must end your sentences with the unnecessary “shit” or every female you know is a “bitch” or every man you know is a “n*gga,” example: “Then this b*tch thinks she’s slick, she rolls up on my n*gga, and I had to tell the b*tch, nah f*ck you and that lazy ass trifling n*gga….. sheeee*t,” YOU NEED TO CHANGE SOME ISH ABOUT YOURSELF. I think you guys know where i’m going with this one.
3) You think every dude is out to get you, obviously they aren’t…..
I had to sit and think about if I really wanted to step into this bee’s nest. To be quite honest, it’s nothing worse than a man/woman with no confidence. Actually there is, someone who has no evidence, rhyme or reason for the confidence they tote. I mean, when I hear that some chick thinks she’s the baddest girl on the block, but she’s single, i’m seriously confused. Ladies you know you got that one girl, who be in the club, who think every dude in the club is looking at her, and they not… be real, let her know. I know that some women choose to be single, sometimes they don’t want to be in a relationship, but don’t let me hear that your reason why you are not in a relationship is because every dude is out to take advantage of you, or he’s just trying to get in your pants. That’s not true, because if that was the case then one of these good men would be trying to get in your pants and it’s obvious he ain’t if you are SINGLE.
In conclusion, am I deploying a bootstrapping method to dating? Well yes and no. I just don’t think that when women sit around trying to figure out why they’re single that they should talk about the men. They need to be looking in the mirror, both figuratively and literally, and asking what’s wrong with themselves. I know it’s all important to have self-esteem, but if you can’t tell that there’s something wrong with you, or an area for improvement, well then you must be ready for heaven. Don’t blame others for your misfortune until you have exhausted all the possibilities on your side. There are other women in relationships so it can be done. Be real with yourself, go talk to those women, and if you don’t have anything in common with them, take out a pen and pad and get to work.
This is brought to you by the Get Over It Series, don’t try to flip this back on men, it’s about women, not men. “It’s a thousand you’s it’s only one of me.” – Kanye West
SMB readers, I open the floor to you. What do you think? Gentlemen do you agree? Be real, son. Ladies, are you fighting change? Prefer to think you’re perfect?
— Dr. J