****** Admin Note *******
Sorry … I just grew up in a pseudo-good neighborhood so the thought of actually winning something and achieving something with my life gets me all riled up. Please please PLEASE … help a brother out and vote SingleBlackMale.net “Best S*x and Relationship Blog” (http://vote.blackweblogawards.com/vote/Je3H79EpHyJTmauz)
Got another email from a loyal reader. As always, I will drop my infallible invaluable wisdom on the topic, but the true wisdom comes from you … the readers, so lets not disappoint and make sure to blow up the comments for her.
SBM and Associates,Thanks for the wonderful blog. This makes for the funniest Sunday reading (when I have time to catch up on these things) and also the most honest perspective on whatever the current subject matter is. I do have a question for you guys though. What’s up with men and dirty pictures of the woman they are currently seeing? I have seen this in 2 different scenarios.Scenario 1: I was briefly dating a guy, but it was very apparent that is wasn’t going to be anything more then a possible physical connection. Because it was long distance he wanted to chat with me on webcam and would try to talk me out of my clothes and he would request that I email him a “glamour” picture of me. I never did because he was a obviously a dog I’m a highly educated professional woman and I don’t want to compromise my career with any scandal.Scenario 2: Another temporarily long distance situation but this time with a guy I have been dating for a few months and it seems like things will get more serious once I move for a new job to his town. I have known him for over 13 years, he’s a close friend of the family and during our whole courtship he has been romantic and respectful. I trust him and we have been physical (after 4 months of dating, talking on the phone all day, etc) so I have sent him a few racy pictures but he wants a full spread of photos of me, playboy style. He doesn’t pressure me to do it but when we start talking freaky on the phone it comes up.So what’s up? Should I feel flattered or disrespected? Thanks in advance and keep up the very important work that you do.
Well … I’ve read this one … and I reread it one or two more times just to make sure I don’t talk out my a$$ lead you astray … but … I can’t find the problem.
When answering questions and attempting to share insight, I don’t want to get things wrong and have a very rigorous process in which I go through to evaluate these situations and come to my conclusions.
First step: Pretend I’m them
So … there is a girl, that I actually like, and am actually dating in a serious capacity … and she wants naked pictures of me? I have two ways to feel about that … this is a joke … or … she finds me so attractive, sexy, and breathtaking that she wants to see me … even when she can’t see me. And given the fact it’s long distance … can I really be mad at that? Hmmm …
Second stem: Get angry for some reason … force it if I need to
Ok, so this chic is trying to just use me for my body and treat me like a peice of meat!!! That’s horrible and I have too much respect being a professional (WTF this has to do with the pictures … I don’t know … unless you’re a Senator) to let her do that to me! But … wait … in one case, we are interacting in a physical realm, and she wants to see the body that is giving her 20 screaming orgasms pleasure. And in the other case, she has proven herself to be caring and loving … so she isn’t just trying to use me.
Third Step: Ignore all logic … and really just thing with all emotion
Yeah … I just give up here … I’m a man … the logic part of my brain works.
Well, in conclusion … I’m not sure what the problem is. Situation #2 seems to respect and actually cherish you. You’ve known him for years, he has always approached you correctly, and you have been physical with him. Since he is a guy, and is visual, and you already gave him a few photos, I don’t see the big deal. He’s not pressing it, isn’t harassing you, and just sounds like one of those good guys (like myself) that women seem to hope and pray for. Go ahead … live a little.
With situation #1, ya’ll are physical , but it sounds more like a Friends with Benefits than a cut buddy, because a professional girl would never do such a thing, so I don’t see the harm in him asking. I probably wouldn’t trust hi with the pics (I’ve gotten plenty of MMSs from my friends from my friends who like to share no gf material) … but I can’t knock the guy for asking since he only stretches them walls pleases you when you deem it fitting.
And lastly … but most importantly … they are long distance! While sharing pictures with the guy who lives two floors up can be a great way to add some spice, it’s not a necessity. These guys only get to see you when Southwest has a special you’re in the same place at the same time … so it makes sense they want to see you in that way when you’re not around them often.
So, don’t be offended. Dude #2 definitely deserves some pics. And for the future … don’t get offended. In my eyes, it means that he finds you attractive enough that he wants to see you at your most vulnerable.
What say you SBM Fam? Should those lewd pictures make their way across state lines? Have either one of these guys earned some dirty pics of the goods?
SBM aka “Mr. send a picture of my man meat right after ‘hello'”