What’s good SBM community. I get emails at my other locations all the time about sex, lies, and videotape different topics and personal questions they want me to address. I thought for this week, since I’ve had writers block for a month I’d share with the community an email that came across my desk screen. This issue relates to a topic that men loathe discuss never at times: feelings UGH:
“Whats up Streetz,
I had a quick question and hope you can help me out. I’ve been talking to this chick for a minute and sh*ts been going well, but then she did a few grimy things to me (steppin out with dudes, lying about little things, acting childish) that left me like wtf! I’m no angel, but I didn’t deserve that. She told me that she cared about me deeply and I lowkey think she was thinking love too, but how do I believe those feelings are real? For someone who can do all this sh*t and more that I won’t speak on, can those feelings really be true? I don’t know dude…. I’m sketchy about it. If you can just answer this for me I’d appreciate it. You can post this too, just not with my name, lol.
Young I, I dig what you just mentioned. This paradox consumes us all when trying to protect our hearts and feelings from those who don’t genuinely feel what they say they feel. There’s one way to distinguish whose real and whose fake: That’s the type of people I hate. AYE.AYE!
Actions vs. Words
This is the biggest determination of real feelings. I wouldn’t say I won’t hurt someone and punch them in the face 5 minutes later. You have to look at an entire body of work to determine if those feelings are genuine. Can you count on them when the chips are down? Have they ridiculed you about not caring as much and then did the opposite when the shoe is on the other foot? These actions can show that the person does care about you and their feelings are real.
Here’s the part where I f*ck your head up: Many people can do all these things correctly and still NOT care as much as they say. Some people can partition their emotions to distinguish between “How I feel about him/her” and “what’s best for me”. Rationalizations, generalizations, and assessments of their situations go on in their head daily. They can justify their actions as being mutually exclusive to their true feelings. It’s bugged out, but true.
I believe this is possible. It’s not that they don’t care or that they’re lyin. They decided that whatever gamble they took with those egregious acts was worth upsetting you and jeopardizing your relationship. They would “cross that bridge when they came to it”. We all have done this to different degrees, but depending on the actual act (ex. cheating vs. the little white lie) and the person, that gamble may prove to be a bad bet.
Also understand that while the actions may be >= the words, you still have the right to consider those feelings false. You never understand the phrase “if you cared about me you wouldn’t do XYZ” unless you’re in that position or see it for yourself. Then when you start piecing together other situations and acts, you may not believe ANYTHING the person ever said, and it may not end up well for your shorty.
I wonder, if you know what it means am I caught in the Matrix? Let’s just say every time I think Zion is safe, I open the door and the Architect gives me a long winded speech. The Matrix then reloads and we do it all again. Red or blue pill, you live and you learn.
In closing, take the entire body of work, analyze all previous situations with the individual, and make that assessment and act accordingly.
SBM community do you agree? Can feelings be faked? Do actions not equate to the actual feelings someone has for you?
Is that REAL air you’re breathing now?