Editors Note: The Woman list presented was taken from Facebook/email forwards I received. The Men list I created myself. Some people didn’t see the acknowledgement in the comments, so I’m placing it here. Cool? Cool. All for your enjoyment! Carry on…
Language is the most dynamic aspect of human interaction. We have hundreds of languages on this planet, and among those languages, different dialects. We can have words that literally can mean 10 different things. As a man who speaks multiple languages, I know that one word or phrase spoken out of context can and will ruin you. Sometimes, we use these same words and while their face value definition might say one thing, we mean something totally different. Men and women do this all the time! It’s time we decode these messages to better understand each other and avoid the language barriers that hinder us in trying to bone better communication.
Women use these common phrases while meaning something totaly different:
Fine – This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes – If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING – This is the calm before the storm. This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with ‘Nothing’ usually end in “Fine”
Go Ahead – This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it.
**Loud Sigh** – This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”
That’s OK – This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks – A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you’re welcome (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
“Whatever…” – It’s a woman’s way of saying FCUK YOU!
Don’t worry about it. I GOT IT – Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response, refer to “NOTHING”.
Men use these phrases during interactions with Women:
HUH/excuse me/what did you say? – Normally, you take this phrase at face value. In an argument with a man, this is utilized to buy a little time to think over a question that you asked (in order to give a good enough correct answer)
Whatever – Almost Identical to the woman version (meaning FCUK you!) It can also signify the end of a conversation on the man’s side. Men usually follow the whatever by walking away or continuing their normal everyday procedure as if you weren’t there
I’m good/I’m fine/ It’s not that serious – Yeah, OK. It is VERY serious, lol! The man is just too exhausted/frustrated to continue and uses this to attempt to deal with the issue on his own
I’m down the block/ I’m around the corner – “I just left my house got on the highway. I was too busy watching the game and lost track of time. I should be there in 15 25, I think”
What do you want for ____? – This is a Man’s way of giving you EXACTLY what you want for that special occasion, to save the trouble of going back to exchange the gift when you see it and say “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT”
You’re Right/You got it – Man’s way of shutting you up conceding an argument and retreating like Cobra Commander “I wont lie man I really don’t care/ I tell these chicks whatever they wanna hear” (c) 50 Cent.
OK – “Shut up. You made your point, and I have no further need for clarification of your point. You got it OK?!!”
Uh-huh/mmhmm – A place holder in conversations, where a man’s not listening as attentively as you think and he’s programmed to answer with these canned responses in 5-7 sec intervals. Uncanny!
How was your day? – “I don’t give a flying FCUK about you day I care about your day, but when I’m busy and you call/speak to me at a bad time, I’ll ask this so you can speak ALL DAY for a few minutes so I can answer with a few ‘uh-huhs’, ‘yups’, and ‘that chick is trifling.”
SBM community, let these phrases confuse you no longer. Let us tear down these language barriers like vagina The Berlin Wall. Did I forget anything? Do you agree? Remember its summer and we’re trying to enjoy it. No need to let words stop our flow!
Streetz alias Mr. Write NOW