Home Dating & Relationships Laws of Attraction Summertime pt 3: Do men experience double standards?

Summertime pt 3: Do men experience double standards?

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Top of the morning SBM community,

So last week was one of the most prolific weeks in the history of the site. We thank you for support. One discussion of out the 5 spectacular (no pleasure P) posts was Slim and SBMs team post on Women “doing them” In this post, we explored a common double standard regarding women and their sexual activity. Women constantly address the many double standards they face. It made me think whether men faced any similar double standards, and the results may surprise, shock and amuse.  Fellas, if we’re going to win during this summer, we need to understand and recognize this dynamic in male/female interaction. SBM community, I present the results of my expose on Male Double Standards:

#1 – You didn’t pay for the first date? Game Over: Women glorify and herald their independence, but do believe on that first date, they want traditions upheld. Men should follow this timeless law of chivalry no matter WHAT the lady says. I once had a young lady tell me “We can just go to Popeye’s I don’t care” when we had a tough time finding an alternate restaurant because the first one sucked. I laughed and said “Good one, but we’ll go to the restaurant. Did I pass your little test?”. Do believe I payed for that date too, which I have no problem doing. Women, I just ask that you attempt to “head fake” with the bill to make us feel like you’d actually help us out. We’ll acknowledge it, refuse it, and thank you later.

See Also:  Why Men Need Women with a Future and a Past: Deciding to Take Care of the Damaged Girl

In fact money in general holds a serious male double standard. Ladies, imagine what you would do if a dude came into your V.I.P. to drink some of your liquor off the strength that he was handsome and great eye candy for you and your friends? Would you accept him and let him have drinks, or look at him like a broke vagabond and have security escort him out?

#2 – Shorty groped me in the club? OK And?!: I personally know how women feel when they go to the club and they get groped and touched inappropriately. Many times, I’ve been a lucky bastard victimized by women grabbing my ass, catchin cheap feels, and giggling about it like its normal. I wish I could get away with half of the things women did to me in the club. Women, for as much as you hate to be grabbed up, what makes it acceptable for you to do it to us? Are men  suppose to shrug it off because we look for that type of play? Is this an acceptable form of male/female club interactions? These answers would help a brother greatly!

#3 – Dudes with emotions are EMO: My surrogate fam covered the topic on the Emo Cats, but I feel like any dude who shows emotion can be dropped into this category by a woman. A woman wants a dude to care, and show emotion, but a dude could be soft [||] in a woman’s eyes (subliminally) if he’s even minimally empathetic of feelings. This may be a little extreme, but do believe I put my foot down and lay down that good good like a pr0n star the law when I feel the slightest bit of disrespect (and I do that with class of course) Let me know if I’m wrong.

See Also:  Why Being Prude Won’t Get You Anywhere In Your Dating Life

#4- You didn’t try nothing?! SOMETHING’s wrong with him: This one is pretty ill. Let’s say a man goes out on a date with a pretty woman (no Julia Roberts). They have a good time and she invites him into the house. If in the entire time they enjoy each other’s company he tries nothing (no kissing, groping, feeling, etc.) the woman will think he’s either a) Lame b) Gay or c) Both a & b. Usually in these situations, women ask why men have to do anything except have a good time, but it’s ironic that women would take offense and question men who WOULDN’T try anything! Note to the fellas: No matter how respectable you are, attempt something, or you may offend.

Fellas, are there any other double standard which afflict us daily? Women do you feel these double standards are justified? Discuss, share, retweet, comment, and enjoy yourself Charlie Murphy!

Streetz: Mr. Write NOW

Comment(100)

  1. Reading your blog with a group of friends so here are questions/comments from folks in Dallas who really should have gone home two hours ago…

    Question on #1 – If the woman asks the guy out for date one, who pays? I say the woman pays since she asked but as my girls are beating me about the head and neck, apparently they think the guy pays no matter what.

    #2 is tacky from both sides, no groping the strangers. Ass/Crotch grabs in public are never an appropriate icebreaker. Okay, guy friend thinks that can be a great icebreaker and wishes more women would just come up and grab what they want.

    #3 The Emotional Male, we all agree it's a fine line. You want a guy to be sensitive but not so sensitive that you are sharing Kleenex and Midol once a month.

    #4 Men want the head fake with the bill, women want the head fake with the moves. Find some way (that does not involve the ass-grab) to let the woman know that you would make a move if only you didn't respect her so much. Okay, even I agree that's a terrible double standard, sorry.

    Just wondering – If women are judged primarily on looks, are men judged primarily by bank account?

    If a man says "I'll call you later" and doesn't – that's a huge problem. If a woman says "Let me call you back" and doesn't, how big a deal is that?

      1. I agree with this as well, actually. The asker pays in my book. How you gon' invite someone to something and THEY pay? Makes no sense, man or woman.

    1. #1 – If a woman asks a man out, technically she SHOULD pay, but i still won't let her unless she forces her way, and even so I'll at least get the tip.

      #2 – Its only tacky if shorty is ugly, lol

      #3 – Sometimes you're on the line and women count it as being super emo

      #4 – if I head fake, I'm drawing the foul or im still shooting. Don't play a zone either because I will score. Just hope to contain me

      Question 1 – A man isnt always judged on bank account, hes judged on the total package. I think its bank + education + potential for success. Some women will mess with a broke dude who WILL be something. Then again a lot of chicks loe the "Legal drug thugs" Go fig

      If a woman says "let me call you back" and doesn't, its far from a big deal. Thats why we have gchat and twitter. You can hit me up there and give me the my bad speech. By then, I probably forgot already because I'm occupied with other tings (yes tings)

      1. "#1 – If a woman asks a man out, technically she SHOULD pay, but i still won’t let her unless she forces her way, and even so I’ll at least get the tip."

        Gotta tack-on an addendum to my "Who every invites, pays" rule that if you offer, I will most definitely not refuse. If you insist…lol

    2. Girl…thats all my thought in a nut shell…

      The 1st move should always be mutual…If a man can't recognize an invitation to make a move on a female, then he is lame…lol. But there are those who assume every subconscious 😉 sexy gesture made by a woman is an invitation….hmmm…

  2. #1. I think the woman who pays for the first date or pays her way is trying to establish a boundary. Letting the guy know she is just friends with him by not letting him pay because it could come back to her in the end. Or she does want to feel like she owes him anything.

    #2. I have been groped in the club. I guess it is looked at that a woman poses no threat to a man, but a man can pose a threat to a woman. When is the last time we heard of a man being raped by a woman and he genuinely did not enjoy it?

    #3. With the emotional aspect, I think women want a balance. A strong man but one who can sympathize when the time comes. Someone dies and he like "well they gone so get over it" is not gonna be taken so well. But he can't be no punk crying at all the movies and everything like that.

    #4. Man I can so identify with this. I went out with a young lady and was a total gentleman. Did not try to grope her on her couch as we sat and talked. Gave her a nice gentle hug and left. During a phone conversation 2 days later she said she thought I was not into her and threw me into the "friend" category because I did not try anything. It blew my mind. And I was like if I tried something like all the other dudes in your past then you would not have talked to me again…so what is a brotha suppose to do. So the next time I saw her I turned up the heat since that is what she wanted.

    But those double standards exist and go both ways.

  3. "If a man says “I’ll call you later” and doesn’t – that’s a huge problem. If a woman says “Let me call you back” and doesn’t, how big a deal is that?"

    That's not a big deal to me. Either A) She is not interested or B) She got busy. But it also depends on small factors like kids, because if she has them they can be a major distraction. But I also believe that you should be a man/woman of your word.

  4. I think there is a double standard when talking about preferences in women. I touched on it a little bit last week.

    I can say, I love dark men and prefer them but if a man says he loves light women, he'll get his head chopped.

    1. This is true. Hey Nicki, I've noticed you don't like when dudes say they like light women (which, I've heard from several lighter gals such as yourself)…is it because of the same feeling that "exotic" women feel with dudes that try to always talk to them? That you feel like you just some fetish for them?

        1. Gotcha. Yeah, that's a pretty common theme amongst the lite brights (my own mama is one). I'm not a darker sister (caramel, I guess), but I love ya'll for that.

        2. "I don’t like how it makes my darker sisters feel."

          #lieswomentell

          LOL

          But im saying: cant a dude have a preference and articulate it? I went through many phases but now appreciate beauty in all shades. I have my *ahem* favorite qualities though still

        3. @streetz

          lol @ #lieswomentell

          "But im saying: cant a dude have a preference and articulate it?"

          Sure can if it's for a chocolate beauty. Sometimes, it is just a preference. It's just hard to decipher when it involves a preference that's rooted in socially constructed hatred within a racial group.

        4. @ Cheekie

          Im sayin though does it always have to be some Malcolm X shyt? hahaha

          I dig what you are saying though. Im attracted to women who look like me. Maybe i was averse for a moment as a youth to darker skin chicks because my mom and sis are of the darker variety so I saw it as 'messin with family" to mess with a darker skin woman? Hmmmm…

          Now I just go IN regardless. I'll lay it down on an Alien like Captain Kirk!

        5. "I don’t like how it makes my darker sisters feel."

          That's so sweet of you! I'm a very dark sister, and men who have a preference for lighter women have no effect on me. I always assume they're confused and they're doing me a favor by not approaching me. I know a lot of men like this, and they usually have issues that I wouldn't want to deal with. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman, regardless of color. Not to mention, beauty is a science and is denoted by how symmetrical ones face is.

        6. LMFAO @ CPT "They'll be aiight".

          Streetz: "Im sayin though does it always have to be some Malcolm X shyt? hahaha"

          LOL, I feel ya. It don't always gotta be. But skin tone is an issue in our community? Do I wish it wasn't? Hells yes. I love togetherness in Black culture, not that divide and conquer ish. But, the reality is that it is still an issue. We gotta tackle it head-on.

          And good point in choosing a mate who look like you. I think that is VERY common. I even think it extends to the skin tone of your parents. This cat I'm currently feelin' kinda reminds me of my (late) father in terms of looks. They don't look that much alike, but there's somethin' similar there and it's part of the reason why I'm crushing so hard. Dayum daddy issues…lol

          Also, THANK YOU Voiceofreason for mentioning beauty is about the symmetry of your facial features…how and why skin tone automatically makes you look fine or fug by default is beyond me. Like, I wish a nicca WOULD tell me that Flava Flav would be fine if he were light skindeded.

    2. Your right, you did talk about that and that's a big double standard for us.

      I once made a comment about my 2nd year in college … it was brought up for about the next 5 years!

  5. Oh man #4 is the truf!

    As a recovering nice guy and conflicted gentleman, I noticed a very strange pattern dating women in that they expect you to do something. I think everytime I tried to stay in my gentleman's lane, it knocked a few points down because these women:

    1. Were use to aggressive (thirsty) dudes wanting to hit immediately

    2. Felt slighted if I didn't make an advance because obviously thought they were "hot"

    3. Realized that maybe I didn't think they were hot and therefore, as a defense mechanism, pulled the black woman trump card and try to imply homosexuality.

    Thing I've learned, just as I've discussed on previous posts, when dating these women nowadays you have to be assertive and somewhat of an azzhole in order to succeed. Don't forget to tear their back up to if you do hit and leave them walking funny. If you don't beat it up, consider yourself demoted.

    1. "Don’t forget to tear their back up to if you do hit and leave them walking funny. If you don’t beat it up, consider yourself demoted."

      I consider this the War Report. If you go into a fight, you fight to win, not to impress. You slip a chick the Limp Bizkit when you work all that hard to get in those jeans, and you'll see how easy it will be for her to sully your good name.

    2. I've never seen a woman actually get crazier than when you blatantly turn her down. If she has the balls to be truly forward … and you just don't want it … expect to have your house burn down, your car crushed, and then the earth that remains salted so nothing can every grow there again!

      1. They truly feel a sense of entitlement as to say " I put this P on a platter and you have the nerve to goto Mickey Dees instead?!"

        Soemtimes just because you offer, doesnt mean I have to take it!

    3. “Don’t forget to tear their back up to if you do hit and leave them walking funny. If you don’t beat it up, consider yourself demoted.”

      Yup us women will def demote your butt quick fast and in a hurry. Poor bed skills will not get you a call back it will get you straight into the Friend Box(on a good day…LOL)!

    4. "Thing I’ve learned, just as I’ve discussed on previous posts, when dating these women nowadays you have to be assertive and somewhat of an azzhole in order to succeed."

      Wrong. I'm kinda seeing someone who moves like a snail when it comes to "us." He hasn't tried anything but it's very obvious he wants to and it's also very obvious that he's attracted to me. I appreciate that he wants to get to know me little by little. If he behaved differently I would have lost interest along time ago because I believe a person who is quick to run towards something will run away just as quickly.

  6. Good post Sir Streetz. I wrote a similar one a while back.

    http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/the-reverse-doub

    I also call this the reverse double standard or Woman Privilege. Women get to drink/smoke trees/roll on E for free. Men pay. Only the smoothest of males get discounts at stores and autoshops, pretty women just get 'em with no effort. A man can't put a chick on the bad p*ssy report the way that a woman can ruin a man's reputation with this report. Only way men will stay away from the poorly rated chick is if her thang stinks or she has the herp.

    1. "Women get to drink/smoke trees/roll on E for free. "

      I know we're talkin' money specificifically here, Slim, but in general terms…is it really "free"? I've heard ninjas say countless times that they're no longer buying drinks for the chick unless there's a pretty good chance he's getting some in the near future so as to not look the damn fool.

      1. For every guy who says they aint buying drinks for girls in the club (this nukka rite here!!!) … there are 15 simps ready to hand them the AMEX and tell them "You can have whatever you like".

        That TI song just came out like 6 months ago … tricking is still mainstream!!

        1. Ill buy a chick ONE drink, but thats about it. I don't simp though.At.ALL

          Dudes be buying chicks small countries in the club and still get nothing more than a pat on the back and words of encouragement…and MAYBE her #!

  7. "Only way men will stay away from the poorly rated chick is if her thang stinks or she has the herp"

    I agree. You can preach all day about how bad it was but some dude will try it out just to see. It would take one of those two make him think twice. And I think the smell thing would not totally make it a no-go situation.

  8. Please don't think stinky cooch and the herp keeps men away. You obviously don't know some brothas too well.

  9. You got a point because they say 1 out of 3 people has herpes. And now doctors treat it like you have a common cold LOL!!

  10. i'm going to have to co-sign heavily on double standard 2 and 4. walking through the club i hate when women try to cop feels. not cool at all. if you grab my ass and i grab yours back you best believe nine times out of ten she's going to try to slap me. what part of the game is that? number four has happened to me before. i have a great time with a woman and i don't try to disrespect her by trying to jump her bones the first chance i get. i know i'm not gay or lame but shit i don't have to try to beat every woman i come across.

  11. Um… I heard you were looking for me….

    (Still deaf in one ear, which is why i've been slacking.)

    As it pertains to dating, and i've said this time and time again, i'm always paying, wrap the discussion. If you want to pay for something, buy me something like a gift. This is my choice, how I was raised, I don't ask for approval or disapproval.

    Groping in the club. I have been known to bite in the club, I can't call it. (I'm usually skunky drunk.) It all depends on the groping and who it was, if I don't know you from Cain, I will be offended.

    Let me tell you right now, a many of women's favorite songs are Emotional and Summer Rain by Carl Thomas…. It's cool to be emotional and show feelings. Just don't be a… and I don't know what the best word is, but don't be a b*tch.

    Not making a move when invited over. I'm the King of this special move. I actually am a big fan of build up. I like to leave them wondering, and don't like to push the pace. I'm a horizontal RB, I take what the defense is giving me. I've clearly had the, "So son, real talk, when are we going to start being affectionate. Are you attracted to me? You have me confused" conversation a many of times. It's a good thing though, gives time to work on everything else. I HAVE physical under control, it's the mental.

    And that's how you let the beat build…

  12. It's probably safe to say that most of these standards are based on the premise of the dominant male.

    Traditionally, the male courts the female, and makes the inital sexual advances (animal planet documentary style).

    Re: homie's bank account?

    I'm all for the head fake. Pero, if I have to whip out the all mighty dollar on the first date, it's fair to assume that he's just not that into it, cheap, broke, or all of the above (automatic deal breaker)

    Groping?

    I'm not one for the grope on either end. A caress? Mayhaps. A grope is a blatant sexual gesture which means I want it right here right now. The reality of it is, men typically won't mind a grope. They might even hit. But they prob won't put a ring on it (am I right?)

    No emo:

    I think the no emo stamp is self-imposed. Personally, I don't mind the sensitive types. Sesnitivity breeds empathy and that's always a plus. As long as homie doesn't pull a Ne-Yo/Marbury-esque breakdown. Emotions are fine by me.

    Men aren't raised to be emotional, but that's a different debate for a different day.

    He didn't try ANYTHING?

    Well then I must have done something terribly offensive that I am not yet aware of and this will surely be our first and last date.

    It all goes back to male dominance. Some feminist probably wants to shoot me right now but, certain roles need to be played.

    You wanna be the man right? Well show me whatcha got pimpin,!

    1. Why is it that if we don't try anything … we get the ax? I know personally I don't like to start anything I'm not going to finish … but I know if I'm allowed to finish then I you'll lose points. Shouldn't I get points for trying to save you from yourself?

      1. Baby steps, no? Must we go from the kiss to the slam dunk? There doesn't even have to be any real bodily contact. But body language says a lot. My response to the intial response should serve as a gauge as to how far the encounter will go.

  13. Groping in the club? I have double standards when it comes to looks. If you foine and I'm feelin' ya, I might let the groping slide (if it doesn't go too far, that is). I'll not only let it slide, however, I'll grope you back. A pinch for a pinch. It's all in good fun.

    1. I agree but I mean ive been caressed, groped, grabbed, money thrown at, and all that. It can get pretty wild, but Im not a groper. I have a grope double standard too lmao

      1. Yeah, if it gets too extreme, it's not cool. I feel ya. I was at this party (on a MF-ing BOAT) his weekend and I was dancing with this dude and he picked me up, wrapped my legs around him, etc. He dropped me back down and luckily, since I'm a Leo and thus a feline, I landed on my feet. I pushed him sorta playfully since I was all happy tipsy, but had I fell on the floor? HE woulda fell into the lake.

      2. Are you implying that you are treated like a jumpoff or scudbucket?

        Let me ask, have you ever been phoned by a girl and she says, "Me and my girls looking for something to do. What you doing? Got any friends?"

        If so, you're being treated like a jumpoff, lmao.

  14. I gotta say that I'm so Happy Streetz hit this topic, which I've been planning to write for almost a year. Luckily there are a million other double standards us poor men are faced with on the daily … so there is plenty more to cover.

  15. #1 The game would DEFINITELY be over if I was asked out on a date and was EXPECTED to pay any of it. I’ll help out with the tip? LOL This by no means entails that I have a problem with paying for a date; but I believe if YOU ask someone out, YOU should pay for it. This goes for both men AND women. I do have a question for the men: how is a woman supposed to know if the man will accept the gesture as her “helping out” as opposed to her emasculating him?

    #2 Piggy backing off of some of the other comments; groping/touching someone you don’t know is rude, disrespectful, fresh and any other like term. I am not even going to chastise the men here; I’m sure that (if you’ve done it) you have gotten your share of a good rowe from a woman who was victimized. But, ladies (well can they really be called ladies if they running around touching ppl they don’t know?) .:ahem:. Ladies, when you grope/touch a man in the club, don’t get mad when buddy find you in the let out and ask you if you want to finish what you started inside! What did you expect?!

    #3 The line between being sensitive and being a wuss (for a lack of a better word) is sooooooooo fine. Unfortunately the line for each woman is different so there is no clear cut definition to give to the fellas. Personally, I have much respect for a man who is in tuned with his emotions and feelings; but a dude who is always crabbing, whining, complaining, and crying? Yea, not so much…

    #4 There is a level of comfort we must arrive before I extend an invitation to my place to a man, or any one for that matter. With that being said, if after a date I invite my gentleman friend over, I’m not saying he gotta try to hunch me like a wet dog, but if NOTHING happens not even a hug or a kiss, I would wonder what is wrong. Does he want to take it slow? Do we not have a connection? Did I give off a vibe to “stay away”? Blaming it on him being lame and/or gay is just immature.

    1. "but if NOTHING happens not even a hug or a kiss, I would wonder what is wrong. Does he want to take it slow? Do we not have a connection? Did I give off a vibe to “stay away”? Blaming it on him being lame and/or gay is just immature."

      You need to ask or stop thinking so damned hard. A lot of you ladies overthink stuff so much. If you want dude to do something, there is no problem if you flirt a bit or use your body language to initiate a session. We can be just as confused as you all because you all have your little "tests." So if we try to jump your bones, you pull away and say you're not ready. If we don't, you're ready to axe us because you felt dissed somehow. If we ask about, then we are too timid. Can't win here.

  16. "how is a woman supposed to know if the man will accept the gesture as her “helping out” as opposed to her emasculating him?"

    I think all she can do is offer and if he insist then let him do it. I think the whole emasculating thing comes into play when the persons finances are known. Then it appears as "she don't think I can pay for this". If me and a woman are doing dinner, movie, and maybe a walk in the park…if I pay for the dinner and the movie, I have no problem with her paying for the ice cream in the park.

    1. I had an ex once that went something short of ballistic when I reached for the bill. He wasn't in any financial binds or anything of the sort. After he paid I got a lecture on how he is a man and paying for dates is what MEN DO! YIKES! I guess that explains why he's an ex. Dinner, movie AND a walk in the park WITH ice cream?? Ooh la la! LOL paying for the ice cream is MORE than a fair deal in my book! 🙂

      1. I had a chick who never paid… did the flinch for the purse the first time and that was it!

        Then she sd the next time was on her… I said cool. Mind you im taking her nice places (Fridays, Chilis, Applebees, etc) lmao

        We went to a diner on the humble after some movie… The total cost of our food HAD to be <$15, THIS chick sd "I GOT IT I GOT IT" and RAN for the bill, on some "I sd I got you next time right? *smile*"

        That was the beginning of her end.

        1. "Mind you im taking her nice places (Fridays, Chilis, Applebees, etc) lmao"

          City Island is a nicer place… 🙂

        2. "Then she sd the next time was on her… I said cool. Mind you im taking her nice places (Fridays, Chilis, Applebees, etc) lmao"

          ROFL. No this mofo, DIDN'T…

  17. #1- Chivalry is NOT dead. I will say no more, lol… maybe in the future somewhere down the line I'll pay for dinner or split it.. but if we just met? Nope, show me you want to get to know me.

    #3- the only time a man should cry is at a funeral, I'm sorry. I dated a dude who cried for and about EVERYTHING, it wasn't attractive in the least bit. If you're crying more than me on a weekly, daily, monthly, etc. basis it's a biiiig problem. Maybe on our wedding day you can shed 3 or 4 tears too lol but balling? Nope, never.

    #4- I like it when I can just chill with a dude and talk, laugh, etc. especially after a date without him trying to cop a feel, make a move etc.. I think a goodnight kiss goodbye would suffice any "gay, lame or uninterested" after thoughts.

    1. #4 – U still got SOMETHING (the kiss) as opposed to NOTHING. I think if a women is in a situation where she sitting there, looking good, and sending signals or just guilt of SWS (sitting while sexy) then yes, men NEED to ackowledge it! Im touching off the bat, not disrespectfully of course. If she don't liek it she better say something, because after the show is the after party and…

      I like how u left out #2 LMAOOOO U ole gropin lookin ass ninja!

      1. lmaoo i'm so mad you said im touching off the bat.. how much touching are we talking? like rubbing my knee or something okay.. anything past that, you need to chill lol and i hate u with all your abbreviations ie: SWS lol

        but exactly.. something is better than nothing.. but too much of something too soon can be a bad thing… so that kiss will suffice.

        and lmaoo i don't grope! but if we're both wasted in the club and you're cute.. i wont lie i don't mind it but don't take it too far lol but i never do the groping 😉 ..at least not in public anyways.

        1. lolol u know the touching im talking about: A lil caress, the oops effect to the rest of the body. Sensual not crass. More "pretty wings' and less "suck it or not" feel me?

          "I dont grope! if we’re both wasted in the club and you’re cute.. i wont lie i don’t mind it but don’t take it too far lol but i never do the groping 😉 ..at least not in public anyways."

          I need ot party with you and your ppl more often, 😀 lmaooo

        2. lmao again i'm mad you compared 'groping' to song lyrics.. you're such a mess.

          hahaha and i still can't believe you just tweeted that line…and all i have left to say is you know where to find me 🙂

    2. "…maybe in the future somewhere I’ll pay for dinner or split it.. but if we just met? Nope, show me you want to get to know me."

      And that's how I get to know you? With my wallet?

      The defense rests.

  18. Every woman here who has had the audacity to insinuate that she (or any woman) would play on a first date that she initiated should walk off the plank. You need more people.

    That is all.

    PS – Dudes, the first time you smash, you better go yard like Pujols. Because the scouting report WILL get around.

  19. 1. I am a firm believer, that whoever ask should pay. however, i still like to pay the majority of the time, but knowing that a woman would offer to pay lets me know that she is in this together and cares. therefore, i will let her keep her dollar.

    2. The groping is major double standard. but all in all, don't dish it, if you can't take it. that simple!

    3. I am no where near emotional. I think i got it from my mom, she's not emotional either. i saw her cry once. my pops, that dude is a cry baby. he cry tears of joy for anything. i am very empathetic and sympathetic though. but i like to get straight to the resolution and spare the tears and sorrows.

    4. i am always the gentlemen on dates or when its time to be alone. Woman, a man is always ready, we like to see if you are bout it bout and make moves. when me and my ex first got together alone, she kept saying "so you just gonna sit there all night, you dont wanna do nothing" i was trying to be respectful, but i felt she was attacking my male prowess, so i went it. she was hooked on me eversince 🙂

  20. I am a firm believer that whoever says "let's go out on a date" should be the one to pay, whether it be the 1st or the 21st date. I have no problem paying (because I've def done it b4), if I'm feeling dude, I don't mind. And even if HE PAYS I still make sure I got $$ just in case he "brought the wrond credit card"… we are in a recession y'all lol.

    As far as gropin in the club *puts out wrist to put on handcuffs* Guilty.As.Charged. lmaooo. I wouldn't do that to a total stranger but if its a guy I'm acquainted with, I find attractive, HE'S AWARE OF IT (and some liquors in my system)…. I've been known to grab a booty or 2. LOL. Its all in fun & if he doesn't appreciate it he should let it be known cuz I sure wouldn't have a prob of saying I don't like that if that were done to me.

    1. "And even if HE PAYS I still make sure I got $$ just in case he “brought the wrond credit card”… we are in a recession y’all lol."

      I know THAT'S right! We need to be cautious and prepared in this mofo. lol

    2. Is it me … or would a dude who actually was visibly offended or complained about his but being grabbed get automatically thrown into the super emo category ?!?!

      1. haha just think of how that would sound "man i'm tired of these bitches grabbing my dick" <–GAY (unless followed by laughter)

  21. I just realized the greatest Double Standard of all:

    Women get so sit and say "that's unfair … that's a Double standard" … as soon as a man tries that one "shut your b*tchin ass up … soft ass n****a".

    I'm done …

  22. #1- I don't get it! Make up your mind fellas. You say we're too "independent" but you want us to pay for our own meals on dates?? Idk…… I feel like whoever asks the person out should pay… I guess but if I were a guy I'd feel weird letting the woman pay for the date. It just looks wrong…lol. If you go out often I can understand her paying for herself BUT I think it's weird for the woman to pay for the guy.

    As for the liquor thang…. ok well I will admit some women are wrong for this.. I'll admit that on more than one occasion me and my girls have raided dudes apartments, drank their liquor, and bounced right after.

    #2- LMAO! I couldn't help but laugh at this one. Guilty. I notice you neglected stating that you dislike this?? Yea, I guess its wrong but I've never heard a guy complain. Anyways I don't do ish like that….anymore…lol. && I will admit, I do sometimes get annoyed when guys grab my butt while I'm walking at a party but most times I just laff it off because like I said…. I have been on the giving end of this.

    #3- Well I completely agree with you on this one. I think girls are too hard on guys when it comes to their "feelings". It's like if a guy or actually gives a shit about how you feel or lets you know when you hurt his feelings he must be "gay" or he's "too sensitive" THEN if he doesn't do these things he's a jerk/asshole. Make up your mind ladies! Personally I think guys need to be more open and stop pretending that they are unmoved by things. Plus, it's not healthy to hold on ish like that. Sometimes you just need to let it all out. && this is one of the reasons so many couples have problems in the communication department. both men and women are afraid of looking "vulnerable"… well if you can't be "vulnerable" around your significant other who can you be vulnerable with?

    #4- Hmm… ok well if I invited a guy over and he didn't do anything I might not suspect anything but if HE invited me over and didnt try anything then I would question him…. I'd probably think he was either afraid to try something or just not really interested in me. Just being honest. I guess its just rare to come across a guy like that.

    1. LOLOL Nope not complainin at all… im not a groper (unless we dancin, and i got lq in me, <del>#liesmentell</del>)

      Im just sayin in general about pay… its not wrong to want to help out here and there AFTER THE FIRST DATE

      If you invite me out im askin straight up "is this ur treat?"

      and as for #4, girl u know guys aint shyt anyway…hahahahahaha [||]

  23. I know its the end of the day but if you see this what about the following i got on ym Facebook page:

    "Male double standards definitely exist!!! How about this one . . . cool for a woman not to have her own car and/or dwelling, but not cool for a guy."

    Your thoughts?

    1. I don't think so for people that are over the age of 30. By this age man or woman should have someplace to call their own. Even if it is a rinky dink shit box or a 3 bedroom home. Come on get it together and stop living dorm style when you hit 30 up until then look the other way *shrug*

      In this day and age there is small exception to the rule (ex. disabled, severely bankrupt, have illness that requires round the clock care) so unless you got caught up in the housing crunch and have to move back in with your parents there should be somewhere that you call your own.

      30 year old man still living at home with no kids = 30 year old woman still living at home with no kids

      1. I co-sign on that but at the same time, the stigma isn't hard on women at all. If they say they are living at home, dudes usually think nothing of it. I know more women still at home after 27 than I do guys but they don't feel the pinch the way we do. The only problem I have is if said 30+ year old woman living at home and no kids calls herself "Independent."

    2. "I don't want no scrub..a scrub is a guy who won't get no love from me."

      That's the first song I immediately think of when I read that question. Unfortunately, when it comes to dating a lot of women like the feeling of security and that is one thing that i guess "defines" a man's security as well as a decent job or having their own crib.

      Because of the whole "independent women" movement i feel that it doesn't exist as much because everyone is trying to be on their own grind and regardless of male or female…if you don't live on your own or drive a car by (insert age here) then go do something with your life before you try and holla.

      But that's just my thoughts.

    3. The only way that i would talk to a guy that was still living at home and didn't have a car yet is if he just finished school and is working, but he's staying at his parents house to stack up money for his own place and car. But there is also an age limit to that. Im 23 so that could still work for me…but let's say dude is over 25…he's gonna get that "negro please" look….i guess it is a double standard but i mean can u blame me? If i'm younger than you and i already have my own car and place and u dont….i c that as a problem… (i kno that the recession is also hittin people hard…but i feel like some are using it as an excuse to do nothing….i may give a pass if you show ambition and that you have an actual plan in motion)

    4. The car thing? That's sorta your own fault. Don't ya'll value cars more than we do? So, of course we'd expect you to have one. ANNNND ya'll claim females can't drive.

      Also, because ya'll driving us around make us feel "soft and pink". There's something sexy about a man taking the wheel. Ahem…

    5. we live in nyc – not many people can afford to live alone and unless you live in Queens/Bklyn/Staten Island why bother with a car note and insurance? doesn't mean they aren't quality individuals. I would prefer if my man had a car, but I can't hold it against a guy who doesn't have a car cuz – Hi, I'm on the bus, LOL. oh, and by the way, I know dudes who discriminate against carless chicks. ppl like me shouldn't drive because I suffer from such bad road rage that I would end up in prison or dead, so I cannot drive :-/

  24. #1 – You didn’t pay for the first date? Game Over: game over INDEED. I often find myself in the position where I am dating someone who makes much less than me. still and yet, I expect dude to pay for the first date. I don't mind paying for everything after that. Nevertheless I do expect a woman to treat if she is the one who invited dude out on the date. I like to be pursued and wooed. Save your money and take me somewhere nice. "nice" doesn't necessarily mean you have to break bank. Take me out to a free summer concert and we can grab sandwiches at a cute cafe, or hey – let's take the trip to bklyn and we can eat at Joya's. Entree's are still $7 – $10 there. If all goes well, I'll take care of you.

    #2 – Shorty groped me in the club? OK And?!: ewww, gross. I'm sorry, but I am never into touching strangers. I don't care if you are fine as hell and giving me the eye – I am NOT groping a man I don't know. I don't think it is ever appropriate for a woman to grope a man.

    #3 – Dudes with emotions are EMO: when I am first getting to know someone, I am never interested in learning all about their emotions. I am not a psychologist, this is not a drink and dial session. We can talk passionately about current events, politics, spirituality, relationships even, but it is way too early for you to be sharing your emotional identity with me. If you are so willing to get all open with me so early, I can't help but think that that is what you do with every other woman?

    #4- You didn’t try nothing?! SOMETHING’s wrong with him: I am NEVER interested in being touched by a stranger, OR a guy that I am just starting to talk to. I think a guy should make it known that he is interested, but without showing it with his hands.

    1. So no kiss, no hug, no nothing. He comes over the house, chils, giggles while watchin Sex and the City, and then says "this has been great ill call you" and walks out? and u dont sound an alarm? lol

      btw u can pay for my meals anytime shawty

      1. first of all, dude is NOT coming to my house first date… maybe after date 6 or 7. At that point, he should comfortably be able to sneak a kiss or intimate hug. If he doesn't cop a feel, I'm assuming he's splenda… sorry

        no prob dude, lunch on me, LOL

  25. I'm responding late- just wanted to add my two cents:

    1- I concur w what many folks have said in earlier posts, bottom line is whoever invites, should pay. I've always believed that, but I have many female friends who disagree completely. And like aisha1908 said, a date doesn't necessarily mean money has to b spent (well not a lot of it). Example: the BEST date I've been on to date has been the cheapest date I've ever been on also. It was to Jamba juice & then the park. It was actually recently & it still resonates in my mind! And as for the 'head fake', if I didn't ask you out I'm not even gonna front like I'ma pay for anything, all you boo- you got it!

    2- I say nay on the groping… shits not cool or sexy (males or females). Now I won't lie the most I've done when trying to show interest in a guy @ the club was a simple swipe, it was like a chest or shoulder swipe. Real simple & not all aggressive, but I wanted him to kno I was interested & he fell for it and he & I dated for a while, but we're friends now. Only time I can recall that I've ever done that to a guy.

    3-I'm very much into my 'Alpha-male' (no pun frats no pun lol)! But I'd also like a guy to b a bit open w his emotions. Now like a few ppl said, there is an extremely thin line! I don't believe any female thinks that dudes should ALWAYS have a tough exterior, men are still human. I have a perfect e.g. Of when it's too too much: when I was in HS I had a bf that–I kid you NOT folks… Cried!! This mofo cried when I useta ignore his phone calls!!!! Wheretheydothatat?!?! Idk, I asked myself that all the time (maybe in PR that's where he was from lol) I used to save the voicemails so my friends would hear em bc they didn't believe me. Now it's ok for a guy to cry if someone passes perhaps or even if he's going through some trauma, but errr… uh, he was too EXTRA on the emo! That's UNNACCEPTABLE & INTOLERABLE for me. And of course that relationship HAD to END!

    4- Ok well as some1 said previously… if I'm inviting you to my place we must've been dating for a good minute, cause any ol' body is not strollin all up & through my place! Ain't happenin'! Now IF by some chance of spontaneity I invite you or I end up @ your place, if I really wanna go in & I don't see you trying to initiate anything I'll initiate! It's as simple as that! Now if I'm just tryna hang, I prefer for the guy to just chill, be respectful & hang. I don't want a guy tryna hump on me like a dog. If I'm in my zone & I'm concentrating on a movie or convo sit down & relax. If we're conversing usually a guy can tell by my gestures if I wanna go all in! People complicate sh*t w/o reason sometimes. Keep it simple & ladies it's ok to initiate sometimes, whether it's the bill or even simple advances (usually guys don't mind). But never seem too eager (males or females), it's never a good look!

  26. 1. The person asking is the one that pays. Not doing so would be utterly without class.

    That being said, if a woman asks me out, I'm going to make a concerted effort to pay. At the very least, I want to show that I've got mine. You know, because I actually AM independent, as opposed to just loudly proclaiming it, or putting it with a catchy rhythm.

    2. It's cute if she grabs me in the club. But I can't lie, she's probably never going to meet my family. She might get her back blown out, and I'll let her spend the night. (I'm not a COMPLETE dick.) But she probably won't get to come to the Annual Calhoun Family Reunion. I have no explanation for it, and I have even fewer apologies about it.

    3. Never a problem. Like many men, time and experience have made me realize that displaying a limited range of emotions is a better idea than being Usher. The only acceptable times for a man to cry are:

    – The death or suffering of a loved one

    – The later parts of Brian's Song*, where Brian Piccolo is laid up with cancer.

    The only other emotions allowed are Deep & Pensive Thought™, Raucous Joy™, Seething Contempt™, Childlike Wonder & Amazement™, Justified Rage™, and Libidinous Desire™, and Love.

    4. Again, not a problem. About 70% of the time, the man should be trying something. The true art comes in making it look like you're not trying something. That innocent hand on the hip as we take your coat? Yes. Taking your hand and looking into your eyes to convey how serious we are? Yes! Taking your hand, and leading you into the restaurant? Yep! Slowly feeding you a piece of our lamb kabob while we hold the stick? Ha! Obvious! Playful, but firm spank on the ass with a spatula while we're in the kitchen? Perhaps a bit too far…but it works. Oh…it works.

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