The Low Maintenance Woman


attitudes_low_maintenance_woman_tshirt-p2357476593767118343pla_400SBM: “Come on love … we have to hurry up.  The movie starts in 15 minutes!”
Babycakes: “15 minutes … I don’t know if I can make that.”
SBM: “What do you mean? You’ve been getting ready for an hour. Its the hood movie theater … not a premier.”
BC: “Yeah … but the paint on my nail chipped … and I don’t think I can be seen in public with it like this …”
SBM: **slams door on the way out the house**

Another day …

SBM: “I figured out what we’re doing for your birthday. We can drive up to …”
Boo Boo Bun Bun: **cutting me off** “Did you say drive?”
SBM: “Uh … yes. To NY.  I found a nice place at a good price in Harlem.”
BBBB: “Uh … drive.  Uh … Harlem.”
SBM: **rolls eyes** “Did I misfire last night and get clog you ear something happen to your ear? You need a ride to the doctor?”
BBBB: “Was the Park Hyatt in Manhattan fully booked?  Did the airport shut down on that day?”
SBM: “You know I’m trying to save for Business school … but I know we’ll have fun. I spent hours planning it.”
BBBB: “Well let me know how it is!”

Flashback … again

SBM: “So where do you want to eat? There is a Ruby Tuesday, Jaspser’s and … oh yeah … Outback Steakhouse. I could go for a steak.”
Boughie Potential Girlfriend: **stares at me … long pause**
SBM: “They have other stuff besides steak you know.”
BPG: ” Do I look like the kind of girl that eats at Outback Steakhouse?!?!?!”
**true story**

See Also:  Girl ... Ignore them roaches ...

Fast Forward

SBM: “I brought by some chicken wings, grape drink (not juice … “drink”) , and some malt liquor for the movie.”
Love of my life: “My favorite things … with my favorite guy.”
SBM: “Did I tell you I love you?”
LOML: “Everyday …”

Life is hard for a man.  I mean … I walk around horny all day thinking of the ills of human society, I have to deal with the plethora of double standards afflicting me, and I have to remember to say pause every time I use “meat” and “my mouth” in the same sentence (pause).  It’s enough to drive an guy crazy.

So why would I (or any other non-simping, self respecting black man) subject myself to a grown woman who took her dad’s nickname of “My Little Princess” a little to literally?  Why do I want to find myself forever running late as I wait for someone who can’t decide between the Gucci or the D&G purse? Why do I want to be around someone who refuses to taste, eat, or enjoy my favorite foods because their “ghetto”? Why can’t I go to Red Lobster?

Let it be known now … and let it be forever recorded

SBM despises High Maintenance women

Yeah … despise … like G.W. … like the KKK … like BET!

See Also:  “I like the way you comb your hair and the stylish clothes you wear…”

So instead of taking up hours ranting on the greatness of Low Maintenance women … I’m proud to present the:

Top 3 Reasons Men Love Low Maintenance Women

It doesn’t take hours to get ready

If the show starts at 10, why are we leaving the house at 1045?  Why can’t you wear sweatpants to 7-Eleven?  Its nice to know that it won’t take hours to leave the house.  Have you ever thought why there is no cure for cancer?  Lack of funding … no.  Too hard … puh … we put a man on the moon … try again. Good doctors are rich … and a lot have georgous and high maintenance wives … therefore the 30% of their life that could go to curing cancer is spent waiting on their wives … or sneaking around with the mistress.

You can have a “cheap” date

The high maintenance female does not know of a cheap date. There is no Red Lobster. There is no “quick bite to eat at Red Lobster”. There is no late night carry out run.  While everyone should be able to enjoy the nicer things in life … bootleg carryout food won’t kill you we’re in a recession. We need balance and a steak from Outback!

“The Thought” … actually counts

Ever planned an evening out for that special girl.  You tell her you have a surprise for her and to come to your spot in the “get em” heels.  You go the good supermarket (read: the one in the less colorful part of town) and get everything for her favorite dish after googling the recipe.  You pull together everything you picked up watching Hell’s Kitchen, and bust out a meal that would beat the Iron Chef.  You light the candles and wait.  She comes in … sees the food laid out, sees some rose petals sprinkled around the table, sees the candle lit.  She then looks you right into your eyes … and says … “So … we’re aren’t going out somewhere to eat? Why did I dress up?”  Yes … sadly there are many women who are only impressed when big dollars are dropped.  And to those b*tches, individuals … you deserve to be single.

See Also:  The Reason You Should Love Less Than More About Them

Today, I’m gonna keep it short and leave the other 50 reasons for twitter and another post.

Are there any women willing to repent their high maintenance ways and accept a the “low maintenance” spirit today? Are there any trying to justify this high maintenance nonsense? Guys  … feel me?

– SBM aka “Eat the chicken wings” aka Red Lobster All You Can Eat Shrimp fanboy

P.S. – The steaks at Outback really aren’t that great … but when you just want a big piece of meat (pause) in your mouth (double pause … and a ‘no homo’) … hard to beat em.

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  1. You must have watched the movie When Harry Met Sally. It's funny because they discuss this same topic. (fast-forward to 1:35)

    Anyways, I know that i personally have a high maintenance streak at times. For instance, I'm fine with a wide variety of restaurants, but just like Sally in the video, I'm expecting the food to come out to my liking.

    1. Ok, I was gonna quote When Harry Met Sally, too!!

      I always say that line to folks: "You're the worse kind. You're high maintenance, but you think you're low maintenance". There are so many people like that. Because of the stigma attached to being high maintenance, high maintenance folks don't wanna admit they are. lol

  2. Is there such a thing like too low maintenance? If it is, I think I'm that.

    A perfect evening is take out with good TV or just cuddling. Getting ready? Make that 10 minutes (almost faster than the dudes).

    Thanks for celebrating low maintenance SBM!!

  3. I think I might be a little bit of high and low maintaince- is there a medium maintenance? lol

    The one thing that would make me high maintenance is that I'm really anal about my appearance BUT it doesn't take me a load of time to get ready. Just let me know early, when we are leaving and I'll be ready at that time. I haven't made me and my beau late for anything so far.

    But everything else for me, falls into low maintenance.

  4. LOL, SBM – I feel you on this one, but there are a lot of men out here who don't mind catering to their HMW. Or just tolerating her, whatever. I consider myself pretty low maintenance, but my s/o would disagree on that one. He calls me Snooty Poot – I'll only cop to "picky". Yes, it took 45 minutes of instructions and minute adjustments to get 4 small Ikea mirrors hung up on the wall (he was soo sick of me that day). No, you better not bring any brand of mayo other then Hellmans into the house. I don't say anything when he brings some wack off-brand item into our home, I just let it get stale. Then when he asks why I haven't eaten/used it, I tell him why.

    I used to moonlight at Outback, and a standard "date" meal (appetizer, steak or seafood entrees and 2 drinks per guest) would run you about $100. Specially that ribeye. Don't sleep on Outback, I've seen a few sad faces (and arguments) when that check came. And about Red Lobster – really, who can hate a cheddar biscuit? Who? They melt in your mouth.

    1. 45 minutes to hang a mirror … while that doesn't qualify you as a HMW … I would have just dropped them on the floor and dealt with the 7 years of bad luck after about 10 minutes.

      1. He didn't drop them – he just made me mark where I wanted them to go and sent me away. What was I to do? That bamma was hanging them crooked! *sigh* Now he just runs if he sees me with a leveler and a pencil in my hand….

        Besides, I give unsolicited shoulder rubs when he's doing his homework and make a bomb meal. I'm worth the trouble, lol.

  5. baby calls me babycakes!

    I'm as at home in flip flops and sweats as I am in 4 inch heels and my get 'em dress on. I'm a girly girl to the fullest, I like being cute. Best believe though I'm not walking the runway JUST to go 'round the corner to Safeway for 20 min *screw face*.

    My baby is a sweetheart and a gentleman and he hella busy so when he plans something, it's all mushy, mushy, kissieface and hearts and starry eyes on my part, he always makes time for me, it's my 'Babycakes Day' as he calls it. Even if/when he's teaching me how to play Killzone 2 (and I know it's partially because he wants to play it too, lol) or any of his other games (What..! God of War!) it's our day and it's cute. He's patient every time I ask 'what button again?' or every time I get Kratos killed (my bad), lol.

    I am anal about being late..even a minute but Mr Boo…this boy thinks time was made for him! I don't get in the shower until he gets half way dressed, he is SLOW and LAWD please don't let the tv be on, it's a wrap.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with being high maintenance though, we all are with some area in our lives *shrugs*

    1. I do hate to admit this … but I actually take damn near years to get ready and I'm usually the reason for running late. It's not that it takes me long to get dressed most of the time … I just get distracted and will watch half an hour of TV while in my draws before the pants go on.

      1. lolol…why are so many men addicted to television specifically when they are supposed to be doing something else…. not on topic but still…it kills me.

  6. I'm like Nicki, I'm medium maintenance. It mostly depends on my mood and where I'm going. I'm always ready before Dude, and the Cajun chicken pasta at Red Lobster is my fav. But I do like the bougie places like wine and cheese spots, but that's not all the time. Me and Dude are both budgeting because of our new businesses so were in the cooking and a already owned movie mode lol. I'll definitely be low maintenance today… It's 7:30am, I'm supposed to be at work at 8am, and I'm still in the bed (it's okay I'm late everyday lol).

    1. Medium maintenance is the best to me. You still know about and enjoy the nicer things … but you don't go running or yelling when we're pressed for time and Burger King is the best lunch option.

  7. Disclaimer: I'm a woman and I've never dated a woman. However, I'm around them a lot and some of my closest friends are women.

    1. Women who behave this way usually came up without having access to 'nicer' things.

    2. If a woman doesn't want to wear sweatpants, she shouldn't own any. If a woman has to be super choosy about what she wears, it's because her closet still has crap in it. Ladies, if you want to easily stay presentable, even fly, donate all your ugly shyt to charity.

    3. My only issue with your list is the eating. I live in the burbs, land of the apostrophe 's' spots. So if we're around my house and I haven't cooked, sure, we can do the suburban thing. But I socialize in DC. I've found there are just as many moderately priced BETTER food spots as their are chain spots. Soooo, if we're going out in DC, why couldn't we go to one of those spots?

    4. People who can't get ready on time EVER are selfish and don't care about other folks' time.

    1. I grew up with a lot of nice things and my grandmother still calls me spoiled … but in all honesty I try hard to never get snooty or super demanding.

      I live in the burbs of DC too, and I agree that its easy to find something good and cheap in the city that is of a higher caliber than Applebee's … but … like you said … you still need to be able to eat Outback or some Danny's when the situation calls for it.

    2. I never though about # 2 – but you're totally right! Whenever I take forever to get ready (which actually happens less on a date and more on a girls night out) I'm thinking to myself "man, why do I still have this? The strap broke/dropped ketchup/seam unravelled on this a million years ago." Tragic.

  8. My name is 8th Wonder and I approve this post. Though like Nicki, I guess I'm really medium maintenance…you can't give me a whopper and a smirnoff ice EVERY time, but I think the true test of whether the woman you're with is a winner or not is if she can rock with you on those low budget nights as well. It REALLY is about the company, not the price.

    I remember one time going out with my then-boyfriend, and him asking me what I wanted to eat. I told him I wanted a happy meal. This dude pulled the car over on the street, and gave me one of the best kisses and hugs I've ever recieved. That's how happy he was that I'm not the kind of woman that only wants to rape a man's pockets. I didn't understand what was so impressive about my actions, but seeing some of these other chicks…yeah, I get it now.

  9. i think that a woman can be forced into being less high maintenance; if she is really in love with a brother and he has limited funds. once she wraps her mind around the fact that not everything is going to go her way, she can make some adjustments. HOWEVER, when things get better for the man in her life; i hope he is capable of making a strong comeback — sometimes men get really too comfortable with the joys of low maintenance.

  10. The Low Maintenance Chick (or LMC) is what the doctor ordered a lot of times.

    High Maintenance chicks require too much attention pouring (for their whoring) and are a hassle. I personally like the Medium rare type lady…she's classy and stylish but she's not telling me about another pair of shoes she bought and the ugly uber-expensive purse she has. She won't overspend and then justify it by saying "oooh I just had to have it, I'm young, I like nice things." Now…before the harpies come out, there is nothing wrong with nice things I just don't put emphasis on them like chicks do. Now the Low maintenance around the way type chick is cool, but she's not a stunner. I tend to like them because although not arm candy all the time, they fit a brothas budget and can be a lot of fun. I have never had fun with a high maintenance chick EVER!

  11. "do I look like the kind of girl that eats Outback" LMAO. *dead* outback has great happy hour drink specials, I'm just sayin, lol.

    ok that was funny, but I'll admit I'm high maintenance. I'm sentimental so the thought still counts and I DO appreciate cheap dates. so…that's not missed with me. I just don't want a cheap date ALL THE TIME. I'm a foodie, I like ambiance and whatnot, so kill me. we can hit up a whole in the wall too, sometimes. but I'm definitely not low maintenance. oh well,it works for me. *shrugs*

    1. Reecie looks like shes high

      seriously, there's nothing wrong with being high maintenance in certain situations btu there's a balance needed. Care about your appearance but appreciate the simpler things. I consider myself medium maintenance as well. I care about how I look, but Im not overt with it. lol.

      Balance is key!

  12. This post has me rolling…

    I'd say I am medium maitenance too…like I'll take time to look right, but if it's time to go it's time to go. Sometimes I throw my hair in my pony or a little roll and let's go…because when you get right down to it I'm interested in going where we're going…and getting some pumpington…snacking a lil and going my arse to sleep…

  13. I don't consider myself high maintenance…but i do have my high maintenance tendencies. My mom taught me that whenever you leave the house, you need to look presentable at all times because you never know who will see you or what could happen. Am i dressed in my Sunday's best everytime i go to the grocery store? No…but i do make sure that i look presentable. (girls who wear heels EVERYWHERE they go is kinda O.D.–plus that is really not good for the feet…) As far as shopping, I am guilty of being a shop-a-holic. I like to look good and I don't see a problem with it. As long as my job continues to satisfy my appetite for clothes, shoes, accessories, I still pay my bills on time, and maintain my great credit score…I don't really see the problem…

    As far as dates go…the best date i had was a low maintenance date for Valentine's Day. We went to Steak and Shake and each enjoyed a $4 & Under meal, and then went to Dave & Buster's. I had the time of my life.

    I also don't take forever to get ready. If you give me a time to be ready, I'll be ready. I hate people having to wait on me and I hate having to wait on others…with a passion.

    1. ^^^ Exactly, BlueFlame (first and last paragraphs). I'm the same way, so maybe I'm medium, with more high maintenance tendencies than low. LOL.

  14. I (like most of the females responding) would consider myself medium maintenance… I love nice things, but I grew up in the deeeeeep country so I can appreciate the simple things as well. I think it's all about moderation for everything in life–so, I'd love to go to some really nice spots sometimes and then there are those times where I'll feel like a grilled cheese sam'ich is a gourmet meal!

    I've also noticed this (with myself and others)… If I meet a brother and he's always bragging about how much money he has and he's rocking all the best and then he's trying to date me and wants to treat me to less than the best, I think to myself–what does he think of me? Is this a test? Is this what he would do or how he would attempt to date me if I were well known? So, I can't lie–sometimes I expect more from certain people… but the boyfriend (when I have one) doesn't get put thru the divatudes. 🙂

  15. It's funny because thus far high maintenance has been characterized by Dude diggin in his pockets.

    Give me some chicken and beer and I'm a very happy girl. (Emphasis on VERY)

    I do like nice ish but as far as I'm concerned that has nothing to do with homie. I can afford those nice things on my own, and don't really need the guy to go all out.

    I do take FOREVER to get ready so more often than not, the best option will be a quiet night in. Plus you get more QT that way–no pushy waitress interrupting the flow of conversation.

    The problem with coming off as an LMC from jump street is that Dude might not want to go the extra mile EVER.

    So like Nicki said, I guess I fall in the Medium zone. We can kick it, but take me out sometimes. After all, I don't have a tree growing out of my face!

  16. I guess, I'm gonna have to say medium maintenance, too. I guess since I'm the type that's not impressed by a Red Lobster meal (I crack up at ninjas that think it's a treat, gettin' dressed up and ish like it's the best they ever had…word to Drake), but will definitely eat there with a grin while I nom-nom-nom on some cheddar biscuits. I can class it up with the best of 'em, but I am most comfy in a fitted tee and some jeans.

    I will not pass on a fine dining meal and will certainly be impressed if you take me to a place that automatically adds gratuity, but I think just a simple ice cream date is the cutest thing evah and a guy would definitely gain points with me if he suggests it. Because ice cream is heaven.

  17. Any chick that is hating on the Red Lobster cheddar buuscuts needs to know she ir repaceable! Who doesn;t like those things, they are like warm crack sandwiches!

    I think I fall into the medium maintenence category like some of the other ladies in here. I will most defintely roll out of bed on a saturday morning and go to the corner store for some nutter butter cookies and abacon and egg sandwich..who needs a glam squad for that?! I like "cheap eats" and stay at the subway for a $5 footlong but i do love food and appreciate restaurant cuisine too.

    I am a girly girl but I do love a plan that has thought put into and is special just for me. A date with little money can be just as fab as one that needs stacks. A blanket in central park at dusk with wine and a picnic basket is a not expensive but the time you put into speaks volumes.

    Most of the time it only takes me about 30 minutes to get ready in the AM unless I am late for work then some steps get skipped (hair curling, makeup, changing a purse or shoes), nobody needs to look like Naomi rolling to the office anyway.

  18. This post made me chuckle. It's so ironic because I've been accused of being too high maintenance (by my high school boyfriend, who considered dinner at Chik-fil-A a drain on his pockets even though he worked 30 hrs/wk) and too low maintenance (by a guy who couldn't believe I didn't like wearing miniskirts and heels to class). My boyfriend now goes for budget dates but will take me to a nice place like Houston's for special occasions. And says he couldn't care less what I wear as long as I am comfortable b/c he's imagining me naked anyway. LMAO!

    1. lmfao. Shuddup.

      Okay, so what truly classifies high maintenance? If you have SOME of those high maintenance tendecies period, or if you have more high maintenance tendencies than low ones?

      Like, where do you draw the line?

  19. I'm not sure if I'm high mid or low maintenance. My best dates outside enjoying free jazz or world music concerts sipping wine eating raw veggies. I take forever getting dressed but not because I'm doing hair nails & makeup(barely even wear makeup) its cause I have to stop & do a dance montage in the midst-Pandora gets me everytime! But I do think its a joke that my alleged high maintenance bougie friend was extra excited to go to Red Lobster for her bornday…I'm just sayinag for the bornday let's spring for a real seafood restaurant…and I was spoiled by an ex that cooked for me at least three times a week, something that was an awesome culinary experience so if I have a dude that doesn't cook for me I'm tripping! Dah well.

  20. Applause

    Im which ya man my gals like that now she just happy to be around your boy. She knows im strugglin tryna get through school and i give what i can, but when its all said and done she is just happy to be curled up with me watchin cnn on a saturday night and i love her for that

    1. That's the type of gal I want and need. That's she's with you during your struggle period speaks volumes and certainly thwarts the ones that are there only after you've made it.

  21. I'm starting to suspect that some of these "Medium Maintenance" girls are really high maintenance girls who ate at Applebee's ONCE … and now think they aren't High Sadity.

    Not gonna name any names … but you know who you are!

  22. I'm low maintenance. I do my own pedicures, I color my own hair. I don't switch purses most of the time, and I'm a big fan of flipflops/sneakers (and I have beautiful feet to prove it!). I do NOT get down with "fast food", but if your budget is like that, we can take out teriyaki, or we can cook. However, I WILL blow out my hair, and I WILL have make up on. But even for a girls night out lookin fly I can't imagine taking longer than 45mins, start to finish. I don't shop all that much, and when I do it's "in and out". LOL

    ** fun fact: I've only been to Red Lobster once in my whole life. I must try out these cheddar biscuits yall speak of.

    1. I'm sorry to come through and crush your bubble … but your not Low Maintenance.

      The evidence:

      – Pedicures

      – Colored Hair

      – Never had Red Lobster

      – 45 mins of preparation

      – Use of "I WILL" in all caps

      I'm not willing to call you high maintenance just yet … but your LMW application has been rejected.

      1. Please. Even a medium maintenance girl gets her hair done and gets pedis don't they? and maybe the reason i haven't been at red lobster is because i'm too busy eating at Old Country Buffet. Did that ever cross your mind? hmmmmmm?? and that 45mins is for GOING TO THE CLUB. Shower, makeup, get cute. Come on now. I have 4 children to get ready every morning before i go to work and get ALL of us ready and out the door in an hour. That includes 2 infants.

        But thanks for the feedback.LOL

  23. You just can't let a guy get too comfortable. He'll figure thats all you'll ever want and need forever and ever amen.

    Nope, there has to be a balance…meaning switch it up from time to time and keep a ninja on his toes 😉

    Apparently I'm "High Maintenance" according to my guy bff… I'm supposed to be hard to please or something. Whatever, I just expect the best.. whether it be red lobster (shout out to the biscuits… did u notice there pretty stingy with them nowadays, but I digress) or Masa's. I used to be fairly low maintenance, but realized thats when you get taken advantage of… read: unappreciated.

  24. is there such thing as being TOO low maintenance? i don't know.. the only thing high maintenance about me is what was mentioned above, taking a long time to get ready. i don't take OD long but i do probably annoy the guy waiting on me. but anyway… whenever i start talking to a guy i get praised about how "down for whatever" and "chill" i am. though my looks are girly, my personality's pretty tomboy so i like doing whatever, i'm down to just get some food and drink and kick back with my man.

    however i've NEVER been on a special date before in my life. mind you i'm only 18 so maybe it'll happen one day but guys go hard about the fact that i'm so "chill" but they don't realize i'm still a girl and would like them to do special things for me every once in a while… maybe i'm not talking to the right guys or something or maybe i'm coming off as too low maintenance? but i don't want to pretend to be high maintenance when i'm not just so a guy will take me out somewhere or do something special for me

  25. Haha … this post is funny. I'm gonna be honest and say I'm high maintenance, but not in the sense that every date has to be at a 5 star restaurant and that the man has to pay. I'm more than cool with Chili's, and I'll even foot the bill, but I can't promise to be on time! lol.

    I'm just a girly girl. I loove makeup, take an hour+ to get ready for work or a night out and I have a penchant for retail of any kind. Does that make me unreasonable or a gold digger? Naw, it just means I like to look nice! I'm not saying I'm a dime ( I am NOT), but It takes time and effort to look pulled together! I just want my guy to be happy to have me on his arm 🙂

  26. I'm low maintenance. I dont wear a lot if makeup.I take about half an hr to get ready, and am usually the one waiting for the guy to get ready. I'm cool with doing just about anything on a date because (as cheesy as it sounds), I'm more interested in just spending time with the dude. I am that girl that will come over in "get em" heels just cuz it's requested and not expect to go out (this happened 2weeks ago and i was surprised that we actually DID go out).

    Dont get me wrong…I like nice things that I'll get myself (gucci is my weakness that i only buy in italy….yes, i know how that sounds) but I'm also that girl that will proudly announce that the dress I'm wearing was $9 from Walmart.

    The only thing I'll admit to being high maintenance with is travel. I'm a travel snob. But in the daily, I'm definitely that low maintenance chick.

  27. Mid is me! I like good food from a variety of places. I don't have to be in a dude's pockets just because he wants to treat me. The little things mean more and appreciating them makes a dude want to do more.

  28. Since this was in the "Have you read this" box, I read this… And you lie. Most men who say they don't want a high maintenance girl lie. You want your girl to make an effort, to put on make-up and a sexy dress, to walk around in heels, to have nice nails etc. etc. That's ALL high maintenance. It's considered girly and girly is adorable if sometimes frustrating.

    I used to think there wasn't a guy out there for me, who hardly ever wears make-up, doesn't own tight clothes, spends most of her free-time in track pants and t-shirt, doesn't do anything to her hair, and doesn't have any fancy clothes. I'm still hot though ;), at least one guy seems to think so. He actually hates it when I wear make-up, "doesn't look like you" he says. Awesome. Plus he doesn't really even notice what I wear. Perfect. But I still maintain that most men aren't like that.

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