Home Men Why you don’t have a man #4729: He just doesn’t want a relationship!

Why you don’t have a man #4729: He just doesn’t want a relationship!



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Ms. Give Me A Man: “SBM, I just don’ get it.”
SBM: “What has you confused now? Which one of the world’s ills are causing you strife and grief in your life?”
MGMAM: “SBM, you know I’m like the perfect girl for almost any guy.”
SBM: *sits and thinks hard for a second* “I hate to admit it … but yes. Hell, I would be all over you if our situation wasn’t so well established already”
MGMAM: “I know. I see you looking at my a$$ all the time”
SBM: *silence*
MGMAM: “Anyways, so the guy I’ve been dating for 4 months just won’t make me his. You’ve met him and you know I’m actually not one of those crazy chics who thinks he likes them, but are just getting played (a lot of women BTW).”
SBM: “Well, my dear friend, what does he say?”
MGMAM: “He doesn’t want a relationship.”
SBM: “You think maybe … he doesn’t want a relationship.”
MGMAM: “Maybe … but its me! I change minds”
SBM: “Silly rabbit …”

Many women have been raised with the belief that everyman can be broken. There is no lifetime bachelor, and that when the right women comes along … they will break.  Every player will retire his cane, and every pimp will put down their pimp cup for someone.  And you know what … 85% of the time your right.

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Most guys want a woman at some point.  We all get tired of smashing girls with reckless abandonment and endless one night standsdoing me” and you want some regular p***y someone to hold us down.

But … as with everything in life … nothing applies to everybody at every time.

At any point in time, a guy who desires to be single can be one of two … and only two different types of “single”.

  1. I don’t want a girlfriend … right now
  2. I don’t want a girlfriend … PERIOD! (50 is the new 20!)

Guy #1 is one of the types who might or might not succumb to the perfect woman. And guy #2 doesn’t care if the non-crazy, deep throating, threesome having, Halle Berry look-a-like is knocking down his door … it aint happening.

Personally, when I donned the SBM moniker, I was #1.  At the time, I wanted to be single, I wasn’t trying to be bunned, and I was happy thinking about only me.  That’s all changed … but … I’m not a career bachelor.

There are several good reasons why a man would want to be single, whether for now, or forever.  And as I strive to educate and all of these lovely female readers (oooh … you so sexy) I will now present: SBM’s list of reasons “he” wants to be single

He’s Selfish

Some people can only think of themselves.  And while we should all remember ourselves and become no one’s door mat … some motherf*ckers are just selfish bastards adn b*tches.  At least he is caring enough to know that he can’t give a woman what she wants, so he is willing to take himself out of the relationship pool.  Enough divorces out there anyway, right?

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He’s got things he needs to accomplish

Women love to call BS on this, but their the selfish b*tches mentioned before misguided souls.  The fact is, us men thing different. We are the providers, except for broke Tyrone who never pays rent, and a lot of us want to get things with our education and career right before we start caring for another person. SBM 100% co-signs this reason!

He doesn’t trust women

Maybe his first girlfriend cheated on him with his brother. Maybe he saw the “women are evil” math proof and took it to heart.  Maybe he had an Antoine Fisher type child molestation situation.  Maybe he’s just seen the cold, evil black goo in too many circumstance … by too many women.  Whatever it is, he doesn’t trust em, he’s not gonna trust you … let the man be single.

He is addicted to the poom poom

While most of you have heard of nymphomania as a woman being unhealthidly addicted to sex (yes … there is a clinical condition for being a super ho!) … the male version (satyriasis aka “Don Juanism”) gets a lot less press cause n****s are always horny. Simply stated, he may be so addicted to sex with different people, that he really just can’t settle down. Better to be single than cheated on … right?

See Also:  3 Things Men Get Wrong with Women That We Need to Stop

So, for all the fine (and I do mean fine) women of the SBM family, let these people go. If he says he wants to be single, give him one solid chance to change his mind … then move one.  Maybe its you, but it really could just be him.  I’m sorry, but even your golden cooch that is more pleasurable than a million black presidents getting inagurated in a million countries, at the same time … he still might not wife you.  And that’s some good cooch there … go find someone deserving!

I know I missed a couple reasons, wanna help me out? Is there one single kryptonite that can disarm any would be “Jerome” (Playa … from the Himilayas!!!)?

– SBM … aka … Reformed Pimp Ship Commander … aka … Ne-Yo is whack for that line and don’t let me catch his happy dancing behind in the streets ..

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P.S.: MGMAM is made up … you know I wouldn’t let any girl walk around thinking she was perfect … and if she was … she would be mine already.


  1. I was taught from a young age that trying to change a man is like trying to keep the sun from shining, you might not always see it but that thing is always shining. So I agree, there is really not much a woman can do to get a man to wife up if he’s not ready, not of the mindset, not capable or not feeling you in the Mrs. role.

    You state your case (rationally), give him a opportunity to respond in action and word, then move on.

  2. It's not a reason so much but a bit of caution. If a man tells you he doesn't want to be in a relationship but continues to call, want chex, it's best to leave the situation. Unless he tells you he has changed his mind and consistently acts like he has changed his mind, he has NOT changed his mind…Went back and read comment before…I'm merely echoing what she said. LOL But I'm leaving my comment anyway.

  3. I agree with OneChele. Women need to listen when a man says he does or does not want it and MOVE ALONG. I get so sick of women sometimes. lol.

    Reasons he doesn't want a relationship:

    1. He cannot afford it: Some women are expensive and are expecting you to bring your Lebron James game…. some men know they can't do that right now.

    2. He Scared ("no homo" Sunny knows how men hate to admit they are scared or something) He doesn't know of any succesful relationships and thinks his will end the same way.

    1. Co-sign this. Especially the "he's scared" part. Men have hearts that don't want to be broken as well. And they put those walls up just as quickly and strongly as any woman. Difference is, unlike the woman, they rarely want to admit it out loud out of fear of being labeled a suss emo even thought admitting your feelings dignifies a STRONG man, IMO, due to the stigma attached to it*.

      *Don't get this confused with a man who cries and whines ALL the time. Forget about it being suss, it's being a big baby, man or woman.

  4. But, if the non-crazy, deep throating, threesome having, Halle Berry look-a-like is knocking down my door … gimme a marriage license with the quickness. Chuuuuch. Fuck the dumb s*it.

  5. "MGMAM: “Maybe … but its me! I change minds”

    This came up during the card game / "football is back" party last night lmao

  6. I have to give you the Kay Slay, "Aw man!" for this one. You put it mildly for a change the doc prefers to serve ether ice cold.

    I think that most single guys are #1. Over time trading the game in to settle down and getting burnt by a aint bout ish chica changes us into #2. We resolve to just have a trophy wife who makes a good mother.

    @Nicki – you know I don't buy that can't afford it excuse. Its about priorities and making the effort. You can't be rocking bbc talking about I don't have the money for a girl.

    1. "@Nicki – you know I don’t buy that can’t afford it excuse. Its about priorities and making the effort. You can’t be rocking bbc talking about I don’t have the money for a girl."

      I agree.. All women aren't money wh*res and those who are wanting lavish things are the ones that he needs to stay away from anyway. I think it's just an excuse some of them give us. I let that excuse ride for a while for a dude, then I left his arse alone. lol

  7. All women single after 30´s in my country are considered "too old" to be single if you know what I mean^? People are so rude asking.Why don´t you have a man?you gotta have a problem.I meet men and I can see the intentions in first conversation,I prefer to be a friend,is better to keep myself out of trouble.

    I am stil waiting for the right one, with patience

  8. You had me at the title! I ain't even read the post yet. I'm re-post after I read, but that this truth right there. In the name of white Jeebus!

    Women, ya'll blame yourselves too much. Sometimes it's you, but it's not all about you. Maybe the man you want is not ready…yet.

  9. I agree with this post. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship, he doesn't want to be in a relationship, simple enough. But ladies, cut men off. The price of being with you (sexually) should be, well, being with you (in the confines of a committed relationship). We, as women, are not taste tests. We can't allow a man to sample the goods, then move on to someone else that he has a taste for. They only play the eternal bachelor because it's damn near possible to "F*** every girl in the world," and when there is that option, bachelorhood outweighs a relationship nearly every time.

    1. "They only play the eternal bachelor because it’s damn near possible to “F*** every girl in the world,” and when there is that option, bachelorhood outweighs a relationship nearly every time."


  10. Huge cosign and an emphatic CHUUUUCH on this right chea!

    I agree that most guys = #1. At the end of the day, believe the dude when thye say that but women must decide whether to stay or go. you cant blame the man if u consciously decide to stay in a situation in which you might lose. thats deflecting the facts!

  11. i used to be number one as well but my reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship fell under the "i've got things to accomplish" and i "didn't trust women". i don't think that women should try to press the issue of a relationship. most times a man means EXACTLY what he says. there is no hidden meaning or symbolic shit. men are simple like that. take them at their word.

  12. "I agree that most guys = #1. At the end of the day, believe the dude when thye say that but women must decide whether to stay or go. you cant blame the man if u consciously decide to stay in a situation in which you might lose. thats deflecting the facts!"

    Chuuuch. This was me til about 2 weeks ago. Now I'm gravitating towards #2, with the exception of the non-crazy, DT, 3sum, Halle Berrrrry chick. INSTANT MARRIAGE LIC. PLEASE! Hahaha

  13. Sure, I can see most men being #1, but I think most women were #1 too. Seriously ladies, we used to (and some still do they thang) put on our eff'em dress and do it well! We just grew tired of the fast life sooner than the men we encounter. It's a life choice; either you with it or not. We know the situation coming in and we choose to stay and me disappointed. Yo life experiences and those of others tell you can't change anyone, you can only inform them of your intentions….

  14. I agree with mostly what everyone said. Just a few points I want to point out:

    1. To the Lebron James statement, unless the girl undergoes divine intervention, NO woman I know wants to go backwards financially, even if it means she gets a better man for her. There are so many women out there with this mentality, and we as African-Americans are the main subscribers to it (men and women), which is why a lot of men fall into Category #2. To elaborate, it seems that African-Americans are the only group of people that have a problem with finding someone for us, and building with that person. We are sometimes made to feel, especially black men, that we have to be at a certain level of income, prestige before we are considered "together". We all subscribe to the Gwen Guthrie mentality "No romance without finance." If a man could find the woman of his dreams only working at Burger King, trust me he would.

    2. This is to piggyback on Tunde's statement. Men do mean exactly what we say, but at the same time we do what we can to not be too harsh (but what I'm about to say from here on will be). Some women can't take the news that they are "not the one". In half of the cases, when a man says something, if you add "with YOU" on the back of it, then that's the truth right there. I have told women that I didn't want to be in a relationship with them, then a month later I turn around and I will be in one. It's not that I changed my mind about it, it's just that you didn't do it for me. YOU ARE NOT THE ONE!!

    Ladies, if you fall into my first point, you will have to change yourself and show-n-prove. But you're less likely to release on that if you're physically attractive enough to command that Real Golddiggers of Atlanta lifestyle (yeah I said it, for the exception of Lisa and Kandi, them other chicks is golddiggers).

    To the second point, women can't force the issue on this one, no matter how hard they try. if you're not the one for him, and he has made it known (by word and/or by deed), then staying to convince (or coerce) him otherwise will not help the situation. If you know what you want, don't settle for less just to fulfill a schedule or an incomplete need .

  15. I'm going to start telling these young black women (18-19ish) to keep their eyes open during college. They shouldn't let their social lives get in the way of their studies, but I think the older black generation has made younger black women too comfortable with the idea of waiting a while before searching for a mate. They are telling black women to get their education, career, house, etc… first and then start looking. Little do they know that while they are waiting, the men are being 'snatched up' while they are in medical school, law school, grad school, etc…

    Once these women have all their ducks in a row and are ready to hit the dating scene, they are shocked that it's not what they envisioned. They thought they would find an equal amount of black professional men and women in search of one another. Instead, they are seeing fewer professional men and a BUNCH of women who had the same 'wait' mentality. I think some young ladies have bought too much into this 'Independent Woman' movement, and feel like they have to have EVERYTHING going for them before a black man with above average credentials gives them the time of day.

    1. I think the older generation were tired of being single parents struggling to put food on the table and keep the lights on. So naturally in order to avoid your daughter ending up in this cycle an education is the best way to avoid ending up in such a situation… even without a man you would be able to take care of yourself with less effort.

      Besides, we heard the complaints of black men…"Black women are angry, loud, ghetto, golddiggers, fat, etc" (reasons to date interracially). I see beautiful black women everyday "bettering" themselves not to fit into above categories and now black men are screaming…."there too independent, we want to feel needed, we need a woman to be a woman".

      What do you all want??

      Men dont take kindly to change. I think once guys figure out how to adapt, they'll be better off.

    2. Interesting … I see your point. I know I've always been taught to have your stuff together first then look for a man. However, it seems to be a catch-22. If you try to focus on getting the man during your early 20's, the men aren't having that – they just want to play around. So, you think, "okay while these dudes are trying to 'smash every girl in the world', I'm going to get my ish together and be ready for 'em when they finally come around in their late 20's". But by then, you're saying they are all taken! WTF?!

      Idk, I''m 23 and I've pretty much just given up! It seems every dude either has a "player" mentality, is gay, dates only non-black women or is a non-black male that only dates black women for a fetish experience. (I know ALL men don't fall into these categories, but like 85% do! The other 15% are taken, lol).

      I'm just preparing myself to be single and self sufficient. If Mr. Right comes along, GREAT, but I won't be wasting time searching for him.

  16. Yes. I think Cori has something there. So what is the solution?? Get booed up in your early 20's? Most men aren't ready then either. sigh.

    1. Your white counterparts (The WOMYNS movement) screwed this up for you all. I say should write someone like Mauryn Dowd and see what she says.

  17. I agree with most of the posters, if a man don't want to settle down, he don't want to settle down! Period! The problem with women is they are always trying to force a situation(square pegs can't fit into round holes). The problem with men is most of them aren't this forthcoming. They know good and damn well they can't be with you but instead of them being real and saying it, they play games and lead you on. Men, have some balls and always keep it 100. My ladies, stop being desperate and back off when he tells you the truth.

  18. What a man tells you is what he is telling you. Don't read between the lines even if your intuition is telling you he is lying. Go with the LIE!. Example: I don't want to be in a relationship because I have been hurt. His relationship ended a year. You would think he would of worked through it. Don't matter. Let him move along. He aint ready! Why waste your time. Remember just like you started liking him, you can unlike him!

  19. Hmm. I once heard the analogy made that men are like cabs. When their light's on, you better catch it, because it's looking for a passenger. If the light's off, no amount of waving or showing thigh is going to stop it from cruising the city streets. It might slow down to check things out, but that's about it. It's about timing with us, ladies.

    The other thing is also this; Women get their fun period out of the way earlier. You guys run the show from the age of about 9 to maybe 24-25. You get all the attention, all the choices, and a lot of the fun. Most men don't really kick in as desirable objects until 24 or 25. So you guys had your thrills and got them out of your system. Give us a chance to do the same, and when we're done, we'll come back around.

  20. Lord, i just learned this lesson. ole boy talking out both side of his mouth saying about how much he like me but he wasn't ready, he scared, etc. so i'm tried to be patient and understanding…year later was still waiting.
    one thing i learned is that men mean what they say. even if they are doing all the "boyfriend" things; if he is says, i don't want a relationship, there won't be one

    1. Indeed. No amount of hand holding….cuddling…tickets to a ball game means the man is YOUR man (if he has said he isnt ready for a relationship) I've learned it myself. Was suprised and confused…but I guess the ol' sayin..actions speak louder than words does not apply here.

  21. This isn't exactly a reply.

    You should read my blog! I think you would love it….all about sex, witty, intelligent, very informative.

    And I'm having conversations on the blog with Todd Wooten, author of White Men Can't Hump (Like Black Men Can)….

  22. I like this guy who is younger than i am. he got it going on in the bedroom. but that's about it. he has a job. but. he could be more than what he is. i fill like he just settle for whatever. am a go getter i always want better for my self. he dress like i like. but he house is a mess. that is a really big turn off. help me?


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