**As usual, make sure you vote for Single Black Male as Best S*x and Relationship Blog and Blog of the Year in the Black Weblog Awards. Also, please vote for my other blog, Three Ways to Take It, for Best Writing in a Blog and Best New Blog. We’re doin’ big things! -Slim**


When I was in 8th grade, there was this skinny white kid in my science class with glasses that were perpetually fallin’ off his face. He was the guy that knew the answer to every question the teacher asked, and was also the person that followed up with the right answer immediately after someone got the question wrong. I can still hear his annoyin’ nasally-arse voice sometimes. Science wasn’t my strong suit so you can imagine how much it irked me when I got a question wrong and he chimed in with “Actually, the correct answer is…” Bastard. I will bag your mom.

When the science fair came around, everyone knew this guy would win. My cohorts and I would walk by the science lab on the way to basketball practice and see him pluggin’ away with his “cool” wind-powered thingamajig. We didn’t dislike him because he was good in science, we disliked him because he was a pompous prick like Skip Gates. In an effort to bring him down to earth, we planned to cut one of the wires on his project the night before the science fair to ensure that his special day would be an ultimate fail. Fortunately for him, and potentially for us, we decided not to sabotage his life’s work for a multitude of reasons that I can’t really remember.

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Sabotage is a serious thing. It can range from little stuff like cutting a kid’s science fair project wire to loosening the screws on someone’s bike before they start the Tour de France. Nobody wants to be the victim of sabotage because of all the awfulness that comes along with it. It’s like being violated in a non-s*xual sort of way. What many people fail to realize is that one can sabotage aspects of his or her own life both knowingly and unknowingly. I know quite a few people who have the uncanny ability to sabotage their relationships time and time again. Little did they know that they were victims of their own doing. Let me identify 3 of these folks for you:

The Snooper

You ever meet someone and things go great for a while and really seem too good to be true? This person sees things the same way, but is never able to accept the situation for what it is and assumes the significant other must be doin’ sumthin’ on the sly. This is the person that keeps snoopin’ and lookin’ for dirt when it really isn’t there. They do this so much that they end up goin’ nuts on the good catch or frustratin’ that person into goin’ back into the sea to find another compatible fish. This.Is.Self-Sabotage.

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The Screener

This person is similar to the last, except they don’t necessarily snoop. This type finds some feature or minute characteristic and uses it as a reason to screen out potentially great  relationship partners. “I don’t like his shoes” or “She mispronounces 1 word a month” are examples of BS excuses used to rule out exactly what they need in their life, which ultimately leads to them screwing themselves over.  Self.Sabotage.

The Circuit Breaker

This is the person that may have a defense mechanism in place that forces them to shut down when it comes time to emotionally connect with someone. This person may withdraw from a compatible significant other for no apparent reason. The Circuit Breaker can become a jerk or b*tch (no misogyny) at any moment because they don’t like how good the other person makes them feel. This type is perhaps the most confusing of them all. Self.Sabotage.At.It’s.Finest.

So what does everyone else think of these types? Any additions to this list? Have you ever sabotaged a relationship or been the victim of relationship sabotage? Do share…and sh*t.

No Sabotage,

slim jackson


  1. The Octopus – this person is clingy as hell and will not let go! The more you struggle to get away, the tighter they grasp. They cannot help themselves, it is their nature. They are insecure, adrift in the ocean and only have purpose when clinging to (or sucking the life out of) somebody else. Self-sabotage and they'll take you down with them.

    The Rainy Day – they first appear cynical in a smart way, the snarkiness is witty, and the pithy observations they make about others seem observational and urbane. Soon you realize that cynicism is bitterness, the smart mouth is nastiness and they always have something hateful to say about folks. These glass-half empty folks eventually run you off with the negativity and doom/gloom scenarios. They can't be happy so no one else can be either. Self-sabotage and they'll steal your joy if you let them.

    I've seen a few of the octopus types, it's not pretty. I dated the rainy day guy for half a second before I realized depression is exhausting.

  2. I really hate that I can't access this site at the job….

    Anyway, I've been the circuit breaker…more like a quasi-circuit breaker. I was with a guy who liked me, and wanted to be more than friends, but I actively chose not to get to emotionally involved, thinking that once he got some good good, he would pull away. He didn't; instead I pulled away in anticipation of him pulling away. I anticipated him being like that other guy, and he wasn't. SMH. Luckily, I've changed my ways…it's been hard and I'm still working on opening up more with my current potential.

  3. hi all. this is my first time posting after several months of really enjoying the blog.

    mr. or miss indecisive- there is no better way to ensure you won't get what you want than to not know what you want. a surefire way to sabotage anything worth having is to not be sure about it. this person can also be called mr or miss hindsight is 20/20

    1. I am guilty of this but that is as a result of being The Circuit Breaker…..probably why i have never had a real relationship…..there was definitely that one guy where i was like dang…i messed up…o well u live and u learn!

  4. Ha!…I've been circuit breaker. I was like a fort.

    Let's not forget about:

    The Hypochondriac – This person is just sick or fabricates sickness depending on their mood. It could be this illness that prevents them from being close. When they feel you're getting close, they get a bad cold. When they get uncomfortable they get allergies. Something about what you're wearing or where you leave gives them hives. Drop them off at the ER and drive off quickly. Not to be insensitive to those with legit diseases and disorders, I'm saying, some people take it too far.

    Ms. Indecisive – She even calls herself this. She's so amazed that things are actually going well that she starts thinking of why it's going well and then starts over-analyzing. She counts the days since you've met, how many times you've been out and decides that she's not sure whether she should go back to being a bachelorette or staying with yo azz. She brings it up every 2 weeks or so, despite the fact that you don't feel anything is wrong.

  5. Definitely A circuit breaker. I think Im more of a circuit breaker when I see a characteristic that reminds me of *ahem* bad times. For me its about knowing what I dont want to deal with and severing ties before I get too deep. (#TWSS). Is that bad?

  6. i've been the screener as well as the circuit breaker. moreso the circuit breaker. i was/am/and can be a real asshole/jerk. all it takes is for my right buttons to be pushed and i turn into the incredible hulk (i swear 99% of the time i'm bruce banner).

    1. I'ved dated a Snooper! He was always expecting me to cheat and used to check under the bed if I've been alone in a room to see if a dude was hiding underneath – True story!! And no, I had done nothing really to deserve or encourage this behavior!

      But I will admit to being the Screener **shy face** Not as bad as your example, but I always check for general maintenance of the small things because I tend to believe smaller pieces of a person tend to make up the whole of them…or something…

  7. I can attest to being the Screener. I once stopped talking to a chick because there was too much space between her eyes. I know, sounds silly right?

    I have been known to be a circuit breaker, but i'm working on it. I stated in one of my previous posts about, "Crashing the Car" sometimes it's the only reaction that comes natural to us.

    We can either be Kanye and Heartless or Keri and Knocked Down, red or green pill, you live and you learn.

    1. " I once stopped talking to a chick because there was too much space between her eyes. I know, sounds silly right?"

      actually it doesn't. she might suffer from the same condition as ashanti.

    2. I am still partly a screener…i just recently stopped talking to a guy bc he kissed me with chapped lips and i swear he cut my lip. There's a chance he could have been the man of my dreams, but he just caused me physical harm. Can'

  8. I have been a circut breaker unitll i realized my dum ass was missing out on a lot of great people all because of one person

  9. Yeah … I would have to be a circuit breaker.

    For a long time, when it came time to get serious, I just got bored … and the a$$ in my came out.

    Thank you Slim for helping me to discover that I'm really not an a$$hole … I just didn't want them.

  10. Hey,

    I'm a long time reader but first time poster. Loves the site! Anyway, I read this post just before I was about to become the snooper! lol the dude i've been seeing for a few months did the whole caribana thing last weekend and when we spoke told me his weekend didn't get too crazy, if anything they just had some bad hangovers. Well my girl called me up telling me she seen a few pics of him and a girl she went to school with on fb–arm around her and everything! I looked at one, then decided it was better to get off the damn page instead of looking at the rest and possibly working myself up over nothing lol (even though i'm tempted to go back right now….)


    1. Thanks for commenting and I'm waving my finger at you in a Dikembe Mutumbo no no no sort of Don't let your homegirl being an enabler of your snooping. This seems to be a fairly common occurrence the streets (no streetz).

      1. lol I am learning to keep the homegirl's out of relationship matters…they tend to always find something wrong with any potential boo (..ugh..such 'screeners'!).

    2. Baybay, dont worry bout it

      Maybe dont even think about it

      Your worried bout the wrong things, the WRONG THINGS

      Tell me RIGHT NOW, you really wanna sped your whole life alone?

  11. I am a circuit breaker .

    I have been a screener and sometimes I give people passes…but that factor still seems to irk me and I have to tell myself stop being shallow!

  12. man you hit the nail on the head with this one… I know people like this and have to admit to being a screener at one point or another. Self Sabotage is right…

  13. I think we all screen at one point or another – natural to the "hooking up process" . We look for all the " personality characteristics, values and prinicples etc.." that make the other attractive. I think the sabotoaging factor comes into play when one start's looking for a particular type or branding in the potential mate ( style, swagger, attitude etc) That type of screening is horrible and shallow( sorry for all the grammer and spelling errors- another screening

    1. The stuff you mentioned as horrible and shallow is partially what I'm talking about. Screening is a natural part of the process, but some people are just always single and never happy…yet they wonder why.


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