Jungle Fever

39

****** Admin Note ******
I know you you probably already did it … but why not do it again?  Like Lay’s … can’t do it just once!

Vote for us in the Black Weblog Finals!  You know you wanna

– SBM
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Because we have all been coming down on the fairer sex kinda hard (#TWSS) as of late … I don’t want anyone thinking we’re a bunch of mean sumbitches.  So … we have our psuedo regular female writer … Lisa Marie … to break up all the “she’s a hoe” and “b*tch … you can’t get a man”

Enjoy

– SBM

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Earlier this week I had a team lunch with my coworkers at which I got the chance to chat with some folks I hadn’t really talked to yet.  During our conversation, I noticed some previously unseen attractive traits about one coworker in particular:  Brian.  I had always thought he was cute, but through our convo, I also learned that he’s smart, driven, funny, and an overall good dude.  This got me thinking…if I wasn’t bunned up…would I consider dating Brian?  Given his personality, yes … given his pigmentationally challenged race … maybe not.

In the past, circa 7th grade, the answer to this question was a resounding yes … in fact my list of “qualities I want in a boyfriend”, blue eyes and brown hair were near the top. This changed of course as I got older and realized I was black became more in tune with the undeniable greatness of a black man.  By college, my answer was a definite N.O. although I always did have a little thing for Asian men; I know,  I know, I know but something about the eyes. Now that I’m in my mid 20’s, I am reevaluating my “black only” dating policy.  I mean, how can I discriminate?   It’s 2009 after all…shouldn’t I live up to Martin Luther King’s dream of people not being judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character?  I know Dr. King may not have intended when it comes to dating, but isn’t that still a part of his dream?  Society no longer judges openly and blatantly on race in the career world, why should us black women continue to do so in the dating world? Right … ?

See Also:  5 Reasons Why Men Should Not Date Women In Relationships

Originally when I sat down to write this, I was gonna say “no, don’t do it … ain’t no man, but the Black Man”  And that’s the truth.  Nothing compares to them…but since they’re all leaving us for white and Hispanic women the world is becoming both more diverse and more understanding of interracial relationships (albeit slowly), why limit ourselves?

In my view, the main pro to dating interracially is that men of other races have better credit and good hair the ability to teach us different things.  Dating outside of your race can expose you to another culture, religion, and point of view.  You can date a white guy who’s part French and part Irish, and learn more about wine and the Potato Famine than you’ve ever wanted to know. Or date a Korean guy and learn how to hook up nails like nobody’s business a rich culture steeped in tradition.  Not only do you get to have some love, companionship, and all that good stuff … you’re also expanding your horizons!

Now before you go out there and grab yourself a white man, remember that while we’re getting more accepting … it’s happening slowly.  Yea you can date outside your race and not be thrown in a river forbidden to marry or ostracized like in the past, but you’re still going to get side-eyed by every black woman you pass be in for your share of challenges.  Case in point, a friend of mine went to hang out with a white friend of hers in DC.  While they were hanging out, she got super wasted a little tipsy and he had to help her walk down the street by putting his arm around her.  Even though nothing was going on between them since like 50% of the men in DC he was as gay, the attention that they gathered from whites and blacks alike was extremely negative…stares were given, obscenities were yelled, etc, etc.

See Also:  Here’s Why I Wouldn’t Recommend a Black Man Date White Women

So if you do decide to take that journey, get ready for at least a few disapprovals, both from society at large and your internal friend/family circle.  Disapprovals aside, I do think that if ever given the opportunity, i.e., if my SO’s ever crazy enough to dump me …I might consider catching a bit of jungle fever.

What about y’all?  Anyone ever crossed the color line?  If so, how was the experience? If not, would you ever?

P.S.  If you are considering it, keep in mind that a recent study claims that the most endowed men are of French ancestry….just thought I’d put that out there.

Comment(39)

  1. Color has never been an issue for me, I find beauty in all ethniticies- and although I've never "experimented" with fellas outside of the chocolate persuasion.. there's quite a few fine caucasian men catching my eye as of late.

    maybe I'll give it a try..

  2. I dated a German dude for like two years. He was my first long-term relationship…Things were great, until we had a fallout and all sorts of race related stuff came up. I guess it was all the tension built up during the course of our relationship that exploded in one episode. I was tired of his friends asking about my hair, being stared at everywhere we go, in European countries women asked me if I was an African Prostitute…just overall fed up. We were not only from different races but also in different social/economic classes. He tried to pull some "I took you out the hood" type ish one drunken night in Hong Kong… Thats was it for me. Within the wine lies the truth…

    I have not dated outside my race since then, but its not crossed off my list. Since there is a SERIOUS shortage of black men who aren't DL, gay, locked up, prefer white/latina women, married etc, a black woman gotta explore her options. Besides, we all think that one day our perfect black man is gonna ride up on a horse and sweep us off our feet. Next thing ya know, you're 40, single, unmarried and your ticking clock is practically broken. Sad but true…News flash ladies…

    Great Read…

    P.S. I voted 🙂

    1. Keep believing that there is a "shortage." I cringe when I see and hear this because it's just not true. Sista's limit themselves…now this is true, but I don't think the majority of men out here are DL, Gay and Locked Up. In my circle I don't have any friends who are "on lock down" and usually there is about 3 degrees of separation of those that are. I think it has to do with wanting a "perfect black man" which eliminates 99% of the men that a lot of you all pass by. So the IR thing is something I feel you should do if thats what your heart says, but please stop making it seem like there are absolutely no black men that fit you all's criteria.

  3. You know, I've been thinking about dating outside of my race too, but I just have never found myself attracted to white men….and they tend not to be attracted to me either (unless they're like old or super foreign…think Borat). Guess I gotta step my housewife game up if I'm gonna get me a black man 🙂

  4. I call bullshit on that DC story. In most of the nightlife neighborhoods in DC (Adams Morga, U Street, Columbia Heights), I see damn near more WM/BF couples than I do black couples. It's like Robin Thicke hovered over the city and spread Thicke's Interracial Lovin' Sprinkles on everyone. From what I've seen, folks dont pay them the slightest attention.

    1. I was about to say the same thing. I've been in Soufease with a white guy dining outside. I was sure I was about to get an ear full from someone nearing Black guys (25-35 years old). They didn't bat an eye.

      However, compare that to about ten years ago when I went to lunch in Bmore with a white male coworker. There was a table full of middle-aged Black men and they couldn't stop looking like I had somehow disappointed the race.

      1. call bullisht if you want to, but totally true story, it happened in adams morgan about 5 years ago…maybe folks have changed since then, or maybe it was an off night, but definitely happened

  5. i have always been anti-interracial dating for myself (don't care what other people do) but i recently decided to give it a whirl. the dude in question was what i call a 'righteous white man' so it wasn't the culture clash i feared it would be, but still i just couldn't hang. every time i touched his hair, i would have a visceral reaction to it…i can't explain it but it just felt so, so wrong. and things like cooking for him or um, 'going downtown' just felt like slavery to me. i just could not do it!

    i guess i'm just not built for it.

  6. Everytime a black man walks down the block w/ a white woman (or vice versa), an angel gets their wings, and MLK takes a shot of henny with Malcolm. God Bless America, the New York Yankees, the New York Football Giants, the Los Angeles Lakers, and interracial couples across the globe. Thank you and good day.

  7. I've been dating a white man on and off for 4 years… but he doesn't even identify as a white man even though he was born in russia lol him and his brother… His race has never really bothered me and my friends after meeting him were surprised he was so cool…of course i've gotten shit from them and my guy friends esp but at this point after so long its not really something we think about anymore

  8. I think sometimes it's Black women who care more than the on-lookers. For some reason, some of us have been brainwashed into thinking waiting around for Black men is the only loyal thing to do. Whatevs. I'm loyal to myself and my needs. Yep, I've dated a white dude, went on dates with others. Their approach was completely different than Black men. From the word "Hello". But then again, I'm in DC so that might explain it.

    1. I noticed that too! Every white guy who has approached…it's been different from black men. I thought i was the only one! lol but i'm open to dating outside of my race. I could care less about who other people choose to date…it has nothing to do with me! I have noticed some side eyes though when i'm out with someone of another race. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my black men but why should i discount someone because of his race if he has a genuine interest in me?

      But i do think that Black women do care more about on lookers because with black men…i feel that it is more accepted and even expected for them to date women outside of their race. However, for black women, i feel like people have the view of "she's betraying her race."

  9. I don't care what race a woman chooses to date.

    personally, I don't find white women attractive. Sorry. Regular girl to celeb, I just, I don't know, something about them throws me off. Maybe it's all the lowkey racism my grandma has installed in me over the years. I'm good with a sister, but right now I must admit, I'm eying sever latina ladies.

  10. I crossed the color line, once with a "wigger." lol. I was so young that it really didn't count though… He turned me off bc he was like a black boy in school and on the phone but once his dad walked in, and the full 2520 came out.

    I dropped him.

    I would not want to do it again with a 2520. People still treat those couples different, they stare and stuff. I don't have the strength for that.

  11. I have never been attracted to white guys either. Don't know what it is. There are some that I think are really cute, but to go as far as thinking about kissing or chex–doesnt appeal to me.

  12. I've dated a couple of Hispanic women and bi-racial women, but despite some bitterness, I love me a black woman. Nothing against any other races, but I have my preferences. To me, ain't nothing like a dark-skinned woman wearing all black, whether it's a business suit or lingerie.

  13. I think I've considered dating 2520s the most during college. I went to a PWI so it was probably my largest exposure to them in such abundance. My high school was relatively diverse, but it became less so as I advanced in grade level.

    Now that I've gotten older, even though my exposure to white folks are pretty much the same (only it's a bigger community and not as tight-knit as a college campus), I''ve probably not loved my brothas as much as I do today. I mean working in downtown Chi is like going into a mega candy-store and being told to "take your pick". I still still see a few cute white guys and would date them, but no one can turn my head like a brotha. It's that — yes, I'm about to say it — swagger.

    As far as other races besides Black and White, I'm definitely open. I mean, I thrive for that connection that us Black folks have with the man I marry, but uh, ya never know…you just never know. There is no limit to love, is what I say…

    1. Cheekie..i'm gonna have to co-sign on that downtown chi comment…I damn near go out to lunch everyday just to "browse"..aaww chi town.

      1. really? i've gone to chicago a few times in the past coupla years and have not been impressed at all…maybe i been hitting the wrong spots…st. louis though…whew! the men there are ridiculous! almost made me wanna move there.

      2. @ PYTJD – YES! Even when I bring my lunch, I find myself going out there to ahem…'browse'. Especially if it's nice outside and I'm wearing a cute sundress. Ya'll know the sun brings all the ninjas to the yard.

    2. Yea, I attend at PWI and I'm exposed to many white, Asian and Hispanic men. l'm attracted to them, not like I love my brothas, but I'm definitely open to love with another who is whatever race…I agree with ya!

  14. Black men don't limit themselves, why should black women?

    Sure, my PREFERENCE is for a black man, but…that's not to say I couldn't be happy with a white guy.

    I'm having fun for the moment, but I do want to get married and have kids one day – in that order. I keep running into a lot of guys (of all colors, but most of them black) who are opposed to this. I have to keep my options open…

  15. i've always been a supporter of dating who you like, race aside. if i saw a black woman walking down the street hand in hand with a white man, i wouldn't think twice about it. i mean i don't want her. why should i care who she dates? if she wants to date that white men then do what makes you happy.

    i've never considered dating outside my race, not to say that i wouldn't. i just don't find other races (outside of latinas) attractive. just a personal preference. lol.

  16. Being black and a woman comes with its own set of trials and eyeballin' so limiting yourself to who you date based on what others will say or do is bullshit to me. Love and attraction are individual and when I connect with a man, it has little to do with what color his skin is. As a young black woman, I don't believe in any prince on a shining white or brown horse. I've had good and bad dating experiences with both white and black men and in the end it all comes down to the measure of the MAN. NOT his color. We're all looking for love aren't we? So what does it matter where and with who we find it with?

    1. The problem is that we arguably care more about this than other races do. Coming from a HBCU background, I know plenty of sistas that have married men of other races, but you can best believe that they always show up to homecoming alone or not at all. Shawanda will definitely get the awkward eye when her new last name is Lee, Hernandez, or Chokavicz and she graduated from Howard, FAMU, or Spelman (well maybe not so much Spelman, LOL).

      All humor aside, I honestly have eyed women of other races and am attracted to women of all races (the perk of growing up in LA I guess), but I know that if I decide to court a woman that is not black, the bar gets that much higher than it already is for black women, because if I'm going to put up with the burden of being with Becky, Kim Lee, or Maria, you better be UNDENIABLE where my militant black friends will say "Damn, I ain't mad atcha homie." I'm not carrying the burden for some mediocre chick (especially if she's not black).

      With those standards in place, that more or less keeps me in my lane of dating black women only. But if your standard isn't that high, then do you.

      1. Wow i don't want to assume so help me understand please…are you saying you stay with black women because in your opinon to be with woman or another race your standards have to be high but not with a black woman???

  17. I've never dated a non black man. considered it in grad school, had some mild crushes on a couple white guys, nothing came of it. I dont have a problem meeting and dating black men I'm compatible with so I'm cool.

  18. I can't do! No matter how far this ol world has come, I can't do it! I will forever be a dater of black men only. The closest I have come to dating another race is dating a bi-racial dude in college. And it was one of the most eye opening experiences in my life…no joke! He had so many more issues than the average man. He went through this identity crisis stuff that was so overwhelming for me too. He had the hardest time dealing with reality and the race issues were magnified. After a while I just couldn't do it. I knew then that the ideal of loving a man of another race was out of the question. It just won't work! Besides I LOVE my black brothers with a passion that is unexplainable!

  19. P.S. If you are considering it, keep in mind that a recent study claims that the most endowed men are of French ancestry….just thought I’d put that out there.

    This is why every woman needs a Haitian man. Black and French blood, best of both worlds!

      1. yea…that's what the study said…it was on pbs or cnn or something like that, i was pretty surprised by their findings….until i went to a nude beach on the French side of St. Martin and saw for my self…have to say i was impressed.

  20. I have dated outside of my race but to me nothing compares to a beautiful black woman. (even when they are giving me headaches.) Now my brother is a different story. He is what you can call a pretty successful man, especially to only be 30. His gf is white (matter of fact they are vacationing in Italy right now while I am at work). Anyway his last gf was white as well. My mother is not a fan but she accepts it. My dad doesn’t really care, as long as my brother is happy. RichBrand, I feel you on the HBCU thing. My brother and I graduated from the same HBCU. While both of us will be at homecoming you can bet money that his gf won’t be there.

  21. Oh boy!! The only white men that ever stepped to me were like…old/fetishist. It was weird (since I have a 'fro) to hear a white dude be like, your hair is beautiful can I touch…hol' up there…

    If someone of true substance, not a "wigger" or John Smith type dude came up to me…yes, I'd do it.

    But, I am kind of hoping a brotha will beat him to the punch. lol

  22. I have dated all types of men my current (and probably last since his mom told me he has been looking at rings eek) boyfriend is columbian and peruvian (not of african decent). I have dated guys who are exactly the same as me down to country of orign and i have dated guys that are completely opposite if we are talking about pigment and in my experience men are men. Some are liars some are sweet some are wack some just want to get in your pants. Nothing special about men of any race.

    And the most well endowed man i ever met was a skinny jewish kid from BK.

  23. I didn't read all the comments just wanted to express my experience. I once knew this guy for 2 yrs, talking on and off, and I believe we finally got the chance to hung out. We simply had a movie night and my roommate and her then boo walked in met him and left. After he left my roommate's boo, who is black, got on my head sooo much about the fact that he is white and I can find a decent black guy out there instead of dating white etc. That was about a year ago and I haven't really talked to any other race since, some because of that one debate more so because I like black guys, that's just my main preference.

    The pressure that black men place on black women about dating outside our ethnicity I find is completely hypocritical and absurd. I must admit I use to flirt w/ white men in the club just to get a good laugh @ all my black guy friends. I don't discriminate, if we have something then we do regardless of his ethnicity, love is colorblind.

    Good Post!

  24. I remember going out with my Indian friend out to eat, and the brothas could not stop looking at me like I sold out. I was like, "Seriously?" Anywho, I live in Atlanta and the numbers do NOT match regarding black women and men, but that's the not the only reason I'm open to other races. I simply like men, and if someone cares about my happiness, as I do theirs, then I'm open for the love. When its all said and done, everyone just want someone who'll wash their back and listen to their day. Love is love.

    …BUT…Don't get it twisted, I still have much love for the brothas!

    I like the post! SBM.net needed 'something new'!

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