Because we love all of our readers so much, all this week, we here at SingleBlackMale.net will be responding to emails that have come in from readers. Everyday you will see a different person respond to a different reader and drop a new nugget of insight as it regards someone’s situation. Who loves ya?
Onto this poor girl’s problem.
Hey… I love your site! I’ve been thinking about a situation that I’ve been curious about for a while and I hope you can help. Anywho…
There’s this guy I have known for almost two years… We graduated from the same college but were never friends up until after graduation due to us running across each other’s paths and exchanging numbers. After our meeting, we would hang out and watch movies, text, chat a bit but we never kissed but we did hug. He would always consider coming over to chill or invite me over to chill…. After about a year, we hung out and had our first kiss… Keep in mind, i’m 26 and he’s 25. We still hung out and hugged and maybe 3 months later we had sex (protected of course) but only once… After the sex, we still hung out… I’ll go over to watch a movie or he’d come over to me… He always pops up and ask what I have planned and want to come over but it’s random and he’s not much of a talker but i’m interested in him… I think this is an ultimate challenge, but I’m so confused… So what’s your take? Hope this is enough info for you 🙂
Not sure why, but women wanting to share their true feelings with some guy is the #1 question I get. As a guy, not sure we are even allowed to ask someone else for that … I think “man up” is the advice I would get. These double standards are a mean one.
Well, Ms. Royale, it looks like you have already gone through the hard part. You’ve kissed, and you have had sex … therefore it won’t be too weird or awkward when you let it known that you think of him as more than a friend. It also means that there is a good chance he finds you attractive. BUT … be forewarned that just because he smashed … does not mean he likes you (life lesson here people!). Us guys … well … sex can sometimes be like watching Tiny and Tonya, you know you shouldn’t, its not even that enjoyable … but gotta watch something.
Personally, I say you have two approaches … but the end goal is the same … let him know that you like him. I know most women do not handle rejection in any way shape or form, in any universe, this or alternate very well, but you have to take a risk … you might find “The Best You Ever Had”.
Game Plan #1: Full on
You’ve had sex, you chill with him all the time, you can just let him know that you want to be more than friends. You seem to be good enough friends, and he might be receptive to you just saying something. There is a small chance he might think “I can’t be friends with you anymore if you like me” … but he has already made you hit that high note while grabbing your hair love to you, so I don’t think he is gonna be to surprised. So, go ahead and let it known. Make a pass at him, grab something special, and straight up tell him.
Obviously, the biggest con with this approach is that any rejection is blatant and in your face, and I know this can be tough for many women. But, you will most likely get your answer quick and not waste any time.
Game Plan #2: Ramp it up slowly
This is the strategy I would tell any guy who was trying to jump out of the friend zone (with no previous beats). Basically, you become more and more flirtatious, you become more and more forward, and you gauge his response. You said he is kind of quiet, and as a reformed shy guy, I know they can need a baseball bat hit of “give me that dick your love” to let him know you really are interested in him.
The biggest con with this is that it may take long and you might read him wrong, therefore missing your opportunity. With this “approach”, you can be less obvious, and it might work well since you have history. Also, if it is taking to long, you can always jump to the first game plan … and get your man.
One thing I want you to be weary of is the woman who says “wait for him … any man who wants you will come after you!” While this might apply to the majority, your friendship and the fact that he is shy means that he might like you and just not be able to tell you. I think if he really was going to make a move, he would have. You don’t know why he hasn’t, so don’t assume … just go and find out.
As I always say, the real power of asking any question here is the comments. Don’t let this poor girl down! You feel me? Am I leading her astray? Is there a better way for her to get her man?