It’s my go. Tag me in like Shawn Michaels the Heartbreak Kid, i’m ready to get in on the action. We got this email, and i’ve got some advice for this young lady. (I hope she’s young.) To the readers, below is the lady’s email. And below you will find my response. Enjoy. I know I told y’all I was going to complete the Get Over It Series this week, but that can wait, you readers cannot. Because without you, it wouldn’t be possible. Thanks for reading, as always.
I need some advice, viewpoint, guidance…something!! There is a man that I attend college with that I am interested in getting to know, First let me let you in on the situation.
Because our campus is so large, there happens to be a campus busing system that takes you all around campus so you dont have to walk everywhere. One night I was on the bus coming from a late campus event when I saw a fine man looking like he just came from working out. He caught my eye so I smiled at him which I figured he didn’t see from behind his newspaper. We both got off at the same spot and I continued on to my apartment while he went the opposite way to his.
Fast Forward a month later and I was standing outside the off-campus bus top on my way to class when out of the corner of my eye I see him coming from his apartment complex. He walks past me and sits a few rows back and I continue pouring myself over OChem problems (not really) Suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around…It’s HIM! He then comes at me like “I see you on here all the time and I always mean to say something to you.” we then introduce ourselves and I tell him that I used to live at the apartment complex I saw him coming from. I then continue to go on and on about how terrible his current landlord is and how he screwed me out of my security deposit (too much negativity?? maybe) and he ends up telling me where he will be moving to in the fall and GUESS WHAT…it’s exactly where I currently live. I then tell him about how much he’s gonna love the place he’s moving to and how much more professional it is and I find out that he will be staying on the same floor as me. My stop comes so I we shake hands and I go about my merry way to class when it occurs to me that I wish he would have asked for my number, or that I wish I had thought to just give him my number.
So about another month goes by before I see him on that bus again (I chalk it up to different class schedules because its not like I used to see him all the time before). Then one day I see him get on the bus and we wave to each other, I thought about giving him my number then but i punked out and just continued to listen to my ipod instead. I know he will be moving to where I currently live in September. My question is…Do I approach this guy? If so how? Or am I just taking his “introduction” to seriously and should i just leave it at that?? PLEASE HELP!
I’m not going to lie to you, I’m in a bad mood this week. I figure I should be honest.
1) I will admit this dude seems slightly focused on his daily routine and discipline is one of the most attractive traits a man can have. Men often times forget that women notice these things. It’s a good thing. A woman when she notices a man is on his grind, they are like that seems like a guy who I want to be on my grind. (no pun intended.) For that reason, maybe you do want to holla at him. Also, give the bout sh*t dude some play sometimes. I’m tired of ain’t sh*t dudes getting a chance with women and doing nothing with it.
2) You need to immediately start asking around for a CARFAX report on this dude if you go to school with him. Shouldn’t be hard to find, you can at least get his name and Facebook/Twitter stalk him. Hey if you’re going to try and talk to this guy, it’s only necessary that you do some background research before proceeding. After you do that, look for a clean bill of health and freedom from… ding ding ding GIRLFRIEND. Chances are if you find this guy attractive, a few other women do too. And maybe just maybe he has a #1 already. Sidenote, even if you find that his #1 exists, if you still want that guy, I say go for it. It’s a shortage of men out here in the world, if you find a good one, you have to take your blessing.
3) Lest I hold you too long, you know you wrong for trying to date someone who live in your building. That’s just bad business and you know it. For that I am giving you the negro please award… You know since day one, you’re supposed to avoid dating/sleeping with people who live in your area. If it goes south, it’s bad business. I mean, think about what happens when you come home bent and want a nightcap, you call him up and boom boom boom… bow chicka bow bow. Plus, what if he gets possessive, you really want him just catching the elevator to see you. I can see a billion warning signs against the idea of dating someone in your building.
What am I trying to say here? I’m saying, I wouldn’t do it, although you have some good reasons to do it. You gotta make a decision. First, consider #3, if you still say yes, immediately do #2. And if someone asks you why, tell them #1. Good luck and godspeed. This may surprise as the advice that Dr. J usually gives is more confrontational, but the best advice doctor I can be, is to help you think through your thoughts and explain why you may be feeling the way you do. Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn’t ask you to consider some things you may have overlooked.
I’m sure at this point, we can leave our SBM readers to really divulge into this and give you some advice.
PS – I’m interested to know why he hasn’t tried to get at you yet. That may provide some additional insight that the guys here at SBM need to really give a full diagnosis.