****** Admin Note ******
I hope everyone love and appreciated our Reader Appreciation Week. We get so many letters, it was time that we took the time to let ya’ll know we appreciate each and every one of ya’ll (yeah … you too!).
On a side note … We are probably not going to be posting any letters for awhile … but we’ll see.
Happy Friday my good people! I hope we’ve all quickly recovered by now from the mini hangover you have from drinking last night in preparation for the one you are preparing to induce after work. It’s finally the end of the week, and we’re still giving it to you RAW. It made me just as happy to type that as it made you when you read it. Aight, let’s jump in:
Hello, there SBM. I just discovered your site today and i think it’s awesome! I am able to get relationship advice for the future and a male’s perspective on things.
I am emailing you for some advice. I’m only 18 years old and i’ve never been on a date before in my life or had a real boyfriend. The thing is I’m afraid of getting played AGAIN. My senior year of high school I was dealing with this guy who had a girlfriend at the time. To make a long story short I no longer had my virginity and I was played for a complete fool in the end. What I want to know is, how can I put myself out there on the dating scene without being naieve or coming off as a bitter black female? I want to date, but it’s hard for me to trust men. Either they’re dating/sleeping with a whole bunch of females or are out just to sleep with me. I don’t want to get my feeling hurt again and I don’t want to be played for a fool. What should I do prevent this?
Sue, welcome to the site, we are glad you enjoy it, go on and get comfortable…stay a while.
I’ve been reading this question all week and at first I was going to tip toe around the truth, but after some divine inspiration, I’ve decided to tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
First off, I don’t even know what dealing means. Were you trying to sell him your car? Or perhaps interest him in a time share? Seriously though, there’s no way to deal with someone else’s boyfriend and not expect it to backfire. Don’t make someone a priority in your life when your just an option in theirs. Sometimes there’s no clear cut way to know if you’re just an option, but if he has a girlfriend, that definitely means your an option. I don’t know what kinda jedi G he hit you with, but you clearly knew he had a boyfriend. Dealing with a guy that’s currently boo’d up is usually a sign things will end badly. Think about it, even if he left her for you, he’d probably do the same thing to you, cuz face it, at this point in his life he’s young, dumb and full of man seed.
You’re just going to have to put yourself out there dating scene, staying true to yourself knowing what you are willing and not willing to accept from a man. There is no magic pill for a successful relationship, nor is there a pill for a bulletproof heart. Just based on your age I feel confident in saying that you will be hurt again. And again. And again. Yep…and again. Even in successful relationships, people can hurt one another whether it was accidental or otherwise. If it makes you feel any better there are men and women that are 28, 38, and 48 years old that have been trying to figure that out for years. The most you can do is try to learn from each of these experiences as time goes by. That doesn’t mean punish the next guy you meet for what the last guy did to you. You have to give everyone a fair shot. That being said, trust is a very deep word and you can’t decide on whether or not to trust all men after the first negative experience you have, because let’s face it, there are going to be a lot of men just trying to get in your pants. A lot. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have positive experiences with worthwhile trustworthy dudes. Unfortunately love and trust is a trial and error kinda deal.
Do me a favor…do not let this experience give you a negative dispostion towards sex. Many times when people are getting to know each other, there is great emphasis placed on sex and not so much the person, and they develop into unsucessful relationships. I’d be remiss in my duties as a Cocksman if I did not provide you with this information. When your dealing or messin’ with or in a friends with benefits situation, that’s not dating, that’s being in “the game”, and unfortunately that game has no rules. Unless you communicate to your partner from jump what your intentions are, you are bound for situations like this. So if you’re just looking to “have fun”, don’t be mad if he starts having fun with someone else. But if you’re looking for something more substantial, focus more on the person and don’t let sex be the key to your heart.
Lastly and quite frankly, I’m a little older than 18 and even at my young virile age, I can’t remember too many details about my dealings at that time. If I sat here long enough maybe it could come back to me eventually, but it would take a while. I understand that you’re 18 now and care less for my old man jaded view, but it is highly unlikely you’re going to meet Mr. Right right now. Is there anything I left out people? Any one have any other kind words of advice for Sue?
RightCoastLexSteele, On the rocks – no garnish