Home Dating & Relationships Laws of Attraction The Truth In Advertising … these fake a$$ chics

The Truth In Advertising … these fake a$$ chics

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Ever bought something because you saw a hot ass commercial or the salesperson told you it was the greatest thing since sliced bread AND it was the ninth wonder of the world?  The box looked real fancy, the display looked banging, and you envisioned yourself being happy with your new purchase.

But once you took it home, it looked nothing like the display and was rather disappointing.  At this point you’re sitting at home damning the salesperson and the ad company to hell, hitting up facebook, twitter and myspace telling people how this supposedly wonderful thing  that you just got suckered into coppin’ is the epitomy of false advertising.

Fortunately, when you find yourself in this situation, you could possibly take this hyped up merchandise back to the store and re-coup your funds, or at the very least get something from a brand you trust that’s of the same value.  However, on the dating scene, when you come across similarly false advertised “goods”, while you might be able to get them off your hands, but you can in no way get the time back you’ve invested in acquiring this particular set of goodies.  Now, both men and women can find themselves in this situation, but seeing as this isn’t SFM.net, I’ll spit the fire from the male point of view and let one of our many articulate female readers add their two cents in the comment section.   Every dude that comes thru here has had one or all of the following happen to them:



The Shaqueeta House of Hair Special

See Also:  Family History

Yep, you spot shorty at the bar, or have had your eye on her for sometime in whatever the particular setting may be, and the first thing you noticed is that her hair is always on point, only to find out that she got more tracks than the high school you went to.  At least with extensions you know what you’re getting yourself into, but once you step out of that realm, only God knows what slickness Shaqueeta has in her bag of tricks to make shorty look like she’s ready for the runway.  Normally I’d advise finding a slick way to run your hand through her head or giving her hair a good tug to see what happens, but unless you’ve been in the gym practicing pull and roll boxing drills, you might find yourself on the wrong end of a C. Brown beatdown.  Yea, I said it.

You Can Rent Those?

It’s a rough economy, and everyone is trying to make ends meet and stretch a dollar.  I understand the need want for certain labels in your closet and on your person, but if you can’t afford to be a label whore, leave it to the John’s that can actually afford it.  The worst thing in the world is meeting Ms. I got it goin’ on and then watching her barely be able to pay for her drink as she pulls out some crumpled up dollar bills out of her rented Balenciaga bag.  Seriously shorty, forget about the rental cuz you know that’s all for show…and besides I ain’t looking in ya purse, I’m lookin’ in ya shirt.  Speaking of which…

See Also:  I Hate Weaves - Part Deaux

Victoria’s Hidden Secret

Probably just as disappointing as realizing what you previously thought was Indian hair is actually Seabiscuit’s mane is watching perky sweater puppies turn into deflated balloons.  The bra comes off, the cleavage goes out the window and even though this is your perfect opportunity to stare, you’re tryin’ not to because you’re in disbelief rather than amazement.  You damn near gotta pick em up like a sub sammich to put ’em in ya mouth…and hey, if that’s what you’re working with, that’s fine, just let a brother know before the launch codes are put in.

“I’ma Put It On Ya”

This has to be the most disappointing method of false advertising for all parties involved.  You’ve been promised to have your world rocked, your toes curled and to be taken to heights previously unknown to mankind, only to be laying in bed a few minutes later wishing you had a V8 or a L instead.  Or maybe you’ve been promised every little nasty thing your heart desires only to show up in the rampin’ shop and be presented with a list of what she ain’t about to do and body sized diagram labeling all the places you can’t put it.

I know all the ladies that come thru here were ready to split my wig after the second paragraph, but like I said fellas stay frontin’ so feel free to let us know what irks you about all the “my mama lives with me” cats that are out there.   But on both sides of the coin, I really want to know what drives people to such lengths to make their appearance into something it’s really not.  Yea, I know no one wants to look shabby, but yours truly shan’t be rockin’ any S-Curl activator or draws to make my piece look bigger. (Sh*t, if it looked any bigger the state would make me pay property taxes on it.)  Anyway, it’s Friday, so speak on it!

See Also:  True lies

No preservatives,

RightCoastLexSteele, As Advertised

Comment(29)

  1. Well, I have dreads, I've never thought of renting a bag if I couldn't afford to purchase one of my own, my D's stand correct, and I can show you better than I can tell you. But, to answer your question, everyone wants to present themselves in the best light possible to both the opposite sex and the same sex. So, if all of the men like the long, straight, Hawaiian silky look, then that is what the ladies are going to do. The same goes for fashion, physical appearance, material possessions, etc. Everyone wants to be successful, and people would rather fake it until they make it.

  2. You can rent shit now? smmfh. I done heard so many promises about how "Imma put a ring on this" and "My shit is the greatest" blah blah blah. The best fuckin' comes from the chicks who don't talk shit.

    Good post fam.

  3. I can't stand label wh*res..

    Anywhoot, people shouldn't be bragging on their sexual ability, that is so high school. If any woman is choosing a man by what he SAYS he can do to her, she deserves whatever disappointment she gets.

    I think people do it because they feel like the outer appearance and things is what attracts the opposite sex. And although, in some instances it does, are those the ones you seriously want to be with anyway?

  4. Lol!!! This was hilarious. On behalf of the women that are creative with their hair, I don't lie. I rather pin it sew it cover it in any presentable way instead of combing my hair every day. False advertising & liquor getting folks laid for years! Ha!

    1. @1uppitynegress … for real? Your life's events are so important and all-consuming that you can be bothered to comb, oil and style YOUR OWN HAIR EVERYDAY? You would rather support the Korean beauty supply owner in their robbing of the black community instead?

      Wooooooww. lol.

      Damn, that is lazy.

  5. Mmmhmmm but you still approach the women who are rocking the Hawaiian Silky dontcha?! LOL, THAT"s why some woman wear weaves, they see who you approach and feel they don't look that way and make modifications to get your attention…then get slammed for it, oh the irony, lmao. Make your words match your action…we pay attention very well.

    How many times do you approach chicks that are the antithesis to the one you described? lol

    1. This calls for a round of:

      I'm stuck in a basement, sittin' on a tricycle, girl gettin' on my nerves…

      Goin' out of my mind I thought she was fine, dont know if her body is hers!!

  6. Aw man…this post is spot on, on point and off the meatrack!

    I've had to wane myself off of weave rockers. The final straw was with a shorty I was kicking it with…one of her hairstyles suggested that she really might've been ball headed underneath. I kept thinking of Myra off of Martin after Gina tried to give her a perm. Plus…nothing is worst than trying to grab hair or run you fingers through it, only to have your hand grabbed and told "unh unh" or to feel plastic caterpillars grazing on her scalp. Sorry…that's the best way I could describe it.

  7. "Ever bought something because you saw a hot ass commercial or the salesperson told you it was the greatest thing since sliced bread AND it was the ninth wonder of the world?"

    This reminds me of the salesguy at GameStop my coworker tells me about. He was tryin' to sell him some game for the Wii and basically said, "This game is so aweseome! It basically saved the Wii for me, it's that awesome!". Then my coworker bought it and went to buy another game…saw the same salesperson who sold him the same exact pitch for an entirely different game. lmfao

    I think a great example of the false advertising is when a woman sees a fly brotha from afar and develops a crush on him, then when she actually gets to know him, she realizes she put him on a pedestal and in reality is the lamest of lames. Of course from afar, he looks foine and whatnot, but once you find out more about him, his personality is either nonexistent or worthless. Crushes are like the car's sideview mirrors of life. Except the object may appear better than they actually are.

  8. Dudes crack me up with their aversion to weave.

    I'm 25 and don't usually wear one, but I have a sew-in right now (and have for the past year while I transition from relaxed to natural) and I'll tell you that's it's a weave – I don't try to pretend.

    I never realized how sensitive black men were about it until now. I thought that it was ok and understood. Why does it matter if it's real or not? Does it look good? Is it well-kept? Then who cares?

    I've run into a a couple of guys that had all kindsa questions about it until I showed them pictures with my real hair to show them I wasn't bald!

    Now, I could understand if I had the weave, acrylic nails and wore tons of make-up. I know guys like to see natural beauty, so I'm conscious to only wear the weave and keep other "enhancements" to a minimum.

    Also, I'm no bag hag, but why does it matter if she rents a bag? You spent $250 on a game system or some other frivilous thing. As long as her bills are paid, let her stunt.

    Um…as a straight woman, I don't care to see other women walking around with their funbags at their navel. Sorry, but Vicky's gotta stay around for the good of ALL of us…

    Co-sign on bragging about bedroom behavior – that's just tacky!

    1. The weave thing has only increased in recent years because I've seen so many atrocious examples of hair-foolery! I mean…cmon…unrealistic colors, unrealistic lengths, textures that don't match…not cute, not sexy. Recently I was kickin it with someone who had natural hair to her shoulders. It felt so good rubbing my hands through her soft, curly locs. The smell is even different. So…I have to give it to chicks that wear their own. It's a sexiness factor that ole CPT just digs. Dreads are cool too. I've seen some really pretty locs on some women and if properly maintained is the ultimate. I just gotta be careful because hoodrats are dreading nowadays…so you can get deceived into getting a bohemian chick when in all actuality she's part of the neighborhood Star commitee (spell star backwards).

      1. Atrocious examples I can understand. Purple hair is not the business. But, I'm a professional woman with a realistic length and style for my sew-in while I transition to natural. Just cause other chicks don't take care of their weave should not be my problem. This should definitely be dealt with on a case by case basis!

  9. LOL this was hilarious….i had no idea that you could rent labels…who knew? I agree with Smiley Face, women will dress based on what men like. ATL is freakin weave capital, and that's what a lot of men gravitate towards. I've noticed that the stripper weave is in style this season (i.e. hair comin to the butt). I personally abhor weave…but hey to each her own. As far as guys faking the funk….there's:

    Mr. Magnum

    He says that he's going to "rock your world" and that his piece needs it's own area code, and all he rocks are magnums. Then when the time comes to do the do…u notice that the condom is a lil baggy. FAIL.

    Mr. I Got a 2 year Plan

    This is a guy that seems like he has it all together, but when it comes down to it…you don't really know what exactly he does for a living. (see Tommy from Martin…u ain't got no job!) When you ask him about what his plans are for his future…all he can do is give you some vague response i.e.

    Suspicious Chick: So what are your plans for the future?

    No job havin' fool: "I got a 2 year plan to be successful."

    SC: What exactly does that entail? What's your plan?

    NJHF: I told you…to be successful…why you askin so many questions?

    Mr. I Run This Town

    This is the dude that claims that everyone in the town knows him. He's in with all of the promoters and has the hook up everywhere. Sounds like a guarunteed fun night right? Only to find out that this dude is faking the funk and has absolutely NO pull…why lie bruh? Now you've not only embarassed yourself at the club, but you've dragged me along with you.

    Mr. Street Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

    This is the man that drives the nice cars and always has a stack on hand. You notice that he never pulls out a debit/ATM card or credit card. Well that's because he doesn't have a bank account. You ask him what he does, and he dances around the question. You know what that means! Run before you get caught up in that BS!

    Mr. I'm not gay, I'm Metrosexual

    Now I am ALL for a guy making sure he looks good at all times. In fact I applaud it. But if every last one of your friends is a FLAMING homosexual…i'm sorry but my gaydar is going off full swing. Be comfortable with yourself…No need to fake the funk!

  10. LMAO @ BlueFlame…. you said the condom is a lil baggy… OMG I laughed right out loud… I can't take it… LMAOOOOOOOOOO!

  11. I havent run into a faker in a while but this is one I used to bump into every now and then:

    "Ms I"m Stripping-to-to pay for Nursing School"…whatever!!! My whole thing is if women have the RIGHT to be whatever yall want to then ADMIT to that and please stop spinning it.

    I never had one friend that sold drugs say anything otherwise-he does it cuz its quick money and its a big middle finger to society. Chicks like this and their Good Girl counterpart that really wants to be a video vixen are big time fakers. I am tired of hearing able bodied and sometimes degree holding black women acting as if like taking off their clothes is a steppin stone the Game, (yea right do a search on Gloria Velez from Jiggas "Big Pimpin" and wow shes STILL a listed as a video dancer, has a m myspace page…zzzz and her last vid is listed in March of 08!!!).

    No. Its. Not.

    This is true of men and women. You become a male porn star and ten yrs later thats what you will STILL be. So ladies if you got a girlfriend hinting at wanting to be like Naughty Neshelle or Esther Baxter keep her grounded as to why she really wants to do it (the titillation women get over the way men act toward their bodies and the money though its "fast" it is also up and down like the drug game and not to mention when this vid vixen got started in the late 90's there were plenty of mags and the web wasnt really the place to see em-now thats all been reversed and I havent paid for ONE pic of any current vid vixen going back to Buffie).

    Society is not knocking women for this but no women that gets in this game deserves the results as the chick that used her degree to get her success. If she wanted that then perhaps she should have thought about it before taking of her clothes.

  12. LMAOO

    I got no problem with weave. I love natural hair, but all I ask is for the suffient upkeep to be performed.

    I reember dealin with this chick who had a bad body. Clothes came off and all she had was a BAD body. I felt so betrayed. She literally had an iron man suit effect with her body. Needless to say I did the Streetztalk shuffle and beat it out of there. smh

  13. I gotta agree with majority of the females here. Guys complain about weaves but that is what they run towards all the time. I don't wear weaves anymore (dreads) but when I did it was a horrific weave. It should be taken on a case by case basis. But if you want chicks to stop wearing weaves then start making a beeline to shorty with the natural hair (permed or not) more often; i'm POSITIVE the weave epidemic will slow to a crawl!

  14. re: House of Hair

    if her hair is looking tight what does it matter if its a weave. that kind of attitude is what makes women put that stuff in their head. what is so much more appealing about indian hair then our own black hair. natural or relaxed…even the finest women in hollywood wear weave even the one you think its all theirs.

    renting lux living- agreed! but guys do it too maybe you want to trade those 22's for an apartment above ground.

    victoria secret- we live in a age of fake breast , fake ass fake face and you guys fall for it. and when you meet a lady whose large breast just dont stand up you want a warning like, "hey dude just want to let you know my breast are real and they sag, sorry i'm not 15 any more…" grow up.

    and anyone that brags about their sexual behaviors or skills clearly has not much more to offer so stick it where she says you can and stop complaining.

  15. Have you tried dating a white or asian girl? They don't use weaves. Their hair grows long and silky naturally.

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