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I Like Hair

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I fux with this...and not cuz of the complexion.
I fux with this…and not cuz of her complexion.

I tend to think that I’m a simple man. I don’t ask for or look for too much when it comes to the appearance of women. Like most of you, I just want to date someone that I find attractive and avoid drama and tomfoolery. Granted, that’s not something you can get a feel for by just lookin’ at someone most of the time (Emphasis on most). Today, I wanted to discuss something that I notice right away and something that I always hear women critique each other about with no remorse. Today is a day that I want to discuss hair. I’m not talkin’ about a bushy bush, chest hair, or armpit furriness. I’m talkin’ about what grows on the head. Butt Cheeks and Breasts are nice, but the hair does say a lot about the woman.

My history says that I’m man that likes nice long hair. I’ve dated Latina and Asian chicks with the longest and sleekest of hairs ever encountered by man. I’ve recently developed an affinity for the short hair look on a woman, which is something that I used to frown upon. I used to see a chick with short hair and automatically assume they were on the Uber Africa or Uber Strong Black Woman tip. Or…they were Butchin’ it hard body dyke style. As I evolved, this immature and juvenile thought process changed. I no longer give that screw face (Not the good kind) when I see the short cut.

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Short hair, to me,  exudes a whole different level of confidence. It also requires a completely different type of maintenance. It gives me one less thing to tug on, and perhaps that’s for the better in the heat of the moment when I’m in beast mode. That aside, I can dig a woman that goes to the barber every week to 2 weeks to keep the edge clean. This isn’t to say that a woman who goes to the barber or beautician less than this is a hot ghetto mess. Some women just have it like that where their hair does whatever they tell it to do without much effort or thought. Effin’ uncanny!



Nowadays natural hair, whether shorter, medium length, or longer, is a winner. I’m not necessarily talkin’ about afros with a Black power fist or Rage. I’m talkin’ about women who when I see them, I can appreciate what they do with their hair without doin’ too much. Interpret that however you may. I can also say the same thing when I see a woman with nice long flowin’ and shiny hair that bounces with each step that she takes. I can also say that I think the bouncy hair thing is overrated. Regardless, I just have a much greater appreciation for the diversity of hair styles and lengths. I just can’t stress enough how much the hair can say about the person.

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Most of us are also at a point where our jobs and our quests for status dictate how we manage our appearance. I know their are law firms and other professional environments (Sales is another occupational example) where women will not get the job or be favorably looked upon if they do not keep their hair long, bouncy, and shiny. It’s a factor for discrimination whether folks are aware of it or not. I’m willing to bet that there are less sexual harassment cases out there where women with short and natural hair are filing the complaints. And lastly, it’s a factor for female competitive criticism even though that’s a beast for a different day.

So for today, I’m wondering what the women who visit this site do with their hair on the regular? What’s your look? I’m also wonderin’ what you think when you see another woman’s hair in public and how that shapes your assumptions or thoughts about the person. Should some women stay away from certain hair styles? For the men, how much emphasis do you place on a woman’s hair? Is it a big deal for you or is it whatever? Let’s discuss. Our lives depend on it!

I see dem waves girl,

slim jackson

Comment(122)

  1. My hair is natural, medium length and curly… It's most often pulled back or in cute little twists but I'm wearing it out more… I don't really care about other women's hair unless it's really fly or really horrible… Certain styles don't fit certain facial structures…I will say that I get more looks from black men when my hair is flowing and straight

  2. My hair is medium length and permed…my "style" varies from straight and bouncy to curly to crinkly when its hot outside…last year it was a bob but my grandma challenged me to let my hair grow for a year. I like playing with different styles and since ive been challenged I may do a color for the fall/winter. What I dont do is weaves.

  3. I'm spotting a fro now and loving it. It is all of one and a half inches long. I do braids to make it grow so i can put locks. That said, I must say it took me a substantial amount of time before I finally had the courage to cut my hair. Yes, we women do judge (maybe harshly? i dunno) other women on their hair. Ever seen a chic walk past you and wonder if she has real friends? "OMG who picked out her colors, Ray Charles? N didnt that weave pass its sell by date at the turn of the century? Don get me started on her head shape! Why go bold when the back of your head looks like it has its own vascular system?

    I sh1t you not, these are things i've heard ladies say. And i'm guilty as charged.

  4. Im glad you've woken up to find the mature man in your self.. bravo!

    Hair has always been one of those "don't cut your glory" type of things in my family.. all relaxers.. no weaves.. press and curl.. but I have gone natural.. and I don't love it.. I didn't like my relaxed hair either.. there is too much maintenance either way! I prefer to wear my hair curly though since there is so much of it and it kind of gets in the way..

    Anywho.. I don't really see what the big deal is?! Hair is so minor in the grand scheme of things.. while it can tell you how a person is feeling and how well they keep themselves up.. it says nothing of the heart, mind… soul of a person.. what truly matters… Im glad you can appreciate all kinds of hair.. but so many men cannot and are stuck on stupid.. shallow interpretations of beauty.. However.. I guess that I too am guilty as I would never date a man who still wore his hair cornrowed after age 18… almost never!

  5. My dad had a thing about women and hair. He believed they should never cut it and it should always be "done". My hair is past my shoulders, permed on the regular and usually set for curly. I had a moment of rebellion a while back and whacked it all off. Not good. My face needs a frame and I hated not being able to pull it up in a ponytail.

    That being said, not everyone can pull off dreads or the Halle B. Your hairstyle has to not only compliment your face but also match your personality. One of my super siddity friends (shoulder-length, side part, curled under on the normal) tried to rock some waist- long microbraids (a la 90s Brandy). They were cute but not her. I'm not even going to get started on bad weaves… that's a whole other thang.

  6. i've never had a preference as far as hair is concerned. my first serious relationship was with a girl with short hair. from then i've dated women with short, long and medium hair. i've also dated women with dreadlocks. i like all types of hair as long as its your hair. *shrugs*

  7. Cool topic…My hair is locking right now. It's shorter than it's been in a long time, but I never got caught up in having really long hair. As long as it's healthy, I'm all about it.

    I admit I was nervous that my job would act funny about my hair because I know how conservative lawyers can be, however, I realized it wasn't a big deal when I met my supervisor because she is a black woman with really long locks. My best friend also interviewed at the law firm she will start working at soon and they absolutely love her locks.

    I've found that the most hate about natural hair (unrelaxed black hair) comes from black people, especially black men. I've had more than a few comment negatively about my hair now, agreeing that it looks nice, but saying that they prefer my hair without the locks, as if I care about their opinions. However, most people really love my hair the way it is now and I love it too.

  8. In April I went from long relaxed hair to a short natural fro. The responses I got were very interesting, it seemed that women of all races & non-Black men loved my hair and thought it looked great on me…The brothers, not so much. I can count on 1 hand the number of Black men that preferred my natural hair over my long relaxed hair. I had several pester me about why I got rid of my "long pretty hair" (their words).

    My fro has grown out & is about double its size now, and I still love it. I went natural for me, and I discovered a new confidence that I didn't have when I had long hair to hide behind.

    1. "I went natural for me, and I discovered a new confidence that I didn’t have when I had long hair to hide behind."

      I hinted at that in the post and I think it gets at an interesting point about some folks hiding behind their long and beautiful hair when they have a lot of other things they don't feel so confident about.

      1. In my case it was like a crutch – I may not like my thighs, or I may have a pimple, but I knew I always had my hair to fall back on, and I knew it was something that made me attractive to the opposite sex.

        Yesterday a guy called me beautiful and it totally made my day, to know that something thinks I'm beautiful no matter what the length of my hair is.

  9. Good topic! Recently, I cut my hair from shoulder-length to right above the ears. I LOVE IT!

    The new hair came after I got a job (was out of work for a year), followed by a new car. I felt cuter in the car and needed a cute style to go with it. My hair is relaxed, because I'm not ready to go the natural route yet. I think that I'll keep the short 'do for awhile.

  10. Random question for women with the shorter cut…does cutting it shorter become an addiction of sorts? Like you wanna see how long you can go and still have it be cute? I've heard this from a few women before.

    1. I have a short cut now that I've had for about a year. I'm trying to grow it out into a bob and it's killing me because I really want to cut it. The cut says it all. I feel sharp and confident with my sassy short hair. Up until last year I have always have long hair and I got bored with it. many people told me don't cut because I wouldn't look right or still be pretty. After the cut my friends loved it but I still get looks from black guys usually older one though and I'm just 22.

    2. The first time I cut my hair really, really short was I think in 2001…haven't been back to long hair (at least the length it was before I cut it) since. I like my hair short, I like the way it feels 'free' so to speak.

    3. I loved the reaction that I got when my hair went from really long to SUPER SHORT. I loved it because I'd talked about it for a while and really wasn't getting much support (black people act like you are gonna slit your wrists when you cut your long hair).

      Whenever I am feeling low (not cute), I get a hair cut.. so yes, I guess you could say it's an addiction for me.

    4. I have cut my hair super low twice, and i don't think it's addictive. however, i think after the first time, if you decide it's a route you wanna take again it's easier to go through with it.

  11. Shout out to my boys at Millenium Barbershop in L.A.! I have always had my own hair, never weaved up, sometimes relaxed. From the Salt and Pepa asymetrical bob to the Halle Berry to the fade with some waves brushed in…I am proud of what comes out of my head. I am still wearing it short w/ some twists and the help of Curly Pudding!! Great topic!! Keep 'em coming.

    @Slim- For me it's just the opposite. I start to let it grow—then end up back in the barber chair. Lotsa dudes LOVE my look and ask if they can rub my head all the time… (I save that for special folk though) 🙂

  12. Slim, thanks for bringing this up. And I appreciate the fact that you're being honest, so i'm going to be honest too. I rarely see women with short hair who I find attractive. For example, I think Solange is pretty, but I wouldn't ever be attracted to her. To me, it's always been something about long dark hair that attracts me. I like to run my fingers through it, i like to pull it, all that. I've had plenty of gfs who had natural hair, it was just naturally straight, lol. I love that bone straight when they went in the shower and super curly when they come out that my latinas have on smash… sometimes. I love that, that's my ish. My ex went natural and chopped off her hair one time, and when I saw her I told her that was the dumbest thing she ever did because IMO and i'm sure her father would agree, when her hair was long it was beautiful and then after cutting it, it just looked a hot mess. As it pertains to locks, my mother had locks for about 6 years and she's the most beautiful woman I know. I really do like the versatility and even the various colors, but i've never dated a woman with locks to know whether I could date one or not. I'm guessing I could.

    1. @ Dr. J: "I love that bone straight when they went in the shower and super curly when they come out that my latinas have on smash …"

      Okay, I know this is waaay off topic and I've posted too much already for one day, but can someone PLEASE explain to me why so many men (black men, especially) go ga-ga over the Latinas these days?

      I will admit, there are some GORGEOUS Hispanic women out there, but seriously some of you all act like they've got diamonds and pearls in their panties! In my undergrad days (which ended fairly recently), I went to a PWI. There were two very attractive Latina ladies on campus that all the black guys DROOLED over. I mean, I you almost had fetch a custodian to put up a "CAUTION, WET FLOOR" sign for all the saliva these women provoked!

      I AM NOT HATING on these women … more power to 'em, but I am just really curious. Why the rise in their status all of a sudden? They are all over the black men's mags (and the 2520 ones too) … you got Lil' Wayne rapping about his "butter pecan Puerto Ricans" … it's crazy! Are Latinas the new "beckies"? LOL.

  13. Like most black women, I have been there and back with my hair. Braids, weave, perm, cut it, you name it…

    I did the natural thing for a while…But then I could not maintain it and I was attracting all these "soul power incense smelling dudes"….(no offense to anyone :0)) Plus people at my job always walked on egg shells around me. Like I was about to protest every single little thing I thought was racist. I guess ur right, people really think afro hair=black power maniac…

    So I permed it..Although its nice, shiny and bouncy..lol…I regret it…Since my hair is longer than normal for my dark skin (dont kill me ppl), I always get the "thats not her hair" comments on the side..or "what type of weave it that" or "are you mixed"…But I have nothing againts it all…Who ever I date has to be very liberal about hair. I've been my whole life…

    1. Juicy- I can definitely relate. I'm a dark skinned woman with long hair (it is relaxed though) and of course everyone thinks it's a weave, wig, or whatever. Trips me out every time!

      Slim- I appreciate this post, I've been thinking about going natural for a year now. I've put it off due to the negative feedback I've been getting from my own people! Good to see a black man that can appreciate natural beauty.

  14. I change my hair a lot… it used to be really long… then I cut it off like Rihanna's.. now I'm growing it back. I love change. Now I can't describe the style it's in but I documented my journey on FB. Growing hair takes patience.

    I love black women's hair.. we're so diverse. I never assume anything when I see it but I can't help but notice a sista with a short hair cut. It frames a beautiful face nicely.

    I think your face shape dictates which hair you should be rockin'.

  15. my hair was natural all my life until this May. before i got a relaxer i did braids, weaves, presses, and wore it in a wash-n-go style. this summer i did braid-outs or wore it flat ironed. once upon a time i was really attached to my hair and wouldnt cut it. now when i do, people get upset so i try not to go too short.

  16. I'm very liberal about my hair so I've had just about everything. Hair is hair. I'm rockin the bob now and I love it. The only time I have an issue with someone's hair is when it's a hot mess and even then I don't make a big deal out of it. Ladies, just do you.

  17. I used to rock the long and flowy and even the short and spikey, but now I rock a 1 1/2, with a rounded fade in the back, and waves so fresh. I'm in the barber's chair EVERY two weeks. I truly believe that a woman's hair is her glory, no matter the length. There is no excuse, IMO, for a woman's hair to look a mess when she walks out the house. Thank God for retailers who've made some fly scarves and head wraps to accessorize our wear, in the event of a not-so-great hair day. At the very least, how about a brush and a pony tail? I'm just sayin…

    With regard to cutting being an addiction, it SO is. I cut my hair for the first time back in 2005, and every year it got shorter and shorter and shorter. I can't stop! I've contemplated growing my hair back multiple times but can't find the strength/need. I get too many compliments and this cut is way too convenient to go back. Not to mention the fact that I pay $15 every other week, as opposed to $25-30 for a wash and set and $50-60 for a perm once a month. No, thanks. Maybe I'll consider growing it back, if I have to wear a veil over it one day…

    1. I'm really considering for my 30th birthday cutting it all off and rocking a ceasar….I have a couple more years to decide. I think my head is a cute shape, LOL.

  18. I so feel like busting out a line from Spike's School Daze right now! LOL!! Ive been rockin locs for 7 years. Before this I had a natural short curly look. I found that being natural is so liberating especially growing my locs. But I felt like I was defining my own beauty for once in my life. I didn't need Dark & Lovely, Opitimum, or any other chemical relaxer to assist me with my definition. Now Im not gonna lie, having locs does make my inner revolutionist stronger, but I think they speak to my simplistic nature. Of course you get the "looks" but I always had chicks come up to me asking about my hair and saying "man I wish I could go natural…"

    My SO had the assumption that me having locs meant I would be "faster" getting ready for date nights, etc. But it just means I have more time to put on eyeshadow! My locs are upkeep just like relaxed hair. I get them retwisted and conditioned 3 times a month. At the begining of the year I wacked off nine inches and rocked bob. But i love them and refuse to change them for ANYONE!

    India says "I am not my hair"…but in reality you are. Your hair is an extension of you. It shows your personality and character. When I see a women with a short fade I admire her courage because she is choosing to defy what is looked as the norm and I can appreciate that. No matter what we choose hair will always be an issue to discuss. Personally rock whatever is best for you–relaxed, weaved, braided, whatever you do do it well and rock it with confidence. Im anxious to see Chris Rock's movie about the subject.

  19. Excellent topic!

    I love hair on women. All textures, styles and shapes. I guess you can call it a fetish. It feels good to rub your fingers through a womans hair, massage the scalp and see different reactions. You #FAIL though when you go in for the feel and hit the third rail tracks, lmao!

    Whats funny to me is a lot of black women will MURDER you for touching their hair, especially when they get it done! Ive been almost shot numerous times!

    I think short hair does exude confidence, but I will say short hair only works for SOME women! Sometimes the natural short look doesn't work, and it has nothing to do with preference.

    Locks are a definite win too. I like the way they look on women. Makes them mysterious. lol

    1. I will give you the death ray if you look like you're even thinking about touching my hair…family, friends can play in it all day long but strangers…don't get curious and find your fingers in my hair, you will not enjoy the results…at all!

      Now I can understand them wanting to whoop you when they got the fresh do..they just spent HOURS (and sometimes upwards of $60) in the salon under a hot azz dryer and here you come want to massage…boy, you betta go somewhere, lol

      1. LOLOL I dont run up to some1 i dont know n be all up in their hair!! Im sayin, I admire it and love to touch. whats good?! lol

        Also you ladies should post pics so we can have a tangible vision of your strength.

        1. I've had people, mostly women, walk up to me and want to touch my dreads. I think it's b/c they are smaller than most of the dreads they have seen.(no sisterlocks). But yeah, when I wore my 'fro, people would really want to touch the curly bush (pause)…complete strangers.

    2. [email protected] "Whats funny to me is a lot of black women will MURDER you for touching their hair, especially when they get it done! Ive been almost shot numerous times!"

      That's so true. I wonder how they sleep at night or what they do when it's time to have sex… I'm the complete opposite. My ex used to always say, "Why you let people touch your hair all the time?" I don't mind because it feels so damn good when someone runs their fingers through your hair.

      1. If your hair is naturally long and silky, you wouldn't understand, since you dont have to spend as much time and money in the salon to get your look…that was a huge factor in why i just went ahead and chopped my relaxer off!

      1. Mhm. A lot of people just assume I am white.. LOL. I have noticed white girls talk to me more often now than when my hair was jet black, but it's usually just to ask me where I got my hair done.

  20. I cut my relaxer off to go natural about 9 months ago and I get more compliments on my hair now than I have on any hairstyle I've ever worn in my life! However, even though I get lots of attention, I notice that most of it comes from men that are much older than me (I'm 24; most of my attention comes from 31+). I'm starting to think that most men my age have the Dr J complex (no offense, dr j…you like what you like); they might say I'm pretty and that my hair looks nice ON ME, but thats as far as it goes. I even had a male friend tell me that if I wanted to attract/date men my age, that I should straighten every now and then….I'll pass…lol

      1. Who knows…I hope they all get like Slim eventually and realize you dont have to have long flowing hair to be beautiful though…otherwise I guess I'll have to marry me an old ass man! 🙁

        1. I think they will soon. At least I hope because I am not interested in dating someone my uncle's age lol. Ugh I'm so over it. But I think its more of an idea that a sistah with natural hair is more work and less tolerant on the BS. Now I'll admit I follow politics, I read, I have a post grad degree, I like to "build" and talk revolution, but I also enjoy South Park and Family Guy etc. So WTF? We'll need Slim to chime in on this one. Incense and oils to you too sistah lol….

        2. I think a good portion of the issue is the thought that it's the Uber Strong and difficult to deal with Black woman. I know dudes who personally said they were intimidated by certain chicks because of the hair even though the girl/woman was harmless and nice as could be.

          Older dudes, and older is relative, know that she's managed to screen out a good number of dudes just by intimidation factor. It actually makes it that much easier for them to holla.

        3. @ Slim….you think so? Thats stupid…lol…if anything, i'd be more likely to give them the side eye…like "what the hell you want with MY young ass??" (well i think i answered that one for myself after reading that question aloud…lol) Oh well…guess I'll just be patient until I stumble upon a nice dude with a fetish for chocolate skinned women with natural hair.

          @Nikki…I love me some family guy too! Although I was thoroughly dissapointed when I found out there wouldnt be a third season of the Boondocks…lol

  21. As a teenager I fell into the pressures of having my hair permed when I really didn't need. Right before my first year of college I got off I mean from mid back to 3 to 4 inches. My head felt so light and I felt extremely sassy and grown. I now have locks and I get a lot of compliments on how they look. I keep my locks about shoulder length and retwist and condition my tresses on the regular.

  22. I got my last relaxer in 2004 and I LOVE having my hair natural. I can scratch my head whenever i want to, it smells better, it feels better, it grows faster…i just love it! I also love the shock on people's faces when i press it out (which is about once a year). In it's natural state it's shoulder length, after a press it to the middle of my back. I know I look like a totally different person lol. I also rock a puff, a twist, the curly look…(can't do the fro anymore though because my hair just flops) I just love the versatility.

    I got a lot of different reactions to it when i first started wearing it out natural. My grandparents hate it. My dad…hates it…well he's used to it now since it's been 5 years…

    I have noticed that i have been getting a lot more attention from white men. I found that to be EXTREMELY interesting lol. As far as black men, i get mixed reactions. Some absolutely love my hair. I have also dated others that say, "you have so much hair…y don't you keep it pressed?"

    I've also had dudes tell me that girls with natural hair are freaks….now…where do people come up with this stuff????

  23. I used to cut my hair short every Spring, so I'm familiar with the short short look and know I can rock it. I'm now growing my hair out, its past my shoulders and I really like it! I wear it straight or curly, down or pinned up. Its expensive to maintain short hair–in a relaxed style that is, getting touch ups and edge ups more frequently. With my hair longer I've learned how to take care of it myself, therefore not going to the salon as much. But I still go because I love the "freshly hair did" look! I love to see all looks on women–as long as it compliments them. I've always been the type to switch it up and change style and color often. I've worn weaves and braids too. I do it all. I love hair and I'm glad we all wear it different ways…just another way to express yourself, IMO.

  24. This is an insightful conversation from a male point of view. I have locs that reach to the middle of my back. Guys who approach me in awe over my hair is a bit of a turn off. Why? Because immediately they assume that I want to be their token sistah souljah dred woman or something lol. Those are extreme cases, but it does happen. My bff has locs too so whenever we are together its double time. I agree that your hair and overall appearance say a lot about you. I think my hair intimidates a lot of men, especially the younger ones closer to my age. I have no idea why, but I'm rarely approached by my peers.

    As a natty dred residing in NYC I don't feel like I stick out, but when I lived in VA it was a big deal. Usually I see more older women sporting locs. The younger natural sistahs usually rock the big bushy afros, which I love. I say whatever you do is all good as long as it doesn't look like you just left Shanaenae Sho'nuff salon…that's when I feel you're just ghetto.

  25. I've found that some people like my hair and some people don't. Most people that don't are drinking that haterade. There has been a few occasions where girls have yelled, "Your hair ain't sh**," out their window while driving by. Jealous much?

    I have natural silky long hair. When girls ask me what I do to my hair, they think I'm lying. It's not always about the way you style it, it's about the products you use.

    1. "There has been a few occasions where girls have yelled, “Your hair ain’t sh**,” out their window while driving by. Jealous much?"

      I almost spit water all over my comp screen. WOW. LMAO!!!

    2. "There has been a few occasions where girls have yelled, “Your hair ain’t sh**,” out their window while driving by."

      That is serious hate. It always perplexes me when people do things like that. I've had similar experiences, but nothing that bad, it's usually the ones who thought my hair was a weave, even when I said it wasn't. I guess it made them feel better.

  26. OMG!!! It's been so long since I've posted!!! Anywho, great post Slim. I have naturally highlighted relaxed hair 3 inches past my shoulders. Me and my aunt are competing, who grow their hair the longest… 2 more yrs to go. Most of the time I roller set and wrap but when I don't feel like fooling with it I just let it air dry and wear my hair naturally wavy…. Yes even with a relaxer my hair still waves.

    My first 3 years in college I had natural hair, just chopped it all off… I miss it dearly, had a huge Afro like Badus wig. Natural does give you this new level of confidence and personal assurance and I've definitely needed that at that time and held on to it even now.

    I cannot totally be who I am if my hair isn't right. And those close to me can actually tell what type of mood I'm in based on my hair. My dude loves long hair and if was a dude I probably would too.

  27. My hair is medium length and permed. Short for me, because I've never had hair that didn't touch the back of my neck but I still have enough to wear a ponytail. I cut it just because I wanted something different. I've thought about going natural but I'm not ready for two reasons:

    1. I'm tender headed, and when the new growth starts coming in I, a grown woman, get tears in my eyes while combing it. I didn't get a perm until I was 14 and I cried every day if I had to style it into anything that required parting my hair (ie, the ponytail was my friend).

    2. My hair gets frizzy REAL quick. Living in Georgia, that means in order to wear my hair straight I'd have to flat iron it EVERY day and oil sheen it into submission. Too much work!

    All the guys I've dated just seem to appreciate that I don't wear weave, and they can run their hands through it without snagging tracks.

  28. In my old age *bones creak* I've warmed up to natural hairstyles to the point where I can't get with a hardcore weave rocker. Being able to run my fingers through a woman's hair, feeling soft curly locks and being able to reach her scalp without feeling burned/sewn/glued plastic tracks is the bomb! I have sneered at many a chick lately because they overdo their do to the point where they are alien. There is no way that they think they look good when the texture, color and length of their hair looks like they acquired their lacefront in a smash and grab robbery. I mean cmon…blue? Fuschia? Does your weave have to match your colorful shoes? I'm on the prowl for dreaded women, but not an ultra-bohemian, yardsale clothes wearing earthy chick, just someone who keeps their locs right and has some sense without the Badu-esque ramblings.

    Yay Natty hair! Black woman stop being ashamed of yourself!

      1. Badu is that chick and think she's got a voodoo type effect on me. She's not too deep for me…I understand everything that she's saying, it's just that she misrepresents herself with her baby making antics.

    1. You rang? tee hee..

      I have locs but I'm not the earthy type, don't burn incense, and the spoken word scene bores me. I switch up my look a lot , I also think locs provide an interesting twist to my girly girl tendencies.

      I had a perm for the longest like most black women, went natural about 5 years ago and rocked twists, fro, etc. I've had locks for 2 years – best hair decision ever! Now that they're growing past my shoulders I get a lot of compliments on them (I knew that would happen so I'm not mad). I get a lot of looks and greetings from the menfolk too, though I'm not sure if my hair is the main factor (I thought a woman's overall look + body was the main focus for men? Someone enlighten me)

  29. I'm waaayyy too attached to my hair, it's the beggining and end of my look. I sometimes think about getting it cut or colored, trying a whole new look, but I chicken out every time. I also like to have my hair pulled in the heat of the moment, so I would hesitate to go too short, but some women look so damn hot with really short hair…

    My hair is and outward express of my femininity snd it's definitely a cultural thing; I'm Dominican and we don't play with our hair. My mom jokes that when she goes down there people are complaining about the economy left and right but those salons stay busy!

    Though I now go chemical free, I still opt for the straight look most days, wearing it either out or in a ponytail about 50/50, but I'm blessed with hair that easily adapts to new styles. I also love it when a man runs his hands thru my hair, it's so relaxing and sensual.

  30. I've been natural for 13 years and what I found is I attract a different type of man when I wear it natural (curly, wild and free) than when I wear it straight and sleek. So much so that I stopped wearing it straight. Although it is long, it shrinks up to my shoulders and can get quite big!

    My hair attracts men like flies to honey. They want to touch it and run their hands through it. Which I very rarely allow (it's my personal space and I don't know you like that). Ironically it is older men in their late 30s or 40s who approach me now. They tell me they are attracted to me because I seem comfortable with myself and secure, and they find that attractive. But I'm sure there are women out there who prefer straight and sleek and get the same reaction.

    1. Women with straight and sleek don't let you touch their hair period! They also obsess over it and spend a helluva lot more time in front of the mirror, which is why I like that naturale gals. They just primp and go without all the fuss.

        1. lol!! this is so true. My hair is done as soon as I get out of bed. But, I still spend the same amount of time getting ready in the morning. SMH…I need to either get up earlier or figure out what the heck I'm doing that I can't save time in the morning.

  31. Ever since I saw Halle Berry in "Boomerang" I've liked women with short hair. Most of the women in my family have long flowing locks from perms or just naturally so I never got into discriminating consciously.

    I say consciously because most of women I have dated sported a full head of hair, but that didn't stop me from giving the girl with the short fro and nice legs a once over. There's something about a woman who rocks her hair naturally, whether it be straight, curly or in a fro, that turns me on. Must be the confidence factor.

  32. I've been natural for almost five years. I've had other people tell me my hair is long, but to me it's mid-length. I actually think my hair looks longer when it's not straightened (which it rarely is). I rock twists, puffs, twistouts, braids (no extensions), fros, and everything in between. I get compliments on my styles all the time from all types of people. I did notice that the last time I straightened my hair the people who were most impressed by it were black folks. A lot of my friends said straight hair doesn't suit me, which I totally agree with. God made me nappy for a reason and it was a good one. You can check out my link for pictures of styles I've rocked over the years and even the styling process (I admit I was kind of obsessive for a while).

    As for people touching my hair, I don't mind as long as you ask. I can't keep my hands out of my hair so I understand the desire to touch it. I just don't like when random strangers walk up to me and grab a handful of fro. It's happened on more than one occasion and I always feel violated.

    1. “It’s happened on more than one occasion and I always feel violated.”

      Seriously! LOL…I think they can’t correlate the silky, soft, shiny, sexy hair with the natural hair. Its like they are being deprogrammed or something..does not compute…does not compute….poor things, lol. Mr Mister didn’t like natural hair, even on me, until he saw the whole process of me doing my hair and put his hands all up and through it. It was O-mazing, like he saw the rebirth or something, lol. He assumed it was dirty and unkempt (like a lot of people do).

    2. LMBO @ "I just don’t like when random strangers walk up to me and grab a handful of fro."

      i so understand…it's like you can almost sense when somebody is about to "go in for the kill" as i call it…like, they're looking, they're reaching, then their hand has landed in your head" so annoying! ughh!

  33. I have been natural for about 1 year and some months. I have recently cut my hair short…very short lol. I did it to start over and start new. But I was slightly scared of what men would think. But that went out the window quick. For me, I hold my head just a little but more higher with my short hair. The response from men was better than what I thought. I think a woman should do whatever she wants with her hair as long as she knows what works for her and what doesn't. It has been almost 3 weeks since I cut it and my friend still stares at me and keeps smiling at me.

  34. My hair is considered long (for a Black person, lol) but it's somewhere between shoulders and mid back. I've had a perm since I was 12 years old and never plan on looking back!! hahaha But for me, it's a maintenance thing. I'm super tender-headed, and so I need to comb through it without crying like a baby.

    As long as you look put together, I don't mind whatever styles other women rock. Every now and then, I wear my hair with drop curls or something bouncy, and it gets attention from men and women alike. I think it's just how often you "switch it up." Long and bouncy everyday becomes customary. I will go with pony tail one day, to long and flowing the next, to even an occasional bun. (Usually depends on what time I wake up, and how much time I have before going to work/out/wherever lol) I'm happy with my length, and so never needed a weave or anything. The most "drastic" thing I've done is cut a bang and some layers. (And it looked fabulous! lol) I think that works for me to once in a while evaluate what i'm doing, and see how I want to add some spice, without going too crazy lol.

    I don't know if I buy the "short hair boosts confidence" argument though. I've met many pretty fly confident women with flowing hair! (I think there is a difference between courage and confidence. I think it takes a great deal of courage to cut off all your hair. It's not for me, but to those who can pull it off, more power to you!)

  35. "It’s happened on more than one occasion and I always feel violated."

    Seriously! LOL…I think they can't correlate the silky, soft, shiny, sexy hair with the natural hair. Its like they are being deprogrammed or something..does not compute…does not compute….poor things, lol. Mr Mister didn't like natural hair, even on me, until he saw the whole process of me doing my hair and put his hands all up and through it. It was O-mazing, like he saw the rebirth or something, lol. He assumed it was dirty and unkempt (like a lot of people do).

  36. I currently wear my hair relaxed…ironically it curls up so today it's in a slow slung curly ponytail.

    It's been relaxed since I was 2 & while I don't to the regular 8 weeks thing I do keep it healthy & shiny.

    Now…everytime I have a break up (esp if he was big on long hair) I cut it. Not super short but say chin length.

    I think this is a woman's personal preference though…just keep it healthy!!!!

  37. I cut my past the shoulders length perm off in 2000 and I am NEVER going back. I will keep my portable soap box put away (for now) but I love having natural hair and love people who can appreciate natural hair for more than just superficial aesthetic purposes.

    I currently have long (mid-shoulder blades) locs, which I've had for 7 years now. I usually wear them crinkly or curly….very rarely do I just wear them straight for more than a day. I've figured out how to do all kinds of different styles for any occasion. I probably do MORE with my locs than I ever did when it was permed or un-loc'd. I occasionally get color but lately I've been wearing it close to my natural color and just have highlights.

    I really don't care if a particular guy doesn't like my locs and prefers that long Hawaiian Silky (cuz you know you ain't got no Spanish in you) because that means he's not going to like me period. Serves as a screening device for me.

  38. I agree, short hair does give off a level of confidence. At other times I think it’s just a way for a woman to front. A cute face pretty much makes everything ok, i just don’t like it when a woman has natural beautiful hair, then she cuts off, only to get weave.

  39. My hair has been lyed, fried, and laid to the side, lol. Got tired of it and chopped it all off and stopped relaxing it. I haven’t grown it out passed hmmm I say about chin length, I like big hair but I will cut it off in a minute, lol. When its not in twists I spritz, shake and go and let it do what it’s going to do. It’s usually shorter in the summer time (shoot its hot) and longer in winter. I’m very impulsive with my hair though you probably never see it the same way for longer than 3 or 4 months…I get bored, lol.

    People stress out about my hair way more than I do *shrugs* lol.

  40. i cut my hair and went completely natural 2 and a half years ago, with the support of my then boyfriend…i had done the halle berry type cut before and loved it, and wanted to try something new…since then, i've kept it short and natural…

    honestly,i was surprised at how much guys seem to love it…there was an increase in "older" guys who were attracted to me, and i think it's because of what they associate with the cut (confidence, realness, and a few other things that short natural hair may or may not signify)

    a lot of guys around my age like it too, and im 22…they usually say they like it cuz it's different, and they say it shows natural beauty vs the idea that i need a couple packs of yaki and a bunch of MAC on my face to go out with them (NTTAWWT)..

    besides, i like to spend my time doing other things, ie, i can lie down for a nap at 9pm, wake up at 10, and still get dressed and make it to the club before 11 so i can get in free.lol.

    other than that, i love to see women wearing all different kinds of looks, i think that's the beauty of the black community…black women are soooo versatile…as long as your hair is healthy it shouldn't be a problem

  41. One of my homegirls just cut her hair off and went from perm to natural. Now, I am inspired. I have been flirting with the idea of cutting my hair (keeping the perm though), but I always punk out. We'll see…

  42. Hi all-long time lurker first time poster!

    Had to comment on this one. The whole natural thing is amusing to me. In my opinion natural is however your hair came out at birth-chances are it wasn't locked so is that really natural? Just a question-please don't stone me!!!

    I've had to defend my hair as long as I can remember-add that to the fact that I am about the complexion of Twinke, doesnt help. The number of times I heard, "she think she cute cuz she light skinneded and got long hair" No heffa I know I'm cute cuz I looked in the mirror!! I quickly came to the realization that the skin I'm in and the hair I have is what GOD and genes chose for me and its not for me to change either to make you feel better about yourself. Seek counseling and check your self esteem.

    My hair has been long and thick since I was a child and I chose to relax to make it more manageable when I was 16 much to my dad's dislike. Today my hair is relaxed, mid back and healthy by choice. Because of the grade of my hair it'll wave up if I decide to wear a wash n go and I love the versatility of it. Because its easier for me to manage AND the fact that there is nothing like the feeling when that man runs his fingers thru my hair and ever so gently grazes my scalp, or grabs it just right, Lawd Have Mercy, I choose to keep it long and strong. That doesnt mean I have some self hate complex.

    As far as random people touching my hair, mess around and pull back a nub hear?

    Hair style should be a personal choice based on what makes the individual HAPPY, not about what others say or think.

    People are so quick to say relaxing makes your hair unhealthy, hogwash. Clueless people with relaxers make their hair unhealthy.

        1. lol…thats what I've been told, yellow n sweet on the outside and..we'll hell you've had or at least seen a Twinkie!

    1. "People are so quick to say relaxing makes your hair unhealthy, hogwash. Clueless people with relaxers make their hair unhealthy."

      That's the funniest thing I've red all day!!

      I'm gonna guess that most of the folks on this post will go and see Chris Rock's upcoming movie "Good Hair"

      1. I hope the movie is not a PSA encouraging all women to go natural. That would be sad. A much better message would be to find and love the beauty within yourself. And wheather you are natural or relaxed educate yourself as both require upkeep. I've seen a bunch of raggedy headed natural folks so it goes both ways.

    2. Weeell, IMO the main reason why there's so much talk about going natural is because most black women have a hard time having relaxed hair that looks nice and grows long and healthy. There's a few reasons for that – severe lack of hair care knowledge, bad reactions to a harsh chemical process, etc. That's really about it. If most black women had relaxed hair that looks like yours a lot of things would be very different. . Wow, now I'm caught up thinkin about that…

    1. Dr J….what are you talking about?? I've read through all the comments on here and I haven't seen anybody write anything that came off as hating, and I've seen quite a few posts up there about women who prefer their hair relaxed, about how it shouldnt matter as long as its healthy, etc…

  43. My hair is relaxed and has been for since I was 9. Just recently cut my hair into a bob and I love it. Never really had long hair but I have had braids for more than half as many years as I have been alive. It was just easier to maintain as a young girl that played a lot of sports.

    I love relaxed hair and I wear it well. I don't necessarily think that having natural hair makes you more confident. I love myself and wouldn't change anything about me and that in itself exudes confidence (not to be confused with having too much pride). I have no problem with women that rock natural hair, do what you do. However you wear your hair just wear it well.

  44. Wow! All of you are gonna make me go watch SCHOOL DAZE!!!!

    Jigaboos and Wannabes!! Better let go of master's mentality and realize we are all beautiful in our own special and unique way.

    Now, Go watch SCHOOL DAZE!!! lol!

  45. DANG! I'm ALWAYS late as hell to the party! It's cuz I'm African.

    *kicks dust*

    *pouts*

    But um I've had short hair since 2000, varying in length and style from a natural TWA to a permed Halle Berry pixie cut, to the time I rocked a Fantasia (I went thru an urban youth phase sophomore year of college. Dont judge me).I can't see myself with long hair. Methinks short hair is best on me (big ups to my Moms for shaping my head well so I dont have a light bulb or a cone).

    I've been natural for 2 yrs though, and can't see myself going back to the creamy crack. My hair is now usually in 2-strand twists in the back and braided in the front, or I rock a twist out. Sometimes, I'll blow dry it and rock a big fluffy afro. I get it colored every summer too, with some variation of brown. I'm thinking about getting locs though. It's the only style I haven't rocked.

    I am anti-hairhats (aka weaves) for me. I'ont like having hair that ain't mine on my head. But thats just me.

  46. Au Natural for 23 years and almost a month! Lol I've never been anything but natural. it was long and curly back in the day then I cut it for a Rihanna bob. Now I'm growing it back out and it's to my shoulders curly. I will say that I'm addicted to cutting my hair. I love it when my hair is long but I love it more when it's short and sassy!

    Oh and what men think about my hair- meh- I'm confident enough in other things not to care.

  47. Wow. Everything seemed to be going so well, right until…well, you know. Anyway, I am very happy to see several men who love all types of hair, instead of just loving the status quo. I've been natural since 2003, almost 6 years to the day of my last relaxer. I've had locks for 2 years now and I love it. And my hair is natural. Not really sure how a person can compare locks to giving your hair a chemical burn every 4-6 weeks, but whatever.

    I said on twitter earlier that I don't care how another woman wears her hair. It doesn't effect me, or how I feel about myself. And I think I'm phucking awesome!! All of my friends wear relaxers, or they have natural hair that they wear straight 100% of the time. And they all have great looking hair. But the main thing is that we all respect each other's choices regarding our hair. A few old friends used to get salty whenever a man would talk to me, and compliment me b/c in their mind, natural hair isn't supposed to admired or considered beautiful, and women with natural hair aren't beautiful. Well, I don't deal with those hating bitches anymore. lol.

    So, ladies, rock your naturals and rock your relaxers. Just make sure your hair is healthy. And if you don't know how to do it, find someone who does. And let's stop getting so upset and bothered b/c people feel proud to wear natural hair. Her pride in her natural hair doesn't say anything negative about you. But your negative, salty reaction to her feelings of pride sure as hell does.

  48. WOO-HOO! Lovin' this post!

    I am all for a woman rockin' whatever makes her feel best. Whether that's relaxed, natural or a weave (as long as said weave is ON POINT … can't give props to the ghetto/busted extensions – not a good look).

    I am also glad that (some) men are starting to come around to the natural look. While I'm not "natural" per se (still have a relaxer – can't quite kick the "creamy crack" habit, lol) I recently started wearing my hair in a bantu knot out style that simulates natural curls. I have been getting MORE (good) stares and smiles from both black men (especially older men, oddly) and women than I EVER did with my straight look. Even some of the 2520 men have been diggin' me a little bit more too! lol.

    I think more black women should consider embracing a natural look! It is really a confidence booster and so much less styling hassle everyday! Sorry to get corny on ya'll, but MY BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL!

    1. I am relaxed as well and will sometimes do a braid out (depending on how hard I go at the gym) and had a guy tell me flat out he thought is was sexy and soft -then he said, "that's hair that is made for grabbing and sweating out…" sooooo yeah , about that. Truly depends on the mentality and couth of the person giving the compliment.

  49. ^ to add to the above post.

    I had a really weird encounter with a guy I was seeing after he saw me with my "natural" look. First off, when he came through the door he commented on how my eyes looked darker. (Strange, because my eyes always have been and always will be EBONY colored … not a shred of hazel, green, etc. And I've never worn colored contacts, only clear ones for vision correction).

    As the evening wore on he got the nerve to ask me how long I've been wearing my hair this way, then alluded to the fact that he didn't like natural hair because it was too "stereotypical". According to him, "stereotypically" black women always have short hair or natural hair. If anything, the opposite is true! It was kind of disheartening to find that he only found me attractive when he believed I had light eyes and straight hair, to go with my caramel skin.

    His misguided comments just showed me how much more progress we need to make as a race. We need to let go of the "long hair, thick and red bone" beauty ideal in our community. I believe it is stifling our growth and pride in ourselves. If WE don't think that our natural African looks, including dark eyes, KINKY hair and FULL features are beautiful/acceptable, then how do we convince the media to start featuring something other than a white ideal? How do we strengthen our positions in the classrooms, the board rooms and in the media?

    Self-loathing is sooo 20th century!

    1. I agree. However is does but those of us who fall into the "long hair, thick and redbone" category in a bad place. Growing up one of seven kids, my mom is a choclate sister while my dad was very light due to his confirmed and documented Choctow Indian blood, so of the seven of use there are some that are dark like my mom, somewhere in between, red, and me the Twinkie(lightest of the bunch) so, for years I had to explain and defend the fact that we all had the same parents (?) because of our different complexions because small minded people could not fatham how that could be possible. Until individuals accept themselves as individuals and the fact that its ok to be an individual its gonna be a problem.

  50. I wear my hair natural and cropped close to my head like Solange's style and I LOVE it. Some people tell me that it's 'bold' because they consider their hair to be their crowning glory and I will say that it doesn't appear that men like women with a boyish cut but I don't really care. I intend to keep wearing this hair for as long as possible (I've been wearing it cut low for about 3 years now). It's very low maintenance, like I pretty much wake up, run a comb through it and I'm on my way.

    I definitely appreciate this post and the responses. Pretty interesting stuff.

  51. LOL at the comments! I've worn just about every style- relaxers, braids, boy cuts..etc. I've never had extension (other than braids). I'll sometimes rock a wig. Currently, I've been natural for 2.5 years. I think being natural and the boy cuts have been my favorite. I enjoy looking different. Black women who rock boy cuts and / or who have twists, twist-outs, afros, locs etc. maintain their uniqueness that I find lacking with relaxed styles. I've never seen two afros look the same. I've never seen to "heads of locs" look the same. There's nothing unique about relax hair… besides a bone straight, doobie wrap, roller sets what differences are noticeable with relaxed hair.

    It takes a very confident woman to maintain a boy cut. I consider it a priviledge to be able to have the head shape and facial features to pull it off.

  52. I'm 25 and I've had natural hair now for almost 7 years, and I cannot foresee going back to a relaxer! I get lots of compliments and what's more I love how I look. Natural is better for your health and your self-esteem, in my opinion. Personally, I think that the way it grows out of my head is the way it should stay. I often wonder how many health issues are caused and perpetuated by the relaxer process? Whatever you put on your skin gets into your bloodstream, so…

  53. I agree with your comment regarding the relationship held between confidence, care and hair. I think there are natural stereotypes in society that relate a woman’s appearance to the type of person she probably is. If she has her hair piled on top of her head, it is automatically assumed that she is a sloppy individual and people often times won’t take her life style into account (she may have a busy schedule people). On the other hand, women that have their hair perfectly straightened or curled seem to attract people more easily as most are propelled towards beauty – and by most, I mean men. It’s not too common that you see a man go out of his way to get to know a woman that isn’t looking up to standards one day. Our society has become very superficial.

    Personally I feel as though my style fluctuates on a daily basis. I am a young woman, so I do care about my appearance and will attempt to make my hair look nice as much as possible. However, given that I am also a university student, my schedule often times does not provide me with the time to do so. My saving grace has been the braid. I find you can throw one of those in your hair creatively and you automatically get a modern-looking hair style.

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  55. lol. Funny that I should hit this post today – I have hair on the brain. Let me start off by saying that this "going natural" thing was not intentional. I was wearing a short wig at the time that received a lot of positive feedback, but I hated the fact that I could feel my braids underneath. When it was weave, I had to deal with the same braids/tracks that Streetz' hatin' ass keeps bringing up. I kinda sorta just asked my mom to hack off my hair to get rid of the relaxed part, so that I could start over. Mind you, it takes decades for my hair to grow. It took a couple of days to get used to, but it's been a year now.

    The interesting thing I've noted is that, for the most part, I've received nothing but props from the male species. I've had several women, on the other hand, asking me when I'm going to do something with my hair. Today, an "aunt" at church said it would be nice to see me with something different. Apparently, I need to switch it up so that I can "bring that guy in". Mind you, the last guy I was involved with wasn't a fan of wigs and weaves and was happy when I showed up au naturel. Random guys stop to give me compliments. At least one guy has told me that he doesn't generally find short hair attractive, but that he likes the way it looks on me. It really makes me wonder about women and the things they/we do, thinking that it's what men want.

    In any case, I've decided to protect my hair for the Winter and get some weave action in. I'm going to miss being able to run my hands through my hair. Like, really, really going to miss it. Did I ever mention that I'm kinda obsessed with healthily fascinated by hair?

  56. I just got the repost via Twitter about this… I had a long love affair with hair. My grandmother was a beautician and she did my hair for as long as I can remember and she would never let me rock the Sol Glo!! I wanted it so bad I wanted curly hair she was not having it.

    So I got the creamy crack and cried every time they put it in. She would have a fit if I cut my hair she and my father were hung up on hair…. One year in the 90s I met this guy who could cut hair. For a fashion show I whacked all of my hair off and I loved it! People would stop me on the street and ask about my cut… then I grew tired of it and I lost my hair cutter. So I started growing it out …. I tried going natural when I was living in Miami…no bueno went back to the creamy crack.

    So since then I have been rocking it long and relaxed love putting it in a bun or ponytail and keep it moving! Creamy Crack was my jawn! But I could never wear it curly without putting in super small rollers or rocking out hundreds of straws…. But as I got older I really wanted to go natural rock me some afro puffs like Lady of Rage….but alas my hair doesn't do that *shrugs* so after two failed attempts in the early 90s to go au naturel. I gave up but in 2008, I stopped relaxing my hair. My hair is super thick and does what it pleases and often I couldn't get it bone straight at the root anyway.

    So today I am completely au naturel no creamy crack and people love it when I wear it curly they say they like it better guys react when I wear it that way too…which is weird. I wear it curly and straight. It doesn't matter if I sweat or humidity, my hair gets big!

    I can feel hatin' bitches looking at me trying to figure out if it is a weave… bitches used to pull my hair growing up I still hate those bitches! O___O

    It is more work to wear it curly because my hair has different kinds of textures and different kinds of curly but somehow I make it work. When I wear it straight people swear that I went back to creamy crack…but no it is amazing what a good roller set and flat iron can do, touch up the roots with a blow dryer we good money!

    I love natural hair. I love dreads (when done right). I hate when people try to wear their hair beyond what it was meant to be or do. Some folk wear the wrong weave/wig or rock lace fronts knowing full well they are not an actor in an off Broadway play or theater production of "The Heights". Or when they wear hair that doesn't match their head, face or complexion…that shit urks the hell outta me! Grrrrr….and them be the ones that end up on Twitter with a caption that reads "you are fooling no one".

    I love those clip ins and I wonder why women don't wear those. They don't damage your hair, there is no glue or sewing, you just clip in and voila you have hair. When you are done just un-clip and you good money!

    So for right now I am loving my natural state I switch according to mood and weather and also I have never cared about sweating out my hair that is not going to stop me from <del>having sex</del> working out!

    Let ‘s have a moratorium on weaves, lace fronts and wigs…ladies let your real hair out to breathe!

  57. So, I'm way behind the curve on this one but… this article is new to me so bare with me 🙂

    I've worn my hair as it grows out of my head for nearly my whole life and although I am of mixed heritages my skin is brown and my hair is woolen, and I am okay with that.

    I know all sorts of people that are fixated with black hair of all forms but most times they either want to touch it in a sort of uncomfortable way or they frown upon it and turn away. But whatever their reaction one thing is sure, they make a judgement instantly based on it. But here's a newsflash, that's just how people have become. In a nation that promotes narcism and social elitism the most visible way to determine someone's perception of self is how they present themselves: the articles of clothes they wear, the accessories they tote and, uber more than anything else, how they wear their hair.

    It's not only black women that suffer from the judgement of hair scrutiny. If you place two women of any race next to one another and one has long, flowy, tamed, mained, trimmed, colored, bouncy hair next to a woman with a short, stringy, and unmanaged hair, unfortunately most of the world will gravitate towards the former and take a second/third look. Now, I know that the world of black women are going through an emotional experience right now with the advent and popularity of embracing the natural self and I applaud everyone and their efforts, but please understand that it's the beginning of a stage for something that was unthinkable before. Thirty years ago black hair would never be uplifted in the public eye for wearing their hair naturally as it grows from their scalp, and I only mention the public eye not because of it's actual relevance on one's life but because it is the same medium that inflicts the societal pressures that we as a community adopt. So natural black hair has gone from a hush, hush, 'we'll just put a wig on her or put a relaxer in it,' to being featured in magazines, on television and in public arenas being worn my people that are iconized. Again, I am not validating the social pressures but instead I am acknowledging that it is a huge factor in why black women have never been allowed to accept the beauty of their natural hair for many years.

    The phenomenon of natural hair began to spread via digital mediums just five years ago and even though there are thousands of black women that have experimented with it and have found themselves 'freed' and 'liberated,' there are still many, countless women that have only ever thought of being natural within the past couple of years and just don't know how to do it yet. So therefore just like anything else it's going to be a tough transition. You don't refuse to workout for your entire life and then all of a sudden you hit the gym every single day for one week and expect to have a brilliant body, men and women both know that's not how it works, it takes time to figure out what works for you and sometimes more importantly what doesn't work for you.

    I find that black men have been very critical of women who have chosen to wear their hair naturally and part of me feels that hey, it's a choice; some men like long hair and some men prefer short hair. Some women like men with super senses of humor while some women like men with more ambition, does that mean that a woman should downplay and discourage a man and say that she doesn't approve of his style because he's not as much of a go getter as another man. Or is it okay for a woman to put a man down because he wears Rockawear and not Gucci loafers. No, it's not because that's his style. If you don't like something on/about a person that's fine, everyone has the right to their likes/dislikes, but never is it okay to put someone down for what they've chosen to do with themselves.

    I'm actually incredibly surprised that some black men have been sort of cold shoulder with Black women about it because for a long, long (pretty long) time, black men had trouble being respected by the general society because of how they chose to dress, which is equally just as much of a choice as how black women choose to wear their hair. So to me Black men should, if anything, understand the scrutiny that comes from other people when they choose to do something that makes them feel good about themselves. Very disappointing because even when the world didn't respect Black men, Black women still loved them. (cont)
    My recent post Lily-Mae

  58. In ten years, possibly even in another five years I don't think there will be such a large sensation about being natural; women will learn more, understand more, and be much more knowledgeable about their natural being. Black hair is not a science, it's just something that hasn't been very popular and so therefore there are just a lot of people who don't know what to do with it. Other races only have the advantage when it comes to hair because they haven't radically changed their hair practices for centuries, Asian's hair has been the same and has been treated the same, Indians have discovered new ways of washing and cleaning their hair but it's nearly the same process, White demographics have practiced the same shampoo-and-condition method for decades, things haven't changed for them and that's why they, number 1 know how to manage their hair, and number 2 have accepted that the hair that grows out of their head is and forever will be their hair. Black hair is the only hair that I'm familiar with that has been forced and conformed into what every other hair type looks like, but you know what they say about things that are uncommon from the majority of everything else… Those things are called rare. They're coined as special. They are protected and preserved. They are petitioned for and allocated budgets for so that they can continue to flourish in their natural state. So now considering that natural Black hair is the only hair that seems to be far, far different from the majority of every other type of hair I would dare to say that it's rare and is worthy of being treated as such.

    It's easy for people to say 'you're hair is nothing to be ashamed of,' and it's true but the hair itself is not where the shame stems from, the shame rises from the general ignorance of how to manage natural hair to compliment one's self. There are tons of women in the world who don't know what to do with their natural hair, White, Asian, Indian the same, so what to they do, they seek the consultation of a professional hairstylist who gives them direction. This is an obstacle for the Black community because there is a surplus in every sort of professional hairstyling except actual natural hair care, and not just styling but attention on hair Care; there's a blanket ignorance of where to start. So when women start at home with the knowledge that they've gotten their hands on, yes everyone, it's not going to be perfect the first time around. And chances are it won't be perfect for a little while after also. When girls start perming their hair in elementary school it usually isn't until 10 years later in high school that they discovered a style that they feel truly comfortable with, and that's with a surplus of resources. On this growing phase of hair discovery the Black community does not suffer alone, in every culture it takes experimentation for people to find peace with their natural selves. It's just now a sensation for Black women everywhere because it's so new for the community. Now that natural hair is more than a 'black panther' symbol it takes confidence and practice to be able to say 'i am comfortable with the idea of my natural self not because I'm following a trend or because I'm going through a phase, but because I actually appreciate the way that I can be naturally.' And I'm all for that.

    I support every natural woman that I see, whether she's figured it out yet or not. Nothing and no one is figured out overnight, it's just that the process with this one is that this is a discovery that other people can actually see, but to heck with it. Keep going because one thing is for certain, nothing happens overnight.
    My recent post Lily-Mae

  59. So, I'm way behind the curve on this one but… this article is new to me so bare with me 🙂

    I've worn my hair as it grows out of my head for nearly my whole life and although I am of mixed heritages my skin is brown and my hair is woolen, and I am okay with that.

    I know all sorts of people that are fixated with Black hair of all forms but most times they either want to touch it in a sort of uncomfortable way or they frown upon it and turn away. But whatever their reaction one thing is sure, they make a judgement instantly based on it. But here's a newsflash, that's just how people have become. In a nation that promotes narcism and social elitism the most visible way to determine someone's perception of self is how they present themselves: the articles of clothes they wear, the accessories they tote and, uber more than anything else, how they wear their hair.

    It's not only Black women that suffer from the judgement of hair scrutiny. If you place two women of any race next to one another and one has long, flowy, tamed, mained, trimmed, colored, bouncy hair next to a woman with a short, stringy, and unmanaged hair, unfortunately most of the world will gravitate towards the former and take a second/third look. Now, I know that the world of Black women are going through an emotional experience right now with the advent and popularity of embracing the natural self and I applaud everyone and their efforts, but please understand that it's the beginning of a stage for something that was unthinkable before. Thirty years ago Black hair would never be uplifted in the public eye for wearing their hair naturally as it grows from their scalp, and I only mention the public eye not because of it's actual relevance on one's life but because it is the same medium that inflicts the societal pressures that we as a community adopt. So natural Black hair has gone from a hush, hush, 'we'll just put a wig on her or put a relaxer in it,' to being featured in magazines, on television and in public arenas being worn my people that are iconized. Again, I am not validating the social pressures but instead I am acknowledging that it is a huge factor in why Black women have never been allowed to accept the beauty of their natural hair for many years.

    The phenomenon of natural hair began to spread via digital mediums just five years ago and even though there are thousands of Black women that have experimented with it and have found themselves 'freed' and 'liberated,' there are still many, countless women that have only ever thought of being natural within the past couple of years and just don't know how to do it yet. So therefore just like anything else it's going to be a tough transition. You don't refuse to workout for your entire life and then all of a sudden you hit the gym every single day for one week and expect to have a brilliant body, men and women both know that's not how it works, it takes time to figure out what works for you and sometimes more importantly what doesn't work for you.

    I find that Black men have been very critical of women who have chosen to wear their hair naturally and part of me feels that hey, it's a choice; some men like long hair and some men prefer short hair. Some women like men with super senses of humor while some women like men with more ambition, does that mean that a woman should downplay and discourage a man and say that she doesn't approve of his style because he's not as much of a go getter as another man. Or is it okay for a woman to put a man down because he wears Rockawear and not Gucci loafers. No, it's not because that's his style. If you don't like something on/about a person that's fine, everyone has the right to their likes/dislikes, but never is it okay to put someone down for what they've chosen to do with themselves.

    I'm actually incredibly surprised that some Black men have been sort of cold shoulder with Black women about it because for a long, long (pretty long) time, Black men had trouble being respected by the general society because of how they chose to dress, which is equally just as much of a choice as how Black women choose to wear their hair. So to me Black men should, if anything, understand the scrutiny that comes from other people when they choose to do something that makes them feel good about themselves. Very disappointing because even when the world didn't respect Black men, Black women still loved them. (cont)
    My recent post Lily-Mae

  60. In ten years, possibly even in another five years I don't think there will be such a large sensation about being natural; women will learn more, understand more, and be much more knowledgeable about their natural being. Black hair is not a science, it's just something that hasn't been very popular and so therefore there are just a lot of people who don't know what to do with it. Other races only have the advantage when it comes to hair because they haven't radically changed their hair practices for centuries, Asian's hair has been the same and has been treated the same, Indians have discovered new ways of washing and cleaning their hair but it's nearly the same process, White demographics have practiced the same shampoo-and-condition method for decades, things haven't changed for them and that's why they, number 1 know how to manage their hair, and number 2 have accepted that the hair that grows out of their head is and forever will be their hair. Black hair is the only hair that I'm familiar with that has been forced and conformed into what every other hair type looks like, but you know what they say about things that are uncommon from the majority of everything else… Those things are called rare. They're coined as special. They are protected and preserved. They are petitioned for and allocated budgets for so that they can continue to flourish in their natural state. So now considering that natural Black hair is the only hair that seems to be far, far different from the majority of every other type of hair I would dare to say that it's rare and is worthy of being treated as such.

    It's easy for people to say 'you're hair is nothing to be ashamed of,' and it's true but the hair itself is not where the shame stems from, the shame rises from the general ignorance of how to manage natural hair to compliment one's self. There are tons of women in the world who don't know what to do with their natural hair, White, Asian, Indian the same, so what to they do, they seek the consultation of a professional hairstylist who gives them direction. This is an obstacle for the Black community because there is a surplus in every sort of professional hairstyling except actual natural hair care, and not just styling but attention on hair Care; there's a blanket ignorance of where to start. So when women start at home with the knowledge that they've gotten their hands on, yes everyone, it's not going to be perfect the first time around. And chances are it won't be perfect for a little while after also. When girls start perming their hair in elementary school it usually isn't until 10 years later in high school that they discovered a style that they feel truly comfortable with, and that's with a surplus of resources. On this growing phase of hair discovery the Black community does not suffer alone, in every culture it takes experimentation for people to find peace with their natural selves. It's just now a sensation for Black women everywhere because it's so new for the community. Now that natural hair is more than a 'Black panther' symbol it takes confidence and practice to be able to say 'i am comfortable with the idea of my natural self not because I'm following a trend or because I'm going through a phase, but because I actually appreciate the way that I can be naturally.' And I'm all for that.

    I support every natural woman that I see, whether she's figured it out yet or not. Nothing and no one is figured out overnight, it's just that the process with this one is that this is a discovery that other people can actually see, but to heck with it. Keep going because one thing is for certain, no self discovery is realized overnight.
    My recent post Lily-Mae

  61. Sorry for the multiple posts :/

    If you post the message please post the last two that came in, I didn't capitalize the word 'Black' in all of the first post, sometimes I forget that race is regarded as more than an adjective and grammatically that doesn't pass…

    Thanks!

    Great post.
    My recent post Lily-Mae

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