I ain't datin' you if you dated him.
I was chattin’ wit my boy Seattle about fictitious and hypothetical situations the other day. Our discussion was partially inspired by SBM’s post from Friday on dating someone that’s an active and regular blogger. Personally, I haven’t dated someone that writes for a popular website. Despite what I do on a weekly basis, it’s hard to put myself in the shoes of a person who’s dating someone that has a website with a sizable following and is the focus point of e-crushes for those that appreciate good writing and honest perspective.
Being that I have an active imagination, I took this hypothetical a step further. Number of sexual partners aside, I got to thinkin’ about uncommon events of a person’s past that would prohibit me from dating them. I’m not talkin’ about coming from a criminal background or havin’ caught an STD that was curable. I’m talkin’ about other things that would ultimately affect my macho and somewhat fragile ego. Yes, I said it. I am willing to admit that I have a fragile ego at times. I don’t run around boo-hooing about randomness, but there are certain things that make me feel some sort of way that I don’t really like.
From my perusing of blogs and websites, I’ve learned that people love to talk about s*x and celebrities. This got me to thinkin’ about what my life would be like if I dated a celebrity? Would I be able to handle it? Is it something that I could truly be a part of without letting my ego and insecurities get the best of me? After a very small amount of deliberation, I came to a solid conclusion. The answer is no. I couldn’t date someone who lived in the limelight previously or someone that is livin’ in the limelight now. Quite frankly, it’s just not the way that I roll.
In dating a celebrity, I’d hate to have to consider the fact that she’s slept with other celebs (Not cool) and that thousands of men are probably rubbin’ one out to her picture on a daily basis (Kinda cool and not cool at the same time). I’d hate to have to deal with the criticism that would come with being her boo and being a regular guy. I’d be analyzed like never before and I’d be put under a searing hot spotlight that I’m not really ready for now and probably won’t be ready for ever. Call me what you wanna call me, but I’m just speakin’ the honest truth. F*ck e-swag, because that doesn’t mean sh*t in the real world. Sometimes you gotta drop that persona and speak to the people (i.e. y’all).
As I’ve mentioned on my blog, I got friends that are in the hip hop industry. They aren’t main stream radio heavy hitters yet, but I know that the day will come where they’re stars. I see these women aggressively pursuing each of them and I give these chicks the side eye. Part of me is like “Do you really think my boy has time to do anything other than layeth down the pipe upon you? Do you honestly think he’s going to pursue a relationship with you given his world of options?” Yet and still, they aggressively try and I really don’t get it. These aren’t necessarily groupies. A lot of these chicks are in pursuit of a relationship. But as I’ve learned time and time again, many women (but certainly not all) operate differently than men. They can put a lot of things aside that I’d find downright outrageous. For example…
What if my girl used to eff Jay-Z? I’m not puttin’ that aside. I won’t have s*x with a woman who used to take strokes from a camel (Sorry folks. You know it’s an accurate description). What if my girl used to date T-Pain back in the day? Now I gotta think about him on top of her delivering missionary pumps in auto-tune. That sh*t just isn’t cool to me. I don’t care how much potential our relationship has, I’m just not willing to put myself out there with a celebrity or someone that used to date one. I just want a regular life and a woman with a regular past—whatever that may be.
So for today’s discussion, I have a few questions. Would you date a celebrity? Would you date someone that used to date a celebrity? Are there any particular celebrities that you just wouldn’t tolerate if your significant other disclosed that they used to mess with them? Is a man that dated a celebrity more appealing to a woman than the opposite? Other thoughts?
I’d take the average nobody any day,
P.S. Add @slimjackson on Twitter!
i would def date a celebrity. it just depends on what celebrity it is. i wouldn't date someone like gabrielle union (although i have had my fantasies plus she's been linked to one too many celebrities herself). would i date say yaya decosta? hell yea. she just seems a little bit more lowkey.
would i date a woman who used to date a celebrity? prob not knowingly. it seems like a double standard but hey it is what it is.i def couldn't date a woman who used to date a professional athlete. also certain rappers like say bun b, plies or ghostface. any rapper who has any type of raunchy lyrics. I couldn't help but think that his lyrics were about her.
Nah definitely wont date a celebrity nor a wanna be. I dont see anything wrong with it, but i do not like attention. But syaing that- i can't promise my mother i wont embarass her if i ever came across Pharell or Usher. hehehehe!!
Now, will i date someone who used to date a celebrity? It depends on what list the celebrity is on and what country the celebrity is from. the higher in the list- the lower the chances i'll date the person. Cos as a woman- I dont need a guy thinking he cld definitely do better. Now if dude once dated someone like New York or Shy (from Flava)- then HELL TO THE NO!!! I'm not even gonna chat with the guy. lol
Fuck that. I like my life low key.
LMAO @ the change of locale.
No change my friend, I'm still running the East Coast. I guess Big Homie decided to expand.
I wouldn't date a celebrity out of precaution that I'd have to "fight every night to prove my love."
I'm not sure if I'd date someone who used to date a celebrity… I'm sure he'd compare the two of us, but that could be either good or bad.. he could be happy with my easy life or he could be unhappy with no big Hollywood parties.
If my S.O. used to mess with Trina, Lil' Kim (can we say pretty much ANY female rapper or video vixen), he's out.
I'm guessing that would include Karrine Steffans as well? lol.
OH GOD NO.
He can't have dated a rapper or video vixen … those aren't even the same category. Sure Trina and Lil Kim, but your gonna pass over someone who dated MC Lyte?
Right.. that's not the same thing… but the nasty rappers… like Nikki Minaj.
I don't know if I'd date a celeb. I'm not sure if I'd be able to take them seriously. I would probably be thinking he's going thru the motions to get the booty.
I wouldn't date a guy that dated Superhead! Eeeewwwww
Hunh. Seems kinda retarded. I mean, any chick you date is going to be someone's former dick towel. What difference does it make if that person was a celebrity or if it was Larry from South Dakota Avenue. I could see if she was a straight up groupie or if she was like the Harlem Heights chick who dated Kanye and somehow managed to fil three episodes talking about it. But besides that, that's just insecurity showing.
I don't think it's retarded at all. I think we all expect that any chicks we date have been thrown around by someone or other in a fit of ecstasy. My point is that I know myself…ego, insecurities, and whatever else. And from my discussions with other dudes, there are a lot of people who feel this way. I'm just providing a perspective. If it's insecurity showing then it's insecurity showing. If that type of stuff doesn't bother you, then power to you.
I actually dated someone that used to date professional atheletes. It really didn't bother me because it rarely came up and I'm not a big sports fan, but I made the mistake of telling a friend. He saw it fit to keep me updated of his weekly performance and trading rumors as a result, and that was annoying.
let's just say, that i date a "celebrity" & let's just say– it's surprisingly normal, lol. i dont think it's that relationships with celebrities are different, it's just that the normal problems come on a larger scale. for example, if i were inclined to be an insecure person at all (which, im not), then yes.. insecurity might play a larger role with him than another guy. if he was inclined to be a slut, he would have more chances to do so. it's harder to spend time, but not all the time– and i'm not really interested in merging my life with a significant other, anyway.
sidenote– somebody being a 'nobody' DEFINITELY does not guarantee the number of sexual partners they've had, because let's be honest.. does a woman even have to be anything other than a little attractive to have the opportunity to have sex every day? lol. i know plenty of girls that have had sex with more guys than my celebrity and many others, and they're "nobodies".
the hardest thing to me about it is keeping it under the radar. it's a choice you make– do you want to be part of the public image, or do you not? there may come a time when you don't have a choice (for example, when/if you get married) but i seriously suggest you stay as much out of sight as possible. it's been my experience in life that the number of people who know is directly proportionate to the number of people who try to fuck it up. lol.
just my 2 cents. all hypothetical of course 😉
p.s. wanted to add that i feel you on this tho, because a lot of men feel the way you do. i've met guys who, in learning who i've dated, decided i wasn't a viable option off that fact alone, lmao. guys say things like "oh you're used to that lifestyle, you couldn't go back now" they're ppl with their problems too. i wouldn't be expecting the next guy to spend like a celebrity, or get a whole restaurant cleared out for us, or fly me around the world… those aren't reasons that i date anybody, including the "celebrity", to begin with. if you make me laugh and i can trust you, anything else is pretty much secondary.
Appreciate the in-depth perspective on this. You mentioned nobodies gettin around and rackin up the numbers. I think my concern for the purpose of this post is less about the numbers and more about the specific individuals I have knowledge of. I'd be more content knowing that she slept with 12 dudes than 3 dudes and one of them happened to be T-Pain or Plies.
lol. well statistically-speaking, you'd be better off with the 3-person chick. that's just the numbers tho. statistically, take the 3-man woman, egotistically– who knows.
I have been courted by a celebrity or two– nothing to write a book about, just innocent romance and in every instance, it happened by chance. My first date ever was with a celebrity, lol, and I just met him in a performance we did together. I work in the 'industry' (loosely) and I come into contact with men who are in the industry. It's really no different than dating regular men, only they have a lot less time and frequently, a lot more baggage. Depending on where they are in their career, or where you are in yours, being serious could be VERY difficult. Nonetheless, I don't think it's really something that needs to be disclosed to a current interest. It's just not that serious. Not every romantic interest of a celebrity is a gold-digger, a ho, or a super-head. LOL. Not all men in the industry are out for bodies– though many probably are. If a man finds out that a girl used date a celebrity he has to take into account who she is. If she's clearly thirsty for 'the life' then, maybe he could question her. But if she's ambitious, or possibly in the industry herself, then he just has to consider that those are the type of men she's around. Celebrities recognize a fly woman when they see one too. 🙂
The only reason I would have trepidation dating someone who dated a celebrity is her expectations might be too high. I don't care if Puffy took you to St. Tropez every other week, I'm not. As Granddad said on the Boondocks, "I ain't Jay-Z ! I ain't balling like a rock star!"
As far as dating a celebrity, it depends on how you define it. If you were given a ridiculous nickname by Flavor Flav or if you were on any reality show, you're not a celebrity and no, I would not date you because the fact that you would clown yourself on a show to supposedly vie for someone affections shows me your understanding of how relationships work. I could see myself dating a B- or C-level celebrity like Free or Karyn Parsons. I can't see myself dating an A-level celebrity like Halle though. I can't have my life in every issue of Us and People magazine.
"The only reason I would have trepidation dating someone who dated a celebrity is her expectations might be too high. I don’t care if Puffy took you to St. Tropez every other week, I’m not."
This is interesting too. The idea of the expectations that would come with someone that was used to living "the good life". I'm not sure how I feel about that part. I know a lot of women (again, not all) that just run amongst the elite without actually officially dating any of them and they have these OD standards and expectations. Then again, a woman like that just isn't my type.
I can't say that I wouldn't date a dude who dated a celeb but I, like Slim, would probably think about myself as compared to her from time to time depending on who she was. But at the end of the day, if he's with me now, there's no real reason to stress over that. I do see why a man would though…yall think about the thronxing aspect of it.
Yea, this is insecure as shit. But its pretty secure that you put on blast your own insecurities.
I would date some celebrities but only the ones so bad that its worth the trouble. By the trouble, i mean not being able to go out on a date and all that jazz. In terms of thinking about some other nigga hitting, y u thinking about other niggas hitting anything in general? doesnt sit right with me
Everyone has weaknesses. One of mine is that I have a very active imagination. It's got nothing to do with gay thoughts or any other parfait type ish. I'm just comfortable enough to say what a lot of dudes think but would never say because they tryna save face. Appreciate the comment though.
I can't really cosign bredren, I have dated chicks who dated celebrities before. Nothing to be worried about there as long as she's mature about hers and keeping it 100. If you're taking care of home then you have nothing to worry about. In terms of dating celebrities, I could do that as well, I have no problem playing backseat because I always know that there's some haters and there's some chicas wondering "who's that guy?"
"Nothing to be worried about there as long as she’s mature about hers and keeping it 100."
And that's the rub. Some aren't mature about theirs.
Like I said man, I would have trouble dating a celeb. The mention of a girl I'm interested in seeing T Pain is hilarious, and may sway me one way or another, but the bigger thing for me is the attention. I don't like a lot of eyes on my relationships. Friends are one thing, random voyeurs are another. I don't even like my relationship talked about via Twitter and Facebook. Yeah, yeah, I have a blog that's based in relationships and sex, but dammit, I keep the topics away from home base too.
Point blank, I don't want to be Turtle from Entourage nor do I want to end up on YBF or Bossip. No shots.
I don't really see the big deal. When anything happens to a celeb (e.g., they get in trouble, cheating, death, etc.), people are quick to say "Celebs are regular people, too . . . like any other person" and then question why whatever the event is being heavily broadcasted and blown out of proportion. I feel the same way about this. If my boo used to date a celeb, it would have the same effect on me as his having dated the fly a$$, popular chick from college. I.Don't.Care.
Would I date a celeb? They're regular people, too. If I like and am attracted to them, why wouldn't I? I'm not one of those star-struck people, so I definitely wouldn't date one just for the sake of it. I've met my share of celebs and have enjoyed them as the people they really are. One dude (in the gospel industry) was tryna talk to me, but I wasn't feeling him like that, so we kept it cordial. He's a celebrity, yea, but he's still just another man….
Side note… It could be to a man's advantage to date a woman post-celebrity relationship. Those relationships tend to be bitter sweet if not tumultuous. She'd have greater appreciation for your character assets even if your financial assets don't compare to her exes. Seriously.
That's an interesting point about the character assets. Had not previously considered that as an advantage. Then again, it all depends on the type of woman.
"What if my girl used to date T-Pain back in the day? Now I gotta think about him on top of her delivering missionary pumps in auto-tune. That sh*t just isn’t cool to me."
That had me cryin. lol
As far as celebs go, I mean I've dealt with them before, and I think it's a difference between messing with them and being out in the open (like Turtle and Jamie Lynn). You would have to expect a certain increase in attention and have to worry about being on point, to some that would be an issue to others its status quo.
I agree with the assessment by Slim. I think it depends on who the celeb is. Morris Chestnut? Idris Elbe? Aight its whatever I can respect that. Titty Boi (from duffle bag boys)? Negativo!!
Another interesting twist is that for anyone who played a sport in college or was in a frat, the same was said about us. lol. Wat do you think about that?
I had a rule in college never to date a frat who crossed within one year lol….
Perfect real life comparison to dating someone like a celeb. Given the instant attention and frat groupies who wants to deal with that? Hilarious….
I wouldn't have a problem dating someone famous but I'm not about to jump through any hoops. Plus it would be more like an ego boost but I would hate to have mediatakeout catch me looking crazy and embarrass the hell out of me on a blog talking bout "who is this broke lookin chick walking with Common uh uh" LOL….
I actually let my "like interest" go after he crossed, even though we knew and liked each other waaay prior. I wouldn't say I was insecure, but more so realistic and understanding. He did his thing and I did mine. I say no to frat guys and athletes.
We're still friends and still have feelings for each other, but now he's got a whole other set of baggage.
I say no to frat guys and athletes and most likely would say no to a celebrity.
I actually had a paparazzi experience during my trip overseas…it gets highly annoying to be treated like a zoo animal or circus act. I just wanna be successful, but definitely not famous.
So wait…U say no to someone who is in a community-service organization and plays sports? OOOOOk. I would say you should call it what it is- insecure. If someone really likes you, they will make adjustments to their lifestyle to make you feel comfortable. Why would you just "write-off" a person because they have "instant attention and groupies" ….without even giving them a chance? Did you ever consider that they wouln't prefer someone who was out of the spotlight?
"I had a rule in college never to date a frat who crossed within one year lol….
Perfect real life comparison to dating someone like a celeb"
I swear I want to do a blog on this…lmao I PROMISE YOU you made the right assumption. Neos fresh off the sands are like Atilla the Hun an em..lmao
I'm gonna co-sign this cause..but I would say its not only "frats"…lets not forget about the sororites…I most definitely had my share of groupies after I crossed…especially after being on that ummm..membership intake (*cough*) diet.
You bring an excellent twist to the table Sir Streetz. I forgot I used to be "one of those". In college, I was Greek and an Athlete. Things were so easy then.lol. No wonder anybody I considering a relationship with was weary of me. At the time I didn't get it, but it makes sense now.
sports or frat guys?? why did you have to bring that into the discussion? lol noone likes it when its them. lol.
LOLOL u know i had to go there!
Honestly depending on who you are, being on a team or in a frat is similar to being a celeb. Its a microcosm actually. Its worse when you factor in 21st century technology. Honestly, women should gauge their celebrity factor by the frat factor. If you couldnt date the most popular frat dude due to his spotlight, rumors, groupies, clout, etc etc than you definitely can't be with someone more high profile.
My sister dated a former player of the Cincinnati Bengals (football) and her husband still hasn't gotten over it. Everytime they argue, the topic comes up. I wish he would stop bringing it up. My sister did dump the guy. She wasn't a big fan of the lifestyle he was living and his baby mama was… psycho.
I'm 50/50 on dating an celebrity. It has it's pro's and con's like everything else. I'd rather date someone in the limelight or someone who is just starting out. I wouldn't feel at home in a ginormous house, riding in expensive cars or eating at gourmet restaurants. It's something you have to grow into. I'm the kind of girl that needs love and attention. If your gone 80% of the time, I'd be miserable.
Great point mentioned that I want to highlight- dating a celeb. has many similarities to dating the popular guy in college::Cough Cornell::
The public eye, groupies, gossip, insecurities of suspected cheating..the list goes on. I have experience on both fronts. At the end of the day, you have to decide if what you have with that person is REAL and worth the challenges. In my experience, it was/is.
I feel Slim's POV. I wouldn't want ppl tryin to read the tea leaves in my celeb relationship.
Celebs are attractive but there aren't many I would want to date.
Gettin at someone in a post-celeb relationship? Prolly not. Especially if I don't ask and it comes up they were involved with a celeb.
I was thinking about my own possible answer while reading your post and was about to say "*shrug*" as my answer until I read this:
"As I’ve mentioned on my blog, I got friends that are in the hip hop industry. They aren’t main stream radio heavy hitters yet, but I know that the day will come where they’re stars."
Oh, well, I'm already getting practice by e-dating an inevitable celeb, CheeKZ. It's all gravy so far. I might even get e-famous when we make our e-chextape. Which will only lead me to a reality show on a second-rate cable network. *fist pump*
In all seriousness, it depends on the celebrity. And, I also think they would have to be really worth it (in all ways). I'd even argue that I'd hold them to a higher standard because of the stuff I'd have to likely deal with.
How do you hold them to a higher standard once you're in a relationship with them? Or do you mean beforehand? You gotta make all sorts of concessions before you even start dating them.
Well I guess I meant the process in between casually dating and in an actual committed relationship. Before I cross that threshold, I'd probably let some mess go with a regular dude and not so much with a celeb because of the other ish I have to deal with. Like I said, they gotta be worth it.
Would I date a celebrity? Probably not on purpose. I was always the girl who kept her business at home so actively dating and pursuing a celeb would be out of character for me. I never wanted "that guy."
Would I date someone who used to date a celeb? Off the jump (if the relationship just, just ended), I dunno. Otherwise I don't see why not.
@ SBM:
"I'm not that big of a sports fan"
Bruh, don't get your Man Status put under review now..
I'm not sure why there is no reply button…
@ PinknGreen
Judging from the path he chose to take as well as his current situation I know I made the right decision; which had nothing to do with insecurity. I'm not saying frat guys after college, but during and especially the neo phase is a no no for me…streetalkz is correct.
Had a bad experience w/ a chick that used to date a dude that was on his way to the league. I think he actually made San Diego's roster but then hurt his knee or something. But I just can't be caught up with anyone that has aspirations of living a celebrity lifestyle or has an expectation of living like a real housewife of atl. And it may be a bit narrow minded of me, but if you dated a celeb or two, there's no way you can expect me to believe that you don't thirst after that. I'm a beer and blunts kinda dude, I don't got time for all the extra sh*t. And to be truthful, it's also an ego thing having to think about your current boo being wined, dined then putting the spit shine to someone that's famous.
Yo….S-Beamer….you got the number to SwaggerJackers? Might have to give them a ring…
I find that the problem is then men. (read: you) I've dated the spectrum, from regular joe's to "celebrities", and while there are different circumstances and different dating experiences, I'm dating the person for the individual he is. And because I'm ok with that, I feel like other people should be too. But they're not. When men know that you've dated a celebrity, they're the ones who make it a big deal…they make it say something about you and it really doesn't. Someone's ability to rap, catch a football, or act his ass off is not what makes him a good person, but it's also not what makes him a bad person either. Celebrities are regular people that happen to be good at something society thinks is cool. I don't think that's a reason not to date somebody. Another guy's problem with who I've dated is nothing more than their insecurities and if there is one thing I find highly unattractive, it's insecure men.
Not all women are Superhead and not all celebrities are the guys who want to be with Superhead. I hope.
Brianna: “I find that the problem is then men. (read: you) I’ve dated the spectrum, from regular joe’s to “celebrities”, and while there are different circumstances and different dating experiences, I’m dating the person for the individual he is.”
Do you see the problem with this statement? You may be mature enough to handle this situation, but you aren’t every woman who has dated athletes and entertainers. It’s not just a problem with men’s insecurities (although it could be in some cases), it’s also an issue with some women who don’t want to “date down” once she’s experienced dating a celebrity. If she’s accustom to the fame, the attention, the money or the lifestyle, she may project this expectation on the average joe that she is with. This inevitably leads to problems in the relationship, and the inevitable “step yo game up!” argument.
Some women love the man and can go back to dating the average guy. Some women fall in love with the lifestyle. As Mr. Carter said, "When you're used to filet mignon, it's kinda hard to go back to Hamburger Helper."
@Brianna
Appreciate the comment and perspective!
As for this post, I was just providing a perspective. I acknowledged that insecurities and male ego are at play. That in and of itself is not something that a lot of men would do. One thing I made sure I didn't do was call any women names for dating celebrities. I referenced my friends and the experiences I've seen them have with women, but that's about the extent of it. I also believe that everybody is entitled to have their preferences, regardless of how trivial others may think those preferences are cuz ultimately it only affects them in the end.
@SBM or @Slim: Would you date a girl who's dated a pro athlete? Not the Mick Vick or LeBron James type, but a less known person who wouldn't be "famous" by most people's standards……? Or would that be a dealbreaker that a girl should keep to herself?
I don't think a lot of stuff like that needs to be disclosed unless the person really wants to know. Unless it was your most recent ex, I don't see why you'd be telling your current guy about how you used to date an NBA or NFL player. That's just me of course though…
i would date Treysongz
I agree with Slim. Turnabout is fair play. How many sisters would judge a guy for how many previous sexual partners they have? Or babies?
Our histories are just that, histories, and people care about them. This is all the more reason why people (guys and women) should be careful about the choices they have made. IF you make terrible decisions in who you hook up with or try to have relationships with, that's a reflection of you and who you are as a person–and hence is fair game.
If it's ok to judge men by who they date (or who they don't) it's just as acceptable for the shoe to be on the other foot.
Thank you for this comment and for understanding.lol.
My good friend has dated a few high end celebrities and every regular guy she meets cannot handle it. Between that and her former life as a model it's really hard for her.
That's why i shared this perspective, because I know a lot of men out there who think that way but just won't admit it. A lot of men can't handle it and I don't necessarily think it's a problem. It's just the way they are. I'd be curious to know if your friend feels like she can only date celebrities or high end dudes because the regular ones keep running away when they find out more about her.
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