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The 5 Worst First Dates


It’s Friday.  I know your counting down the seconds until you get to leave your job, salivating at the thought of hitting up the Friday Happy Hour spot.

Or better yet … you have a date.  The guy that came at you last week with the good breath and that suit looking right … actually called and set something up. Or … that cute little thing that actually gave you the right number picked up when you called, granting you the “honor” or designing and executing a unique and memorable experience … known as the First Date.

First Date’s have lost a lot of their sexiness in these progressive times.  Often they are dismissed with enough phone calls and good pipe.  Oddly enough, I feel a first date is key to any strong relationship.  It is a gesture by a man showing interest in a woman … and one that has the official SBM stamp of approval (a hard stamp to earn).

But First Dates can go wrong … horribly horribly wrong …

So … I present

SBM’s List of Worst First Dates

A Wedding

If you take a person to a wedding for the first date … do you plan to get a tattoo that says “Marry Me!” on your forehead the day after?  This has to be the definition of “thirsty” for marriage.  While this would make a great scene in a romantic comedy, I wouldn’t wish this on any man or woman. And don’t let her catch the bouquet.  “You know that this means … right?!”

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The Movies

This one might not seem as obvious … but I think movies make horrible first dates.  You can’t talk, and there is always this awkwardness of whether or not he should put an arm around her, grab a knee, or go hard and push for that handjob in the dark some other sign of affection to this “stranger”.  This is a first date … talking is key … something you can’t do in the theater, unless its the hood one.  Trust … avoid this one.

Swinger’s Club

No better way to get ot know someone for the first time than smashing a stranger right next to em … right?

Expensive Dinner

Now I know there are going to be a slew of females to fight this one.  I know there is going to be an entire simp army that will beat me to the ground … but I’m not scared of any simp.  I honestly think overly expensive dinners that are just aim to impress and show no thought on the guy’s part are horrible first dates.  It has the potential to turn a good girl into a gold digger (hmmm … I’ve never run up the bill on a person before … what better place to try it with these $80 entrees).  It all just feels so … so … fake.  Love it or hate it … slum first date!

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Dinner at Mom’s House

“Hey mom … I want you to meet Valerie.  I met her last week and just wanted to see what you though of her.”  I understand there was an age when this would make sense, and I understand some families are just super traditional … but let’s be real.  If a guy or girl takes you to meet the folks on the first date … run.

Feel me?  Got some to add to the list?  It’s Friday … let’s have some fun with it!

– SBM aka “The Perfect First Date” aka I left the strip club off on purpose … great first date!

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  1. Going to a work function is also a bad first date. I once had a guy take me to his office dinner for our first date. It made me think he was trying to show off his great job to my unemployed self!

    The night sucked and I stopped picking his calls. To add to it, he had slept with a few staff

  2. Going to a club for your first date sucks. All that really loud music, shoving around for drinks, no thank you. Plus like the theater, there barely is any conversation.

    1. And a house party. No lie…in college dude took me to Wendy's and then a house party. I was pissed off and stayed in the living room on my phone. I later had to look for him because he was my ride. I opened the door to the bedroom and i saw my date taking his finger and running it up and down this girl's @$$ crack while she on top of another dude. I ended up calling a friend to come pick me up…

      1. LMAO!

        That is a great dare I say legendary story Blue.

        How bold… to get down with a triz while on a date. I can't lie, that dude is my hero.

        I don't know about touching on a booty during cowgirl.. you reach for crescent and you will end up with a fist full of nutz.

        General triz riule is keep to the other half of the female's body in question. But accident's happen.

        1. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd i think i just threw up a little. But yea…i was in shock. And then he had the nerve to tell his homeboy that it was rude that i left without saying bye…

        2. "And then he had the nerve to tell his homeboy that it was rude that i left without saying bye…"

          LAUGHING MY ASS OFFFFFFF!!!!!! I can't! Seriously…. WHERETHEYDOTHATAT?!?!??

  3. Church! I might stick for saying this but as much as its great to know that the guy is down with Jesus but taking me his church on the first date is a no-no for me. And after service,you meet these church folks who think you're the girlfriend and will be getting married soon!

    Strip Club – I dont care they serve dinner there..I don't want dinner and boobs in my face whilst 'getting to know you'..what u think?I just might strip later? Hell to the naw!!

    1. As I said before … Strip club is a great place.

      I can't speak for all places … but a lot of them have great service, not so loud music, and tables to sit and chill at. Nothing tells you more about a person by how they make it rain.

      1. CO-Sign.

        Never done it. But I have heard great results coming from the strip club date. Shows that you both have a sense of humor and are easy going.

        Strip clubs aren't as dirty as they use to be. People have come to appreciate the art of P Popping on a hand stand.

  4. See I thought I was the only one who had been taken to a swingers club for a first date…I wont lie, I fell for the "banana in the tailpipe" because I should have paid more attention to the red flag: a middle-aged white couple in wranglers and cat sweatshirts leaving hand and hand.

  5. With friends!!! If he or she takes you double dating for your first date, that's a problem. I'm dating YOU not you and your friends. Then you're trying to impress everyone and fail miserably? No thanks. Check please…

  6. Co-sign the expensive dinner

    I was talking to my simp homie about his ideal first date this is what he said verbatem

    "well i would pull up in a limo with a dozen roses then drive her to the" i had to stop him right there and let him know he is setting himself up for a life time of being used and its not even the womans fault its all ur fault.

  7. yeah. these first dates suck. all of them especially the wedding.

    i think that a good first date should be inexpensive and allow for you to have great conversation. it should also be simple. one of the best first dates i've been on was brunch at cracker barrel then afterwards we went to a museum/botanical garden. it was really, really nice.

  8. Great list!! These are all horrible first dates.

    family events–this includes, but not limited to, BBQs, cousin's wedding, other cousin's wake/funeral, Big Mama's Sunday Dinner, birthday parties, etc. I don't want to meet your family on a first date.

  9. This is why you all should try Pre-Dating. Yep…instead of going on an actual date, you simply meet for drinks or a brief meet up, (no dress codes, no high expectations, no hopes of getting laid, just meet). Doesn't have to last all nite and you each pay for whatever you order. It takes the edge and pressure off of a "first date." You take that brief encounter to decide if there is any immediate chemistry. Now I know some people are on the ole "but Cap'n, you can't get to know a person from such a little time." My answer is sure ya can. It usually only takes me about 10 minutes to figure out if I would want to see that person again. Try it.

    My worse first date destination: MOVIES
    I know some people like this teenage default but it's the worse place to waste and hour and 20 minutes not speaking to anyone.

  10. I had a guy take me to the gun range on a first date. I thought it was a great first date and something different. All of my friends, both male and female, thought it wasn't such a good idea because i barely knew the dude, and that seemed kind of extreme to them for our 1st date. I guess in a way it was foreshadowing bc dude turned out to be crazy as hell–abusive and controlling.

  11. Hmmm…I think drinks is a good one.

    Umm…I went to the Gardens with current boo…that was unique…

    I say go for uniqueness.

  12. yeah these suck. I really good first date I went on was barnes and noble. we walked and talked about books, magazines, then sat and had coffee. it was cool. museums, parks, anything where you get to look at nature and its quiet to talk is nice too. and usually really inexpensive. if you're get hungry after that and are enjoying each other's company then a meal of course is fine–but I wouldnt' expect it to break the bank…

  13. Last week I met this guy, and the following morning, he called me to ask me to come watch him play (flag) football. Now, why on earth would I want to do that??? Is this a date? No, it is not. Is it not nearly 100 degrees outside in Houston? Yes it is. So why would I want to watch him run around, and sweat, and enjoy his hobby while I sit in the grass somewhere by myself trying to stay cool and fend off insects? That is something you do for a man you like/love/support. I do not know this fool.

    Needless to say, I declined. The following week, he called me to see if I wanted to ride for 2 hours (4 hours roundtrip) with him to watch his (8 year old) nephews play football. Decline+call block.

  14. Worst date picking me up on your motorcycle…..um, dude, for real..? Your bike is cute and urrythang but I don't know you THAT well or how you handle that bike. I drove behind him back to his house and drove to where we were supposed to go…smh

    1. haha…Smart move girl…U know how guys get all cocky when they try to impress a girl..he could have attempted to "Pop a Wheely" with you on that ish…And nobody is tryna pay that ER $2000 deductible right now…lol

  15. This guy took me to his therapy session on a first date. NO LIE. :shudders at memory: He was like I have a fear of rejection and I wanted you to understand me before we went to dinner. I excused myself to the bathroom and ran all to the subway station.

  16. I Co-sign…

    Best Frist Date:

    Intimate Dinner and Walk on the Beach…Moderately quiet restuarant on the beach. We got a chance to talk and get to know each other…then nice night stroll on the beach…it was cool..But also my idea…lol

    Worst First Dates:

    1. Loud Greek restaurant where people were breaking plates and my date knew everyone(like Cheers bar) and got the belly dancer to dance on our dinner table (food was gone) in which he made it rain on her…(tru story)

    2. Met him at his place, and we never left. Instead he spent the next hour trying to get some…Um…Don't invite me out to a "date" and we just hang out on your impractical pleather couch….

    1. LMAO…I always crack up at Walk on the Beach because there ain't no beaches in D.C.! I see it appear on profiles here all the time though. I hope they don't mean walking Barefooted by Hains Point or along the Anacostia…*pinches nose*

      1. lol…I live in Miami so their is always a beach nearby…

        I've never been to DC, but I can only imagine how horrible any make shift beaches can be out there. Especially of you are suggesting there is a stench…lol

        1. You're good in Miami, I've just always wondered why on dating profiles I see "likes to take walk along the beach" yet they live in a land locked state or something.

  17. First impressions are everything. If a man asks a woman out on an official date, he should go all out. Funds have nothing to do with it. Find out what the person likes to do and then plan a date around it, I think you should personalize the date it shows you put some thought into it.

  18. The unexpected blind date with your boy and his S/O that are trying to hook the two of you up. You show up expecting to just chill with a random group and then you realize you have been preselected to entertain someone that they think are right for you and vice versa. It's just awkward the entire night and deception at its finest. You're stuck whether you are feeling the person or not and feel obligated to entertain because they are a friend of friends.

    After being setup 3x like this, I request full disclosure of participating parties whenever we step out. Not falling for it again

    1. One really awesome date I went for: this guy prepared a picnic (cheap, and showed effort – he scored major points for that) then took me to th National Park and we sat thea and talked for hours while watching wild animals in the distance. It was really awesome!

  19. I have to co-sign on the expensive dinner being a bad first date. It's just not necessary and doesn't compensate for the fact that your conversation sucks. If that's the usual type of restaurant you eat at, fine, but if you have to swing by Taco Bell on the way home because you had to order a salad to afford the dinner…. fail.

    A date where you can talk, isn't overly expensive, doesn't create any weird expectations, and has the ability to be cut short OR extended (as appropriate) is good. I will keep all of these comments in mind as I re-enter the fray.

  20. The best first date:

    When ever I take a girl out for the first time, I take her down.

    In all honesty: I think the best first date is the one that requires the least amount of effort that gives you the most time to get to know the person.

  21. I agree that all the above mentioned are horrible first dates (especially anything with family members involved…way too early) but I don't see anything wrong with an expensive first date. If I a guy is willing to spend a lot of money on me on our first date I will be impressed and think that he must really be into me (especially a guy my age and also in college cuz you know they're broke so they're not tryna spend money like that). It's not necessary but undeniably impressive. And I disagree that it will turn a girl into a golddigger. If she's a gold digger to begin with then she'll keep digging but if she wasn't then treating her to nice things won't make her that way.


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