Home Dating & Relationships Relationships Is your phone broke: Getting him on the phone

Is your phone broke: Getting him on the phone

29

In order to give “the other side” some representations and to thin out all the testosterone on here, we have brought back my favorite female guest blogger, Lisa Marie.  We will be back to the usual shenanigans tomorrow.

– SBM

———————————————————–



Ring Ring
Man: hey
Woman: hey….I was just calling to see if you were alive seeing as how you ain’t answer none of my calls or texts for the last 15 hours.  Since you finally answered, I’m assuming you ain’t dead…so were the f* were you?
Man: sigh…here we go again

And “here we go again” is right.  In the spectrum of male/female relationships, the “why can’t this dude answer his phone?” argument is a pretty consistent topic of contention.  Women want to know why men can’t answer the phone when they call or at the very least respond to calls/texts within a timely fashion and why their men don’t think to call them as much as they call their men. Men want to know why they gotta talk so much….i.e.  “I just left your house, what could we possibly have to talk about already?”  and why does the fact that they don’t answer the phone mean that they’re messing around?

Seeing as how this has been a frequent topic between me and my friends and seeing as how I just woke up fully expecting to see either a missed call or text from my SO in response to the missed calls/text messages that I know he saw sent about 12 hours ago, I figured I’d offer my perspective on the issue.

See Also:  Why Loving Yourself Is More Than Just A Cliche

First off, a little advice to the women on how to deal with it: in my experience, there are 4 main options to dealing with no calling ni**as:

  1. Bombard him with additional calls/texts
  2. Call up the friend/cousin/brother/uncle to find out if he’s with that stanky b* Lisa they’ve heard from him,
  3. do a drive by of his house and bust up in there to see what’s really going on see if he’s in there
  4. just wait.

Within the time-frame of 1-24 hours, unless you truly suspect foul play either by him or to him, I say that option #4 is the best bet.  Any other option will just make you seem like a crazy ho you’re overreacting and will give him fuel in the ensuing argument, i.e. instead of arguing why he didn’t answer your calls, the argument will turn to “why are you so jealous?” or “why don’t u trust me?” To avoid all that, the best bet is to go with the just wait option…when you finally do hear from him lay into that a** explain to him how and why it bothers you when you don’t hear from him.  Outside of the 24 hour timeframe send out a search party explore the other options until you track him down, hopefully at home, alone, with a broken phone.

See Also:  Another One Bites the Dust

Second off, some info for the fellas on the #1 reason why not answering your phone bothers us so much: It makes us think that you don’t care/that you’re ignoring us.  As stated in a recent post by Slim Jackson and RCLS, we get that your phone ain’t always fastened to your hip and you’re not constantly waiting for our calls/texts….but damn ain’t we fastened to your heart?!?  In other words, we can’t go for too long without thinking about you and giving you a call/text, so why are you ok with going hours without seeing how we’re doing?  Not responding for a few hours to a missed call or text or two is totally understandable cuz everyone gets busy, but as hours go by with no reciprocal contact, it begs the question “if you ain’t dead and you ain’t messing around, then why don’t you have a desire to reach out to me and see how I’m doing?”  Basically it makes us feel as is we’re not as high on your list of priorities as whatever is it that you were doing when you were not responding to/reaching out to us, especially when when we do hear from you, you’re only response is “my bad.”

See Also:  Writing My Wrongs (Part Two)

Again, within a certain time period, no contact is reasonable cuz people get busy, but I know women who literally go days, weeks, or months without hearing from their men which is straight craziness in my opinion.

On the flip side I also know women who freak out and when they haven’t heard from their men for 2 hours under the assumption that they’re either out with other women or dead/in the hospital.  To me, this is crazy overkill, which points to deeper issues of distrust within the relationship.

I guess to resolve the issue….Men: call your women/respond when they call and Women: don’t freak out when you don’t hear from your SO after 10 minutes.  It’s as simple as that…in theory, but of course much more difficult in real life application.  Anybody have any tips on how to deal?  Anybody ever experience the reverse situation wherein the woman was the one missing calls?  Share!

– Lisa Marie

Comment(29)

  1. Since I'm recently new to the dating scene, I have been experiencing the "return a text tomorrow" or "call back several hours later" from a number of guys I've exchanged numbers with. It usually boils down to two things:a man not wanting to seem like he is too interested in you; which is absolutely ridiculous or he's just not that into you at all. So I dont freak out…

    I write them off after the second offense. If on two seperate occasions you have not return my call or text in a reasonable time frame (usually within a day) or have a valid reason as to why you didn't, then you will never hear from me again! I erase your # from my phone. Clearly, you are playing games. I hope, no hard feelings..

    I recently found myself doing the same thing to a guy. And it was because I was not interested anymore. He text some random ridiculous mess about giving me a massage and oiling me down…a total turn off given that we have not even had a date yet! I didnt feel the need to text/call to tell him that..so I just didnt respond! Foo we ain't cool like that! I hope he understands…

  2. this right here is what i don't get:

    "On the flip side I also know women who freak out and when they haven’t heard from their men for 2 hours under the assumption that they’re either out with other women or dead/in the hospital."

    i mean really. sometimes i'm just busy. i think i do a pretty good job in returning or answering phone calls but sometimes you just can't talk.

  3. Yechh….

    That reeks of clinginess to the point of annoyance. If I have to be "checked up on" all the time because she thinks I'm cheating then she should dead the situation right there. Sometimes I don't hear the chime for TXT go off in my pocket or sometimes I've forgotten to turn my ringer back up only to have someone think I'm dissing them. If I don't return the call for a few hours, mind you, I've got things going on. If I was one of those lay on the couch type dudes I would have all the time in the world to respond to her every beckoning but that's not the case. Also…there comes a time where those "calls just to say hi" get real meaningless and…well…unnecessary.

  4. I had this argument with my SO the other day. I called at ten pm. No response. Then I called back at 12am. Nothing. So, then I sent a txt at 1am basically telling him off. He calls me back later that day, talking about he was asleep. This negroe is literally a vampire. He doesn't sleep. But, oh okay…..riiight. He says, I acted like he was doing something he had no business……uhh, yeah! I feel kinda bad about it now…he could've been sleep. right? lol. I just get pissed when he doesn't call me back. I have to do better, I know.

  5. With all the technology we have, not calling/texting/IM-ing someone YOU CARE ABOUT back is basically BS. What if something is wrong?? I could be on the side of the road somewhere. Hell, what if something is extra right. I could come across some Jay-Z tickets and be calling him about it.

    I think part of the problem is that a lot of people aren't used to someone caring about their well-being.

    1. I co-sign…Why does a man automatically think someone is being clingy just because the like to hear from you? Thats weird..Maybe you are right, people are probably not use to being cared about nowadays…

      What ever happen to face time?? and if you are really that busy, there is nothing sweeter than a call/txt/IM saying "Hey babe, I'm really busy but I'm thinking of you. We'll catch up soon"…. Its that simple

      1. Or call someone else. If the SO isn't available to concerned enough to pick up the phone, it's time for me to disengage and get with someone who IS concerned and wants to hear from me.

        1. Not a simp. But someone who has the decency to be responsive. Why does someone being responsive make him a bad/weak dude?? Again, if people have been treated well, they are more likely to treat others well (and respectful). Also, if they have witnessed healthy male/female interactions, it's more likely that they are respectful.

    2. THIS. I just had this conversation, but it boils down to this: "I think part of the problem is that a lot of people aren’t used to someone caring about their well-being"

      1. Sometimes it can be overkill! I mean…I had a GF once who wanted to talk to me multiple times a day for about 2 weeks straight. My phone bill was about $385 for going over my minutes. Reecie is right. Not too many people are worried about your well-being…they just want something!

  6. Maybe we just don't want to be bothered. Simple as that.

    Once you get past the infatuation phase, those stay-up-all-night phone conversations, and texting, emailing, chatting, calling throughout the work day get OLD! Sometimes the case isn't even that we're not into you… we just may have realized sometime between our last conversation and your last text that we have a life! You should get one of those too (I think there's a post on this site about getting a life). There's no need to talk that much. It's not even healthy.

    Sometimes it's a catch-22 for us. If you call and we're busy, we'll pick up and say we'll call you back. Then you wonder why we got off the phone with you so quickly. So sometimes we just don't answer the phone at all. Sometimes we might have every intention to call you back, but we got caught up with work, reading, the game on TV, the internet, etc… and just simply forgot.

    The truth is you're important… but you're not THAT important. And until you get the ring, you will never be that important. There is a such thing as smotherhing. And guys are guilty of this too. Y'all call them bug-a-boos.

    If you say you'll call me back, then I expect you to call me back. If I say I'll call you back, then I'll call you back. In between time, life happens. So if you don't call me back for whatever reason, or I don't get around to calling you back, then the world keeps spinning.

    1. Sums up what I was going to write pretty well. Sometimes we may be slow in answering texts/calls because we are busy, and we don’t want to have a two-hour conversation or exchange twenty text messages. Let's be honest, some women can't take "I'm busy" for an answer and will keep you on the phone all night.

      ”we get that your phone ain’t always fastened to your hip and you’re not constantly waiting for our calls/texts….but damn ain’t we fastened to your heart?!?”

      Sure. Our mothers are fastened to our hearts also, but we don’t need to talk to them every three hours.

  7. I think people in general, but men especially underestimate the strength of a gesture. A simple response to a text from you SO stating "Hey got your text, busy right now.. call you or text later" will go a whole lot further than the ignore/reject call send to voicemail trick. The thing that makes me give a man the serious side eye about not answering the phone or answering texts in a reasonable amount of time, is the fact that when the relationship is brand new and all butterflies and hearts (before he got some a**) he was answering the phone on the first ring and responding to texts befeore you could hit the send button good. But now 6 months later, you're too busy to answer the phone?!?!? Well I'm too busy to have sex tonight.. so don't ask!

  8. @ southern charm… Very true. Sometimes people just don't want to be bothered. But, when this becomes an everyday thing "I don't feel like being bothered" that's when I feel like it becomes a problem.

    1. I feel you on that. That's exactly when it becomes a problem…. and that's when you should evaluate the situation. I know it's easier said than done, but if they're busy living their life, then you should too! Like the saying goes, "Never make someone a priority, who considers you an option."

  9. UMM, I didnt read through all the comments so shoot me if somebody already suggested this but you ladies might benefit from reading a book or watching a movie called "He's just not that into you" or maybe just reading the writing on the wall.

    With the advent of all the many communication mediums and devices available to the common man nowadays, there is no excuse for not calling. If he broke his phone he could go online and call you, text you, facebook you, twit you, find you, whatever.

    I remember on several occasions, my guys calling me from other people phones because theres died or calling me just to let me know that they wouldnt be able to call me or reply to me because of whatever. I have never had to track a ni**a down — that is a ni**a that was feeling me.

    The ones I had to stalk and terrorize were the ones that didnt. The ones who were keeping me around for the sake of senority or convenience. What I have found is that if the dude is into you-He will annoy the f*ck out of you with how much he hits you up.

    Take Stock. Think about bfs past. Which ones did you chase down and which ones were chasing you. Which ones did you annoy, and which ones annoyed you. Remember the dynamic of that relationship?? Ahhh the fogginess is clearing up now aint it. I thought so

    Dont you just love me? You should…

    Iloveketa.wordpress.com

  10. In other words, we can’t go for too long without thinking about you and giving you a call/text, so why are you ok with going hours without seeing how we’re doing?

    ^^^

    Unless a dude is Emo, he isnt gonna naturally react the same way. We have faith you are fine and that you're doing well. We will holla, but you can't always be pressed. I knwo women who dont even count text/im as a viable reason. Then the conversaton turns into "Why cant you call? you text?" Its 2009 ladies, communication changes constantly and evolves. Sometimes we are busy and you should shoot a text. Men will definitely do the same. I just always say the daily, hourly, minutely convos to be Uber clingy

    1. true…i guess it just goes to a natural reaction type of thing…i've dated dudes on the emo side who call/text my ear/finger off and respond to every little communication from me and expect the same behavior in return. on the flip side, i've dated more manly/non-emo dudes who i truly know love me/care about me and all that jazz but don't feel the need to respond right away when they see a missed call, text, etc from me. does it bother me when they don't, yea, but i guess at the end of the day u just gotta understand where ppl are coming from.

      1. & my thought is what happens when a man is seemingly emo w/ his emotions all of a sudden wants to take the manly route. i'm used to hearing from at least once a day and now it's 3x a week, if that. not that it's a problem anymore b/c as far i'm concerned (this is his 2nd offense) he doesn't exist. when it happened the first time i tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but i just don't feel how u could flip-flop cold like that. obviously he doesnt know what he wants.

  11. …and lets face it ladies, men are not all that thoughtful at times. We think what WE would do in a situation and expect them to act in kind. They don't even think like we do. Their brain is wired totally different and the sooner we come to terms with that ladies, the better off our relationships will be…..Im still trying to really get that myself.

  12. I try to text/call back within a minimum of 15 minutes if I am not busy. If I am busy I send the automatic text–"busy talk to you soon." Thank God for new technology. This seems to be a better option than ignore!

    1. yep…sad but true, i had one coworker whose SO would take a yearly "spring sabbatical" in which she wouldn't hear from him for about 3 months….when he finally got around to hearing back from him, his only explanation was that he was "going through things". sadly, she took him back each time and wound up marrying dude.

LEAVE YOUR COMMENT

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Shares
Share This