So who is the damaged goods?

This guy?

This guy?


Or this gal?

Or this gal?

I was watchin’ Real Housewives of Atlanta this past weekend in a moment of boredom (Don’t you dare judge me!). This particular episode happened to be one of the few where Kandi’s mother was voicing her disagreement with Kandi’s man AJ (RIP) having 6 kids. Even though it seemed to be agreed upon that he took care of his 6 kids, she just couldn’t get past it and didn’t want him to marry Kandi. And since my mind tends to link things together, I started thinkin’ about the people I know with multiple kids that aren’t/weren’t married. A good portion of the visitors to this website and my own site are mothers. A good number of folks I went to college and high school with are mothers and fathers sans the ring and life long commitment. Sh*t, for that matter I have 2 half brothers and a half sister. I was the only child that was a product of my parents’ marriage. The fact that they met each other while they had children didn’t stop them from dating, progressing into the life long commitment, and creating the illustrious blogging beast known as Slim Jackson.

So that was then and this is now. How much has really changed with regard to people entering relationships where one of the parties already has children? One thing that I definitely want to say upfront is that I am not passing any type of judgment on people who have kids that aren’t married or in a serious relationship. Today’s post is more so about the initial stages of dating for people with children. Personally, I’m not sure that I could date a woman with a child or multiple kids. That’s just me though. It has less to do with the “Oh man, she was with someone else before me” or “Damaged Goods” and more to do with “I want my family to be my family and my kids to only see me as their father and nobody else.” One of my successful Uncles shared a similar sentiment and now he’s in his late 40s. He always vowed that he would only date women who didn’t already have children. But as of today, he’s dating a woman with 2-3 kids and word on the block is that she may be a candidate for marriage.

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So this brings another issue into the mix. How much does the factor of age play into this? I think it’s pretty much agreed that as a man gets older, his “options” expand…unless he is a sloppy and ugly mess. I look at my uncle, who could still probably bag some college chicks, and I wonder what made him change his criteria? I say this not because I think he’s wrong, but because he seemed so intent for years on having a family and kids that were “just his”. I suppose I could ask him, but that would be kinda awkward since I haven’t spoken to him in a hot minute. Imagine me callin’ him up like “Hey Unk, I ain’t spoke to you in a hot minute but I heard you datin’ someone with kids. What’s good with that?” Yeah, that wouldn’t be cool. Nonetheless, I digress.

I know a good number of men who are adamant about not datin’ women with children and I know a smaller number who don’t mind it. I also know a good number of women with children that don’t have any problems findin’ a man and/or dating. Now that I think about it, I know a ton of men with kids that have absolutely no problem dating at all. I actually think their kid(s) get them bonus points with

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So that’s enough of my thoughts. What about you ladies and gents? For those without kids, would you date someone at this point in your life that has children? For those out there with children, how much has becoming a parent impacted the way that you date or go about starting a relationship with someone?

Childless to the best of my knowledge,

slim jackson