My homie Midtown Mo and I had this discussion the other day, which prompted me to write this blog. We wanted to get to the bottom of a question he had concerning women. It seems like women in the last few weeks were criticizing him for his tastes in women. After I heard his ordeal, I asked to be the vessel by which to deliver this digital ether. So without further adieu, I present a look at the question of the day:
Why is it that women get upset at men’s preference?
I’ve found that most black women get angry, even offended, if a man has what I’ll call a “Mainstream Preference” in women.
You know what I mean so stop looking confused!
Whenever a man states that he prefers “light skin/long haired” women, females will go Desert Storm on a brother and treat us like insurgents! Of course, if the women fits the description then it’s all good. I understand the whole concept of “lighter is better’ that gets shoved down our throats both subliminally and upfront in all types of media, and that’s wrong. However, why should a man get chastised for what he likes if he’s genuinely interested and attracted to those characteristics?
This extends beyond the physical also. I’ve heard women who declare that if a man doesn’t have an advanced degree, 6 figures, and 4 horses (whip game proper for the slow), he’s NOT for her.
If he lives with the family for whatever reason, they just say no!
If he can’t cook, then he can’t get the buns (what I did there, did you see it?).
I find some of these preferences to be superficial at times, but rather than waste my time chastising a woman who has this stance, I would chuck the deuces and find someone more in line with my mission statement. It seems simple to me, but women tend to dwell on a man’s personal preference when walking away would make much more sense.
Then there’s a subset of the preference of date vs. marry. I remember having a big conversation with some of my Latina friends regarding this topic. As we know, the light skin / dark skin struggle is extremely prevalent in Latin American countries, and they echo the sisters sentiments. they even took it a step further. They felt that black men would want to date (re: thronx) a Latina, but they would end up marrying a black woman. So they question not only a man’s preference, but their ultimate endgame! I had no clue how they derived this theory, because I know many brothers who’ve married/had long lasting relationships with Latina women, so why would they feel like we would “use” them for nothing more than to fulfill a fantasy? I don’t mean to get into the interracial dating topic, but it’s more about women in general and their perceptions about men’s preference. As you can see, some topics do intersect.
Furthermore, how does a man’s preference in women directly affect you, especially if you aren’t interested in him? I’ve found that white women more that any other race of women, could care less if white dudes date other races of women, or if they prefer red heads to brunettes, blue eyes to green, etc. Hell, I have to hear from Miss Jenkins from Three Ways on a daily basis profess her love for the Idris Elba-esque shade of brother and treat the light skinned brothers like second class citizens tell me she doesn’t do light skin men! However, I don’t hate on her for that, or question her true motives behind her preference. I just inform her that she will only see the gates of Heaven after a proper lay down by a fairer skin fella, and go about my business.
A wise man once said “What you eat don’t make me twit sh*t” and I live this motto daily.
You like who you like. Whether it’s Coke or Pepsi, XBOX360 or PS3, Nike Boots or Tims, Blackberry or iPhone, we all have different tastes. I think we shouldn’t judge people by their preference but rather their overall actions.
Do you all agree? Do you think I’m biased because of my skin color? Is there a correlation between a man’s preference in women and an inherent discrimination within (racism, etc).
Why are women so pressed about a man’s preference? Insecurity? Genuine hating? Jealousy? I have no clue. Maybe you can figure it out and we talk it out in the comment session.