The Claim Game


Whether you hit a house party, a club, wedding, or other social gathering with groups of friends, you’ll always come across a team of  people that the crew is feeling. One of the funniest situations between men and women when it comes to courting, is something I like to call “The Claim Game”. We, have played this game many times. The situation occurs when someone, who previously showed interest in a friend or colleague,  now wants to holla at you. You go to your friend requesting a Carfax (scouting report) on the individual to find out their status, and this can result in one of two outcomes


ME: My dude,what’s good with shorty? That’s you?

Homie: Her? Nah I mean she wanted to holla, but it never went anywhere.

ME: So, I’m good?

Homie: Yea son, do you! **daps**



ME: My dude,what’s good with shorty? That’s you?

Homie: Who her? Yea that’s me we been talking for a minute.

ME: Oh that’s wifey?

Homie: Nah not really, I mean……………… we speak on the phone and whatnot here n there, and so on and so forth nahmeyaheard?!

Me: Huh? Oh like everyday?

Homie: Not really, but she knows wassup.

Me: So… she’s not really interested.

Homie: Not in that way, but I’m gonna get it though fam!

See Also:  The Essence: Female Swagger ... How to attract a Man

Me: 0_O

We all go through situations where we see someone we like, try to kick game, and “we get rejected in the paint while our person of interest waves the finger like Mutombo” (c) J. Davermann. Then, the person we were feelin’ is now crushin on your friend. It’s natural to feel snubbed or jealous, but to pull a claim on someone just because you got rejected is corny. The Claim Game serves as a nice way to deem your homie a hater. Period. A wise person once said “It takes a  man to stand and cheer while the other fellow stars”.  Sometimes, you have to step aside and let your homie succeed where you fail, and at least try to live vicariously through them!

If you didn’t have a committed relationship with your homie’s point of interest, then you have no basis to pull a claim. Men have unwritten rules about situations like this. A dude will ask another dude about a woman, and if she isn’t claimed, then that will serve as a green light to pursue. Now, if you are the claimer, and you seriously have something developing with the lady in red question, then you need to speak up, or forever hold your peace. Many situations developed where men were prideful, claim that they have no feelings for a woman, and later gets upset when their homie smashes before they do tries to bag said female.

See Also:  Venus vs. Mars: The differences that men and women need to know

On another note, just because someone “wanted to holla at you first”, gives you no basis by which you would place a claim! Infatuation is fantasy based, and when people face reality, their feelings can and will flip like acrobats. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s human. I can respect a friend who goes to all lengths to make sure no ill feelings will occur between them if they pursue someone of interest, or ran a train had a previous relationship. To me, that’s a great courtesy, because if you are good friends with this person, you should know if they were seriously dealing with this individual to begin with (or the level of seriousness). I’ve inquired before, and used judgment calls in others depending on prior knowledge, and it’s worked out well I mean, I’m still alive and my car isn’t damaged right?. Especially if your friends know you as virtuous and not the type to “have sex with your girlfriend if you look the other way”. lol.

What about the situation where your friend was dating the woman in question? Is it always off limits? I’ve seen this situation more times than I can count, and believe it’s more common than anyone thinks! Some like by the motto “If it wasn’t serious wifey, then I’m good” Hell I had friends tell people “You got 2 years to reconcile, or I’m going IN!!”  The situation even gets trickier when you talk about acquaintances, business partners, mans-an-em, LBs, sands, etc. We need a board to review all of this!

See Also:  What's a Mom Friend and Why Should Every Single Woman Have One?

You never want to step on toes by acting on attraction, knowing a friend was interested in said individual first.  If its been 6 months with < 5 phone calls, < 2 dates, and nothing past bunt singles and pop-ups, then “give it up Rock, its ova!” (c) Mick,  Rocky III. So I ask today, when is it right/wrong to claim a person? Are there circumstances where you never have to inquire about dealings? When is it grimy to put claim on an individual? What about your friends? What about us girrllllll?


Streetz: Mr. Write Now alias “If you paying for dinner, you can claim me alllll night long!


  1. Mmmh. I've never really been in this situation with a friend. However, my sister is notorious for trying to pick up things with people I've had interest in/have been interested in me/I've talked to/etc. Only one of these times did she actually approach me about it, and I most definitely didn't lay claim and respected her for asking me how I felt about it. Of course, she was asking after she already let him smash, but semantics, I guess. I've never had any real issue with it being a specific guy, as usually it's someone I never could bring myself to feel anything for or have had a physical relationship with. Usually it's someone I went out with once or twice, or really never got beyond the talking on the phone stage, but since I used to tell her everything she always knew there was a small history there. Usually, knowing that somebody had interest in me will multiply her interest in them.

    However, I think there is a bigger underlying issue if it is a recurring situation with one specific friend (or in my case, sister). After noticing this pattern of hers, I also started noticing her eyes on guys that I was currently dating, and even going so far as out and out flirting and asking for his phone number right in front of me. I've found very questionable texts to two exes I had long-term relationships with, some of those texts while I was still involved with them.

    I love her, but now there are pretty big trust issues between us. I would say to not make it a habit of persuing people have been involved with your friends/family members, because then it's clear you have bigger issues to work out and it would definitely start causing bigger problems with the friend.

    However, I would not hate on anyone if it were a situation where I either was rejected or just never got far in trying to get somewhere. There's probably a reason why things never went anywhere, and who am I to deny two people possible happiness? Plus, if y'all end up happily married, I sure will take the credit and make sure you never forget it. I better be godmom to all those little ruffians.

    1. If you sister looks like you.. please give her my number.

      No seriously.. She obviously picked up some poor Envy/Competitive trait when it comes to men. Some people really judge themselves on their ability to attract a "hard to get" man. And obviously that is how she views your people. Its nice of you to still have a decent relationship with her.

      I know a couple of girls that always want to put hands on OPP, alot of them have Daddy issues.

    2. My boy's girlfriend's sister (LOL) is just like that! I was amazed; he said her sister made a pass at him when his girlfriend left the room one day…asked him if her backside looked "phat" in her jeans or something like that. He said he just laughed it off and stayed on the other side of the room until his lady reemerged. Sad thing is, his GF knows her sister is a trip- she warned him that she goes after all her boyfriends.

      I just don't get it. I would slap the hell out of my child if I knew she was the kind of woman that liked to chase after taken men- especially her sister's man!

    3. Wow! I had a friend like that…we aren't too close anymore. I hope your sis grows out of this pretty soon so you and her can have a better relationship.

  2. So I ask today, when is it right/wrong to claim a person? Are there circumstances where you never have to inquire about dealings? When is it grimy to put claim on an individual? What about your friends? What about us girrllllll?

    There are creeds to follow:

    1-Your sibling's ex is A NO GO

    2-Your friend's ex is also a NO GO

    3-Your Parent's ex is also also a NO GO (I have seen this…very awkward situation when Mum's hot young ex becomes your love interest smh)

    You alwayyyyyyyys inquire about dealings…its just the right thing to do. Extend that courtesy to your sibling, friend…or parent.

    It is wrong to put claim on someone who you gave/took number and no communication occurred (in girl land this one is a bit tricky).


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This