The holidays are quickly approaching. Thanksgiving in a couple days, Black Friday after that, Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah, and then New Years. The holiday season can be great. I mean let’s think about it. You have less days to do work (hopefully). You’ll probably get at least 1 gift unless you’re just a terrible human being. And, you have a few more days to do things you wouldn’t normally do and blame it on the food or the alcohol despite the other person’s feelings. For example:

(The day after Thanksgiving/Black Friday)

Chick: I’m glad you talked me into doin’ it last night. It felt so good!
Dude. Yeah. I was trippin’ off that turkey tryptophan.
Chick: What? You weren’t drinking or smokin’ trees?
Dude: Yeah, I know. I ate so much food that I suddenly got the urge to try to have s*x with you. You didn’t feel the same way after all that food?
Chick: I’m on a diet.
Dude: Oh, my bad. Well, gotta go hop on this flight to Asia. Holler in a few years.
Chick: *Sobbing*

Now you see? Isn’t that just beautiful? Just kidding. But honestly, that’s not even what I wanted to talk about today. I really just wanted to talk about holidays, birthdays, and other recognizable days for casual daters. If you’ve ever been casually dating/f*ckin’ somebody around their birthday or a major holiday, you know exactly what I’m referring to. A good number of us would make it a mission to have s*x with the person around midnite and just call that “the gift”. For some, that would be okay and for others it would be downright wrong.  I personally think that’s a great gift to give or receive. But what about when it’s not just about the gift of sexy time? What about when yall are pretty much exclusive but don’t have an official title other than “kickin’ it”? What are you obligated or not obligated to do?

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To be quite frank, if I’m exclusive with someone then I’m probably going to do something for them or with them when one of the special days rolls around. Oh, I should probably define exclusive. **Clears throat and pauses.**

For the purpose of this post, exclusive or exclusivity refers to an agreement made by people who are casually dating without an official title for no less than 4-6 months. In an exclusive casual dating relationship, phone calls and other communications are not limited to late at night and pre or post effin’. In other words, if the extent of y’all conversation is “Put the movie on” and/or “Aight, holler at me” with no kiss  before leaving then y’all are not exclusively dating.  Maybe exclusively effin’, but that’s about it.

So yeah, if I’m casually dating someone for at least 6 months, I may feel obligated to at least call the person or get them some not-too-deep card…unless it’s Valentine’s Day. I actually think that Valentine’s Day is the one day where casual daters shouldn’t do anything at all unless both parties are tryin’ to take the next step. On a birthday, the person may just get a call, text, card, or Facebook wall post if I’m just chillin’. Maybe I’ll take them to a nice casual dinner at a non-romantic restaurant like Fuddrucker’s, Chili’s, or a sit-down Taco Bell. On Thanksgiving in chill mode, she just gets a text. In serious mode, she gets a call and potentially gets invited  over to kick it with the fam. On Christmas in chill mode, shorty may get a text or light e-card. If we’re in serious mode, she gets a gift that either required a lot of thought or she gets one of the things she specifically asked for. On New Year’s, we can get up regardless of how casual we are and ring the New Year in with some sheetz o’wrestle. Or, we can both be out with our separate friends and that’s perfectly fine.

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You may have noticed that in my dating situations listed that I don’t say anything about being obligated to spend time together unless we’ve both agreed we tryin’ to go to the next level. This is one of the biggest points that I want to make in this post:

Unless you’re both trying to move on to an official relationship, then there’s no expectation or obligation to hang out or see each other on any of the holidays or special days. Just remember that there’s no real responsibility other than wearing a condom in casual dating other than what you agree on which usually happens to be s*x and/or cuddles when the person is mad at their real significant other. If you agree that you eventually want to be in a relationship with the person, then you’re going to act like it regardless of what day it is.

Those are just my thoughts though. What do yall think about casual dating around the holidays? Do you think there are any obligations or expectations? Any special rules come to mind? C’mon and share like it’s already Thanksgiving.

Casually and without emotion,

slim jackson