The holidays are quickly approaching. Thanksgiving in a couple days, Black Friday after that, Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah, and then New Years. The holiday season can be great. I mean let’s think about it. You have less days to do work (hopefully). You’ll probably get at least 1 gift unless you’re just a terrible human being. And, you have a few more days to do things you wouldn’t normally do and blame it on the food or the alcohol despite the other person’s feelings. For example:
(The day after Thanksgiving/Black Friday)
Chick: I’m glad you talked me into doin’ it last night. It felt so good!
Dude. Yeah. I was trippin’ off that turkey tryptophan.
Chick: What? You weren’t drinking or smokin’ trees?
Dude: Yeah, I know. I ate so much food that I suddenly got the urge to try to have s*x with you. You didn’t feel the same way after all that food?
Chick: I’m on a diet.
Dude: Oh, my bad. Well, gotta go hop on this flight to Asia. Holler in a few years.
Now you see? Isn’t that just beautiful? Just kidding. But honestly, that’s not even what I wanted to talk about today. I really just wanted to talk about holidays, birthdays, and other recognizable days for casual daters. If you’ve ever been casually dating/f*ckin’ somebody around their birthday or a major holiday, you know exactly what I’m referring to. A good number of us would make it a mission to have s*x with the person around midnite and just call that “the gift”. For some, that would be okay and for others it would be downright wrong. I personally think that’s a great gift to give or receive. But what about when it’s not just about the gift of sexy time? What about when yall are pretty much exclusive but don’t have an official title other than “kickin’ it”? What are you obligated or not obligated to do?
To be quite frank, if I’m exclusive with someone then I’m probably going to do something for them or with them when one of the special days rolls around. Oh, I should probably define exclusive. **Clears throat and pauses.**
For the purpose of this post, exclusive or exclusivity refers to an agreement made by people who are casually dating without an official title for no less than 4-6 months. In an exclusive casual dating relationship, phone calls and other communications are not limited to late at night and pre or post effin’. In other words, if the extent of y’all conversation is “Put the movie on” and/or “Aight, holler at me” with no kiss before leaving then y’all are not exclusively dating. Maybe exclusively effin’, but that’s about it.
So yeah, if I’m casually dating someone for at least 6 months, I may feel obligated to at least call the person or get them some not-too-deep card…unless it’s Valentine’s Day. I actually think that Valentine’s Day is the one day where casual daters shouldn’t do anything at all unless both parties are tryin’ to take the next step. On a birthday, the person may just get a call, text, card, or Facebook wall post if I’m just chillin’. Maybe I’ll take them to a nice casual dinner at a non-romantic restaurant like Fuddrucker’s, Chili’s, or a sit-down Taco Bell. On Thanksgiving in chill mode, she just gets a text. In serious mode, she gets a call and potentially gets invited over to kick it with the fam. On Christmas in chill mode, shorty may get a text or light e-card. If we’re in serious mode, she gets a gift that either required a lot of thought or she gets one of the things she specifically asked for. On New Year’s, we can get up regardless of how casual we are and ring the New Year in with some sheetz o’wrestle. Or, we can both be out with our separate friends and that’s perfectly fine.
You may have noticed that in my dating situations listed that I don’t say anything about being obligated to spend time together unless we’ve both agreed we tryin’ to go to the next level. This is one of the biggest points that I want to make in this post:
Unless you’re both trying to move on to an official relationship, then there’s no expectation or obligation to hang out or see each other on any of the holidays or special days. Just remember that there’s no real responsibility other than wearing a condom in casual dating other than what you agree on which usually happens to be s*x and/or cuddles when the person is mad at their real significant other. If you agree that you eventually want to be in a relationship with the person, then you’re going to act like it regardless of what day it is.
Those are just my thoughts though. What do yall think about casual dating around the holidays? Do you think there are any obligations or expectations? Any special rules come to mind? C’mon and share like it’s already Thanksgiving.
Casually and without emotion,
Hahaha I'm in one of those right now where they only get the text message for the birthday or another text and a happy holiday forward text PLUS additional text for the holidays and most definatley a text for new years and we even spend it with whom ever we want… And I made sure that's how it was going to be….
Very good topic since my birthday is 3 days after Christmas. Usually the guys that I am casually dating are open to whatever. I’ve never gotten a text, but I’ve gotten phone calls and visits. However, for me it’s different. If I’m casually dating a guy, he may get a text or phone call. If I’m in a giving mood for the holiday season, I might treat him to dinner. If I’m my usual “cold” self, I will send him an e-card and call it a day. After all, it’s just casual and we have not discussed getting serious. Therefore, meeting the fam is not necessary. I might consider some late night loving if I’m in a giving mood.
Do you get 2 gifts from people or combined gifts? Just curious.
I get 2 gifts..
Ms.Lotus aka.."I should get two gifts because they are 2 different occasions"
There shouldn't be any expectations but..There are.
Ex. Anyone I'm seeing right now knows that this is the first year I wont be going home for the holidays..For me, it will shed some light on who to let go and who to keep. If you know its tough for me and you say that you care….you should act like it. ESPECIALLY on a holiday. I wont cry about it, but I'll definitely be watching.
In my opinion, the holidays and the end of the year/ beginning of a new one are when people generally separate their acquaintances into 2 categories: Important and Not So Important. What you do or the effort that you make to wish me well (that IS what its about after all, gift or not) will kinda say how you feel.
But then again…If I'm feeling you and you show up at the right time with some good sex, I might be willing to spread my "christmas cheer" and overlook that mass text….
Say no to Holidays during Casual Dating. /transmission.
Me and my boo "casual date" around the holidays. Either someone is free or someone is not. It's a tricky situation especially with school and kids involved. If we don't intend on chilling on a holiday, I'll send him an voicemail before I go over the fams house. He'll call the next day and we'll hook up. Sex was our gift to each other. You can't go wrong with that.
I'd have to agree.."great"sex..is a wonderful gift..
Dang….you guys really do a good job at keeping a sistah in the loop of how dudes think. I've only had one dude who has ever given me a present on my Bday like 7 years ago and its still meaningful to this day. Mainly because it reveals how insignificant you are to someone. Yeah you have the parameters of timing but at the end of the day if someone means something to you you'll get them a gift or do something special. I've been conditioned to not expect anything ever…..sad because I luv gift giving and I'm a stickler for good wrapping, thought, and presentation. smh…stay making the wrong decisions in men…..Ah well no sex for me….better ask Santa for a toy solider lol……
I am also in that place right now…Me & the Friend have been seeing each other for a lil while we have not had chex yet. So to make sure nobody feels away about anything I just ask the simple questions are we exchanging gifts…its gonna be a yes or no(no wrong no foul).
I love all hoildays though mostly Christmas & Birthdays so I love giving gifts…!!!
You have to make that clear though so you both have the same understanding. I was "casually" dating someone last year and she told her family I was coming to Thanksgiving dinner. I, of course, had NO INTENTION on going. Meeting the fam is a big no-no in "casual dating".
It's an akward conversation but one you have to have.
That is all
It is better to talk about it before doing the 'act'…tell them you do not intend to make it anything serious…
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