***** Admin Note *****
It is official … I am now an ATLien.
After a very long weekend, a lot of miles on the car, and alot of UGK and Gucci Mane to keep my sanity while driving, I am not in my new apartment in Atlanta. My love for DC will stay on into eternity and goes back like mumbo sauce and french fries … but I’m looking forward to the new locale.
– SBM
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I know I usually take this time to be witty.
I know I usually start out with something that really captures your attention, brings you in, and sets up the knowledge I am about to drop.
But … not today. I think the title says all I need. This is in no particular order and this represents me spilling several years of dating and way too many stories into a concise compilation of knowledge bombs for the masses.
Enjoy … n sh*t
SBM’s List of Sign that that chic is out her natural mind
She won’t answer simple questions
When your asking basic stuff like “Do you want sugar in your tea?” and you get roundabout answers that touch upon Al Sharpton’s failed attempt at presidency … something is wrong. There are plenty of non crazy chics who are just hiding stuff, but when she is being difficult for no good reason and actually feel justified in her stupid answers … nuts.
All her friends are normal and well adjusted
The official statistics for this year haven’t made it in yet, but you can bet that around 76.1% of groups of all female friends have a “crazy one”. Maybe because it’s the spice of life they add, maybe it’s to balance the universe, maybe its just cause crazy chics always got ur back in a fight … point is there is almost always one. If all your girl’s friends are sane … then the process elimination means …
Constant mood swings
Ever seen someone bust out in tears because my her Big Mac was lacking the special sauce? Ever witnessed a grown women go from depressed to elated over finding a penny? If the most random and little things can turn her frown upside down and vice versa … chic is nuts.
She’s way behind on the times
If you get a funny look when you talk about “Coming to America”, hear a “huh” when quoting Tommy from “Martin”, or you get a blank stare when you say “black” and “president” in the same sentence … then she’s nuts. People who don’t participate in society are not all there … you know your reading this blog just to keep in the know.
She refuses to give head
I mean … if this doesn’t spell psycho …
Bad stories always have a sequel
If she can’t learn from her lessons, then there is a problem. If she took the “blue pill” one night and ended up naked in a strange whirlpool filled with jello (cherry flavor) … there should be no second story about the next “blue pill” incident. If she stays doing stupid isht … and then repeating said stupid isht … let her go.
I know someone is going to ask about the “How do I know if he’s crazy” list … but that’s not what I’m talking about. Decided to do females today … so lets do females (no pun intended).
What did I miss? All to obvious? Share stories of crazy females from your past … venting is good!
– SBM aka Reformed Crazy Chic Datter
My dude. Forget about Coming to America or Martin. A year ago I met took this girl out a few times who was born & raised in Seattle…all around attractive. She was smart, mature for her age, and initiated all kinds of interesting conversations. It looked like she had 100% of her shit together. However…I discovered what I was dealing with when she told me she'd never heard of Bob Marley and wouldn't be able to recognize reggae music, I knew what I was dealing with.
Not that I love Marley or Reggae…it came up incidentally in the convo. Mainly, it served as an indicator of her level of "participating in society." Since that day, knowing who Bob Marley is has been my low-bar for proving that you don't live under a rock, or associate your life with cult-like activities. There are few exemptions.
who's Bob Marley? lmao….
What does her being born & raised in Seattle gotta do with her crazy? I happen to know at least 2 dozen women with no signs of the crazy here in Seattle.
Well … there are only 2 dozen women with no signs there.
I was there interning back in 2004 … seattle chics = nuts
… no offense.
I'd only be offended if it applied to me. I know it's true, that's why I only said two dozen. I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse to know the men out here are just as bad.
Its worst.
Having crazy women and crazy men just means a lot of wasted court money with phony domestic abuse cases … or real domestic abuse cases that get lied about ("your honor … I tripped on some soap and fell into his fist").
Being from a major city like Seattle + Not knowing who Bob Marley is = Problem. But don't worry, I got my own separate issues with Seattle itself, but that's for another time.
1) If she shows up to your place without being invited = crazy
2)If she can't talk about her ex boyfriend but her reasoning for acting a certain way all revolves around that ex = crazy.
3)If she talks about marriage during the first week = crazy
4)If she still has a V-card and is over 21 = crazy.
OMG if that's the case, I def got a crazy friend. She's turning 21 soon. She doesn't talk about wet dreams (she says she doesn't have wet dreams AT ALL). All of us (group of girls BUT HER) talk about sex whenever, and she's ALWAYS GIGGLING! Lmao she never used a tampon, she doesn't even use thongs! She says all of that is INSANE and NASTY. The idea of a guy kissing her neck on some innocent move makes her bust out laughing. SMH…there's more but ..damn
Aw man…share our stories? You do realize that would require a separate blog for my encounters right? Luckily, I've met but not totally engaged with crazies. The ones that I sort of liked and sort of developed feelings for had other redeeming qualities (*cough*goodseks) that allowed them a bit of access. Now Cheekz listed some dead on accurate stuff but in addendum:
4. b.) If she has a V-Card and tells you that she made a promise to her parents to not lose her V-Card until marriage…and she's a DIME…she's crazy. Trust me…going through this now.
5. If you get at least one late nite non-booty related phone call where they ramble and tell you how much they hate their lives…yes, she's crazy and disturbed. The more you accept those calls, the more you become surrogate shrink and the more you will wish she just offed herself.
6. She says I love you…you haven't spoken to her in months.
7. She bursts into tears crying but with a weird smile on her face…those aren't tears of joy, those are tears of crazy!!!
…the people….the people…the people…..
*dead* @ crying with weird smile on her face
weird smile, haha damn.
LMAO at the refusing to give head = crazy.
I'm going to throw up some of the crazy my boys have told me they've experienced with women:
1. She texts you at 9am, and then calls@ 9:17am to leave a message whining about the fact that you're ignoring her.
2. Although you took great pains to tell her that you'll be too busy to 'hook up' for the next few days, as she left your house after a great booty call, she texts/calls at least twice/day in the days following begging to see you.
3. You called it quits with her months ago, but she still takes it upon herself to show up on your doorstep one night when you're chillin' with your new girl and then throws a jug of COLD, STALE PISS in your face when you open the door – all the while ranting about the fact that you're a "cheating bastard."
4. She tells you that all her boyfriends before you had issues. Then upon further discussion you find out she has a long police record, because for some strange reason those same boyfriends felt the need to call the police on her when she was trying to 'apologize' to them for her own bad behaviour.
I could go on but I'll stop here. Beware of the crazies…
"throws a jug of COLD, STALE PISS in your face when you open the door "
No… I.CAN'T.BELIEVE.IT
#1 happened recently. She got the point when I said "I'm handling my business, you'd better chill." in a text. Be crazy all you want but don't f*cken annoy me!
#4 is sooo true! I checked an ex of mine background out once ance it read like the Hiroshima body count! smh
Cold stale piss … please tell me that is a joke!
sorry to inform you that actually happened. not a joke at all.
@ Streetztalk – LMAO at Hiroshima body count.
1. After talking to this guy for a week, one of my girls baked him an apple pie from scratch, and then showed up at his apartment with stilettos on, and a trench coat…with nothing underneath…and of course a warm apple pie in hand…Till this day she is considered the “crazy” one amongst the bunch. I knew that he thought it was crazy because I was dating his friend. One night at a mixer, another one of my friends joked about baking an apple pie….And all of his boys eyes lit up and then began to laugh…(I love my crazy friend though)
2. My friends boyfriend, has an ex-girlfriend that is still claiming him as her man…even though he is in a new relationship and its seems like the entire world knows except for her…Shes CRAZY…How are you in a relationship all by yourself??
I had #1 happen after about 2weeks. No apple pie but she took the liberty to show up in trench coat, panties, bra, stilettos. At the same time my neighbor's thug brother was asking me if he could borrow my phone. Sad thing was…ole girl did not have a body worth surprising me with…eh.
That aint crazy.. that is sexy. The male in this story gets a FAIL. Don't let the chick in if you are going to call her crazy after eating the pie.
If anything your friend is too trustworthy.. coming out her face like that so early in dating.
Callamity..regardless of her bod, her showing up was a surprise, wasn't it?
Cheekz: He has more to eat than the apple pie. Maybe he's crazy..after a week..
Well, she called before she came, I had no idea I was going to get that treatment though.
I sort of wish she did bring me apple pie. I like apple pie.
Just to put this out there about crazy men..just because…
1. I was casually dating a guy that I told that I was going to Florida to see my grandparents. He asked what flight I was taking but I didn't have the info at hand. I go to Florida, and the next day I get a phone call from him, asking where my grandparents live. He said that he was thinking about me and decided to come visit. He was staying in a local hotel. This wouldve been cute if it was serious, but it was casual so he went down in the books as crazy.
2. This dude was mad at me and my phone kept ringing. He snapped my new razor phone at that time in half. Then after I went after it, he threw it out the window. He had to buy me a new phone the next day. This same situation has happened to almost all of my friends.
3. About a month a go, a childhood friend that I was dating would wait outside my house for me every night. Then one night he wasn't there. He called my phone and was like.. Are you wearing XXX? I'm like yeah, he was like, "ummm just checking".
This just in…
1.My friend was dating a guy for 1.5 years and found out that he had another girl. So she went through his phone and called up the new chic. Both ladies met up, and saw his mom while they were speaking. The guys mother took the new girl upstairs with her as if his year-long S/O was not there. The new girl went upstairs and cut up everything..Pradas, Gucci sneakers, leather jackets..
2.Just remembered this..during undergrad my friend found out that her man was cheating. She told all of our friends to meet her at his apt. And to bring a friend. When I showed up there were about 30 females there. My friend was surrounded. By garbage bags smelling like bleach. Wew went up to his apt. And discovered that she had bleached everything, even the dirty clothes in the hamper. TVs were unplugged, which she kicked down the stairs. We were all wondering why she called us, and she was like "I'm going to the basketball court with the garbage bags and when he find out its his isht he might kill me. I need ya'll to rescue me". All I have to say is that what she did could not have been that bad because he later proposed to her.
All I have to say is that what she did could not have been that bad because he later proposed to her.
#FAIL
Congrats on the move homie!
Thanks. It was not fun … at all.
I wonder if you can buy a season pass to Magic City or Strokers? Hmmm ….
It would be the best Xmas gift EVER!
To quote Sex& The City, "Why is it that when women show up unannounced it crazy but when men do it it's romantic?" Men are so much more crazy then women; especially a manwith no pride. Notice to all men: when we say it will never happen, that's not code for purse me harder please.
I know couple that are both crazy, so I guess thats why the work. She doesn't allow him to watch movies with attractive women, unless she is with him, so you can imagine that his eyes isn't even allowed to glance at another female without my friend going off. At the same time, she's not allowed to wear certain outfits if guys are going to be in the vicinity. But hey the adore and love each other, been together for 5 years now.