Home Dating & Relationships Relationships Club Tiger: The Domestic Abuse Double Standard #swindle

Club Tiger: The Domestic Abuse Double Standard #swindle

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Don't you know no good???

By now, you’ve all heard the story: Tiger Woods was injured in a car accident on Friday outside of his home. Now when a billion dollar boy like Tiger is involved in a car accident, you’ll get normal hoopla. The craziest thing about this situation was that he was leaving his house at 2:30am. Where was he going? Well, it didn’t take long for TMZ to find out, as they reported that Tiger’s Wife, Ellen Nordegrin, confronted him about a possible affair, scratched up his face during an argument, and broke the mans back windshield with his favorite golf club! Well you knew twitter would go crazy, starting the #tigerwoodswife trending topic (for which ya boy got recognized in Honey Mags best Tweek ever). I got into a few debates over the issue and after hearing some comments I’m convinced that Domestic Violence against men is yet another double standard in this country.

No fancy lists or catch phrases to lead… I’m just going to throw  out a few statements I heard and my response;

Mack, I’m Goin’ IN!

“He cheated so he deserves what he gets!”

I won’t front, I know a lot of women who are ready to beat their men down if they step out. We make jokes, and even tell dudes to stop acting up before their shortys go “oops upside their head”. In actuality though, the mere fact that we feel comfortable knowing that a woman can wild out and hit a man and destroy his personal belongings is a PROBLEM! When we glorify and applaud behavior such as in the video below, we cosign domestic violence:

[youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZEz8by2XxI]

Men cheat. Women cheat. The numbers don’t *Jay-Z Laugh* I get that. Does that give women the right to go Ape sh*t (no pun intended) on personal belongings? Does that give women a free pass to light their boyfriends life up with 1,00 hand slaps? it’s funny how we know the answer to these questions yet we suffer from amnesia when these acts are committed. Besides, it hasn’t been proven that Tiger stepped out so all this violence is based off circumstantial evidence. Tiger should cite the 4th amendment against illegal search and seizure if she did “find anything”!

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“That’s what he gets for messing with a White woman!”

Some of you are incredible. I know some said it in jest, but a lot of you were dead serious. What does her race have to do with the cost of sex tea in Asia? Some have said they felt he married white to “have a safe and docile woman who wouldn’t wild out on him”. I’m sorry, but crazy only knows gender and NOT race! SBM showed you the signs of this craziness on Monday! I’ve heard stories from women of all races and nationalities who have done crazy sh*t to men who scorned them. Be afraid fellas! Race had nothing to do with this issue, and some of you were looking to roast Tiger for his choice in women. Keep it real! I mean, race shouldn’t be an issue anyway, because I don’t consider Tiger Woods to be black, even if he does lowkey look like Elvin from Cosby Show, but that’s another blog.

“Where’s the outrage over the domestic abuse against Tiger?”

I’m never the one to say “I told you so” but… We all knew that after the infamous Chris Brown / Rihanna incident, that people would watch closely for more instances of domestic abuse. I also knew, in the back of my head, that if the situation was reversed, that the outrage wouldn’t be as loud-spoken. Yea, Ellen may not be as famous or publicized as Chris Brown, but they are in the same celebrity public eye and both should have kept their hands to themselves! Yes, I know the severity of the injuries Chris Brown  inflicted upon Rihanna are a factor. However, while two wrongs, don’t make a right, she left scratches on Tiger’s face all the same. Same difference? I’m not looking to vindicate Chris Brown, but the way people demonized him in the media, I would expect to same from someone who scratched a man’s face up and defiled his vehicle with his OWN GOLFCLUBS!

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Tiger will perpetuate the double standard by not implicating his wife to police. Any man who cries domestic violence is ridiculed. Tiger loves privacy and doesn’t trust the press, so he will do his best to contain the issue. I believe Tiger left because he didn’t want to get his arse whooped wanted to avoid conflict. I also think he left because he learned from Chris Brown. He would rather walk away than lay a hand on his wife or do something stupid to lose that endorsement money his public image. Take it from someone who’s been followed during an argument with a significant other, threatened and provoked with phrases like “Why are you looking at me like that?! You gonna hit me?! Go head do it *pokes pokes pokes* DO IT!!”  It takes STRENGTH to walk away and calm down, and ladies you need to LET US WALK AWAY!I’m not asking Tiger to sit on Oprah’s couch in the fetal position and cry a river over getting slapped up, but I think we need to acknowledge the issue of domestic violence both ways!

Final Thoughts

I had another conversation over twitter with a young lady who commended Tiger’s wife for “reacting like the average woman and not a robot athlete’s wife”. This disturbed me, because she cosigned all of her actions under the guise of “normal behaviour”. After our twitter style rap battle conversation, I got to the root of her stance: She would beat her husband down if she cheated, and if he ever raised a hand to her, then “they would be fighting and then they’d reconcile”.  Does anyone else see an issue here?  Do you agree? It blows my mind how some aspects of domestic violence are accepted in society. I know I’ve heard many tales of couples who hit each other and still function well, and while I wasn’t shocked at the comment, it still made me think. At the end of the say, this double standard that men should not cry or can never be a victim of domestic abuse will get more people hurt and cause more suffering, because some men will retaliate, others will stay quiet and continue to get abused, while the rest will just “play it by ear”. I’ll never dictate how someone should live their life, but I think there should be equal ridicule and condemnation for domestic abuse, regardless of gender.

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Do you cosign this post? Any men out there who kept mum to abuse? What’s your views and experiences on this topic? let’s have a great discussion and get some answers.

One

Streetztalk: The Prime Minister of Tweet Nation

P.S. Ya Boy’s celebrating his Alphaversary today! Fall Lines welcome home!

Comment(52)

  1. Happy Alphaversary Mr. Black and Gold…

    Anyhooo…

    Ms. Lotus hates violence…"You told Harpo to beat me"??? Hell nooooo…..If we are in a situation that requires us to get violent, I will take the subway…metronorth…greyhound….shortline…heck drive a car with my broken heart out of your life….However, I do agree that there is a double standard. I know a lot of guys whose girlfriends will slap them upside the head in a heart beat if they step out of line. When you hear about these situations, the first that comes to mind is "what did he do"….Honestly, this might just be me, but I know more females that will lay their hands on a guy(not just his private parts) to hurt him, than I know guys that would dare to touch a female. One of my friends and her man beat on each other all of the time. At the end of the fight, they both have black and blue eyes….then everyone looks at him like "damn son…why the hell you did that for, you hit a FEMALE"????

    GRRRRR…Its the AM and I'm tired…that will be all for now…

    1. I think crazy knows no gender or race…everyone is crazy in their own way. I am not for domestic violence on any level but i can agree when seeing a woman flip out my first thought is what did he do? because people (women) don normally just flip out for nothing. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because im not for violence but i also feel knowing the person you love the most is cheating, lying and having no regard for you feelings by doing so has to hurt more than a slap to the face. the slap stingd and heels but that betrayal is forever. Again im not for violence but i am never surprised when i hear the back story in reference to woman flipping on mean. IMO when we think of domestic violence against women we think of a man with a short fuse just beating his wife for little to no reason, with violence against men its always seems to relate to him doing something (mainly cheating) and the woman flipping out.

  2. Proverbs 21:9 "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house."

    Take heed fellas, the issue of "brawling" women isn't new to the modern era. I do not understand for the life of me, why men stay with women who beat them. Men need to either just leave these women altogether, or call the cops on them. More women would get the message if more men did this.

    1. Co-Sign

      Although I think it'll take a lot of men calling the authorities before it's taken seriously.

      As I've seen and been of officers even in straight forward instances showing instinctual favor towards the female as the "obvious" victim.

      1. SOmething in me won't call the cops if a woman beat me… unless shes like Laila Ali or a female UFC chick, then its justified.. I don't know if I was bred that way or what, but I just feel like a punk callin the cops because a woman beat me… messed up right?

    2. mom and i were just discussing this bible verse the other day while watching For the Love of Ray J 2 (oxymoron right… Ray J and the bible?… same sentence? Lol) Those women are some brawlers for real. Clearly if the woman is beating on you… she has lost touch w/ reality and needs some kind of intervention. I mean due to media exposure I might justify ONE SLAP… in an EXTREMELY emotional state… but even that is pushing it. If he's taking you to that kind of place, you need to walk away. Period. Women who get beat justify the mans behavior by saying… he loves me. I won't leave b/c he loves me; he only does it b/c he doesn't know how to show that he loves me…

      Strange thing is men justify the women who "beat" on them the same way… she only hit me b/c she loves me and I was wrong. Or I really made her upset this time… I can see how much she cares. Just b/c you are physically able to take what she is dishing out doesn't mean that you should. & it really speaks volumes about the health of your relationship.

  3. From a public health perspective you are correct in saying that there is a double standard or as we would day disparity when it comes to female on male domestic violence. It is a sad but true state of affairs. The fact is that vioence within a relationship is never acceptable. As a member of the public health community this is a topic that has been discussed at length with fellow members. We admit that we rates we have for female:male violence are probably higher then what we have. Fact is most men let societal expectations get in the way.

    There are a lot of men who took their childrearing lessons to heart when they were told that they should never hit a woman regardless of whether she hit him. There are women who play on that. I say screw that. Hit their asses back. A wise man once told me that if I ever was going to hit a man I should be ready for the reaction.

    I used to tell my brother that if she hit first hit back. Now I tell him call me. You will not get away with degrading my brother. Hit him at your own risk. He may not hit back but he has a whole lot of sisters who will glady rap that ass up!

  4. The only option a man has is to leave F callin the cops. Cause in reality only one person is going to jail and thats the man. I would advise any brother no scratch that any brother or sister that is with a mate who is overly phisically like even play slaps upside the head and things like that GET OUT. its going to turn into something else fast

  5. i don't know…but i never came from the "hit a man" school. I always figured that since the man is the stronger gender…why open that can of worms RELYING on the fact that if he was raised right he will never hit you back? what if he WASN'T raised right? (ie: you should never hit a woman) you just might end up picking up your teeth like you dropped a bunch of tic tacs on the floor.

    the only people that know what happened between tiger and his wife are….TIGER AND HIS WIFE…everything else is suspect and irrelevant. I don't think that men or women should hit one another…and I think that if a person spends their time getting physical in a relationship (sans making love) that they should end the relationship…walk away…find someone more civilized.

  6. Thank you Streets for standing up for men's rights. For too long society has taken advantage of us and pushed in lessons and patterns that favor females.

    I completely co-sign this post. Tiger's life was almost lost due to these injuries. He was done 1000X worse than Rhianna, with a deadly weapon! Yet the outcry is null against his wife and she won't have to go through the same circus act that Chris Brown went through.

    On top of all this.. the only person getting his name run through the mud is Tiger b/c he MAY OR MAY NOT have cheated. No matter what.. no one should put hands on a loved one.

    There are no men's right thanks to people like Oprah and Ellen who only stand up for their own causes.

    1. there are double-standards that dont work in men's favor, yes..

      and nobody is denying that. and i'm not condoning that.

      but no men's rights?

      LOL.

      not really sure what world you're living in.

  7. You said what I was thinking. I've blogged before about women suppressing their crazy. However it's not just because your man might turn around and hit you, it's also because crazy is just not a good look. I'll be damned if I let you get me all out of sorts. That's just not how I roll. So I'd never be that chick to bust windows out of cars. So I too have an issue with the fact that a woman acting crazy is "normal".

    What I will never understand is how smart women, who had so much to say in the CB/Ri RI situation are so quiet now. Even making fun of Tiger, and wondering "well… what did he do?" I can't even believe that his infidelity is being brought up over the fact that… HIS WIFE PUT HER HANDS ON HIM. This man was runTING for his life! The women making fun of him are the most anti-double standard (i guess when applied to women), power to the people, I've ever seen yet they aint stepping up for Team Tiger. Please! I need answers!

    1. What I will never understand is how smart women, who had so much to say in the CB/Ri RI situation are so quiet now. Even making fun of Tiger, and wondering “well… what did he do?”

      ^^^

      THIS!!

    2. I'm glad you see things rationally. The anti-Tiger sentiments are increasing from the women while the guys are shaking their had at Tiger's sloppiness. The double standard is one that is really starting to get to me. Like I've said before…none of this is teaching the lesson it needs to teach.

  8. I agree with CHeekz. Tiger will be blamed any way you flip the story.If you wanted to push the envelope a little farther, race may come into play from the views in the situation.

    1. I was thinking the same thing… like watch they work the fact that he is "black" into this. He had to cheat b/c he is black. I just feel it in my bones. Next thing you know they'll be saying he's related to OJ and there was a gold glove involved. Ugh.

      My initial reaction don't try to lump him w/ us now… his ass wanted to be Cablasian when he started, now that he got that arse whopped he can continue to be Cablasian. Thanks.

  9. I was reading this article about Tiger the other day where he was being attacked and i'll say this, maybe people aren't coming at him from a double standard but they are giving him the same they would anyone. Listen to me for a second, people attack women who don't report abuse from their husbands, just as people are attacking Tiger for supposedly doing the same. Just offering another theory for the jury to deliberate over.

    Nobody should be hitting anyone that's just wrong. Is there a double standard? Hell yes, a man is supposed to be stronger than a woman so he shouldn't lay his hands on a woman. Even if a woman lays her hands on him, he's supposed to be stronger so even when provoked, he should be docile, because he's expected to be stronger, but never show it. (Add this to the list of dumb ish that women have told us over the years but we never really thought it made any sense.)

    Listen, people stop hitting one another. But i'm never going to ever feel comfortable with a woman wailing on a man and not expecting him to react. If you beat the crap out of your man, or hit him with something, and he knocks your ass out. You're both wrong, but you a little more because you instigated it. A man can only take but so much. And now in the eyes of the law he will go to jail. So I agree with the previous quote too, JUST LEAVE.

  10. "what if he WASN’T raised right? you just might end up picking up your teeth like you dropped a bunch of tic tacs on the floor." – @redlady821 Lmao! I co-sign that alllll the way! If you're willing to lay a hand on a man, be willing to suffer the consequences when he goes in on that a**. I'm not one to condone any act of violence in relationships regardless of what the case may have been. I figured every1 learned like I did in elementary "keep your hands to yourself". A man nor woman never has the right to get violent whenever they become angered or upset. I will say it's a grave situation when ppl believe that women have the right to get violent bc a spouse may or may not have cheated. I remember watching a very old episode of 20/20 where this couple openly spoke on the abuse going on in their marriage and it as surely the HUSBAND who was being abused by the wife. What killed me was how proud the wife was while talking about everything she put this man through and mind u, she wasn't a small lady, homegirl was pretty darn intimidating and her husband was this skinny lanky man. I was baffled while watching and this was quite a few years ago. This woman saw no problems with her abusing this poor man. Sad situation to b in especially when no one sees a problem with it. Great post.

  11. I hate violence and I would never raise my hand to a man. It's best to just walk away, plus I like big guys so I'm not tryna get slapped down either. I think this is an excellent example of how crazy comes in all races. I've heard the arguments on how Black women are overly aggressive when its all women these days. As a society more of us are quick to get violent then to come to peaceful terms. I understand not wanting to implicate his wife but the truth should be acknowledged that its not OK for a woman to hit a man. And even though Tiger got his Black card revoked in the racial draft ima just say "they need to lock that crazy white gal up for hitting that brotha" lol….

  12. I'm looking at some FB comments now:

    "I think it's funny how Tiger Wood's wife went at him with a golf club because she caught him cheating. A golf club is what he used to make his $$$ and that is what he got his a$$ beat with. Mad props to his wife!" —one of my FB Friends and Co-workers

    I see why Tiger is laying low and blanketing everything, however I notice that most of these women who inflict violence to their SO are usually cheered on. I've been saying for some time and have plenty of literature to confirm it, that women are becoming more violent and just as heavy handed as men. I see it in the little girls I used to teach; the girls did a lot more fighting than the boys, the boys used to just cause more commotion. Even after the Chrianna Crisis I began to wonder if anyone was going to address Female to Male violence? Apparently not: Most people I speak to say that Rhianna was a victim to that bow tie wearing boy, regardless of if she struck first or did any kind of physical harm. The domestic violence double standard proves the type of misandry that this country perpetuates.

    1. I totally agree. The little girls that I teach are also more violent than the boys, and they are only FOUR years old. At first I thought that I just have a violent class…but thats the general observation amongst teachers…I'm not trying to justify any violent actions. Everyone should just keep their hands to themselves…We have learned this from a young age..

      If Tiger thinks that this violence won't be repeated…he will be like all of those victims that are constantly battered…

  13. i 100% cosign this post. i am against all forms of physical violence. the part that bothers me most about this situation is the fact that people (mostly women) i've spoken to seem to feel that tiger deserved what he got. he may have cheated, and he may not have but i'm almost positive that the reason he was driving away barefoot was because he wanted to avoid a confrontation.

    i just don't know how some people can grasp their minds around the idea that its normal and acceptable for a woman to put their hands on a man. i don't care if she is physically smaller than him. after the chris brown incident many people said he should have walked away and as streetz pointed out, women can and will follow you continuing the physical abuse and provocation. at this point what is a man supposed to do? wait till she retrieves a weapon or something that could really do some damage (which i have seen personally)?

    when people say thats what he gets for messing with a white women i call bullshit. first tiger woods is 50% black at best, so he's just supposed to mess with black women to appease you? gtfoh. more than likely most black women aren't going to go for a guy like tiger anyway so i'm sure he's right where he needs to be and where he feels more comfortable. he shouldn't be scrutinized for that.

    1. when people say thats what he gets for messing with a white women i call bullshit. first tiger woods is 50% black at best, so he’s just supposed to mess with black women to appease you? gtfoh. more than likely most black women aren’t going to go for a guy like tiger anyway so i’m sure he’s right where he needs to be and where he feels more comfortable. he shouldn’t be scrutinized for that.

      ^^

      Couldnt have said it better

      1. @Ms. Lotus,

        funny because most black women i know wouldn't (outside the fact that he's worth 1 billion dollars) and you're telling me a black woman wouldn't have done what his wife did or maybe worse?

        1. Guess it depends on where you are from cuz

          1. I feel myself leaning for the mixed brothers these days… I need some kinda black but the pure bred brothers are messing it up. Anyways… that's another post.

          and 2. I never would have whopped his ass like that and I'm black. I would've calmly hired me a dectective if there were some adultery type situations going on and proven that he is guilty. I would've taken it to his face first (give him a chance to explain himself and come clean) and if he decided with her is where he wanted to be then we would've divorced. That pre-nup would've been void cuz his ass cheated and everybody would be happy.

          Problem Solved.

  14. I find it funny that he admitted to transgressions damn near a week after the incident. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't thought the American people were super stupid to believe that at 2:something in the morning, he was leaving his house and just happened to get into an accident. Americans are stupid (two terms of Bush) but not THAT stupid. We didn't need TMZ to tell us what was up. Tiger needs to go somewhere and sit down, lick his wounds, be seen at a baptist church, and put out a public service announcement.

    1. True…as long as he doesn't put his hands on her, he will be fine…If he does…thats it for his career, endorsements and all…I think that Tiger is thinking about his kids…

    2. I don't think Tiger needs to do any of this.

      A PSA? When in life does a victim ever put out a PSA?

      All Tiger needs to do is win four more majors and past Jack Nicholason.

      The losers who actually care about celebrity sex lives aren't his niche crowd. Golfers don't read the tabloids. He owes dumb America nothing and Golf America doesn't care.

      Powerful men cheat on their wives. His crowd = Powerful men.

    3. Why is the fact that he was leaving his house at 2am suspect? You've never needed something and had to run to the store at 2am?

  15. Meeka: ”A wise man once told me that if I ever was going to hit a man I should be ready for the reaction.”

    I couldn’t have said it better myself. I would never hit a woman. I can beat down any woman on this planet (yes, including you Laila) and probably 95% of the men, but I never get physical with anyone because I’m aware I’m stronger than most people.

    That being said, if a woman hits a man first, I have no problem and no pity for her if he beats her belligerent a$$ into the ground. If you cross a line into physicality, then you deserve what you get. Men are smart enough to know this; you don’t see the average guy walking up to Kimbo Slice or Brock Lesnar, hitting them and thinking, “well, he’s a lot bigger and stronger than me, so he doesn’t have a right to retaliate.” From what I’ve heard (although I haven’t paid much attention to it), Rihanna hit Chris first. And she deserved every bruise, black eye and broken bone she subsequently received. A lot of women really think they can get away with saying and doing things that a man would catch a good ol' fashioned, passionate a$$ whupping for.

    Nicki: ”And even though Tiger got his Black card revoked in the racial draft…”

    Actually, Tiger officially received his black card in the racial draft!

  16. I'm gonna keep my opinion short and sweet…

    I think this happens every single day. My opinion remains the same as it does with CB/RiRi, former Pres. Clinton, and many other famous men and women. At the end of the day, it is THEIR personal business and they should deal with it accordingly. They owe nothing to us but their profession and their talent, b/c that's what we pay for.

    Domestic violence is unacceptable from either sex no matter what the situation. So she is wrong for assaulting him, HOWEVER, one can understanding where the rage and frustration derived from. I'm just saying……. See More

    What stands out to me the most is how these random jumpoffs come out of the woodwork and want to through dirt on his name all of a sudden. It's not like Tiger is an average Joe who can hide his marital status. We call know his wife, how she looks, and even how his infant looks as well. So they know WHO they were messing with and what to expect IF the truth come to light. Yet to save some sort of their dignity, they jump on the bandwagon and want to release text messages and voice mails? Come on ma….

    1. I cosign this 100%. I never understood what throwing the man under the bus did for you! You're confirming that you let Tiger jumpoff, you will not be glorified! That type of vengeance is uncalculated and untargeted. A waste really

  17. I remember telling you that I as a woman, feel her pain, however I totally believe she should've been arrested that night because if she was another race, a la lionel richie's wife (recall the boondocks episode lol) she would've been charged with attempted murder. A slap is one thing….a golf club or any other form of weapon is just another kettle of fish, imo. Of course the other women are gonna come out the woodwork now! They are tryin to get a piece of that 6 billion he's hangin onto. It's sad b/c he had that target on his chest just for being a black athlete…however my sympathy stops there. I'm so glad it didnt turn into a Mcnair type situation, but seriously karma, God, whatever has a way of stopping hurtful selfish behavior in its tracks. He should be grateful he got out of this virtually unscathed and try to do better next time.

  18. You know…this actually is making my blood boil. I remember commenting on a post someone made way back talking about men getting their azzes whooped by their wives with a female associate of mine. So of course the complimentary "weak men" got thrown around. I have long argued about the double standard and the fact that most DV incidents that are reported, the women make up a large number of aggressors yet the men still go to jail or worse. Now…I posted a video up where two actors were sent to a park in order to act out a DV situation. The man, trying to sit and read the newspaper, was being slapped, punched and pushed by a woman who was begging him to "pay attention to her." So…as passersby went by this debacle, most of the guys looked nervous but kept going. The women…almost all of the ones who passed by cheered and waived their fist as to say "victory." When asked why, they said "he probably deserved it…he was probably cheating." No one came to his assistance and only one person actually called the cops. If the scenario was reversed, you know what would happen. The reaction that my friend gave to the video was "LOL…I watched it, he was a weak azz man." Disturbing. Very disturbing.
    http://news.ufl.edu/2006/07/13/women-attackers/

  19. Oh and to add….People whose feelings are hurt act out in crazy fashion… male or female. Everyone gets betrayed I just dont feel it should be the norm b/c I'm hearing a lot about how she should've expected certain things… that's my final .02 cent lol

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