Home Dating & Relationships Men's Relationship Advice 5 Ways to know She AIN’T “the one”

5 Ways to know She AIN’T “the one”


We all have found ourselves in situations we didn’t want or need to be in.

I’m not talking about the awkward moment when you accidentally talked about backshots in front of your girlfriend’s dad, or the time your boyfriend yelled at you about squirting all over the bedroom without knowing that your church group was in the living room.

No, I’m talking about relationships.

This is something that spans both sexes, multiple races, and happens on every single continent.  But … since I am merely one “Single” Black Male … I can only speak on what I know.  And that’s the gleaming moment in a guy’s life when he realizes that she is not “the one”.

There are a lot of things that cloud our minds when it comes to determining a girl is no good.  No gag reflex, an extremely “open mind”, and several years of professional acrobatic training.  These things have kept many a good man (and woman) in situations that they just needed to run from … and I’m talking about sprinting, no looking back, the cops are chasing me type of running.

So as I strive to imbue my wisdom lessons learned from a true life of randomness.  I leave you with:

5 Ways to Know that she AIN’T “The One”

She fails the door-lock test

See Also:  5 Things Men Should Eventually Accept about Women and Relationships

Anyone who has seen “A Bronx Tale” knows exactly what I am talking about.  If you let her into your car, and she makes no effort to ensure that your door is unlocked for you when you go to open it … then she probably isn’t “The One”.  It seems simple and stupid, but a girl that really cares for you will keep you on her mind.

She never ever ever supports you

Whether it’s a new business venture, a new car purchase, or just your choice of a tie in the morning.  If she can’t root for “team you” … then she needs to be put out as a free agent.  Something that is stressed less and less as time goes on, but is very important is the fact men need a little bit of coddling support.  If we aren’t getting it from our girl … then off to the strip club for dollar bill therapy!

She doesn’t look good to you anymore

Now, this may just be me … but when I love a woman … and I mean really really love her from the depths of my being … she always looks good.  Personally, that is the surest way I can tell when I’m done with a girl.  Doesn’t matter if you put on weight, changed your hair, or did something else … as long as my heart still yearns for you … you are Ms. America to me.  If you suddenly can’t even win Ms. PG County in my eyes … time to go.

See Also:  Typical Mistakes All Men Make In Dating: Part I

You keep thinking of reasons not to see her

If you don’t want to see her … she aint “the one”.  I mean … do I need to say more.

The beats are bad

Just like the beauty comment, if you really feeling someone and your attracted to the real “essence” of her … your smashing and beats are gonna be good.  Bad beats = relationship death.

As always, the list is left incomplete on purpose.  I only know a little bit … but together … we know a lot (yeah … that was inspirational … wasn’t it).  Can someone please complete my list?

– SBM aka “I swear she was a dime before … now she ain’t even a nickel”

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  1. LOL @ the door lock test. My brother-in-law taught me that many years ago. I don't bump into many brothers that open doors but yeah. Even with power locks that opens all the doors at once I think it' still polite to reach over and physically push the door open a little.

    All the other things are true indeed I would guess. Especially the part about looking good. I've dated this guy for a long time and sometime I would come in and look a mess and he'd be like you are beautiful…*fidgets with hair* like really?!?! Even today LOL

    Good Post!



    1. "I don’t bump into many brothers that open doors"

      LOL…I'd just stand and wait…men usually get the hint that the door needs to be opened.

      1. I can't speak for every guy … but women who stand and wait for the door to be opened are clearly not "the one".

        I can understand a pause, but the full out arms crossed wait is so so extra.

        1. LOL! I hear you. Okay, I was exaggerating…but I've done it before.

          But I guess this case is different…My BF and I have been dating for quite a while, so he doesn't get offended when I do that- just like if I slip on something he's accustomed to me doing he'll mention it. Truthfully, when we first started dating he always opened my door, and I in turn would make sure his door was unlocked. 🙂 Little things like that are appreciated.

          Crossing arms and whatnot, yes that's extra. But I've never dated someone who didn't open my door, at least for the first few dates until we got a bit more comfortable. It's just the gentlemanly thing to do.

        2. I understand and I don't mean to detract from your greatness … but the arms crossed would have your entrance into the whip denied.

          Yeah … left on the corner.

        3. Let me reiterate…I personally have never "crossed my arms" waiting for my door to be opened, but I have certainly paused before entrance into the vehicle and, upon realizing why I paused, the gentleman opened the door for me….But again, I've never actually gone out with someone who just went to his side of the car and got in without remembering to unlock my side…until we were past the first few dates.

  2. In the age of powerlocks and keyfobs, I really don't understand the "leaning over to push the door open for him". For real? Like me climbing over the car (especially if its an SUV or truck) to crack open his door is that important?

    Seems like there are other ways to see if a woman is truly looking out for you & has your best interests at heart, than her climbing over the car to "unlock" a door that's already open. *shrug*

    1. LOL…I think this worked in the days of cars w/out power locks.

      I wouldn't lean over to push a man's door open…that looks ridiculous. BUT, I do make sure the boo's door is unlocked before he reaches the driver's side…You never know- the power lock may not be working, or instead of using the electronic key fob he *gasp* simply used the key to unlock your door; in such cases manually unlocking his door would be extremely polite.

      Then again, you can just press the unlock button on the passenger side to ensure it is indeed unlocked…lol

      1. Understandable…but most newer cars, including my 2006, doesn't even have a "lock" on any of the passenger doors for you to put a key into…its only on the drivers door. So if he's opening my car door first ,then he would have had to hit the keyfob to unlock all the doors *shrug*

        1. Now that I think about it, I don't even know if my car has a lock on the passenger door…I always use the key fob.

          Things that make you go "hm……."

      2. No, I think the "Door test" is a wonderful test becuase it test a person character. What if the power locks doesent work? Will you finally get off your "high-horse" and manually open the door? Yeah, you probably look at a person as if he was a "space cadet" while he is getting drenched. Now THAT looks ridicullous. Chilvary goes both ways. I do admit, when taking a female out to a restaurant, I dont pull out any chairs becuase I'm a gentelman, not a servant.

        1. ok and you're probably the same guy that wants her to cook for you and clean up behind you, but you can't be chivalrous and pull her chair out? what about when you both approach the car…will you open the door for her to get in before you expect her to unlock your door???

        2. Ok…and should I encounter a guy who has some malfunctioning locks I'd be happy to help out, or suggest we take my car. But the idea that a chick so have to climb over the car everytime to get some type of "I'm the one!" points is silly to me.

    2. I have personally decided that a woman who makes sure my door is unlocked by using the internal power locks will successfully pass the test for me.

      I really need to re-invent this test for 2006.

      1. My boo still opens my door and I reach over and open his already unlocked door…its like clock work, I never think twice about it…but yea maybe we need to re-invent the test for 06 lol.

  3. Question for the fellas:

    What if you're dating a woman who's educated, supportive, beautiful etc, but the sex isn't all that great? Not so much because she doesn't try, but it just doesn't stack up when compared to an ex (or past jumpoff).


    1. It would honestly take a lot to break up with someone because the sex doesn't compare to a past person. Quite honestly, I think women are more likely to break up with a dude because of that than a man. That also seems to be the popular consensus on these blogs…since so many folks take their sex very seriously. A chick not being able to do a somersault onto my piece like the last one isn't going to make her any less desirable to me. But of course, that is just me.

      1. co-SIGN!

        She doesn't have to be the best I ever had (No Shopping Bag Drizzy)…

        I'm still going to get my nut at the end of the day, so if we are talking about a wifey.. I'll stay for the personality.

        HOWEVER, that is mearly if the quality of beats is lower (you can't suck the whole thing, or can't ride like Roxy Reynolds)… if the effort or if she is timid in the bedroom, I might have to leave. I don't care how good you are are supporting me.. if you don't bless the mic or let me stick a finger in your booty you are getting cut.

        1. Truf! They won't even get a nomination based on bad beats. You can only take so much of a lame chick.

        2. "if you don’t bless the mic or let me stick a finger in your booty you are getting cut"

          Speaking of the latter, why in the world is that something y'all enjoy???

        3. "Speaking of the latter, why in the world is that something y’all enjoy???"

          It's nasty and most guys are nasty motherf****s.

          Personally, I'm usually doing it to prepare you for something of more significance in that same place.

        4. Yea, see…that's what I figured…I definitely made it clear I wasn't trying to explore that option a while back, but I guess that action is supposed to help change my mind? lol I'm attempting to thwart any attention given to that region….

        5. "Speaking of the latter, why in the world is that something y’all enjoy???"

          Here is a question for you… Why in the world is that something you don't???

          We like it for two reasons

          1) I can feel my piece while pipping

          2) We like to do things to women that outside of the bedroom are considered disgusting or taboo. Its like the thrill of breaking the law…

        6. Eh hem…never said I didn't; I just wanted to know why it is so enjoyable to y'all…I assumed it was what SBM said –it's prep for something greater– I just wanted to be sure…

        7. Its not always just preparation for that though. Several times do I know its not a possibility, but I just do it because … well … I'm a nasty ****

          It's always about pushing the envelope until you finally get the "you crossed the line" look.

  4. Its funny how I'm having a little love issue, and read the title, and said maybe this would give me some clarity.

    This is a great list, i think one to add is, if she/he gets jealous by the interaction you have with your family..they aren't the one.

    Any who, I'm still in the dark with my situation, but good post SBM.

    1. Well … hopefully we can slowly bring some clarity and sunshine to your situation.

      You can always send in an email. Can't promise it'll go up … but I'm trying to get better about that.

      1. Blame it on the school, got me feeling stressed..lol. In my third year of college and a Business minor to my nursing major, meaning one more additional year to my graduation date. But I was still lurking around the blog world. But I'M BACK!

  5. i know everyone has mentioned the door lock — but that is the only thing i was going to comment on. i can't remember the last time i was in a car without power locks. i DO however make sure that the power lock is open on the driver side of the car before my man gets in. (every now and then if you have forgotten something and need to run back into the house a few times, it helps to know that the other person is paying attention).

  6. "your boyfriend yelled at you about squirting all over the bedroom"

    What kind of man would complain about such a beautiful thing….

  7. The power locks thing is definitely an issue. As my man and I take turns driving (and we both have keys to the cars), sometimes you can forget the common courtesy of making sure the other person's door is unlocked. However, in most "modern" cars, pressing the keyfob once only unlocks the driver's side door, and you have to click twice in quick sucession to make sure the passenger and back doors are unlocked.

    ….It's the little things.

    The male equivalent of the door-lock test is the "gas pump test". You conjure up a situation where the female needs to drive. Then, you go to the gas station. Ladies, if you pull up to the pump and he doesn't take his seatbelt off to get out and pump your gas…he's a "SCRUB" and you should take him immediately back where you got him from.

    1. This is a test I use too!!! I had to fill up my rental car the night before heading to the airport in a city I was unfamiliar with. It was 1 o’clock in the morning and as im fidgeting for my card in my purse, I just knew he was gonna get out and ask for my card to pump the gas for me or something…WRONG! He sat his tail in the passenger seat and didn’t get out til I was nearly done pumping. To make matters worse he had already slept a good 45 minutes on me on the way back from an opposite end of town snoring profusely. He definitely “aint’ the one” because no matter how tired I am – I will keep myself awake to keep the driver company.

    2. I will admit … I failed this test once and only once. I don't remember what I was doing, but I remained in the car.

      I will say I caught myself at the end and did jump out right as it was all done and apologized. This was back in 2006 though … I was young.

  8. I think when you've met the one you just know it. The funny thing is, knowing it might one day convince you that you've met the one, but then that person will hurt you. Going to show you that there isn't just only ONE.

  9. If your girl doesn't reach over to unlock your door she is probably already considering finding a new man with a better car that has remote entry.

    If you really like a girl the sex and they way she looks won't matter too much.

    Now if she doesn't support you, get rid of her. If somebody is not on board with your vision than you're not goin anywhere.

  10. Loving the "bad beats"…never heard that before and am laughin' my ass off because that is SO SO a deal breaker for me and my current situation actually!

    Another she ain't the one: If you find yourself always asking her how her day was and she has a lot to say but never asks how your day was….that's emotionally one sided and she's definitely NOT the one.

    1. I'm gonna have to sorta disagree on this one. Some people just ask how the other person's day was simply because they want to talk about their own. Now it comes an issue of hidden selfishness.

  11. When you're mind tries to #swindle your heart that its all good and there's no need to break up, she's NOT the one.lol.

    I'd also say if you become CSI and investigate me, go through my personal belongings, etc, you get the proverbial deuces chucked at you

  12. trust me the pushing the door thing for the guys means alot to them, i always did it but i was dating this one guy that flipped when i leaned over and pushed his door open for him. it was no big deal to me i was just being generous but he deemed it very important. but i guess it explains why.

  13. First off, I LOVE "A Bronx Tale" but I don't push open the driver's side door. That just seemed like you're trying too hard to reenact a movie scene. I always watch them walk to their side of the car, and make sure nothing crazy happens but I don't climb over the seat to open the door. I'd like to think the fact that I'm attentive and giving in other ways makes up for the lack of manual-powered lock opening. Maybe I's wrong…


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