I was recently told some chilling words that I had forgot about as a grown man. Words that took me back to youthful anxiety and made me realized some things still get me shook. Those words:
“My Dad wants to talk to you” from the boo
Oh boy … I get to spend some quality time with her pops.
Let me elaborate. I’ve already met this man. While I was told to be scared and warned of his gun collection (he really has one), upon meeting him he was nice. He didn’t grill me or beat me down too bad. We talked casually, and thinks went relatively well. Crisis averted and now I could move on with life … right?
*flashback circa 2007* (I’m in my early 20’s … and so is she)
SBM: *rings doorbell of dates house. She lives with parents. Forewarned on ride over I will have to meet them*
Date’s Dad: “Well hello. Welcome. Come in and take a seat.”
SBM: *thinks about how young he was last time he met a girl’s parent’s on the first date* “How are you doing sir?”
Date’s Dad: *as he eyes me up and down* “I’m doing fine. Just fine. So … what do you do for a living?”
SBM: “Well I work for *edit* doing *edit* with computers.”
Date’s Dad: “Ok. That’s a good company. I’ve heard of them plenty.”
Date’s Mom: “Oh hi. How are you?”
SBM: *thinks “OMG”* “I’m fine. You?”
Date’s Mom: “Good. So how do you know *daughter’s name*?”
SBM: “Oh, we met through a friend. You know *friend’s name*?”
Date’s Mom: “Oh yes. We know here family. So SBM, do you drink or smoke?”
SBM: *suddenly nervous. This is getting crazy.* “Well, I do drink on occasion.”
Date’s Mom: “Well this is a Christian house!!! We don’t drink or smoke!”
SBM: *thinks of how he finally got daughter’s number at the club after buying her a drink.* “Yes Ma’am.”
Date: *finally enters room* “Hey SBM. I’m ready, let’s go.”
Date’s Mom: “Take care of my baby. No speeding. No running red lights.”
SBM: *running out the door* “Ok.”
Yes … this is real. And trust me … it was a lot worst than the conversation leads on. I had to cut a lot out to make sure I didn’t overwhelm ya’ll. Now, at the time I had graduated college and was working. My date was in Law school and staying at home to save money. I was told I would meet the parents while in the car to pick her up. The whole situation was crazy. I didn’t know at that age parent’s still screened first dates?!?!
Because of this one encounter … I still fear meeting parents to this day.
Part of me feels silly though. I’m an adult. I can deal with other adults in an adult manner. I have clients that are sometimes twice my age. I have colleagues that have kids who I could have gone to school with. Meeting, impressing, and befriending another adult should be no problem at all. I have enough charm to disarm a protective father, right? I have enough to talk about to prove I’m not some bum, right?
But suppose I get scolded again for liking the hooch (liquor) … *shivers*
SBM family, I need help. How do you cope with meeting the parents? Is it something you sweat? Do you just refuse to do it and don’t care what they think? Are the feelings of your parents towards your significant other even still relevant? What do you do or how would you do it?
– SBM aka Mr. Loved by parents aka Gonna grill any date of his future daughter aka Gaylord Focker