Home Dating & Relationships Dating Mythbusters: The SBM Dating Edition

Mythbusters: The SBM Dating Edition


Welcome to 2010! New year, same #swindle. After the week I’ve experienced so far, you wouldn’t believe the type of nonsense and fallacies I’ve heard in my presence! I realize that there are many myths in the world regarding sex, relationships, and dating that we either recognize and accept as status quo, or fail to see. As the self proclaimed Sultan of #Swindle, it’s my duty and privilege to expose some of these myths and bring them to life. Walk with me:

Good Dancing = Great s*xing

This is one of the most common misconceptions about dating ever! I’ve heard stories about women who could drop it like its hot on the dancefloor, only to be colder than a penguins left titty betwixt the sheet. Just because you excel athletically doesn’t mean you’ll excel passionately! Now this doesn’t exclude all dancers, I can even think of 10 reasons why dating a dancer is awesome! However, don’t bet the farm that these people are superman/woman lovers based on proper coordination. You may end up with a flexible lame duck.

Going Dutch on Date #1 or Having the Women Pay = Sexy/Economical

I’ve said this many times fellas:  Do NOT fall for the #swindle! This is about as routine as your heart beating involuntarily. Some aspects of dating are just a given. Men paying for date number one is just one of many givens. Don’t look at it as a bad thing. See it more as a customary attempt to keep some traditiion sacred. Fear not fellas, I’m submitted a proposal for mandatory head with dessert on the ladies behalf. Hopefully we can force it through Congress without opposition (no Stimulus Package).

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Light Skinned = Dime All The Time

Quite possibly the hugest fallacy in the history of dating. I can drop science about imperialism, European influence, slavery, and other topics in that vein, but I’ll assume that you can google these topics are well versed in the background for these types of perceptions. It boggles my mind when some dudes will go for a lighter skinned woman based on the SOLE fact that she has fair skin over a darker shade of skin, when the light skin woman is clearly busted! I question a man’s intelligence and taste if they can’t appreciate a woman for their other features. This point actually prompted me to write this blog, when I saw a woman during my commute and literally said in my mind “Just because you’re light skinned you aint cute heffa!” There’s no reason you can’t have certain preferences when dating, but to actually believe the hype that light skin can turn someone from a 5 with extra credit to a 10 is asinine! Now, while this may offend my skintone connect UGH, I had to keep it real and put this notion to bed.

So these are only a few, and I know there’s many more! Let me know what other myths arise within this dating game! Do you cosign these points? Let’s speak on it!

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  1. BINGO!

    Good sex and dancing do not correlate at all. I am also light skinned and will agree with you on that point as well. It actually annoys me the dumb things guys think and say about light skinned women. Supposedly, we are mean, bougy, stuck up, etc. Not true. I can't stand the "she thinks she's cute" assumption either. Give me a break. You actually did the same thing Streetz, according to your post. Its all a myth just like you said.

    I would like to add also that, the biggest myth of all time is that all black men are hung like horses. That is simply not true in alot of cases.

    Good post.

  2. Myth: He introduced you to his mom/friends, so he must be really really into you.

    Myth: Going dutch (on any date 1st, 5th, 96th) or expecting a woman to pay for dinner is cool. And chivalry is out of style.

      1. No, a woman shouldn't HAVE to pay, ever. If she offers, or feels it would be nice to, fine, but I don't feel she should be made to feel as if it is ever necessary for her to do so. It's a man's job to protect and provide, and if he's not doing that, what exactly is he there for. I know and understand that buying dinner doesn't equal providing for that woman, but it's symbolic. Plus, it's just food. Of course she can afford to pay for it, but you can, too. It's funny to me how some men would like a woman to approach him/show interest first, be submissive, share with him her body (including giving great head), and pay for his and her dinner at a restaurant 2 out of 4 meals, or at least her own food. For real, it's just dinner.

        I used to waitress at a strip club that had a full menu (the food is really good, by the way), and the dancers would eat about 3-5 times a night because the men would eat, and buy the dancer of their choice food as well, and they would sit down and eat and drink together as if they were on a date. After he bought their dinner, he would usually buy a table dance from her, and then if she got on stage, he would either make it rain or put money in her g-string. This is not a woman he is interested in getting to know, he is not interested in the possibility of making her his future girlfriend/wife/mother of children to be, 9 out of 10 times he has not had sex with her, and 4 out of 10 times, he knows that he never will. Yet, he just spent a minimum of $70 on this woman (and that's on the cheap side), and he was there spending last week, and next week, he'll be back spending. I don't think it's too much to ask that he does the same, if not more, for a woman he is actually interested in. Not saying that every man goes to the strip club, but every man has his vices and peels off money as if it's nothing on the things and people he feels are worth it. I think it's foolish that the understanding that a man should pay for dinner should even have to be debated or explained.

        1. You better go on w/ this BS. A women cant pay for the 100th dinner ever?

          "For real, it’s just dinner." – Then pay for it sometime. Not even most times, not even half, how about once?

          "Of course she can afford to pay for it, but you can, too." – As indicated by the other 99 times i paid for it, I'm not too sure if you can pay for it b/c you havent.

          "It’s funny to me how some men would like a woman to approach him/show interest first, be submissive, share with him her body (including giving great head), and pay for his and her dinner at a restaurant 2 out of 4 meals, or at least her own food. " – B/c a man would like to have the 72nd dinner paid for, he wants all of this? Doesnt make sense.

          Also, i'm gonna treat every woman i meet like the women in the strip club

        2. " used to waitress at a strip club that had a full menu (the food is really good, by the way),"

          You should be ashamed of youself. How dare you………

          not tell us the name of this club!

  3. Fly: "No, a woman shouldn’t HAVE to pay, ever. If she offers, or feels it would be nice to, fine, but I don’t feel she should be made to feel as if it is ever necessary for her to do so. It’s a man’s job to protect and provide, and if he’s not doing that, what exactly is he there for."

    Let the deluge of comments begin!

  4. Why is it in the early 90s, when Michael Jordan blew up, and dark skinned people finally began to examine the self loathing and prejedice they experienced. When dark skinned people finally began to feel good about themselves and dark skin became cool. Why is it people couldn't just live with that and be happy about that. But ever since then it hasn't been enough. So many dark skinned people feel the need to punish and ridicule and just generally hate on light skinned people. Just fuckin sad and gettin real old. I say if to anyone that feels the need to hate on light skinned folks, get yourself esteem up. And get your heart right.

  5. Wow – there some hot licks flyin' around here today. I'm going to dodge the heat on the light skin vs. dark skin thing and just say this…

    I wasn't aware that people thought this at all, until I was trapped in a car during a very long road trip with a woman who clearly didn't have a lot of black friends. She told me that whenever she watched black people dance she got really hot, because she knew that all that rhythm would translate to a whole lot of passion in the bedroom. When I pointed out that there might be a possibility that people with rhythm may be inhibited in the bedroom based on a host of other things like their socialization, beliefs about sex, etc, i was quickly poo pooed, and she said…

    'On come on now, how could that be. You know what they say about black men.'


    1. Now now now…. I have to disagree.

      I think the african-american/latino culture raises better lovers than other cultures. I'm not going to say all good lovers come from our homes, or that every latino beats every Italian.

      I just think we have a standard understanding of stroke is better, b/c our language is so graphic. The numbers actually stand by my theory, but I'll have to google the survey.

  6. 2 and 3 are just stupid. I can't believe people actually still think that crap. In fact I would say 3 is the opposite. When you find that good looking dime dark girl (she is probably from Guyana, maybe Trini or Brazil) nothing is more exotic. Plus the look of dark skin next to pink insides….. well you get my point.

    But I really want to talk about 1. Like streetz was saying, personality to the best judge of how a person is in the sack. While alot of people who can dance sexy don't know how to be sexy. At least they have the ability to learn. You can teach and work with potential. I'll never forget.. me and my boy Cali use to always talk about this chick in college. It wasn't just that she danced well, she danced with PASSION! She use to break negroes off on the dance floor. She was a thick monster, an animal, a man eater. She would grind and drop with the focus of beyonce. I am honored to say that I hit it, and she completely lived up to the billing. Amazing ride game, amazing endurance, the best! Damn I should have wifed her! Anyway, I just have faith that other good dancers can live up to the standard that she set. But I realize that I am just taking one example and making it the rule.

  7. i agree with all these.

    the light skinned one as well. like i always say "busted comes in all skin tones". people who give extra points for being a certain hue are funny to me. the only thing i care about a woman's skin is that it's healthy (i.e.-absence of excessive acne, moisturized).

    the dancing one is a toss up. it could really go either way so i wouldn't equate the two.

  8. Man…#2 to me = fair date. I'm of the ilk that if I ask a woman out that I pay. However, in recent times since I'm not certain I'm getting taken for a free meal or don't quite get many of these women's angles, I offer meeting up for a drink and going dutch. It keeps the field level. The woman won't think I'm paying for a puzz down payment and the guy won't think the woman is a golddiggin harlot. I'm saying…it works out. Last time I went dutch, it was for the better because the follow up dates were uneventful and uninformative…$s spared!

    #3: Tell this to these thirsty bastards out here who keep giving passes to mediocre redbones!

  9. Good post Herr Streetz

    I would have to agree that good dancing does not equal great or even good sex. My booski couldn't keep thebeat if you shot the bottom of his feet with hot grease but the sex. Ahem we'll just leave it at that.

    Going Dutch eh. I feel like if I invite you then I should pay. But I've been out of the dating for a minute so I might be in the minority.

  10. "This point actually prompted me to write this blog, when I saw a woman during my commute and literally said in my mind “Just because you’re light skinned you aint cute heffa!”"

    *dying* Did she look like she thought she was cute? What prompted you to blurt that out? lol Years of pent-up frustration for light-skint Flava Flav lookalikes getting light-skint points?

    As for the paying thing. I think whoever invites has to pay. Then again, if it is a first date…that rarely happens to me. It usually works out that the guy is the aggressor in the beginning anyway. Or at least he thought he was. We womens is some subtle creatures. We know how to hunt on the sly and have you walking away still thinkin' you actually hunted us down and hollered.

    1. LOL she was just actin like a straight BIRD!!

      cluckin ad cooin anf cauin. Talkn bout how good her hair wuzzz n shyt. Bytch plzz! And I seent her team (yes I said seent) and birds of a feather…lol. She really thought her skin was her salvation! Lol

      @J I'm of the fairer skin flava no insecurities here. Lol. She jus reminded me of that point!

  11. *dying* Did she look like she thought she was cute? What prompted you to blurt that out? lol Years of pent-up frustration for light-skint Flava Flav lookalikes getting light-skint points?


    I mean it's all just hatin for real. I mean it really aint about the person. It's about your own insecurities.

    If you don't think a girl is attractive, that's your opinion. The next dude might have a preference for light skin and think she is beautiful. I hear dudes sayin light skinned girls are overrated. Who rated them? Who gave em all the extra points for bein light skinned? Who put them up on that pedestal? 9 times out of 10 it's the same dude that's hatin.

    Like seriously, what's the motivation for dudes that constantly need to point out how overrated light skinned people are. Self esteem just look suspect to me if you hung up on just one physical trait.

  12. Why ain't nobody mentioned the most mythic of myths of all time…that all Black men have big THINGS? This myth has been passed down thru centuries……and it needs to be de-bunked…..

    Can I at least get an amen, ladies? Gentlemen? I don't expect an amen from ya'll tho.

  13. My favorite myth is that opposites attract. Yes opposites might attract but over time that shit get's on your nerves. You really don't want to marry your total opposite. Your better off with someone that is like you but a little different.

  14. These were funny, Streetz. Can't really co-sign the dancing thing – I think that dancing is better evidence that a MAN is going to be good in bed. Most of y'alls moves just consist of a rhythmic dry hump anyway, so if you can't pull it off on the floor you may have problems, lol. Paying for dates makes me itch, and paying for the first date makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth. No bueno. As for the LSP (light skin points, thanks VSB) it's kind of chicken and egg. I have personally never seen a pretty woman of any color/shape make a big deal of any one feature (eye color, skin color, length of hair, booty size, etc.). Usually it's the mediocre to mud duck crowd who highlight a feature in an effort to convince themselves (and everyone else) that they are da bomb.com. Truly beautiful women are usually too busy trying to convince folks that they are also smart/talented/not Satan. But hey – as long as the brothas gas 'em up, red bone facial tragedies will continue to hold court barside at your local Fridays. Don't get mad, just keep drinking until she looks like Bey, lol.

  15. 1. Never dated/got with a girl just because she could dance. But logically, it don’t make sense. Streetz, I'll take your word for it.

    2. Agreed…for the first date. I even instinctively pay for most dates, and usually don’t like it when she reaches for her purse in front of the cashier/waitress/whoever. But you will pay occasionally. The huge influx of women in the workplace is a major reason men don’t make as much money to begin with.

    3. Co-sign. I like beautiful women, I could care less about her skin tone. And a light-skinned woman would have to be the business for me to look at her over a dark-skinned Bria Miles look-a-like in a black cocktail dress and black shoes.

    CPT Callamity: mediocre redbones

    Cheekie: light-skint Flava Flav lookalikes

    Anna N.: red bone facial tragedies

    Y’all are killing me!

  16. on number 2 I feel like whoever makes the arrangements of the date should pay, it's only right. With that said….be a lady and always let the man do the asking….at least in the first year or so!

  17. My rule has been if we go out on a first date and I pay for bill. Its the last date! Sadly, this has happened twice! The bill came and he didn't even reach for it. WTH. I'm not out for a free meal and I'm financially stable but I'm straight traditional when it comes to dating. Gentlemen, pay for the 1st date at least. Dang!

  18. Read the book called The Fisherman and the Catch: Catching the Right Woman. The book is about men catching thier soulmate. The book talks about men getting thier "tackle box" together in order to catch the right fish for them. The book uses fishing analogies relating to tools men need for that catch, while describing women with the same similarities as fish. As an example the book talks about Panfish, Trout, Catfish and Bass using the behaviors of those fish and relating them to types of women. The book is so true and very hilarious. It's the playbook on ensuring that men, who is the Fisherman catch the right women, who is the fish, for them. The book is a keeper! and you can get it on Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com

  19. Just obtained a Mythic for myself and will be obtaining one particular for my wife quickly! It has just the suitable mix of features. just short of the total smartphone. I'm preserving an eye about the Captivate for a potential long term telephone..

    .price ranges are way too substantial when released. I've been in substantial tech for 20+ years and in essence hack every thing I very own to create it far better laptops, GPS, auto navigation systems, and so on. and yes cell phones too. Inside number of days I've owned the telephone I've by now installed Opera Mini, Bolt 2.1, freecaddie, Google Maps w/GPS functionality, deleted all locked useless apps following backing them up and completely modified the menu system to my exact requirements devoid of all unproductive apps.


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