SBM: “So, I know you want me to come up stairs with you.”
Pretty Young Thang: “You know I can’t do that. Let’s end this night on a positive note.”
SBM: “If you let me come up, I promise it will be very positive.”
PYT: “It’s only our second date, and your not the type of guy I would take upstairs like that.”
SBM: “What does that mean? We’ve been having fun. I know your feeling me.”
PYT: *giggles* “Damn, you could tell? Yeah, it’s obvious I’m feeling you. You’re one of the better guys I’ve met in months. You really are ‘a good black man’.”
SBM: “I’m lost. What’s the problem? We’re adults right?”
PYT: *giggles* “Yeah, we’re grown. And yeah, It’s not that I don’t want to, but your too good. You’re someone I want to take to my mom, not my bedroom.”
SBM: “OK …” *blank stare* “So, because you like me and I’m nice and a potential husband, we can’t ‘enjoy each other'”.
SBM: “So if you were attracted to me, but I didn’t have any redeemable qualities, and I lived with my mom … I could go upstairs and get in your dirty dug out?”
Oh yes … this is no joke. This is the curse of the Good Black Man and has afflicted me before.
I have been told by many women that men they’re interested in can be placed into one of two categories. This category will define the rules of engagement for the entire courtship.
This is your typical “good black man”. He has a good job, a good education, knows how to treat a woman and has all the characteristics of a good husband. He is nice and a gentleman. This is the guy that every girl hopes to find and is happy when they find him. Within the Black community, he is becoming a rare commodity and sort of an endangered species, but we are still around if you look. When he is found, a woman feels the need to act a certain way. She doesn’t want to get thrown into the crazy, scuttlebutt, or jump off category … so she handles herself accordingly.
This guy is the 20% in the 80/20 rule. He is attractive, mildly entertaining, and can sling pipe. He lacks most redeeming qualities as a man and it hard for most “professional” women to take him seriously, but he can serve a purpose.
We’re all adults here. Most of us are getting dug out or doing the digging. Most of us have either had friends with benefits, jump offs, or solid relationships that “go there”. But as a man, I was shocked to be told to my face that I was denied entry (the above example is based on real life … with a few changes) because I was too qualified for the goods this early.
I mean, when you think about it, it does makes sense. She was right, had she let me get it too easy I wouldn’t have been able to take her seriously. I hate to admit it, and I might get my card revoked at for putting out secrets, but I don’t want it if I don’t have to put in a little bit of work. It’s the same reason I can’t take most chics are the club seriously …
But still … I wanted to get in them guts.
And regardless, who wants to hear that their being turned down because they are too good? Who wants to know that the thing that makes you great is the same thing that is sending you home alone. It kind of makes you want to throw away that suit, grab a wifebeater, and give up your office to go to the mail room.
So, the curse of the Good Black Man will continue to strike. One day, just maybe, it will change.
Feel me? Am I making this all up? My women, do you do this? Ever not given it up in the hopes of getting more? Fellas, war stories?
– SBM aka Mr. Too Good aka I works for mine