We got that knowledge ... right?
Sike.
There are several types of blogs out there. There are the less visited personal blogs where the authors use their website as an online diary. There are the sports blogs, humor/comedy blogs, fashion blogs, hip-hop/music blogs, lifestyle blogs, and current events/political blogs. There are definitely a few other categories, but these seem to be the ones that are most prevalent in the black blogosphere. Yeah, I know. Everyone who visits this website isn’t black. But let’s just be realistic, this blog is called what it is for a reason. I don’t say that with a fist in the air or anything else extreme. I say that with the utmost love…or something.
Some of you are probably thinking I forgot a blog category and are wondering how could I do such a thing given the nature of this website. Don’t worry. I didn’t forget. The main thing I wanted to talk about today was the fascination with sex and relationship blogs. They get the most traffic and the most comments. This niche is probably the most saturated of all the blog niches out there, which makes the accomplishments of this website all the more substantial. But there’s something about this niche that just boggles my mind and humors me simultaneously. Actually, it’s something that sorta applies to the blogging world in general. Of all the people I see commenting or chatting about blogs online, the most frequent users seems to be 20 and 30 something women. Whether it be my site, here, the VSB’s of the world, or some of the other popular websites floating around, women dominate the blogosphere. There are a couple of exceptions. It seems (black) men most commonly like to truly visit sports and hip-hop websites with a growing portion participating in the sex and relationship niche as active commenting folks. I think if you look at the flow of dialogue on this website alone, you’ll see what I mean.
There is something else within all of this that I really wanted to point out. And that thing is that it seems within this particular niche, the most popular and pizzling sex and relationship blogs are all run by men. If I recall, the finalists in the Black Weblog Awards this past year for this category were all male-run websites. Can I just say that it’s kinda odd that of all the women out there who write about relationships, none of the woman-run blogs were able to garner enough votes from fellow women to get even 1 site into the finals in this niche. Even I, as a man that writes about relationships, was like “Wow, nobody thought a woman writer got it right in this category?” Interesting don’t you think? Anyways, it seems to me that women flock to websites like this one to understand the inner workings of a man’s mind and to seek advice on how to find love and/or save their relationship(s). I think it’s great and it’s an honor to be part of a group of writers that appears to be well-respected with regard to their thoughts and opinions, but honestly…
People in general need to stop taking everything that we or any other non-married male bloggers write as 100% truth to be applied to their daily lives. Do we give a lot of great advice? Yes. Do we write positive and encouraging posts to help people? Yes indeed. But the true answers to the problems in all of our lives will TYPICALLY NOT be found on blogs written by people like me. Am I saying don’t believe anything I say? No. I’m just saying that women, yes women, need to take what’s written on these websites with a grain of salt a lot of the time—particularly with some of the topics that seem to be so prevalent. I see so many search strings about friends with benefits, how to get a man to sleep with her, and what makes a hoe that it’s kinda depressing. Letting a few 20 something bloggers tell you who you are shouldn’t ruin your day or do anything to your self esteem. This is for entertainment and limited informational purposes only.
I’m not saying don’t come back here tomorrow. I’m just saying that if one of us says you’ve partaken in questionable activity and are considered a smeeze, don’t go jump off a bridge. We just want to keep everybody entertained and create an atmosphere for dialogue. That is what it’s all about isn’t it? Nonetheless, I want to know what you all look for in blogs? Why do you frequent websites like this and what other sites do you tend to visit? Do you find these type of websites to be a lifesaver or just a day saver at work? Lastly, why do you think the blogosphere is mainly women, but heavy influenced by a small number of men? Maybe the answers are simple. Maybe not. Let me know.
I like the concept of love but my degree is in something else,
P.S. See you next week!
Aside from being bored at work, I frequent this site (and one or two others, like VSB) because it's nice seeing a daily reminder that decent, smart, black men do indeed exist. The blogs themselves, but also the comments, are proof of this. I guess it gives me hope, now if only I could find one not on the internet.
I enjoy a blog that makes me laugh and gives a bit of insight into the black male psyche on different issues/situations.
SBM.net and sites alike are…. not quite a "lifesaver" but come in handy. I know that I, myself, appreciate when I come across a topic on here that I may be needing advice on or have wondered what a guy thinks on a subject AND I can always count getting a chuckle 🙂
Great post. I think women read blogs written by men because we are looking for yaw to let out some kind of secret that will let us get understand the whole male population better.
But it's what you said, it must not be taken as gospel….
I read blogs for entertainment. I used to love relationship blogs (when single), but now that I'm in a relationship, I'm not as much interested… I dunno why- could be that no one can give me insight on my man because he's him.
Annnnywho, now I like reading blogs that are written like diaries. People are so interesting!
I'd actually be curious to know the percentage breakdown of those that visit these type of sites that are single vs. those that have a booski.
i don't know…i actually visit this site because i get an email link in the mornings and like to peruse it while i sip my coffee…if i was single some of the stuff written on here would get me upset…i have 2 sons…understood them well as babies…not so much as teenagers…men are just different animals. i do enjoy the blog tho.
It's basically what sunny says. Women want to know if you'll give a way a secret–that only men supposed to know but because you're trying to bridge the gap, you'll let the cat out the bag so to speak.
What an interesting post…without having ever given it any thought, now it occurs to me that women probably love male bloggers because they think their advice and perspective is more "right" than those of female bloggers. I think a lot of women think that there is some kind of secret code to unlock the male psyche and they can only get it from a man.
Anyway, I read this blog (and others like it) to hear different points of views. And for the jokes of course. You have some effing hilarious commenters. Everyone loves a mixup and the best ones are usually here or at Three Ways. And then of course as a blogger I come here to look for readers. Ooops. I mean ideas!
What the heck kind of dunce would actually take everything you guys say as gospel? If that person exists, boy do I feel sorry for them. While you guys offer some meaningful advice at times, it's obvious that this blog is for entertainment purposes. And quite effective at that might I add.
You'd be surprised. It's a larger number of people than you think. I personally have female friends that I've had to tell to relax and fall back on these type of blogs because they think everything written is true. I co-sign the entertainment factor 110%.lol
I was gonna say that same thing- you'd be surprised. I was listening to Russ Parr on the way to work this morning and two different ladies wrote in lookin for love, without being solicited to do so. it's desperation. People will do anything.
half of these self-proclaimed relationship/sex 'experts' are anything but that..they deal with trial and error just like everyone else..
funniest thing i've read recently was a supposed 'sex' /'relationship' blogger talking about she's only had sex 5xs this year..lol.
*taps mic*
From what I've heard from the opposite sex, it's rare to find (in their eyes) Black men, who are well-spoken (or rather, well-written) and attentive to the goings-on of the relationship and therefore, women get their interest piqued. We're like unicorns to them LOL….
Our words are rendered mystical and magical… mainly because it's refreshing to see things from another point of view intellectually.
I'll co-sign for Mr. Smart Guy 100% and 5% tax for Uncle Sam.
Even at a mixer I went to last week w/ about 15 people, when the men started talking about love/relationships, the women (although we argued some points) were all ears. Waiting for a different point of view, a magic key, something… And then again love/relationships is something we all have to deal w/ and mostly w/ the opposite sex, so to hear them speak on it is entertaining.
What got me to stay at SBM vs. other blogs started w/ the <del>strike through</del>, it was so fascinating to me how he'd say what he really thought as a man — and then say it again in a politically correct fashion. And then the RSS email gets me going first thing in the AM…
that must be the posts by Streetz. he's the king of the strike through. lol
-_- lol
simple: women hate women, making them 1000x more likely to support a male blog versus a female one.
Wow. Do you really believe that? lol.
Um, this is true. Women don't hate all women, just women that they don't know. *kanyeshrug*
RIght… I was gonna say- this is quite inaccurate.. miserable women hate women. I've been blogging for around two years now and have never seen it evidenced online (or in my real life).
i TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT
I think it mostly has to do with women's fascination with getting into the male mind. I read women-based relationship blogs all the time and enjoy them as much as male blogs but I believe a lot of women don't feel they learn as much as they co-sign on a woman's blog. On a male's blog, a woman might have a true light-bulb moment. Then again, these are probably the women that go to male blogs primarily looking for answers.
I actually follow more sites by women than men. I don't really take the advice from any of the male dominated "relationship" sites, I mostly NEVER agree with them, but I do like the dialogue in the comments, which is why I continue to read. 🙂 Like someone said above since I'm in a relationship I kinda do my own thing to make it work, but I've always been that way.
My theory about why more women visit blogs is simple. More black women work in offices and sit at computers all day then black men. So it's natural for black websites or blogs to have more women visit and post.
This site is hilarious as crap, and you all give a different spin to a lot of the topics that are beaten to death in that blogosphere.
That being said, I think that there also some double standards out there that prevent some blogs written by women to garner the same attention as those written by men. For instance, you all talk about humorous sexual experiences, but I think that we still squirm a little in our seats when a woman is elaborating about the bomb sex she just had last night or how Joe Blow made her va-gi-gi glow. It's like we gotta sensor ourselves for fear of coming across as Loose Lips Lucy. That includes blogging about relationships, because God forbid we come across as bitter in our rantings! But these are the topics that sell, so I feel like a female blogger's gotta work a little harder, or already have an established persona to be on the same level as the male-authored mega-blogs.
I don't even like male bloggers. Slim just happens to be my friend who writes good. And Seattle, well, he got good hair. So I just tagged along.
It's like velvet…
Nah for real:
@clsmooth: I don't think women hate women. I do think women hate on other women, but we don't hate each other (and that may be more likely in real life than in the e-world). Sites run by women are very popular, but women may read them and think they are just reinforcing what we think we already know. So they may not get the same number of votes and such.
I think it more so goes to some already made points…women think that male bloggers have the answers to their relationship woes. I know that I appreciate reading the male perspective. I also think some of these single ladies (no Bey) are drawn to these sites because these men seem to have bits and pieces of what they want in a boo.
"I also think some of these single ladies (no Bey) are drawn to these sites because these men seem to have bits and pieces of what they want in a boo."
Is it any coincidence that when some of us male bloggers have hinted at having girlfriends that our Twitter followers or traffic to our websites dropped a bit for a little while? I think not.
"I also think some of these single ladies (no Bey) are drawn to these sites because these men seem to have bits and pieces of what they want in a boo."
Exactly.. and it's so easy to flirt online.
"Is it any coincidence that when some of us male bloggers have hinted at having girlfriends that our Twitter followers or traffic to our websites dropped a bit for a little while? I think not."
It certainly is not.
Oh, so y'all are e-pimpin' now? You don't even post pics! Ah, the power of (word) game….
I think not posting pics is what allows the
tropicalfantasies to grow.lol.That is the "Usher effect"
I can't help agree with this so much. I feel I would get yelled at, bitten, and slapped a lot less often if people realized we are trying to have fun and be insightful, not be the end all relationships expert on the internet.
In terms of Men vs. Women writers, Women have female friends who give them the female side. Intelligent men who will give insight without requiring beats is hard.
To Slim, I say THIS!!!
That is all. Carry on.
Yeah, blogs are mostly for entertainment (especially while at the plantation)! I also like to see the perspectives of Black male bloggers. None of it is gospel and a lot of it we've heard before, but some of it makes you think sometimes.
I agree with cheekie. Not only does reading help me to pass the day away but it all also helps give more insight into what men are thinking in the general sense.
This blog often times makes me choke down a loud laugh at my desk, so that's the main reason I read it. Sometimes I read the stuff you all write and go, "Really, son?" I'm probably one the older readers, so sometimes I have to jump in on Big Sis mode and save you from yourselves (I believe I've warned a few of you to stop simpin'). I'm in a serious relationship and like alot of the previous posters said, I'm doing just great in the dating department without following (any) of y'alls advice, lol.
The sites run by women are also entertaining but in a different way. Man can just be super ignant sometimes… and it's usually pretty funny. As to why women frequent the male blogger sites more than women? Simple: Most women will listen to a man before another woman any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Ionna why, but that's the way it is.
Thanks Slim for enciting a riot before the High Priest of Humpday Hisself (ME) has a post!
Smh
Cosign et al on all points made in favor of this post.
I write these blogs to give the help that i wouldve liked to have when i went through and go through my dating/relationship woes. Hell, I tell ppl allthe time that for all the advice and blogs I write on this genre, I will STILL get #swindled somehow someway and lose in certain situations with women, smh.
We are human, we just express our feelings and ask that you comment on them.
Chuuch,
Being one of the "online diary" dating bloggers, I hear from women who say that they like when men write their real thoughts and perspectives on how women act. They say it gives them a window as to what men are really thinking, or as a view from the other side, which I find funny.
Nine times out of ten we (men) would tell you what we are really thinking but we don't because; either women may not believe us, it's not what they want to hear, it's not what they are expecting, it may shock and appall them, we know you really may not care or listen, or we may just not be thinking anything.
I've notice this phenomenon if want to call it that, as well. It's been my assumption for the most part men aren't interested in expanding their relationship understanding. Until the man decides to "seek a wife", he pretty much goes with the flow. So, you don't have a bunch of men trying to figure out the inner workings of a woman's mind when it comes to dating, hence no big push from the men to support the female relationship blogging population. Well, unless of course she is pumping hard-core sex topics or has plenty of T&A pics up to bring in the traffic. Women in contrast can easily put their feet in another woman's shoes, so reading relationship blogs from a woman's perspective isn't all that exciting, especially if there are no men commenting. No matter how informational or introspective the blog, the dialogue is flat and one-dimensional. I made some broad generalizations here, but just my thoughts on the subject.
I think the generalizations you've made have a lot of truth in them. You certainly made some points I hadn't thought off. I learned a good amount today from all the responses.
Slim, In my case I'm recently getting back in the dating game after 5 years single and find myself at the age of 30 repeating mistakes I made when I was 22. I'm a kind, witty, ambitious, and sincere person. I put up a wall for years after having a little girl with a "boy" that treated me like crap. It's taken some time but I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable and open to the possibility of true Love. With that said, I was seeing a man who I thought had qualities worthy of my time however in the end I turned into that psycho chick that all men & women detest! Well, I came across your site and found it entertaining, enlightening, and to a certain extent empowering. It's allowed me a male perspective and not having too many male friends, it's much needed because having a young girl I want to lead by example and teach her that a man should enhance her life not be her life. I caught myself slipping but I'm aware of my behaviors partially because of your site. I realize that the only person able to create positive change is oneself. I'm optimistic about finding that special man and will certainly check myself and not allow any man to get the best of me. Props to you and your team for a fresh perspective on men, sex, and relationships.
Appreciate the in-depth comment!
"But the true answers to the problems in all of our lives will TYPICALLY NOT be found on blogs written by people like me."
Great Point, (not trying to take sublimiinal shots) but a lot of times, women do seek to find advice from every single avenue that they can…and while a lot of times, advice may be relevant, the greatest teacher is Life itself, not necessarily going with the flow, per se, but using common sense, and the Golden Rule
Read the book called The Fisherman and the Catch: Catching the Right Woman. The book is about men catching thier soulmate. The book talks about men getting thier "tackle box" together in order to catch the right fish for them. The book uses fishing analogies relating to tools men need for that catch, while describing women with the same similarities as fish. As an example the book talks about Panfish, Trout, Catfish and Bass using the behaviors of those fish and relating them to types of women. The book is so true and very hilarious. It's the playbook on ensuring that men, who is the Fisherman catch the right women, who is the fish, for them. The book is a keeper! and you can get it on Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com
I read that book a few years ago Ric. Very good read. There is actually a book for women very similar, but using their pocketbook as "their tacklebox".