As much wisdom as I may claim to have or not have, I still find myself saying a variety of things to a booski-piece that land me in the dog house or on the couch scratching my head trying to figure out why she’s mad. Please note: No woman has ever made me sleep on the couch and I’ve made a promise to myself that it won’t happen unless she or I am drunk, sick and/or contagious. I expect to hold this promise to myself for about 10 years. Hey, at least I’m realistic. Anyways, I’m not going to sit here and act like I’m the only one who slips up and says things that piss women off. All of us men are prone to do it from time to time. So since I’m in a cheery mood and feeling quite philanthropic, I’ve put together a list of things men shouldn’t say to women. Enjoy or hate.
Are you putting on weight?
Let’s just start with the obvious. This probably isn’t the best way to lead into a conversation with a female friend or a significant other regardless of if it’s true. If you want to be eaten alive (#pun), go ahead and use this as a conversation-starter fellas.
My homegirl said…
Most men have close female friends who they’ll go to for relationship advice or when they’re confused and befuddled by the actions of their boo. If you are arguing with your chick, it probably isn’t a good idea to say “My homegirl said” as evidence that your girl/wife is wilding out. Not only will you unleash her inner fury, you’ll inadvertently make her think that your female friend is trying to corrupt your relationship so that you she can slide in.
That’s not what other girls would do.
“I’m not other girls! Don’t compare me to those heffas!” Enough said.
Unless your boo or lady friend has specifically asked you for advice on how to handle a particular situation, you probably shouldn’t start any statement with these 2 words. She just wants you to listen and agree regardless of how illogical or irrational her point may be. I know. It sucks. Just make a list of things in your head that she should do while she’s talking and come back to it later after she’s had an orgasm.
I don’t trust any woman…
Even though a good number of us feel this way excluding the women who raised us, you probably shouldn’t say this one either. You’re either gonna make your boo feel like you’re accusing her of something or open yourself up to being called insecure. Just go with “I’ve been burned a few times in the past (#noherp) and I’m guarded about my feelings but working on it.” It walks the fine line of manliness and emo. She might melt when you say this if she has a soul/heart. Otherwise, she’ll probably hurt your feelings.
Your friend is cute.
Seems kinda obvious, but this mistake has been made before. Just because a woman claims to be secure in herself and says her friends are hot doesn’t mean you should tell her that her best friend is mad s*xy. She hesitated about leaving you in a room with her before and definitely won’t let you hang there now. On top of that, you made her mad at her home girl when she didn’t even do anything.
Anything involving any type of definition of a ho.
Just stay away from this topic all together unless your girl is pure and/or Mormon. #noshots
You look nice today.
“Don’t I look like everyday?!” Yeah, that probably sounds familiar. You’re better off being as specific as can be when using this generic compliment. For example, “you look nice today in that pink thong” or “you look sizzling in those sweat pants with the mustard and mud stains.”
Maybe we should take a break.
If you say this, she will have some type of relations with another guy and it will be your fault.
Did you eff him?
She probably wouldn’t even tell you if she did unless she already knows you have evidence. Just leave it alone man. Leave it alone. Do you really want to open the door to “Is that all you f*ckin’ care about?!”
So these are just some of the things that came to mind. I urge all the women out there to forward this to the men that are not yet aware of this website. But for today, what additions do you all have? Fellas can definitely get in on this too. We’ve all said some dumb ish over the years.
Avoiding the taste of my foot day by day,