Me: What’s up?
Miss Esquire: What’s up with your boy J?
Me: What do you mean?
Miss Esq.: Your boy that you introduced me to at Pranna?
Me: Oh you mean Mike?
Miss Esq.: Yeah, he call himself being slick. He invited me out to the movies and can you believe that he decided to stop at the liquor store before going into the theatre to get drinks?
From time to time our single friends will be interested in another one of our friends and we will do a introduction. Well, I’ve decided to stop doing that because I’ve become increasingly concerned with some men’s dating etiquette and overall behavior. Your referral is a reflection on you and when you refer someone you are giving them the stamp of approval, however, these days that approval is not going far. I have come to grips with the fact that not all men are created equal. Some men and women are supposed to be single. Some men and women have some issues that they need to work on before you put your reputation on the line to get them a date.
I’ve always been surprised when I hear stories about the way my friends kick game or something a home girl of mine does on a date. I love my peoples to death, but you got to call a spade a spade. I thought about writing this piece because someone told me in response to my blog about how women defend each other to the death, that men do it too. And she was right, they do, but I don’t. Listen when my home girl hit me up about my boy breaking out the $2 Smirnoff bottles at the movies, I couldn’t defend him at all. I was like, that guy is a loser, don’t go out with him again, I apologize. Vice versa, I’ve had my boys call me up and berate me, “J, son, that chick you introduced me to is crazy. You know she showed up at my job?!” I can’t defend those types of actions. But where are people learning these things? Why are some people are born with dating skills and others aren’t?
I’ve come to the conclusion that some men are single for a reason. I had a boy, a really good friend of mine, who was single. The women whom he dated were typically gold digging women and he was looking for something more serious and substantive, so I introduced him to a friend. My friend reported back to me, “J, your friend is a good look, but can I be honest with you? He’s completely hooked on himself. Everything is my portfolio this, my MBA cohort classmates, I have to get the Mercedes detailed, like seriously J, who cares?” I tried talking to my friend about this over drinks one day and he told me, “Listen, a woman says she wants a successful man, well that’s what successful men talk about. You can’t win with them.” He obviously didn’t get it.
I’ve come to the conclusion that some women are single for a reason. I introduced one of my boys to a good female friend of mine and imagine my surprise when I get this gchat.
Me: what’s good fam?
G: Son, you’re a horrible wing man.
Me: really now?
G: Why didn’t you tell me that chick was a virgin?
Me: Wait, she’s a virgin?
G: Yep, she said she’s saving it for marriage.
Me: Wait a minute, but you guys only went out on one date, how did you find this out?
G: She told me in the first five minutes, “I hope you aren’t trying to have sex with me because I am saving it for marriage.”
I don’t know how many times I tell women that it is perfectly okay to save it for marriage or for a substantial relationship before giving up the forbidden fruit, but you do not want to talk about what you will and won’t do on the first date. (I must add, this girl exacerbated the problem because she wasn’t a virgin, she had just met a few guys who hadn’t been genuine and it led her to not want to have sex again until marriage so she would know it was the right guy. Wondering what’s wrong with that? Yeah, the fact that this dude is thinking to himself, wait all the ain’t sh*t negros could hit, but I’m about something and I can’t hit, this is BS.)
So to be honest with you in all of this, I’ve realized that I know my friends as my friends, not romantically. So I really don’t know how they approach dating. And because of this and the fact that I truly believe that most people are just hot messes, I no longer play matchmaker.
While I’m on the subject let me tell you one last story about a 27 year old man and a 25 year old woman. My boy takes out this girl I introduced him to, she was new in town and went to school in the Northeast. She raves about the date, dude took her to a nice restaurant, opened doors, picked her up, was a real gentleman, did all the right things a guy could ask and they set up time for another follow-up date. My boy was like, “yeah shorty is cool, but she seems to be the wifey type and she’s a little up tight, but we’ll see what happens.” A couple weeks go by, in fact, less than THREE weeks go by and the chick hits me up, “OMG Jay, your boy is officially wrapped. After we went to this show downtown we go back to his place and you know I mention that I need to go home and I have told him repeatedly I was not trying to have sex if I wasn’t in a relationship, do you know what he did? He went in the kitchen and said let’s have a couple shots, and before I know it he whipped his D*CK out!” My response, “Wow, I thought we stopped doing that once we got out of… not never.” So I asked my boy and he said, “Son, to be honest, I can’t be with a chick for longer than 3 weeks or 3 dates and not smash, so it was like this is our last date anyway if we not smashing tonight.” To this day every time I see him, I shake my head and I would never introduce him to another chick ever again.
Now a few of you have some stories too, please tell me Dr. J isn’t the only one who has some single friends.