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Men know Women, Women Don’t


I’ve always had a few females friends. I used to think they were good resources for back when I was socially awkward and lacked the ability to talk to women.  I figured “girls know what other girls like.  They will lead me out of this awkward phase”.  Man … I was kidding my self.

Some women nowadays are willing to admit that they don’t know what they want.  Others, however, hold onto the belief that they know exactly what they want from men, life, and their career … but its interesting how so many of their choices seem to follow some different logic that they just … can’t explain. When it comes to men, this often becomes glaringly true.

– How often does a female tell you they want a guy who will provide  and take care of her … yet every guy who does is labeled as soft and its the jobless “loser” thats beating it up on the nightly?
– How often does a girl tell you she needs a committed boyfriend who will rub her feet at night .. yet the guy she is currently “seeing” is never seen with her during the day, has never met her friends or family, and has managed to keep his place of residence a secret for 6 months?
– How many girls out there claim they want to be held at night and whispered sweet words to … yet her current “partner” pulls her hair, goes at her with the furuosity of a wild animal, and then promptly falls alseep (or leaves) after he “gets his”?

See Also:  The Club Mentality

If there is one thing I have truly learned in my relatively short time on this earth is one thing … guys who get girls know girls … period.

They know what they really want, what they really want to hear, and what kind of personality they are actually attracted to … thats why they get as many girls as they do.  No one understands the female psyche better than the “player”. He is skilled at translating the words a girl tells him … able to peel back the layers of BS and decipher the true meaning in her words.

There is one thing that easily proves this.  Almost any girl will attest to one simple fact … any guy who gives her everything she “wants” is not attractive.  This guy is soft, a punk, to eager to please, or a million other things. The one thing he is not … is her man! (sidenote: I did watch “I Love New York 2” and she did pick the true ‘bitch’ of the bunch … but that chick is nuts … and she really was in love with the one guy who wouldn’t give her an inch).

I will say this … something like that could be argued for men … but I feel like its not that hard to figure out what we want.  I mean … there is like 2 things I can think of at the most (prize to the person who guesses right)!  What we want is obvious … how to keep us from getting bored or tired … well … that is the million dollar question.

See Also:  One Thing Women Don't Know ... Women

So I know some female is going to tell me how she is the exception, about how she is different … and please … do tell.  But I know there is plenty of guys who agrees with me!

– SBM aka “I know what girls like”


  1. [Gonna speak generally but] It's true. A lot of women don't know what the hell they want because it seems like as soon as they get it, it's a problem. There's always something WRONG with what they've asked for, even when it's given how they asked for it. You got the "man of your dreams" but you're here treating him like shit. Then, when he leaves your sorry ass, you want to bitch and moan that "men have it out for us women. They don't wanna give us what we want or see us happy."

    But you're wrong silly hoes. What you want has been thrown at your feet from day one. You all that claim you want a nice guys just want that rough neck goon ass thug ass nigga to do you dirty and then what can you do? Suck it up cuz you lost everything for a nothing. And now you're stuck looking like doo doo. Sigh. I had to let that out. Things like this frustrate me.

    But in conclusion, I'm not gonna sit here and say "I'm an exception." I've had a silly moment before regarding what I want, but never EVER to that level (as demonstrated earlier). Ahh, but Sue has spoken her part.

    Keep up the good work people.

  2. Sometimes, it's not that women don't know what they want but they are willing to compromise. A dude comes along that makes her feel or satisfies SOME of her needs and she settles. Also the dude shows attractive attributes in the beginning but as the relationship goes on he changes and by that time the girl is in too deep and finds it hard to get out. The"nice guys" don't turn not be better either. You think you have a "nice guy" and he flips a 180 and plays you. So with guys its a no-win situation. But sometimes girls just don't learn their lesson and keep on settling and pick the wrong man.

    1. Granting that some men aren't what they seem, and that this in part explains why some women end up in bad situations, the "compromise" argument doesn't explain why, in cases where women do settle, the things that they are willing to compromise on (apparently) tend to be the things in SBM's "loser" rather than "soft" category. So I think that the argument still stands.

      But I do agree that a lot of talk or good or nice guys/men does leave out that a lot of them are using that as a strategy rather it being inherent to their character (I.e., being "nice" to women as a form of [perhaps ill-conceived] "game" rather than as a genuinely respectful person).

  3. First of all, you have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince. Secondly, Men do not know women, or else relationships wouldn't be so strained, women wouldn't be so dis-pleased and relationships would be more healthy in general….You don't KNOW us. We don't KNOW you. We are all just trying to get to know one another……thirdly, some women lower their standards for various reasons. Sometimes, the guys starts off with all of the desired attributes and then for whatever reason he may change….for those who are in physically abusive, toxic relationships that is another story…low self-esteem is coming into play on that, usually………also, you have to factor in a woman's age, maybe, in her early 20's she may not exactly know what she wants but as she grows older she gains wisdom and maturity……

    1. I disagree with the first part of your comment because in actuality you didnt respond to the post. The post never said that all men knew women. It only said that a certain subset of men (the players) know women. Players have no real bearings on relationships because they do want to get into them

  4. *sips coffee*

    Sounds like standard early 20's to me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't know some 30's, 40's women and men still doing this though, lol. I don't think any of us truly know what we *need* out of a partner until we get it or until we notice what important things are missing. "What we need" being a somewhat variable list depending on where we are in life at that point. So in the meantime, we give off mixed signals based on what we want or just think we need. Trust, men can be just as mysterious. A lot of men say they want one type of woman and pursue a totally different type. Or maybe she's the right type at the wrong time. If you're blessed you'll encounter a person who meets your 80/20 rule or whatever the standard is these days.

    1. *also sips coffee*

      I do think men are better at this as well…and that's not just because I'm a man. Wait, a grown-ass man. Don't have much else to add right now. I'm still waking up.

      1. Let me know when you do wake up. The way my work morning has been going, my next beverage may be a margerita, lol.

        A pox on micro-managers!

  5. I think that sometimes women know what they want, but either a) don't know how to react when they actually get it or b) let it go because it seems too good to be true (and sometimes it is). This happened to me…I THOUGHT I knew exactly what I wanted and I had found it (but was too fearful to jump in). I was dating two dudes and they were polar opposites. One was 6'3, cultured, well-traveled. well-educated (PhD), romantic, affectionate, etc, the other was 5'7, not very cultured, well-traveled, no degree, romantic, affectionate etc.(I'm 5'9 BTW, so on the strength of height, this should have been a no-brainer). So, I chose the 5'7 underachiever. To this day, I'm still kicking myself for that decision (obviously I made the wrong choice). But, for me, I think I was scared of finally finding what I was looking for and it being available too. I think in our society, we strive and verbalize what we want so much, that sometimes when it materializes, fear overtakes us. Sometimes we THINK we know what we want until we get it and then run away or go for what we know. I also agree with Anna N. who says sometimes you don't know what you want until you've had it….and unfortunately, that may be your "practice" person.

    Sadly, I've fallen into this ONCE. Believe me, I know EXACTLY what I want now and if it comes around again at the right time for both of us, I will be ready.

    1. This is what I see all the time. Frankly to a man this makes no sense. Why would you be afraid of the very thing that you are wishing for? Are you afraid of your own shadow as well? When men find the perfect girl who fits their mold, they'll sometimes even assert, "I'm going to marry this girl", even if they are far to young to be married. Men are decisive. It's in our genes. We know what we want and we'll sure as hell take it when the opportunity arises. I'll never understand why women will pass up or break up with a guy that they could find no wrong in only because, "something didn't seem right". Yes, women are emotional and everyone knows that good decisions are made with logic not emotion, which is why all the great leaders throughout history are men. Women are not capable of making logical decisions. They base their actions on their racing mind that is basically playing ticks on them.

  6. I agree to a point but I also think this is the difference between "girls" and "women".

    I know females like those you referenced with lame after lame in their life, but I also know those that really do hold to a higher standard for a potential partner. So it's a combo of what type/level of maturity in the female is interacting with what type of male personality.

  7. Quite honesty I don't know what to t think about this one. I did find the scenarios to be of so true, though. While I don't claim to be the expection at all, I will say I think there's a difference between Mr. Right Now & Mr. Long Term. My standards for Mr. Right Now are a bit more relaxed than Mr. Long Term. So just because I'm with Mr. RN doesn't mean I don't know what I want. Yeah "Loser" is "beating it up nightly" cause that's all I want him for. But that doesn't negatate my wants.

    Again I'm not sure I'm buying what you're selling. Part of me think it's hogwash because many men don't know what the hell they want either. Maybe the root of this issue is how emotional women are. Yeah we say we want this/that & the other and yet honestly we really do–but we are so quick to compromise those wants fulfill what we think we need at the moment. We often make a quick decision in a temporary situation.

  8. Being a man, I'm not going to act like I am the expert on what women want and why they want it. However, my experience with women (of all races) is that they want what they want WHEN THEY WANT IT. Its hard to explain to a woman who's had everything they wanted, when they wanted it that they cant have a relationship RIGHT NOW. So sometimes in order to get into one right now they have to take some things that they dont want.

    1. However, my experience with women (of all races) is that they want what they want WHEN THEY WANT IT. Its hard to explain to a woman who’s had everything they wanted, when they wanted it that they cant have a relationship RIGHT NOW.


      THIS is real text right here!

  9. I think that a few posters are misinterpreting what SBM was saying. It’s not that many women settle for a man that meets only some of her needs, or they lower their expectations, because they can’t find a man that meets her expectations. It’s that they reject a man who is meets all of her supposed criteria IN FAVOR OF a man who is less than her expectations. He’s talking about when a woman says she wants A, B, and C out of a man, several men with A, B, and C approach her, but she rejects them for a man that doesn’t have those qualities.

    But it’s more than just players that figure out what women want, but most guys figure it out. Especially guys my age, whose teenage years coincided with the Color Me Badd/Ralph Tresvant/Boyz II Men overly sensitive era. Many men realized that women say they want a nice guy, then that nice guy gets passed over for every jerk and [email protected] in town. After repeatedly seeing this, the nice guy ends up acting like a jerk too, and his dating prospects improve.

    But men definitely do this too. Men are more likely to do this when they aren't thinking about settling down, but we definitely do this.

    1. "Men are more likely to do this when they aren’t thinking about settling down, but we definitely do this."

      Men and women both do this at a time when they're not ready to settle down. I think the real issue is that for some people they never get past that stage. Some folk at 35 are still looking for the same type of people they wanted at 19 and still doing the same things to get them. We have to get past the "Party and Bullsh*t" stage the same way we have to get past the "Makin' You Pay for What the Last One Did" stage.

      And we must be about the same age, because I had New Edition on my wall as well. I thought Ralph was the best, until Big Daddy Kane came round, lol.

    2. As far as why a woman might reject the same man who has ABC, in my experience, the men who seemed to meet the obvious/superficial requirements that most women have (educated, nice car, good job, etc.) were the most difficult to deal with. Yea they might have "it all", but they remind you of that as well as how 'in demand' they are. Im talking about multiple women, lack of interest in commitment, etc… Cream of the crop syndrome, as if they are doing you a favor.

      An outsider may look in and say, "Damn, why she with him he don't have shit that she said she wanted." ..Hmm. Maybe he doesn't have ABC, but he has DEF and makes her feel special. May not have a Ph.D or a BMW, but…hey. He makes her feel special. Which is all anyone wants in the end.

      As far as passing up Mr. Nice Guy, I agree, men pass up "nice women" all the time. I can barely engage men in these conversations anymore because it happens to everyone. MYSELF INCLUDED. Men give women who are "dimes" a pass to act however just based on how they look all too frequently (overlooking someone who maybe isnt a "dime" but who treats them well) and call it "Being allowed to like who they like".

      Yea, you're allowed to like who you like. But don't complain when your azz gets left, cheated on, etc. To the chick who passes up Mr.Nice Guy, F you. To the dude who passes up Ms. Good Woman, F you too.

      I hear there is somebody out there for everyone….

      1. i gotta go with truthinrumors on this one.

        MAN ALIVE I have had this same conversation too too many times. and yes – i think women get beat up for doing the same damn thing men do. humans, in general, are complicated souls.

        LOL @ the statement F u – to the fools on both sides of the coin – i ditto that ish too.

        i can't tell you how many of my "nice" guy friends (who may or may not be dimes themselves) complain they can't find a girl – and the ones they choose ain't werf a penny. when introduced to a real women, then they're "not ready" or "she's not pretty enough" or some other silly excuse.

        don't get me wrong – women do make some crazay assed choices – but i think both sexes do – and we're both equally frustrated by who and why the other sex chooses who they do.

  10. I think the basis for the assumption that the reason women don't know what they want lies with fickleness of the gender is ridiculous. Frankly I think it's more of a case that men don't know what they need/want because they haven't engaged in emotional self-dependence. Men as much as men are guilty of trying to having emotional needs met by others rather than themselves. Know thyself, learn emotional self-fufillment and look for someone who understands that personal growth is one of the bricks of healthy relationship.

    1. Sharon, can you elaborate on this, I'm not sure what you are trying to say. You're saying that the reason women date men that are below their standards is because men "haven't engaged in emotional self-dependence?" I guess I don't see the connection.

      1. I didn't say anything about standards above, below or otherwise. Simplifed, I'm saying that many people seek others to fulfill emotional needs that should be met by the individual.

  11. I'm not certain of what I want fully. I know elements of what I want. I know ideally what I'd like.

    However, as uncertain as I am about what I want, I am certain of who/what I don't want. I've had

    enough incorrect experiences to be more than sure of what isn't pleasing. Which is why now I'm chilling and growing

    me that I may be certain of who/what it is I truly want.

  12. Women do not know what they want and it does not change over time. What I've learned as a man is to recognize when a women is venturing into the land of "I don't know what the hell I want but I know how to complain about it," and to take control when I see it. Also I've learned to not take a women too seriously when her complaints and statements are void of all logic. And sometimes if you point it out, a mature women will not get upset. She'll recognize that this might be a good time to let her man take charge. If you like women that's just one of the things you have to deal with.

    As far as not knowing what they want in a man. I think women don't like to admit they can be every bit as shallow as men. Men like women with big breasts. That's shallow right. But don't most women love a dude that's 6'3. Now the 5'7 dude can do everything a good man is supposed to and the 6'3 nigga dat sells weed and lives with his mamma will probably still get the girl. Most women claim they could care less about a dudes car. But somehow the nigga wit the nice car and rims gets all the girls. Women are just as shallow as men. I think there is just a disconnect between what women say they want and what they subconciously want. And the subconcious usually wins.

    1. "Women are just as shallow as men. I think there is just a disconnect between what women say they want and what they subconciously want. And the subconcious usually wins."

      my point exactly.

  13. women (and men) claim to know what they want but in reality its not about saying what you want its your actions. you could say you want this or that till you're blue in face but if you are constantly doing things to disprove this then of course the "player" is going to expose these behaviors.

  14. Hottdamn SBM! I just got finished explaining this story to someone last nite.

    I've tried to lighten up and not think so hard into it, but the sisteren usually prove my point immediately thereafter. I just cut ties with someone the other day who was seeing someone for a year but get this: She committed (as in relationship) to this dude last fall and she's just now complaining. She went on and on about how he is lazy, doesn't do this, doesn't do that, not a man of his word, lives in his parents' basement, alcoholic..blah blah blah. My question was "why are you staying with him and what made him such a catch." Her answer was along the lines of "he tricked me." When I hear this, I know I'm dealing with a dimbulb bimbo. She couldn't take responsibility for her choice in men so it falls on him. I found it funny because my life in comparison to his was actually good, but I've noticed tooo many women entertaining these type of relationships, and it all draw back to their inherent need for drama and attention. I always wondered why the scruffiest, mumble mouth hoodbooger would always have the first choice of women. I guess he's the Alpha they so desire, but it is no wonder that every phone conversation I inconveniently overhear in public is about what some "no good ninja" is doing or not doing.

    They want the lowest bidder and wish for the highest results…

  15. I've also observed the fact that there is nothing women want more than a man that makes their friends jealous. They want the man all the other women want because it validates them. Funny, with men we call this "a trophy wife." But women do the exact same thing. I forgot who it was that first said it. Maybe Michael Baisden or one of them TV pastors. But the said "A women don't want a man unless another women wants him." Any dude that has ever gone to a club with his girl knows the effect that having a pretty women on your arm has. It just attracts other pretty women. Remember that movie "Can't Buy Me Love." The original one with Patrick Dempsey not the stupid one with Nick Cannon. It's based on this theory. Patrick Dempsey said all I have to do is date the prettiest girl in school for a week and all these other brawds will fuck me. LOL. Shit worked. Bottom line, women can be as shallow as men and have the same animalistic instincts men have. And instinct often wins over intellect.

  16. I think I know what men want! I was watching Secret Diary of a Call on Girl on Showtime. And its a really good show by the way. Anyways…the main character of the show had an interview with the woman, a london call girl who had a blog, and asked the former call girl what do men really want.

    Her answer: Men want to be accepted in their totality for who and what they are without any judgment oncesoever.

    And I think thats true. Men want a woman who never tries to change to change them, never offers any suggestions about what their doing wrong but supports them in everyway possible and at all times. That would include food when he's hungry and sex when he's in the mood, no doubt. ( I see you SBM!)

    I think women, being the more emotional and nurturing of the species, want a man who will keep their emotional vacilliations in check, they want a lighthouse in their stormy emotional lives. Someone who is firm, decisive, and has leadership qualities.

  17. I think if you ask a woman what she wants she will say all those things,: a provider, commited, loving., family guy, kind, driven…blah blah blah. On a more primative level a woman wants a man that can take charge. (Of her) That has a certain energy and excitment. The highs and lows are exciting. I believe the primative desire is strong and takes precedence over the other and that is why so many women end up with the player.

  18. Nice/Good Guys out there, get over yourselves.

    You only get mad because being an upstanding, sensitive gentleman, "providing, and taking care of her" on a date doesn't automatically and consistently lead to sex. You want the same thing the players want, but get salty when your means don't result in the same ends. She owes you nothing.

    Women don't want players, thugs, or any of that. They just want strength. Find your strength and stay nice, but not to get her approval or her ass.

    1. The problem with this response is that if guys "find your strength and stay nice, but not to get her approval or her ass" is that guys who do such things act in ways that most of the women here (probably including yourself) would never like. i.e. not being around to take care of the kids of past players/bfs….or moving to other races/countries/locations to find women elsewhere…. or becoming players themselves.

      But yes, getting rid of the need to get the approval of women or to be dependent on them sexually is essential. It's just that I'm not sure women are REALLY prepared for what will/has been happening as more and more guys take that lesson seriously.

      1. AB,
        "The problem with this response is that if guys “find your strength and stay nice, but not to get her approval or her ass” is that guys who do such things act in ways that most of the women here (probably including yourself) would never like. i.e. not being around to take care of the kids of past players/bfs….or moving to other races/countries/locations to find women elsewhere…. or becoming players themselves."
        Maybe I didn't clarify enough what I said by strength. I mean 1) the things about you that are your genuine gifts and 2) your ability to make her feel safe…sometimes they both intersect, or it's unique and idiosyncratic for every woman. Money and physical strength are the ways we've been taught to measure that in men, but it's much deeper. That can look like your ability to persuade and/or unite people, having a sense of purpose, having useful information, advice, or skills, etc. or just having your shit together. I don't think those traits in and of themselves turn men into "Players", deadbeat dads, or preclude them from being nice, IMHO.
        Oh, BTW, I am a man. And in my experience, there is a percentage of women who aren't ready for men who have their shit together…but I learned (the hard way) how to identify/evade them early and give my attention to the ones who are.

  19. @Streetz-women (of all races) is that they want what they want WHEN THEY WANT IT. Its hard to explain to a woman who’s had everything they wanted, when they wanted it that they cant have a relationship RIGHT NOW.

    I deff agree! Its during those times when a woman cant have what she want swhen she wants it that she settles or winds up just sexing dude when she really wanted a relationship. Doing anything just to keep him around but yet he never committs.

    @SBM- guys that get girls understand girls? thats like pure genius! Good post

  20. Okay guys…Let's look at it this way: I want to be a millionaire. I've gone to school, gotten two degrees, and I work REALLLLY hard…However, I am NOT a millionaire. In my efforts to become a millionaire, I have applied to numerous high-paying jobs, networked like a BEAST, and even made as far as second or third round interviews with these high-paying jobs. Unfortunately, I have not yet been hired by any of these employers that will potentially make my a millionaire. So…although I still have the aspirations to be a millionaire, I had to get a job that was hiring…at McDonalds. People ask me all the time…ummm…what are you doing working at McDonalds? You have a BA and a JD. And I reply…McDonalds pays the bills…for now. That said, I will never give up my aspirations of becoming a millionaire, but until the time comes, I may have to work at McDonalds. In this analogy, my high-paying job is the elusive "nice guy", McDonalds is the "loser/thug/lame" as referred to by SBM, and being a millionaire is getting a ring put on it *wink*. It's not that I don't WANT the high-paying job, or that I have not diligently tried to get said job, but that we're in a "recession" and those high-paying jobs are NOT hiring at the same rate as the McDonalds. Now…I suppose, I could simply "collect unemployment" [read be alone] until I get the high-paying job, but if McDonald's is hiring, why sit on my butt and just wait til I get hired by "Big Money, LLC???" I'm jus sayin…

  21. Man, you ain't never lie SBM. Don't listen to women's words, only their actions …

    Even from my perspective as a dude, I want a chick who knows dudes so well, I just think about her on the random when I'm not with her and all I can say is "damn, this chick's got some type of spell on me." — Who doesn't want that — especially with all the clueless ones out in this world.

  22. A good player just knows how to tune out the white noise that most women spew once the trap has been set and sprung. The chick above telling nice guys to get over themselves is no doubt single, nice guys know they're in demand and the smart ones use that to their advantage… to become players. Any decent looking dude who has his act together can score some easy 35+ yr old tail by keeping the corniness to a low for the first week of dating. After that you can cut it and move if the woman is not up to your standards, practiced and preached. Women don't hold as much sway over us as many on here have fooled themselves into believing. Not every nice guy is an inexperienced cornball. Some nice guys have the game figured out and that doesn't make them a jerk, it makes them wise to your BS and some use that to their advantage.

    Lastly, for every immature, stuck in her 20's mentally, chick that doesn't know what she wants, there is a compassionate, caring woman who is waiting to be scooped. The problem with these women is that a lot of them aren't in the same digs and dives that an established, nice guy bachelor frequents. She normally isn't packing a portfolio and whining on television about lack of good men, chances are she grinds a few lower income jobs to feed a kid that the former thug left her with. For guys who want and deserve a good wife, women like this are goldmines, they appreciate what they have in you and you bring it back home because she holds you down like that. The problem is, with money comes a whole host of trash and users that frequent the places you frequent. Gotta step out of that comfort zone and hit up spots that you normally wouldn't.

  23. I will say this:

    Women are taught to WANT. So what we actually want (in our early twenties, usually a good screw) differs from what we are TAUGHT TO WANT, (handsome, well paid, and intelligent). So our words communicate what we are taught to want, while our anatomy may have its own demands.

    Also, dating is hard. Determining what you want is hard. My present situation isnt what I want financially, but in every other department, he got bases covered… Simultaneously, what I want and am taught to want are now more in line.

    Just the nature of a woman maturing.


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