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Three very powerful words.
Although I am not an emotional man (Ice Cold …), I have experienced a myriad of emotions in my life. I have witnessed true happiness and joy. I have been thrust into the painful abyss of sadness. I have barely escaped incarceration have had remorse after first hand experiences with anger.
As a result, I have felt “some kinda way” towards different people in my lives. But, I can say for 99% of the times when I have felt blinding rage that ends with fist fights, burnt houses, and all kinds of mayhem … rarely (if ever) have I ever been able to utter, let alone truly think and mean, the following three words.
“I hate you!”
In the relationship world, this is what you call an Extinction Level Event. This might actually be worst than cheating (might). Simply stated, in my mind, there really is no coming back. Once you have told someone you utterly detest their being … and you actually mean it … things will never be the same.
Yet, given the supreme importance placed on the word hate, you have way too many people using out of context. Way too many small arguments dropping “H” bombs and rolling through it like nothing ever happened.
To make it personal, I once cursed out someone while she was crying and naked in front of me (yeah … I have a mean streak). As I pummeled her with insult after insult over her body, life, previous relationships, and numerous failures as a human being, as I unleashed all my disdain for her and what we once had (or at least were attempting to have) … even then … I couldn’t say or even think it. It still wasn’t that deep.
Now, there are valid times in life when you can “tell em how you feel” and it’s justified. The reason the word hate is in the English language, besides acting as father to “hater”, is because you can really hate someone. Here are some times when you might really just hate a mother f****r
He/She cheated on you with your mom/dad or brother/sister
Not only are you allowed to hate your now former S.O. for exchanging fluids with your blood, but you can now hate this person in your family also. It’s like a 2 for 1
He/She refuses to give you oral delights
I have said it before and I will say it again … head matters. If they just won’t do it, then let em know how you feel.
He keeps saying “the baby ain’t mine! DNA my a**”
If Maury already opened up that manila envelope and he didn’t break into a back flip and dance … then he’s the Dad! And if he ain’t manning up … then hell … I hate him too.
They leave you stranded … waiting to die
Just because it hasn’t happened to me yet doesn’t mean that the love of my life isn’t going to make some type of quick getaway and leave me bleeding on the side of the road. This is a Bonnie and Clyde type procedure … in it till the end.
They leave you stranded … to leave with another guy/girl
Just thinking about it makes me wanna …
What are your feelings on that three word phrase? Am I overreacting? Is the line between Love and Hate really that thin? Can you drop and “H” bomb and make it all go away with an “I’m sorry” and makeup head?
– SBM aka Mr. No Emotion aka My hate is too strong to let out the box
I once muttered those three words… "I hate you" to which he responded… Know you don't… you love me.
He was right, I loved him, but I hated the way loving him made me feel in that moment. And once those words were stated…it was the beginning of the end.
When I say I hate you I hate cho ass… there is no coming back and I don't plan on it! Fuck yo couch ni&&agh!!
P.S. I love the phrase "oral delight" will be stealing that!!
It's never been that deep for me, either. I've never told anyone that I hated them because I've never hated anyone. Takes too much damn work…
Head Matters! #Classic!
They leave you stranded to die???? RTFLMAO!!!! I liked this one. Good job.
"Can you drop and “H” bomb and make it all go away with an “I’m sorry” and makeup head?"
Why yes… yes, I can. 🙂
Seriously though, "hate" is a very strong word for me and I've never used it towards anyone. I can only think of three things off top that would easily have me proclaiming- "I HATE you!" and they are:
1.) Placing an unremovable stain on my beloved Gucci bag and smiling wickedly at me once I discover it.
2.) Causing harm to baby sis.
3.) Stealing my money.
Those are justifiable reasons to hate, right?
Those are justifyable, except the bag part..I LOVE LOVE LOVE my bags, and even though the wicked smile would irk and fluster me..I would just demand a new one..I don't care if it takes 3 months of saving…hee hee..
" I once cursed out someone while she was crying and naked in front of me (yeah … I have a mean streak). As I pummeled her with insult after insult over her body, life, previous relationships, and numerous failures as a human being, as I unleashed all my disdain for her and what we once had "
OH MY! This made me want to cry just thinking about being in her position at that moment. It's almost like you might as well had said, "I HATE YOU!".
Yeah, that was a pretty vivid description of my worst nightmare. Thanks.
People take for granted the power their words have. I know they teach us "sticks and stones may break our bones etc…" but I know plenty that have been cut DEEP by words.
There's a thin line between love and hate. The last 2 have happened to me and yes, "hate" was the emotion felt. I had to let it go though in order to move on with my life because that strong emotion will have you seeing red every time the persons name is mentioned or even when something reminds you of them.
I've never told anyone I hated them… I don't think it's a word that should ever be spoken- I think it's something you will always regret. The power of life and death lies is in the tongue.
I don't hate anyone..too much energy..I agree with you SBM…However, I doubt that you can drop the "H" bomb and make it go away with some makeup head :/ . For me once it has been said, it will start to marinate…
Loved this post. LOL @ I have barely escaped incarceration and being allowed to hate people who don't give you oral delights.
As for dropping the H bomb – I think it's a really bad idea, as the sting of it never really goes away. Would never think of saying that to anyone, short of them murdering one of my family members.
I have wanted to tell someone I hated them..I came really close with my ex-husband. We had a bitter, nasty divorce….there were times when the only emotion I could attach to him was hate…I always have a fear of telling someone I hate them..then them dying suddenly and I am left with regrets and guilt……I try to not ever let it come to that. Most people you've hated..you once loved too, nine times outta ten….so, there is a very thin line.
Hmmmm…I don't think I've ever told anyone I hated them. Maybe my little brother when he would sneak in my room when we were little, but that was stopped quick, fast and in a hurry when my momma told me, "We don't hate people, especially family."
I think I hated my ex for a while last year. I never said it, but I definitely felt it. He proposed, and six weeks later, I found out he was on the downlow. After we broke up, he threatened to take me to court for the ring. If that ain't reason to hate somebody, I don't know what is! But, I knew I couldn't walk around with that vile feeling in my soul, so I had to forgive him and find peace. I don't hate him anymore.The thought of him still makes my skin crawl though…pretty sure that'll never go away.
Wow. Any chance you wrote a blog post about it?
Ultimately, I dont hate anyone anymore. I did but to hate someone is to hate their existance. And to hate someone's existance is to yearn for that existance to cease. So that's wishing death on people. I dont wish death on ppl, I wish that ppl i strongly disliked could be placed on a floating iceberg to live out their lives, the way the eskimos do.
Yep – something about the "h" word gives me the heeby jeebies and I think it's the "I just wish yo azz wasn't on this Earth" factor.
i've never told anyone i hated them and actually meant it. i used to say it when i was mad but i learned that is not a word that should be used lightly. i don't strongly dislike anyone in my life that much that i would tell them that i hate them. when you hate a person or have such strong emotions towards another person it can eat away at you.
I have truly felt a deep burning hate for my daughter's father and went to the gates of hell to find the most hateful things I could say to him. I found that the feelings took up way too much space in my life and took too much energy. I read the book the "Power of a Praying Woman" and it changed everything for me. I think coming to the point in your life where you don't say some things and can just walk away and carry on, is the best place to be.
I don't think I've ever used those words in relation to a women I was dating. I've hated plenty of dudes though just cause it's easier for me to hate dudes than females.
But I study Buddhism and believe as the Buddha did: A persons sins or failings are the result of you their own internal struggle and pain.
So mostly I don't feel hate. I feel empathy and desire for them to find peace. Which means I might have to keep it moving so they can figure out the source of their pain. But I don't hate them.
My advice practice equonimity. Extend equal love to all beings equally. You don't hate you moms when she makes you mad. So extend that same forgiveness to everyone. That's equonimity.
I've never used the word hate towards people I know, even if I don't like the person for whatever reason. I have used the word towards many people when it comes to sports. I still hate Tim Thomas for destroying the Bucks.
Regarding Peyso's comment: I wish Tim Thomas' NBA existence would come to an end.
Are there people I hate? Yep. Is it a short list? Yep. When's the last time I told someone I hated them? Never. I've never said this to someone. I've had a few people say it to me. I think that women begin to hate guys because of the effect they have on someone's life. Control is bitch. So a chick may say to me, "I hate you Jody!" And she really means it, but I don't think she's wishing my death (@peyso) or that she is totally done with me (@sbm).
"To make it personal, I once cursed out someone while she was crying and naked in front of me (yeah … I have a mean streak). As I pummeled her with insult after insult over her body, life, previous relationships, and numerous failures as a human being, as I unleashed all my disdain for her and what we once had"
well damn. mean streak? … may as well have just body slammed her and given her the People's Elbow and kept it moving.
but Hate… i think i've felt it once… didn't say it, but i did run at him and try to push him backwards down a flight of concrete stairs. lol.
hmm. yep, that was the only time.
I love using the words "I hate you", only because they are necessary to say the glorious quote, "I hatechu, Jody!!".
I've only said "i hate you" and meant it once in my life. to my ex. while he was my ex. abandoning someone in a foreign land = he deserved it! now we are best friends #lifeisfunny
Hated the fact that I couldn't hate my ex, so I did the next best thing: deleted him off my FB friend list! Sweet revenge…
I'll only say it in a jovial matter. It takes a lot for me to hate a person and even if.. time dissipates hate.
Good ish though my G
I told my EX-fiance that I "despise" him. And with plenty of good reasons. I feel like once you reach that point of no return emotionally, that's all that's left. There's no more love, no more forgiveness, no more humility. It took a lot for me to get to that point. So when I said it, I meant it. I think for the people who believe that there is a thin line between love and hate, they haven't truly experienced unconditional love because the two are polar opposites. The only thing that they have in common are both strong emotions.
Just a quick thought. If you stay with someone until you hate them…..I think that might mean you stayed too long. Probably should have ended things when there was strong dislike. or Extreme Anoyance. lol
"To make it personal, I once cursed out someone while she was crying and naked in front of me (yeah … I have a mean streak). As I pummeled her with insult after insult over her body, life, previous relationships, and numerous failures as a human being, as I unleashed all my disdain for her and what we once had (or at least were attempting to have) … even then … I couldn’t say or even think it. It still wasn’t that deep."
Umm am I the only one that peeped that…that's a hell of a mean streak. Jeepers dude! :-O
Yeah, "mean streak" is a euphemism. That's nothing short of abusive and the relative lack of comments calling it out just shows, IMO, how black women and men are conditioned to see such behavior as "acceptable" at best, and "normal" at worst. Frankly, I don't know whether to be more disgusted by his seeming lack of serious introspection and concern with that "mean streak" or by the relative silence of the mostly black female readers who could have easily been in this woman's position.
I never say "I hate you" but I tell people they don't exist in my mind. Which in essences is saying they are dead. I try to use despise instead of hate and that gets the point across.
i dont think i've ever truly hated someone (well maybe this dick in my grad class who stole my research, but maybe not…). however, i say those words all the time. sometimes, i just don't have time to think up some equally dramatic or poetic word to truly convey the height of my emotions. "i hate you" might not be accurate, but it definitely conveys that my feelings are strong as hell so purpose served. also, i don't think anyone has taken me seriously when i said i hated them. my mom, bro, and sis ignored me, probably because i was so young when saying it and clearly didn't mean it. but even if i meant it, i don't know anyone who gives the words "love" or "hate" all THAT much power now. those words should be powerful but them seem to just kind of melt into the wordy landscape.
I agree with Courtney that "mean streak" being brushed off as with little regard for the lasting emotional scars such verbal abuse could have left on this undeserving individual and then to follow up and say but I never said the words hate, well actions speak louder than words and your deameaning behavior and acceptance of your actions, scream hate for the young woman and quite frankly you should hate yourself for being able to sink so low and tear a woman down as you did. I guess I stand alone when I say I am utterly disgusted. If i was her I probably would have take the low road with you and trie to know your A@# out.