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Finding Love is Like Finding a Job

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Finding a fulfiling relationship isn't much easier.

Finding love or a successful relationship is a lot like finding a job. If you’re single or unemployed, you know how tough it is right now. Like I’ve said before, I try to stay away from advice posts, but I think I can offer multifaceted advice that can help you in your life one way or another. So for the purpose of this post, try to imagine the relationship between finding a job and finding a significant other. Each can be gratifying on a multitude of levels.

Career Fair/Networking Events

If you want to network and meet people that are good looking, you gotta go to the places where you know people are openly doing exactly that. It’s no different than going to a career fair where you know employers will be there actively promoting. And while you’re there, share a little information about yourself with each company and learn about them as well. A lot of people forget that the hunt is a “2-way street”. Even if you find what appears to be the company of your dreams, be easy. Coming across as liking a company too much and trying to close the deal at the booth will make you look sort of desperate and sorta sketchy. Nobody wants an overly aggressive or desperate person, except for maybe 1 night.

Submitting your resume

Since we all love to talk about our standards and deal breakers so much, I know that those seeking opportunities won’t just apply any and everywhere. You need to really know what will make YOU happy and not those around you telling you where you should work or what you’ll do for a living or what they heard about the company on some random message board. And when you do submit your resume somewhere, remember that there are a lot of other qualified people submitting their resumes there as well. So basically, you’re not the only applicant and there’s nothing you can do to speed up the process or make the company call. So once you’ve shown interest, don’t start tripping or get frustrated. Be optimistic, but keep it moving.

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Phone Screen

Success! Sorta. The company has expressed interest in learning more about you aside from what’s in dem jeans on paper. Be excited, but don’t OD. Now that you’re talking, you’re going to be on your best behavior. The company knows this too. You need to remember at this point it’s still a 2-way street. Obvious you want to sell yourself (not like that), but you don’t want to mislead and convey interest just for the sake of conveying interest. When you do that, you’re wasting everybody’s time. The objective when you’re initially talking is to get to know each other better than you did at the networking event or wherever you became aware of each other.

Face to Face Interview

It’s pretty serious at this point. You have both agreed that you want to pursue things further, but you need to remember that there are other candidates interviewing. They should also expect that you’re interviewing elsewhere as well. At this point, you’re really talking about your background and giving the company an idea of how you’d handle a lot of situations, what you believe in, and how that aligns with their strategy. In reviewing your resume at this time, you’re going to have to explain your past and whatever is in it. Don’t make excuses. Be honest and be assertive. If you’ve worked for 6 companies in the last 2 years, you’ll probably leave some things off your resume to begin with which will come back to bite you in the a$$. But if you don’t, just be truthful.

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They’ll also probably introduce you to other people in the group to get their thoughts on you and of course you will still be on your best behavior. I’d suggest you try your hardest to be you without overdoing it. Everybody you meet probably won’t like you and if they do that’s just icing on the cake. Assess the environment and see if it’s a place where you can be happy and productive. Make sure it fits into your plans as well. Talk about the pay and benefits (physical, emotional, and mental gratification). You may also find some additional perks you didn’t know about before. You should feel good when you’re there and feel better once you leave. If you don’t, it probably isn’t for you. You have to accept and be okay with that.

The Offer

Just because you don’t have anything on the table elsewhere doesn’t mean you should take it. And if you do have other options on the table, the employer should have been aware of that up front. After all, it’ll just make you seem all the hotter. If you’ve done everything right up to this point, the decision should be obvious. It’s okay to politely decline and not burn the bridge. You never know who they know that might also be hiring that’ll be a much better fit (not like that) for you. But if you do accept, make sure you give it all that you can. If you don’t, you’ll just end up getting canned and having to explain why you got terminated. Now that’s not fun with a company or with a new potential boo is it?

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I know. This post is easier said than done, particularly in this economy. There’s a lot of people vying for a few positions. Unlike the economy though, this will never change when it comes to finding love.

So what do you think of this approach? Any looming questions you’d like to see covered in a future post? Other random thoughts that came to mind? Let us know.

I’m a writer not a blogger,

Comment(23)

  1. Love your blog! And ur right… Relationships are just like jobs. If people treated them as such I'm sure the divorce/breakup rate would be lower. Keep up the good work! SHF (single haitian female) lol

  2. I say do whatever works for you. I never meet anybody when I'm "looking"….it's always when I'm just out and about not even thinking about meeting anybody that I do…..but those are some good tips though 🙂

    1. Sort of like a job. I do my best networking when not at networking events. (i.e. buses, airports, in line at Subways, etc)

  3. "Just because you don’t have anything on the table elsewhere doesn’t mean you should take it."

    *waved Obama Family church fan" Say that! Saaaayyy that! *adjust big church hat, then do a little rock forward*

  4. I have to say, most of the time when I meet someone I had no intentions of meeting anyone, nine times out of ten…..it just happened. I think men think more in these terms than women…..I am more spontaneous. I just go with the flow and see what happens alot of the time…..

    1. This is a good point. Kinda goes along with their not being a concrete way to go about it. A lot of people are specifically looking for relationships, which would require a bit more of a planned approach than just going with the flow randomly.

  5. I agree with this assessment. Let me expand on the resume part. I feel that a person has to be very mindful of their resume. I think men have resumes and women have CarFax reports. You have to be careful about what ends up on that. I've said it before, "You can't expect to get a job at Microsoft when your last job was at McDonald's." The reason I say this is because I can't tell you how detrimental a bad look can be to you. The girl of your dreams may turn you down if she finds out you used to mess with some old raggedy chick.

        1. Do you really care about how many relationships she's been in? Or do you want to know who has owned that and how many times it's been hit?

  6. I have to disagree with the suggestion of discussing your past relationships, when either on the first few phone calls or on the first few dates. Things can progress naturally and if the information about a past significant other is relevant then hey discuss it. But to start out a new relationship saying, that you have gone through six different relationships in the past year and they all ended after a few short weeks, for whatever reason, will say a lot more than you probably want to reveal in the getting to know each other stage. Men are always to quick to accuse us of bringing "baggage" from what that other man did, so this advice only perpetuates the dragging along of old unnecessary issues, feelings, emotions etc. If you got divorced last week, broke up with somebody two days ago, or issued a PPO against that stalker ex yesterday then yeah, you might want to let the other person in on that. Nobody likes drama, but just the run of the mill didn’t work out relationship can pretty much stay in the past.

    1. I see what you're saying. I don't expect someone to start off with someone like "I dated 6 guys in the last 2 years. Just want to let you know". That's just as bad as going into an interview and immediately saying "I only work at places an average of 2-3 months. Just wanted to let you know." The interviewer is gonna give you the side eye. However, if someone asks you a question about your past and dating history, you should be prepared to answer it honestly and openly.

      And quite honestly, old issues, feelings, and emotions are the things that shape us into who we are. It's more so about how a person has progressed from that and less about the baggage itself. And if someone does have extensive baggage they haven't dealt with, they probably shouldn't be dating people in the first place.

      Really appreciate your comment though.

      1. I meant to add, I thought the post was great and I loved the analogy of the job-love thing since we all can relate. Made, mental notes of certain points. Well done.

  7. Be optimistic, but keep it moving

    love it

    Also remember as a prospective employee there are always those companies that hire you because you meet all qualifications But want to keep you temping because its cheaper for the company (ie. theres always another to take your place Its just not there turn yet) can you say… player So yeah

    Be optimistic, but please know when to keep it moving

  8. Really good post and dead on without anything left out! I hope that there will be a part 2 post about improving the chances of remaining employed 🙂

    1. I think it is realistic for some people. For others, not so much. This requires a bit more discipline than the average person probably has. It can also be applied to who someone jumps in bed with as well. Unfortunately there's not a single easy program to get a boo, so for some people this really seems out there.

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