Home About Me Things that Make Me Feel Insecure…Sorta.

Things that Make Me Feel Insecure…Sorta.

Stay away from my girl you bastard.

Insecurity or any variation of the word is regularly thrown around in the blog world. It’s a word that dominates the sex and/or relationship blog niche and pretty much becomes the default excuse for why someone else’s argument doesn’t make sense or is unfair. For example, men don’t want women with high sex numbers because they’re insecure. Or, women don’t like men having close female friends because they’re insecure. These are probably 2 of the ones I hear the most. Many times, these discussions get heated and someone ends up with their feelings hurt. Well, for today I’m going to be a manly man. I’m going to provide a list of some of the things that make me feel insecure…sorta **burps**. Let’s have some fun with the subject. **swears**


Granted, I can reap the rewards of his music in the sheets when it comes down to the business, but he makes me feel some type of way about him getting the boo moist. Despite any allegations of closet homosexuality, I would not leave him in the room with shorty under any circumstances. And if it did happen and I heard him singing to her, I’d throw a ninja star at his throat.

Idris Elba, Boris Kudjoe, Shemar Moore

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iHate sitting on the couch next to whoever the boobookins is at the time and hearing her go “mm” when one of these people is on tv. Don’t be sitting next to me mentally cheating and ish.lol. Yep. I’m a hater sometimes. I can admit it. Therefore, when one or all of them is/are on tv…I change the channel. Sorry boo. Mm mm this.

Pre or Post Coitus Coldness

I don’t like being seen flaccid. Don’t get it twisted out there. My piece does pack a punch. However, if I just came (not that way) from the cold outdoors or from the shower and passed through a cold hallway, I’m not trying to just have my piece exposed and flapping around in an inglorious state. Lord Pumpington only wants to be seen in a majestic state or when he is just “getting up” off his throne.

Losing to the Boo in Anything I Deem Manly

As S-Bizzle said last week, men like winning. I am no different. I am a sore loser. It’s the reason I don’t like playing cards or why I leave the room after someone beats me a couple times in Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat. It’s why I go get a drink of water after a game of Horse at the gym. I can somewhat live with one of the boys defeating me in any of these, but not the boo. One time I got beat twice in Horse. She got it in the hoop more than I did. So when I got home, I got it in the hole to redeem my manliness. Take that girl. Take that. I ain’t gettin’ any letters this time!

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Not Being Able to Fit into Jeans

I really do sympathize with women on this. Shopping for jeans is an incredibly complicated and arduous process for me. As I’ve said on Twitter on numerous occasions, I got big thighs and some manly trunk junk. I’ve knocked women over in the club trying to get by them and my cheeks regularly get squeezed by them. I also find myself having to squeeze into jeans that should clearly fit. It took me 3-6 months to find a couple pair of jeans that fit me comfortably in the thighs. I end up wearing jeans with a bigger waist and have to make sure I wear a belt. Then when I sit down, the jeans sometimes come up at the bottom because of the inconvenience of my muscular lower half. It’s just an overall no-win even when I think I’m winning. Sigh.

So these are just a few of the things that make me feel insecure in some type of way…sorta. What about you? You don’t gotta bare your soul and share daddy or mommy issues, but you gotta have some simple things that make you feel some type of way? Is it getting caught without make up? Is it getting caught with a hair wrap on? Is it a surprise visit by your boo when your special place isn’t shaved? Let us know.

See Also:  The three month warning: what you need to get in better shape before summer.

Inserting Asserting My Manliness,


  1. I just came across this, and wow! I love your style and honesty. Good word play too. Any woman would love your article (the ones you write, I mean). =) Keep writing!

  2. Oh the wonderful topic of insecurities… well these dam video models that the guys gawk over…Look…I'm confident…I'm cute…got a nice body…got a booty and all that jazz…but look…I'm probably never gonna look like Buffy the Body or Lola Love or whatever her name is….so yea they make us (well, me) feel a bit insecure…jus a lil (but don't get it twisted I could some of those women a run for their money)…. and while we are on the topic….guys as much as you may love our sometimes apparent "love handles" we don't love them so don't tell us how sexy they are and don't touch them. We do not like them and you telling us you like them, guess what….still won't make us like them.

    Also when my man doesn't notice the new things about me..new haircut…shoes…heck even a new lipgloss brand/flavor..makes me feel like you're not paying attention …::shrugs::

  3. Awwww….it does take a manly man to be able to admit his insecurities publicly 😉 I can see how Idris and Boris would make a man feel a certain kinda way….whewww weee …Ogling other women in front of me would probably be on my list. I don't care if it's on tv or in real life, I'mma need you to keep your eyeballs in your head, or at least don't let me catch you drooling. 🙂

  4. lmho@ mentally cheating with tv guys. Dang i had better stop that nonsense- maybe bf doesnt like it. But I wont be bothered if he goes on about some chic on TV (e.g. Halle Berry, Gariel Union etc)- cos i know he'll never meet them- hehehehe.

    I think i speak for all women that once we experience the "glorious" state- we really arent bothered about the inglorious state. We really don't expect it to be glorious 24/7.

    Yeh, we all have insecurities- some valid, some not so valid. I reckon its how we manage it that matters the most. And realizing/acknowledging what they are.

    1. "Yeh, we all have insecurities- some valid, some not so valid. I reckon its how we manage it that matters the most. And realizing/acknowledging what they are."

      Indeed. That's part of what I was hoping people would get from this. Gotta be able to make fun of some of them as well, and for the more serious ones be able to recognize and mitigate.

    1. I think this is one that causes a lot of controversy in relationships because people don't recognize it for what it is. I have a similar thing about boos maintaining close relationships with people who used to deliver them strokes. I feel like once that comfort zone is there with the person, it opens the door to poor judgment. That's getting into the issue of trust and faith in a person to do the right thing though.

      1. I agree with this SLIM….but, its tricky because sometimes there really is nothing left there…but a friendship. It comes down to trust. I won't forbid it but I will keep my eye on the situation…..it does make me somewhat insecure at times..but, I think you have to check your insecurities sometimes….

        1. You reminded me of something else. I hate it when I feel some type of way about something and when I voice it, someone says "stop bein insecure!" particularly when it comes to something like dealing with an old flame and hanging out with them in "relaxed' settings. Sometimes that's a red flag. I know many a man and woman who have used that as a mind trick to cover up their shady ways.

        2. ^^^ What SJ just said is so true…and I have a tear in my eye that a man admitted to it. Its usually the response you get from a man when he is being to up close and personal with the ex.

  5. Alycia Keys..my SO adores her. So, when she comes on the TV when we are together I just look at this fool staring at the TV like he wants to mate with it…..lol. She makes me feel way insecure. Damn her! I also, hate to be seen out with my eybrows overdue for a wax…a mess!

  6. Mr Mister, loves him some smooth chocolate, coco brown, sisters, the darker the berry the sweeter the juice…I'm just a step below butterbean swirl, so when he comments on smooth chocolate, I get that "feeling" in my stomach and have to mentally shake myself away from feeling unattractive to him.

  7. Big, strong thighs…mmm…

    Yeah, yeah great post…we all got issues…I got issues…but yeah, about them legs…


  8. Idris Elba, Boris Kudjoe, Shemar Moore

    I’ve learned to just accept my girl ogling pretty n!ggas. She’s in love with Dwyane Wade and Steve Nash (even though I think Nash looks like Skeletor). I just let her get hot and bothered, then reap the benefits afterwards. We also have an understanding; if she has a chance with Wade, she can so go ahead and do him with my blessing. I have the same pass with Kerry Washington and KD Aubert.



    Not Being Able to Fit into Jeans

    I feel you on this one, having big thighs suck. I hate having to buy jeans two to three sizes too big so it doesn’t look like I’m wearing spandex. Then the jeans get all bunched up at the waist when you wear a belt. One of my best friends can buy jeans at Express for Men, I can’t even think about buying anything at that store. Even if I was fashion conscious stupid enough to wear skinny jeans, I’d cut off my circulation and die.

      1. I have to admit to having the same ailment. It's from being active since I was a kid. I have the very developed bottom half AND my waist is is "bent forward." It's hard to explain.

        Hell normal jeans will look like skinny jeans sometimes.

        I'm more insecure about myself than anything (one) she could be doing.

  9. My two are: too cool w/an ex, like she shouldn't call every time something in her life goes wrong. She should have other friends family someone else yo turn to in times of trouble. And my 2nd is my butt. It turns respectable clothing into whore clothing. My friends often joke about it, but trying on things in several sizes only to find it only fits my butt, not my waist not my thighs…its not fun.

    Funny that Maxwell bothers you so much too. My former would get attitudes when I spent too much time focused on Maxwell & not on him.

    1. may I ask?

      Are we trying to say you have a big butt?

      Are there any cell phone-bath room mirror pics around so that the crowd can compare?

  10. Good list Slim. I appreciate your honesty. Don't feel bad, I know few men who have similar issues finding jeans.

    I have a similar situation… with bras. I HATE bra shopping. I can never find bras that fit. I HATE IT. Vikki's doesn't carry my size, in fact most chain stores don't. Makes me feel like a freak of nature. I usually end up at high end department stores. You can't just walk in and buy a bra, you have to try them ALL on. I have no idea where these lingerie designers got the idea that women w/ big boobs want them to look like torpedoes but I'mma need them to go head w/ that foolishness. Then some bras have so much lace and ish on them that show through your shirt. Demi cups sometimes have too much spillage and then you look like you have 4 boobs. Full coverage bras tie down the girls so bad that you look like you got an ace bandage around your chest. These things are heavy, now I can't breathe. Some bras are just plain butt ugly. Why does this thing have lady bugs and random bows on it? Is this the junior's bra section? The wrong bra can make you look 10lbs heavier. Ugh! Just thinking about it upsets me. Sometimes I just can't anymore and I give up and leave. It shouldn't be this hard!!! My bras are expensive and so I often have to try then on in the store and then buy them online somewhere for cheaper. The women in the store are all pushing for the sale, so after feeling like genetic mishap for an hour or so, then I have to feel like a bum cause I can't buy any of the bras I've found. The worst is when they give you the bra they KNOW is gonna fit perfect but is way outta your price range. I said I wanted something under $75, how you gonna bring me a $125 bra… GTFOHWTS!

    In the end I usually end up walking out with some "compromise" that's either what I wanted but cost too much so I'm stressing myself out about it all day "really $88 for a bra?!?!" or I've gone for a cheaper option (not that much cheaper) that doesn't fit 100% like I want it to and I'm walking around fidgeting with it (or suffering thought it, depending on the fit) all day. Or I found something but now I have to go home, order it, and in the meantime rock my now subpar bras for another week or so.


    1. Girl I feel you on bra shopping…I'm not the biggest thang out there but I have a serious head light problem and I.can't.stand.padded.bras.ican't! Molded cups irritate me and bras without any lining at all just make me want to walk around with my arms crossed

    2. OMGoodness!! Preach.

      You know, the UK is more conscious of good looking and less pricey bras that come in large sizes. Thats how I get my bras, online through European stores. When I find a few that I know will fit and in my price range I buy them all!!

      Bra shopping i the worst thing ever. I wish I had itty bitties.

      1. Bra shopping is too stressful especially on the pockets. I go european..I still find them to be pricey though…I've definitely dropped $125-50 on a bra and not some extra special one just one that will hold up the twins. As an aside..I need men to realize that bra's come larger than a DD..shoot larger than a F..so stop asking oooo girl what you wear a double D..NO Reggin! *end rant*

        1. Yeah I buy some of my bras from UK websites but that damn exchange rate will kill you. Yeah they sure do come larger than F. Someone should share that fact w/ the people over at Olga, Bali, Warners, Lilyette… ::rolls eyes, adjusts underwire that is digging in my side::

  11. Lil ninjas make me insecure. Always moving all slinky and what not. Being able to fit into to all the Rugby, Black Label and Benjamin Bixby clothes. And if they one of them light brights, i really hate em lol

  12. Wow….When I read the part about muscular thighs, I was like..whooooooo..does this dude know how much I love those things. Forget the jeans. Just put on a pair of boxers and walk around the house. I'll run your errands for you. LOL!!!!

    Oh, and what is the game of "horse?"

    I loved the article. You're funny, and I love, love, love to laugh. It's a good way to start a morning.

    1. Forget the jeans. Just put on a pair of boxers and walk around the house. I’ll run your errands for you. LOL!!!!


      Note to Slim… Women like men w/ muscular thighs. Chicken legs are NOT sexy.

    2. Horse is a basketball based game. 1 person takes a shot and if they make it, the other person has to make the exact same shot. If they don't, they get a letter (H then O, etc.). If the person person misses, the other person then has the chance to take their own shot and force the other person to try to make it. It's quite entertaining actually.lol.

  13. Your description of your plight with jeans makes me insecure. lolololol!

    Good post boy boy!

    I can say that being shirts is off on the beach always has me a lil insecure because there's always someone with a better body than you… all the more motivation to go super hard at the workout. No pause.

    Tony Horton (P90x) makes me feel insecure daily. The fact that a 50+ yr old man is in better shape than me is crazy! Some of the exercises he can do is beyond ridiculous. Once again, I use it as motivation.

    Finally, intellectual challenges can make a brotha insecure because when someone makes an excellent point or schools you, you sit there with the o_0 look and try to recover. lol.

    1. I am cracking up on the "o_0 look and try to recover." This blog is funneeeeee……I'm learning new lingo and new techno ideologies that I never knew existed. Wow! This is great!

  14. I've been an athlete all my life, so I've got, from what I've been told by male athletes, a killer bod: toned arms, ripped abs, and nutcracking quads. BUT, I'm lacking in the hips department (damn sprints!), and boob department (damn bench presses!), which means some non-athlete men don't quite understand why a dress doesn't cling or swing or reveal the way it does on other women! l'm not as insecure about it now as I was before, but it sucks being mistaken for a teenager cuz I'm not super curvy lol!

  15. "One time I got beat twice in Horse. She got it in the hoop more than I did. So when I got home, I got it in the hole to redeem my manliness. Take that girl. Take that. I ain’t gettin’ any letters this time!"

    The S.O figured he was gone teach me how to play Madden so I would stop asking questions. Big mistake: I'm a fast learner. As soon as I started spanking dat azz, he swore I was cheating. So yeah I can slick relate to the Diddy special.

    As for me, I feel some type of way about him oogling Beyonce. Yes, I know he has a snowball's chance in hell of getting her, but do you have to drop your jaw and stare every time she's on TV? I mean, is that an unwritten rule that I missed. I understand that Bee is a baad bish, excellent entertainer, one of the greatest in the last decade; I cannot know that at all. I actually like her, but dude turns to silly putty when he see her, yet when she on the radio and he be like "who's that?" smh.

    @QueenT I'm with you on the overdue brows. I hate being caught in between waxes. grrrr

  16. good post bruh.

    while i do see your point about maxwell, shemar moore, idris elba, etc i couldn't be too insecure because i flaunt my relationship with my main boo (keri) and my side piece (gabby). lol playing 3 is the new 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WT_csdTiR1o

    i think things that do make me insecure are:

    -my weight. i've put on a little weight in the past couple of years but i'm nowhere near where i want to be. i'm barely 200 pounds and i seriously feel like i could put on another 10-15 pounds.

    -my station in life. i've been in school all my life and i look at my peers that have started their careers and are married and have families. while i'm talking about classes and lab work, they talk to me about taking their kids to basketball games and recitals. sometimes i wonder if all this schooling will pay off in the long run. hopefully it will.

    -speech. i'm a fast talker and i speak with an accent (mix between dc and nigerian). i think this all contributes to how i speak. when people first meet me they have to ask me to repeat myself a lot (especially people in the south). i also used to stutter badly as a child. i'm still pretty insecure about this.

    1. I smiled at the speech comment. I can hear the accent in my head and ….yes Lawd (its one of the reasons my SO thinks I'm a good listener, I just love to hear the man speak). I used to feel bad about my accent too and when people would say you have an accent, I'd reply "you do too". They'd normally look at me weird and walk away but it always makes me giggle.

      I used to stalk a guy in boarding school that had a slight stutter, it was so hot.

  17. Lmao @ 'mentally cheating' and following up with the channel change. Just so you know, your SO is simultaneously laughing at you and beaming with pride that you actually care.

    Physical insecurities are the worst. What happens in yor head, no one has to know but when its your body and unchangable it sucks. Every autumn and winter my legs and arms lighten up to their normal color (My father is biracial,my mom is black) and from head to toe I am 5 differnt shades of negro. Every April I head down to FL to 'visit family' and lay out in sun. Haven't had a 'damn, girl. Why are your legs so pale?' comment since 2003

  18. things that make me insecure:

    I'll co-sign Streets on the body image. Damn I need to go to the gym TONIGHT!

    I'll co-sign all those (pre-pause) OD handsome (post pause) actors and singers. I use to date a girl with a huge crush on Shemar Moore and Ray J. As a result I wanted them to die. I have come around on Ray J, but Shemar could catch bullets with his pretty ass face. Even with working out, I'll never look like those dudes. And that bothers me.

    Male P0rn stars:

    I'm not a small guy. In face I get tons of compliments, but you always want to top everybody in the world. Granted I really wouldn't want to be Mandingo, b/c I don't see a point to having 6 inches just hanging out. This sounds homo to the extreme and makes me sounds like I am pushing 3 inches so I'm going to stop now. All I'm saying is everyone (even women now) in the world watches these massive man pipes, and it puts pressure on every guy.. even the already hung. (pause, I'm never going to hear the end of this)

    and lastly along the same lines. I like being the best in bed:

    Its almost impossible to be everyone's best ever. Though I get good reviews and kept my ear to the ground to find out what is said about my junk behind my back. A girl is always going to pick the dude she loved over a one time jump off even though I showed more technical skill and a more consistent spm (stroke pre minute). The problem is each girl is SO different. So you are going to have to spend more time with each one to find out exactly how to lick or touch. Sure I have a general style of my own, but that is only going to get you in the top 5. I'm trying to be stroke's Mike Jordan and playing second fiddle hurst.

    There…. I admitted it.

    1. All I’m saying is everyone (even women now) in the world watches these massive man pipes, and it puts pressure on every guy.. even the already hung.

      Don't stress too much CHeeKZ. If a man unsheathed a mandingo sized shlong in my presence just on instinct my hands would move to protect myself and I would promptly add "and where exactly do you think you're going with THAT thing… not in here.. no suh!"

      o_O… Get from 'round here wit dat!

  19. …Ogling other women in front of me would probably be on my list.

    Cosign on this one I mean we are all going see attractive people when we are out with our SO I have even been guilty at taking that 2nd glance with my man Like "Damn Did you see the ass on her? Was that shis real?" (giggles) But I must admit when you Ogle and just linger in her essence of beauty or assests I can feel myself getting smaller and smaller No matter how fine Im looking Its when that "be cool" girl factor comes in to play again It can work for you and against you

    Its me in your bed Bleek Indigo Not Clark n Dont give me that…. Its D— thing either

  20. Side-tracking (sorry): Is it just me, or do Shemar Moore and Boris just not do it for me?! Their images are way too oversaturated…unfortunately for the men, when one pretty man gets played out, other ones riseeee to the top (Braylon Edwards, Osi Umenyiora) yummmm)!

    1. Not just you…they're funny looking to me and I just can't imagine whispering "Shemar" or "Boris" O_o…that's not sessy to me, lol

      1. lmfao. While I think Boris is tres sexy (not so much Shemar "Photoshop Cornrows" Moore), I also thought about this in my fantasies. Same with Idris (who makes me DIE with swoons)…those names sound like it should be said with a lisp. But, sheeeeeit, they're so sexy to me, I can be silent Bob when it comes to their names. lol

        1. I'd like to submit Darren Sharper for honorable mention..man those dimples get me every time. Go Saints!

      1. One of my bestie (pause) went to U of Mich and dating the baddest girl his year. As a result of trying to protect her, he dates all U of Mich football players and their muscle flexing, NFL check waiving behind.

        and now his two biggest enemies start for the NY teams. Mario Manningham and Braylon.

    2. Ohh my ….. Wheww Must admit Dahani Jones made me wanna learn more about the tight asses and thickness I mean the sport of football LOL (Sorry to sidetrack again)

    3. I used to love Boris, esp back in his video-hoe days (TLC – Red Light Special, Faith Evans – Never Gonna Let You Go). You can keep Shemar tho…

      His teeth #thumbsdown

  21. I 100% cosign on the Maxwell and the Boris comment. I'm not saying that she can't like them, but I don't need to see the ogling happening in front of me. The same reason I never utter words "damn she looks good" in front of my girl.

    Something personally that makes me feel a little insecure is a girl that knows technology better than me. It's a rarity and has happened like once, but Tech is just my thing and someone who completely demolishes me in that respect always makes me hit engadget and techcrunch double hard.

      1. See, i can read binary so that is sexy.

        But if she is telling about Google's mobile strategy because of some article on techcrunch that came out 15 minutes ago and can actually quote the entire Android operating system SDK and already compiled the Chrome OS from the source code … yeah … I'm officially intimidated.

  22. I snore. I am EXTREMELY self conscious about it if/when I have a new BF and we have just reached the spending the night phase. I try to make a lot of self-deprecating jokes about it ahead of time in order to give him a light-hearted warning. I've never had anyone say, "sorry I can't stay the night cuz you snore too loud," but I just imagine that I'm sleeping and they're up in the night looking at me with disgust.

    1. listen sister.

      You are talking to the snore KING!

      Its a problem. I need a Doctor.

      You can hear me from the next house.

      1. I went to an ENT doc who did some procedure that was supposed to cure me. About two weeks later, there was a family event and a ton of us were sleeping in the living room. In the morning, my cousin told me, "You need to get your money back." LMAO!!

    2. Don't feel bad…I snore too, lol and I'm one of those snorers who CAN'T fall asleep if somebody else is snoring…yeah O_o…lol all kinds of wrong. I'll wake your arse up and then proceed to snore my d@mn self….smh

  23. For example, men don’t want women with high sex numbers because they’re insecure. Or, women don’t like men having close female friends because their insecure.

    *Sigh* I try. I really do. I don't want to be a grammar nazi. I don't. But this ish right here? This ish right here? This makes NO sense. How can you use they're correctly in one sentence and then in the VERY NEXT SENTENCE misuse their? You guys' rampant misuse of they're/their/there and your/you're is like listening to fingernails on the chalkboard while reading an otherwise flawless blog. From one e-friend to another, please just take 5 minutes and figure out the differences b/w these homophones. I expect to be ridiculed, but somebody had to say it.

    1. Since you're contributing to the discussion here and I've seen you contribute on 3 Ways, I'll approach this tactfully…

      Please don't lump me in with other blog authors here or on any site with regard to writing style and habits. As anybody who reads my writing can testify, most of my posts are typically error free. The comment you made is where offering constructive criticism goes wrong. We're 60 comments deep on this post and you're talking about 1 word? A whole paragraph for 1 word? This is something you should use the "contact us" page for. Not something to throw into the comments. It really does take away from the flow of things. I'll address this typo and then this comment won't even be relevant anymore.

      You should read this if you haven't already.

      1. See, I told you I was ready to be ridiculed. I really did I look for an email address but I didn't see one. But it is something that I see daily on this site.

        1. I know I personally struggle with this one all the time. I try try try and have gotten countless emails about it.

          I'm just saying, some of us write these posts drunk and high, with minutes left to the deadline (before I start putting foot to a$$) and after a long arse day at work.

          If you want to be the grammar check and do editing for us on a pro bono basis, I would gladly accept it and love you forever.

          The email is sbm@singleblackmale.net

        2. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it's just a blog so it's not that serious. I'm normally the grammar nazi and I despise typographical errors, but when it comes to informal writing of this nature it's really not that important.

        3. Since we are correcting…"I really did I look for an email address but I didn’t see one"…no ma'am/sir, did you mean "I really did, I looked for an email address but I could not find one".

      2. I always have said this, the beauty of the internet is that it comes with a remote control, this isn't a movie theater. You haven't paid any money and are forced to sit through something that you don't like. If the blogs bother you, simply change the channel.


  24. Really? Are we going there with the grammar and spell check? Cause this is going to make me feel a lil insecure about posting in the future lol

    Take it easy Slim Most of us knew what you were trying to convey

    Damn I hope put that right


  25. My insecurity:

    I have finger toes. My niece calls 'em french fry toes. lol I sometimes feel better when I see women that men go gaga have them (I think a lot of models do…and maybe Halle Berry…I mean I don't look like those hot mofos anyway, but still…it makes me feel better when you find out folks ain't perfect lol), but I always have this reoccuring nightmare that I'll end up in a "Boomerang" moment with a guy. Then again, I'ont want no nicca with a dayum foot fetish anyway. Gross.

    1. I have finger toes too and I'm proud of them. I don't have corns and bunions, my toes are pretty and people complement my footsies in the summer all the time. I'd prefer my toes than ones that are all on top of each other and jacked up.

      1. Well shoot, why don't you just add that one to my list as well, lol? I have the opposite of finger toes: the vienna sausage.

      2. I agree with all of this. growing up one of my friend's little brother once said that I walk on my hands…then proceeded to literally walk on his hands everytime he saw me wearing flip flops. boys. lol

        I love my toesies and they are hella cute, and I don't really think they are ALL that long… *shrugs*

      3. "I’d prefer my toes than ones that are all on top of each other and jacked up."

        Truth. I just get clowned on 'em all the time. Folks tellin' me to pick ish up with my feet and whatnot. lmfao

        But yeah, I don't hate my feet or whatnot, it's just that it's too many brothas out there that have this strange fascination with feet. Don't wanna get dissed just because my toes are long. lol

        1. Truth. I just get clowned on ‘em all the time. Folks tellin’ me to pick ish up with my feet and whatnot. lmfao



          Send pics. We don't believe u.

  26. *Anna N. emerges from her well stocked snowy love den and returns to work. Grrr.*

    Ah, it's so nice to read you all again. I've caught up on the posts I missed – must say they were all funny and highly entertaining. Dr. Jay I didn't read your head post until today, but let's just say you read my mind, bruh.

    Antywho, things that make me feel insecure:

    1. the back of my arms. Sometimes, I just wanna spread my wings…..and fly a-way…….

    2. Having to speak to people in Spanish. It's occassionally part of my job and everytime it happens I remind myself that I meant to live in Mexico for 6 months after college and never got around to it.

    3. Women with bigger butts than mine. You can put perky tats on that list too (just bought my first DD with the Victoria's Secret gift card the s.o. gave me for v-day)

    4. Party shirts. When the hell did I get too old to wear them? I cleaned out my drawers and found a full stack of low cut, midriff baring shirts that I just had to get rid of. Then I felt old. Really, really, old.

    All I have for now.

    P.S. – don't go too hard on your girl Yonnie3K. As the daughter of 2 english teachers and a creative writing major, sloppy grammar can really make my skin crawl as well. But, I was taught that correcting adults in public is a bigger faux pas than whatever mistake they made. If you want to keep it proper.

    1. I agree. As an English teacher, I see written errors quite often. The proper thing to do is not to correct a person unless perhaps it's your own child or student. This is for his or her betterment, and actually, it's part of my job as a parent and an educator. Even then, do it at the proper time.

  27. I have an insecurity or two:

    1. My body build. I'm not exactly where I want to be. Every winter I basically hibernate and gain some non-muscular weight. Yes, I hate the cold THAT much. Comes spring time (avg temp > 70 F) I loose all I gained. So I guess this applies for only part of the year. lol

    2. My sexual performance. I keep a mental tally of the OPS (orgasms per session) of my partner. I work hard to keep that number above 1. This isn't really a factor unless I really care about the lady; hence, I want her to be fully satisfied. All the more reason to go hard… and keep going.

    Is it just me and the people I know, or does it seem like insecurities propagate between people (not the same one though)? Like while I'm pumping away, I'm focusing on being a certain woman's best EVER however, she could easily start to feel like she's a chore and that most of it isn't done out of desire of her or fun, but to reach some benchmark in my mind where I think she's satisfied. Hmmm…

    1. Every woman isn't gonna have an orgasm every time. Some women never have them. So just b/c she doesn't have one doesn't mean that your performance was poor or that she isn't enjoying herself. And by putting all the focus on making her have one, she can feel pressured, get tense, and feel like she's letting you down which kinda puts a damper on all of the pleasure that she was feeling, in spite of not having an orgasm.

      1. I typed this on another post and I'm telling you now, men don't want to hear this. I'm done trying to convince–they are contributing to their own hurt feelings. lol

      2. Yonnie, you make a good point … but I completely co-sign MeteorMan. The amount of thought and analysis I put into A+ performances is sickening, and although I overdo it … I think its worth it.

        I once did meet my match. A person who told me she had never Ooooed and didn't know if she ever would. It took time, dedication, and perseverance … but I brought my OPS from 0 to a solid 1 … a feat in of its own.

        1. Unless she was faking. I'm just sayin'. Maybe you did cure her, but I used to suffer from this affliction and I've faked my fair share for all the reasons I listed above – too much pressure, you feel like you're disappointing him, etc. I'm proud to say that I am now cured thanks to a good friend's advice and a $60 investment in my sexual health.

        2. @Yonnie, I wasn't even speaking on anything that needs "curing", just that it may not happen every time. and I think thats okay. a woman that has never had an O is missing out…hopefully she finds her way….I agree with you about the pressure thing and thats why I don't like these types of conversations. just try your best to be your best…giving pleasure and receiving. be open to your partners likes and dislikes and have a good time…

          @ Streetz, hell no 60 seconds isn't okay and you know thats not what Yonnie said. you are confusing length of time with pleasure and big o or little o or gatdamn O varies from woman to woman. but I said I was done…LOL

        3. But really, you all should just realize that every woman doesn't orgasm all the time, if at all, rather than trying to give us condom friction burns after an hour of trying to get us to "O"-geyser lol

      3. Every woman isn’t gonna have an orgasm every time.

        I don't believe in this lol… I'm getting my "O" all 5 of them one way or another. If you're not givin I'm well then I'm taking them!

        ::drops mic:

      4. This is something we as men have a hard time understanding. I can not imagine making love and not having the payoff at the end .It just does not make any sense to us .Its like going to wrk and not getting paid …Its not gonna happen. OH yes! it feels good just getting in .But once you had the climax thats alway the goal. Which is the problem .Not enuff women know there own bodies well enuff .How many of u have never had a orgasm.I was watching the Pepa show and one of the ladies said she neva had a orgasm @ damn near 40 yrs old whats that about???

  28. 1. Shoes/Fashion. I feel like I'm supposed to care more, but I just can't bring myself to. I'm more of a jeans, cute shirt, and J's type of girl and I really just don't care about rocking some pricey brand name 3 inch heels with whatever dress the magazines tell me I should be wearing. That's not to say that I don't have heels in my closet that I will bust out on occassion when going out, but you are more likely to find me in a pair of J's or even boots. So, I get a little insecure when it's brought up that if I'm not at work or going out, I don't get dressed up. It's like questioning my feminity, and while I may not like some of the girlier things, my feminity should never be in question.

    2. My family ties. I'm super sensitive when it comes to my family. It drives me crazy that we just aren't close, that I can go weeks/months/years without hearing from some of my siblings. It drives me crazy that the only sister I have anything near a consistent relationship with is beyond strained. So, when a SO asks how come I won't just get over something they've done or why we can't seem to get along, I get insecure about it. Like if I can't maintain a relationship with those people who are practically required by law to love and respect me, something must be wrong. One ex used to act like if my family was so screwed up, how could I ever build one with him. Luckily, I didn't want to. My ex-husband always used to compare my family relationships to his and would always act like I overreacted to the situation, that is until my sister threw herself at him. So, I just keep my family outta the situation until it's necessary. At that point, I didn't know whether to be mad or feel vindicated.

  29. Slim, I'm impressed you wrote about the booty/ thigh/pants issue. My thighs kill dreams (thank you track!) because I have a small waist. If I'm wearing dress pants I have to make an effort to get pants that won't fit in the thighs to keep it professional. I have shoulders like a football player and I am CERTAIN my children are going to swimmers (or football players). People generally don't notice until I point it out, even though I always feel like I'm walking around with shoulder pads on.

  30. My lack of backside makes me feel insecure lol. I have no problems attracting attention from members of the opposite sex, but I can't help but wonder if having a "made for tv" video vixen kinda ass wouldn't give me a leg up in the dating pool.

  31. Good post!

    My nails make insecure sometimes. I admit, I don't do them often and I've caught a few people staring when I really let them go. However, most recently I've been clipping them down low, so they at least look neat. I just don't have the patience to keep them done all the time.

  32. I really enjoyed your post, so much so I am going to step off the sidelines. Five seconds after I walk into a new place, I am paranoid everyone is gawking at my ass. No matter how fierce my outfit is, I know they are watching me walk. Its all good as long as I don't fall on my ass.

  33. ::I'm not a public school teacher, and do not currently have the week off. Therefore, I was teaching 4 year olds how to write 🙂 and missed out on this 🙁

    1. I'm insecure about my inner thighs. I've been working really hard to tone them.

    2. My ass:: I want a bigger, cellulite free, and juicier rare.

    Great Post SLIM….

  34. My insecurities vary, many depending on the season, my financial state at the moment and other variables that can be very random, lol.

    Skinny Legs. I have chicken legs. I work out 5 days a week and the rest of my body is actually rather muscular and chiseled and pretty sexy (no homo) if I say so myself, lol. BUT, genetics and my lackluster leg workouts (because of slow gains) are clearly to blame. ::sigh::

    Babyface. When I was 15, my only dream was to grow up, own a motocycle, have "360" wavy hair, a nice defined goatee and a leather jacket like the hustlers in my neighborhood, lol. Simple, I know, but hey, thats what I thought I would have by the age of 25. I am not a hairy person and it takes me a full month to grow a mustache back if I cut it too low. Beard? Not a chance in hell, lol. Goatee? Hell Naw, man! Shit!! I dont look like a lil boy or really young or anything and I do have a mustache, but I know that if I did have a Jim Jones type beard or a nice full goatee my swag would soar through the roof. ::sigh::

    Another major insecuirty of mine is the ability of other men to say that they 'had' my gir. This "having" can be physical or emotional. Another being able to say he fucked my girl, sucked her titty, squeezed her phatty or had her heart at some point in time really makes me insecure. You be like, I know you didnt let that nigga put his finger in your butthole? That nigga? He is soo lame and it hurts you because you know that at one point in time, some other man made your girl horny, maybe treated her to nicer things that you can afford to provide at the moment, or maybe even made her heart flutter. :::deep, hidden.. masculine sigh::

    Those are my two cents, lol.

  35. Great Post, you guys always make my day!

    @Tunde i feel you on the accent one, am Nigerian also but i stay in Chicity and for some reason, i pronounce my H like a E and vice versa. So people always ask me to repeat myself, but other than that, the love my accent. lol People usually think am British. Weird.

  36. Why don't you try custom made jeans? I have a similar problem becasue I have a very hourglass figure: huge breasts, small waist and big hips. I used to be insecure because i needed to purchase large sizes to fit my top and I would look frumpy. Now I hire a personal tailor to make dresses for me and my small waist in accentuated.

    Muscular legs are nice and rather rare. If you search around, you can even find custom tailors online where all you have to do is submit your measurements for a pair of perfect fitting jeans.


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