Home Dating & Relationships Relationships “Do you miss me?” … Not Really

“Do you miss me?” … Not Really

77

*** Admin Note ***

I want to welcome you all to SingleBlackMale.org.  Because people kept complaining about not being able to access us from their jobs where we were unfairly blocked, I have moved the site to a new domain.  Try and curtail your profanity in the comments … and we should be good.

Also decided to “spruce” up the site a lil bit.

– SBM
*****************

On the phone …

The Misses: “Hey baby.”
SBM: “Hey Love.”
TM: “You know, I was sitting here thinking how much I miss you.”
SBM: “Yeah, the distance sucks. But you did just leave yesterday.”
TM: “Still I miss you.”
SBM: “Ok …”
TM: “Well …” *long pause and exhale
SBM: “You having an asthma attack?”
TM: “Aren’t you gonna say you miss me?”
SBM: “Didn’t plan on it. You were here yesterday.”
TM: “Your supposed to say ‘I miss you too'”
SBM: #SideEyeThroughThePhone “I think you have me confused with someone else.  This is SBM.”

Yes … that’s really how I talk on the phone in my dreams because I would never talk like that to my real life gf.

For years and years I have found myself in this awkward predicament.  Whether it’s a girlfriend, friends with benefits, or jump off who is just overstepping her boundaries … I always get asked the question: “Do you miss me?”

See Also:  Why Do Men Ignore Women Then Call Them Crazy?

It’s one thing if you are on the other side of the earth in a Romanian death camp struggling for survival and I haven’t gotten them guts been able to hold you in weeks.  If that is the case … I understand and boo … I miss you too.

Instead, 24 hours after she has felt my magical pleasure bringing yogurt slinger of justice warm embrace, I find myself being missed already.  Yeah … it’s a little flattering … but not really.

I’m going to go out on the limb here and say your average man doesn’t truly start missing a woman until a week or two or until he realizes he has become so dependent on his wife/girlfriend for food and head that he no longer knows where his pr0n or pots are.  Therefore, 24 or 48 hours is simply not enough time to start with the “I Miss You”.  Let it linger a little bit … let it build up.

And as a man who is dedicated to keeping you happy enough to let me smash again I now am faced with a difficult decision.  Do I go against my morals and return this affection although I don’t 100% mean it … or do I keep it real and let you know that I just don’t miss anything after such a short time?

See Also:  Girlfriend Zero: The One That Ruined Him

Why are we put in this situation!!!

This need to return “loving words” doesn’t just apply to “I miss you”.  There are a whole slew of words that often strike fear in my heart as I just might not feel like returning them right at this moment.  If this guy is about to shoot me in the head on Xbox Live … then no … I don’t love you right now.  In addition to “I miss you” there are:

– I love you
– I’m thinking about you

– I wish you were here
I’m horny (this is ok)

Being the brash and abrasive person that I am (all in love though) I don’t always feel obligated to return these words.  And having vowed to be honest with those around me and close to me … I might not return your statement.  I heard it and it’s well appreciated … but you might have to wait a day or two to get the response you were looking for (I’m pretty good with dropping the L-bomb though).

So, to the women out there who is about to call their “special someone” to share something kind with them … remember one thing: no expectations. You say it because you mean it … not because you wanna hear it back.  That’s like me giving oral delights because I expect it in return #badexample.

Fellas … am I right?  You ever been caught in that awkward silence because you know you just saw her?  Are there any ladies who can admit that the don’t do this?

See Also:  When It Comes To Relationships: Nobody Has a Clue, Yet We're All Experts

– SBM aka I literally just left your house and am in the car aka “No … I don’t!”

Comment(77)

  1. I can honestly say, I hear this from a man before I say it. There is something about dropping the L-bomb & saying I miss you & not meaning it that gives me hives! I'm working on being more expressive so maybe that's it. BUT if I just spent all day at your house chilling, going out to eat, etc…. a goddess needs a few days to breathe & go back at it again. #imjustsayin There is a such thing as too much.

  2. if she says it then i'm saying it back because most times the feelings are mutual. if not then i'll say it's not in a joking manner to try to diffuse the situation. hopefully it works and if it doesn't *shrug*

    now if this occured and it wasn't in a long distance she would get the side-eye.

    1. depends on the situation and where it's headed. If im in a good mood, sure i miss you too, if you're cute and there's a probability for #smash, yea, else GTFOH #adjustsbowtie

  3. Ha I never ask that questions because when the awkward silence comes then you feel some type of way and if you miss someone it shouldn't be because you just want the person to say it back to you but because you genuinely missing them.

  4. I'm my experience, in a long distance situation, when someone says "I miss you" right after leaving, that's not really what they mean…

    It's more like you go visit your SO (or they visit you), you get all excited to sex them see them. On visits things are always more intense and rushed cause you're trying to fit a months worth of throxing relationship into two or three days. Suddenly it's over and you wish you could have visited longer or at least had time to just lay in bed and enjoy the glow but now you're back to your regular life and that's cool and all but it would be great if you had the option of seeing your SO again today, tomorrow, if you wanted, but you can't and so now you're on the phone thinking about how great things were 24hrs ago and how less great it feels to know that anything you neglected to do this weekend will have to wait til some other far off time.

    See how "I miss you" seems more efficient?… lol.

    1. Ms. Cherry is on point with her analysis. "I miss you" statements and respones (or lack thereof) are really 'interesting' in long distant relationships and when your relationship (physical, in person interaction) basically exists between Friday afternoon and Sunday afternoon, it can be hard to to say "I miss you" back to your girl every day she says it for the next two weeks until you guys see each other again.

    2. So "I miss you" really means "I miss that back breakingly good thronxing you put down"?

      If that is the case … I think I will complain about it less.

      1. There are so many "I miss you"s…

        1. the people at my job have driven me crazy all day and then I came home looking to be in a safe place but it's all empty and you're not here and all I really want is to sit in your calming presence so… I miss you!

        2. My family has all these expectations of me and are so needy and my friends are being real wack these days and I feel like no one really gets me and lets me be me but you and so…. I miss you!

        3. I made the mistake of going to a concert with friends and everyone was booed up, rocking to the music and I'm here rocking by myself and… I miss you!

        4. I woke up SO horny and I rolled over to a pillow… I miss you!

        I don't think you have to say it all the time but sometimes, especially right when you leave that comforting bubble of being around your SO the lows seem lower w/o someone there to prop you up.

        1. hmmm… This is interesting. I never thought there were different meanings to the same string of words. #eyesopened

        2. Ms. Cherry – *standing ovation* this is so true. Although I am the type of woman that attempts to only say/do what I mean with no expectations. Although it may have it different connotations or interpretations. I truly can appreciate the breakdown but it does go to show that we may need to communicate better with one another so we are on one accord and understood.

  5. Oh my! …sorta sounds a little like (our) recent convo.

    Me: Hey babe

    Him: Whaddup bougie

    Me: *sucks teeth* Whateva. Nothing… I'm missin you

    Him: No you don't

    Me: Yeah I do

    Him: Why'd you leave then?

    Me: Because… I have an apartment that YOU ain't helping me pay for

    Him: Didn't nobody tell you to get that expensive tail apt

    Me: You got one!

    Him: I ain't trying to get you to help me pay for it either

    Me: *sucks teeth* You make me sick…

    Him: See?! Told you that you don't miss me.

    Me & Him: *laugh together in unison*

    He's good.

    Total avoidance… but in all seriousness I never say something with any expectations to hear it stated back.

    Me likey the new look over here 🙂

  6. It might be because I'm a traitor to my gender, but I totally agree. I think asking someone if they miss you is kinda….not quite pathetic, but something close to that. And you know what they say right? You shouldn't ask a question if you're not ready to hear the answer. So if you ask "do you miss me?" and he's like "um, not really" you got what you deserve.

    1. I like the new set up.. nice way to stick it to the man.

      I co-sign Max.

      Its sad when a person becomes to needy for attention that they call you right after spending time. I hate having to force out statement just to pacify my partner.

      They send you some long weeping tx messages.. you have no choice but to fake the funk. they are to fragile to tell them the truth… you don't give a damn.

      Don't get me wrong, there are times when they are missed. Just not as often.

      1. CheeKZ,

        I think that you struck gold. Men, when you deal with women (who are emotional creatures), we have to learn the skill of "faking the funk". Sometimes you just gotta give in and say it back, even if you dont mean it, because thats what your lady wants to hear. But I do agree, that if she sets you up in these emotional boobie trap conversational situations over and over again, it can get really repetitive and rather frustrating.

  7. That is such an annoying question. I usually just find some way to change the subject. And if he keeps pressing the issue and wants to know why I'm not saying "I miss you too," then I proceed to explain to him why I don't miss him.

    I have too much pride to be just telling some man "I miss you," just to see if he says it back. That's something I never say unless I mean it and a man has said it first. My current SO is good for that mess and sometimes when I don't reciprocate he keeps saying it to see if I will say it back and when I still don't, he gets offended.

  8. Man… I think that people only really miss the person about 25% of the time. The rest of that time they are just saying it to make the person feel better. This is one of those things SBM that I pick my spots on. I just say it back or sometimes I even preempt her by saying it. You don't want to have an unnecessary argument, so I take the "dive". And I really don't like the "I always say it first" argument because it just gets ugly.

  9. I used to date a dude who constantly asked me if I missed him. It became so annoying that I finally had to tell him “If I am missing you I’ll let you know it, so please stop asking” because I honestly part of me did not miss him. Some people do over kill the “I miss yous”.

  10. HAHAHAHA at this whole post seeing as I just had this moment last night.

    Man in Question: Hey girl…

    Me: What it do?

    MIQ: Nothing. Been thinking about you.

    Me: Oh really? What about?

    MIQ: I mean, just in general. How much I miss you.

    Me: Aw, so sweet…

    MIQ: Do you miss me?

    Me: (trying this new blatant honesty thing for 2010) Naw, not really.

    MIQ: You are such an asswipe.

    Lol!! He doesn't take me seriously when I say I don't miss him. He kinda shrugs it off as me being rude or sarcastic just b/c it's him. *le sigh*

  11. This is definitely one of those situations where I pick my battles. I just go ahead and say it back. There have even been times when I said it first just to say something nice even though I wasn't really longing for anything at particular moment. Good post sir.

    1. Smh @ Slim, lol, I do the same thing. My ex calls me to "check up", and telling him that I miss him makes the awkward moments terrific 🙂

    2. Saying it preemptively is a great strategic play by any good boyfriend and I do it too … just to be nice.

      But I'm not gonna hold an awkward pause afterward waiting to hear it back. That one was all for you …

  12. I am in a LD relationship and I think we have pretty much established we miss each other..so, I try not to even go into that line of questioning too much….I will say I miss you every now and again, just if I'm in my feelings at that moment..but, I don't ask. He says it, we don't need to keep putting each other thru that. We know what it is…but, if you are seeing someone regularly you don't know what missing is…so, I don't have any compassion for you not hearing it back….give me a break, you just saw each other.

    1. Co-sign 150%. I'm in a LD relationship as well and I know he misses me and he knows I miss him, so it's unnecessary to say it EVERYTIME we talk. When I'm having a particulary emaotional day, sure I'll say it. Same goes for "I love you". In the beginning it used to bother me if he came off the phone without saying it, now I realize it'd just be for the sake of saying. And considering how often we talk it'd be a bit ridiculous to say it EVERYTIME.

      I also have ZERO sympathy for folks who see each other on a reg. Try not seeing your SO for 6 months, then you'll know what missing someone really means.

    1. I was just about to say that when "I miss you" is said, my response is "What do you miss"? I've had a guy ask me what I miss also. This is a #fail, because obviously the person either doesn't miss you or believe you, so they are asking for a list.

        1. SBM, if that's what you miss then thats not ruining the moment. Actually that might be a cue for me that my suga-dumpling wants something ("inappropriate" images are beginning to take form in my head) 🙂

  13. Reading this and the comments I'm guessing "I miss you" means different things to different folk, at different times.

    I say it to him all the time, especially when I'm having a bad day. I could've seen him this morning and by lunch be missing him because somebody done pissed me off at work. His presence is comforting so when I say "I miss you," he knows exactly what I mean and when I see him when he gets off of work snuggles are needed.

    We have our own language so to speak, if I ask him if he misses me, he'll tell me specifically what he misses about me, whether it's me cooking, pampering him or his visits from the PF (p*ssy fairy).

  14. When I was with my ex, I found that both of us only said "I miss you" because we didn't want the other person to feel bad. After a while, when it was said, I would hit him with "Awww babee smo0ches". Unless a man have me doing cartwheels and little dances in the mirror, the missing thing is not working, I could just send a text or place a call. I find myself missing my S/O when I get the alert from my body that I need some Vitamin.. 🙂

  15. Some men are more affectionate than others. My boo loves all that romantic talk. I hate saying I miss you first. He wants me to get into detail of what I miss about him. I'm not a lovey dovey person but I try to say things to make him feel special. Last time he was over I said, I miss you even when your next to me. Dude had a twinkle in his eye. Lol. Different strokes for different folks.

    1. "I miss you even when your next to me"

      I'm not going to front. This sounds like some corny ishh I would have said back when I was 15 still with a V card. I would have done ANYTHING to lose that damn thing. Never worked.

      If someone would have told me to just be aggressive, act like an alpha dog.

  16. If a person misses you, they'll let you know. If I say I miss you, I don't automatically expect the same response. It would be nice if I did get the same response, but it's not expected. I would rather the man wonder why I miss them instead of just saying words just to be saying them.

        1. @Streetz,

          The feeling is mutual. 😉

          @SBM,

          Please tell me you are full of lies. Like, if it's true I imagine that to be at Jamba Juice under a code name or some ish.

  17. Fellas heed my advice. Just say the sh*t and keep on keepin on!

    Like most said above, you must pick and choose your battles accordingly, and this one I will gladly lose.

    Hmm… I smell a spin-off *lurks*

    1. This is about yo soul man.

      If you keep on chipping away at it one day you gonna look in the mirror one day and just get depressed at the broke down brother looking back at you …

      1. Who said my soul is in jeporady. It's called the Art of War my G! Would you rather have that conversation about why this/that or just concede?

        In my experience it aint worth it. I'll speak my mind once and be the end. Hate a nag

  18. I haven't read nary a'previous comment. But I have been in the opposite situation. Men telling me they miss me three minutes after they drop me off. GTFOOHWTBS I usually feel like they're saying that because they think it's something women want to hear (ir)regardless of whether it's even possible to miss someone 3 mintues after you were last together.

    1. Is he really wrong to think that is something that you wanna hear?

      For every girl that hits him with the side eye (you) … there are 30 that would text they friend with the "girl, I think he really does like me even though he kicked me out 2 minutes after intercourse."

  19. Ok I am so happy you tackled this topic in your post because I have been going through this with someone I am talking to now and I could really use some help.

    So here's the situation, I meet this guy ONCE in a group setting, we exchange numbers and have been talking ever since. Well he lives in in MD and I go to school in NC, but right off gate he hits me with the "I miss you" and I am left with the blank face. I wanted so badly to ask him how he could miss me when we just met, haven't really hung out by ourselves, and he really don't know me that well. I was real confused but I dropped it, but he continues to tell me how much he misses me like I just left his house or something.

    Am I being too paranoid or is this normal male behavior????

    1. RUN!!! FAST!!!

      Girl I have been there and don't there. Don't go for that! In fact, what's his name lol. Years ago when I was younger and wide-eyed a friend hooked me up on a blind date with a guy it turned out I knew. He and I had worked together at a summer job during high school and I used to have a crush on him and vice versa. We were both so excited to see each other again that we decided we were gonna just date. Problem was he stuck at an USAF base in NC and I was in DC. He used to call EVERYDAY and want to talk ALL DAY. He would go on and on about how he missed me and I'd be really confused like "really?!?! HOW?" The situation just became more and more awkward.

      I in the three months we dated he came to visit twice and the visits just made it worse. He eventually moved back to DC and then it just went from worse to #tragic fail. He came out his mouth post-coitus and said he loved me. LOVE?!? IS YOU SERIOUS?!?!

      When he moved back here he expected to see me ALL the time to I guess "make-up" for the time we missed (though, I didn't really miss him). The final straw was he wanted to come by and I had to go out of town. I had errands to run and so I wasn't available when he wanted to stop by. I was only gonna be gone for 48hrs so I felt like it wasn't a big deal…

      I woke up to a 5 page letter… FIVE PAGES, all about how upset and disappointed he was, that he left in my door in the middle of the night… You didn't want to just ring the bell so we can talk?!?!!?

      Since he decided to be the emotional woman, I decided to be the dickhead dude and sent him a BS email about how "it's not you, it's me… you deserve better". o_O

      RUN GIRL RUN!!!!

      1. Please give me this dude's information as I am starting to put together a list for the inaugural class of the SBM Anti-Simping school.

        Since you know him I will give him the discounted rate and promise to grow him some balls so that he can come back to you as a real man.

      2. So your whole story sounds like a eerie blueprint of what's going to happen to me. He has already offered to buy me a phone and add me to his plan so we can talk, I said HELL NO with a quickness.

        Dang looks like I gotta let this one go before I go home for Spring Break, can't have him trying to find me and it's very possible in DC

  20. This is painfully true! My boyfriend coul've written this himself. As a matter of fact, I think I'll doublecheck that you're not him! I think women are just really emotional sometimes, or at least I am. Men don't really experience this, at least not for a while. I guess we'll just have to hold our tongues and wait until he misses us!

    1. "I guess we’ll just have to hold our tongues and wait until he misses us!"

      It might sound harsh not really, but if this is adopted by all women, the world will be a better place.

  21. I hate this also. Former boos have been mad at me for not returning the "correct" answer for the "Do you miss/love/need/want me too?" So now my attraction/care/love for them is questioned because "No I didnt miss you, we just got off the phone like 3 minutes ago," or "You just left my house, why would I miss you," or "How can I love you, we've only been dating for 3.5 days???" Boggles my mind. And I have never been the type to question or asks for a man response to "Do/did you like/love/miss me" while he is playing any game system, watching a game, sexing or eating. Thats just wrong.

    Oh yeah, and I was pissed about the .org change, until I realized that I didnt have to edit it in my favorites!

  22. Don't forget how the "I miss you even though its only been 12 hours since I saw you" comments by your girl can turn into a conversation about how you miss each other. #ohno! If you just repeat what she says, she might hit you up with the follow-up of "What things do you miss about me?" or the like. Sometimes, I'm caught during something really intensive or random and I get a call with this embedded. It's cool, but sometimes I'm just not thinking about her, since other stuff happens during my day. lol

    You read my mind with this one. I definitely find a way to avoid saying things I don't mean. Girl be like: "Baby, I miss you." even though I just saw her… I say: "That's nice of you." or "I appreciate the thought." or "I've been thinking about you too." I used to get the side-eye and probably still do for not simply repeating what she says back. But I think she appreciates my honesty more than anything. Though sometimes women want to hear certain things without saying "N*gg* tell me that you miss me and love me NOW!" So it can be used as their subtle approach to quench their thirst for perpetual reassurance.

  23. I don't do it at all because I wouldn't put a person in a position that I don't want to be in. I don't like to feel obligated to return the words and lie, which makes me feel guilty afterwards. When I don't feel the same way, my favorite reply when a guy says "I miss you", "I want to see you", etc. is "Oh you are such a sweetheart". It usually works 🙂

  24. I'm in a LDR and I feel like after I see him for a weekend is when I start missing him most. We might go a couple months at a time withouth seeing each other, so after I just got used to him being around it seems crazy that he is gone already. In those times, I miss ALL of him. Sometimes I even miss him before he is gone because I KNOW he is going. Ultimately, I think to each his own. He doesnt have to miss me b/c I miss him. At this point, nobody has to lie to kick it.

  25. Him: Dang Lyso, I miss you! You miss me?

    Me: Ummm * 3 seconds of awkward silence* Yes!

    This is usually how ALL our conversations start! I say it in avoidance.. so I can avoid him asking .39 seconds later whether or not I miss him again! I DEFINITELY am not the lovey dovey one in the relationship at least not verbally. My I miss you is a slap in the back of the head and kick to the shin. Yes Im still 3rd grade, Dont Judge Me!

  26. Very interesting comments… gotta watch out for those stage 5 clingers. They sometimes end up on the news taking folks hostage! When my Baby says he misses me & I'm not feeling him I reply with the ole 'that's sweet. 99% of the time I say I just say I miss you too and mean it. I may hit with him with "you miss what exactly?" and he never dissappoints.

  27. HAHAHA! I love this post! So cute- so truth.

    I DO IN DEED love the 'break down' posted earlier too.

    One thing I've HAD to learn, and lucky for me, I learned VERY early on was to NEVER say things you don't mean and never ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to. So if I say it, then I mean it… UNLESS I immediately say, 'just kidding'… BUT I'd say, if I'm FINALLY breaking down and giving you a 'piece of me' then it's sincere. Those who know me, and I mean REALLY know me know that I am VERY light hearted and will joke around, and when I joke, it's easy to tell. If I tell him that I miss him, then it's because I do miss him. I dont' ask if he misses me because if he says no, Imma wanna scratch his eyes out…I mean DAMN! How can you NOT miss me!?!? So I don't ask and just let it rest in my mind that he does..LOL and all is right with the world.

    I'm gonna have to share this one with my girls! We just talked about this a few days ago!

  28. I don't really care for the I miss u thing. I guess if ur in a ldr it's needed but not if u see each other regularly. It was cute in high school but not so much now. The only time I recall saying it to the boo was during Ramadan. We don't see each other the whole month bc I don't want to tempt him and our options for going on dates are slim bc most time when he's not working he's doing things pertaining to fasting. Surprisingly when I said it he said it as well.

  29. "yogurt slinger of justice"…Wow. First time I ever heard that one. You should get a superhero costume to go with that.

    Anyway, as insensitive as it came off, kudos on a very honest post. No one should say anything to anyone just to hear it said back to them.

    Also, a lot of women out here don't know for fact that they are a "jumpy" and after weeks, months, etc. of penetration if the boundaries aren't concise, the "I Miss You" may be genuine when it slips from their lips.

    It's up to the one hearing it to either keep it 100 or play along so he can (smash) hold her in his arms once more. A lot of dudes don't keep real thus allowing for that type of MISScommunication. Make that a future post and you'll have an avid reader over here. I'm all for exploring both sides of the coin.

  30. I miss you = I miss what you represent for me in my current situation. IMO some thing/series of things had to occur to reveal an emotional void of some sort that your SO was good for filling.

    Like someone said earlier, it's highly contextual.

    As far as reciprocation, I'm not one for saying ish just to say it but then again I've never been asked any of these questions since I've never had a SO/JO/FWB

  31. This is not exclusive to females. I've had plenty of males talking this "I miss you" foolishness and expecting the same response in return. O WELL!

  32. Goddamn how I love this site, the posts always have me crackin up! Especially all that barred text lol!

    Anyway I never ask if my man misses me or loves me, luckily he misses me like I miss him haha or at least he says, he says it spontaneosly so no need to ask for it 🙂

  33. This pretty much sums it up… Although, it's a whole other situation when the man happens to be the one asking if he's being missed. I think the fact that I blantly answer no.. makes him miss me even more. *sigh* If I don't feel it, hence, don't want to say it back.. how can I dodge the question ?

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