*** Admin Note ***
I want to welcome you all to SingleBlackMale.org. Because people kept complaining about not being able to access us from their jobs where we were unfairly blocked, I have moved the site to a new domain. Try and curtail your profanity in the comments … and we should be good.
Also decided to “spruce” up the site a lil bit.
On the phone …
The Misses: “Hey baby.”
SBM: “Hey Love.”
TM: “You know, I was sitting here thinking how much I miss you.”
SBM: “Yeah, the distance sucks. But you did just leave yesterday.”
TM: “Still I miss you.”
SBM: “Ok …”
TM: “Well …” *long pause and exhale
SBM: “You having an asthma attack?”
TM: “Aren’t you gonna say you miss me?”
SBM: “Didn’t plan on it. You were here yesterday.”
TM: “Your supposed to say ‘I miss you too'”
SBM: #SideEyeThroughThePhone “I think you have me confused with someone else. This is SBM.”
Yes … that’s really how I talk on the phone in my dreams because I would never talk like that to my real life gf.
For years and years I have found myself in this awkward predicament. Whether it’s a girlfriend, friends with benefits, or jump off who is just overstepping her boundaries … I always get asked the question: “Do you miss me?”
It’s one thing if you are on the other side of the earth in a Romanian death camp struggling for survival and I haven’t gotten them guts been able to hold you in weeks. If that is the case … I understand and boo … I miss you too.
Instead, 24 hours after she has felt my magical pleasure bringing yogurt slinger of justice warm embrace, I find myself being missed already. Yeah … it’s a little flattering … but not really.
I’m going to go out on the limb here and say your average man doesn’t truly start missing a woman until a week or two or until he realizes he has become so dependent on his wife/girlfriend for food and head that he no longer knows where his pr0n or pots are. Therefore, 24 or 48 hours is simply not enough time to start with the “I Miss You”. Let it linger a little bit … let it build up.
And as a man who is dedicated to keeping you happy enough to let me smash again I now am faced with a difficult decision. Do I go against my morals and return this affection although I don’t 100% mean it … or do I keep it real and let you know that I just don’t miss anything after such a short time?
Why are we put in this situation!!!
This need to return “loving words” doesn’t just apply to “I miss you”. There are a whole slew of words that often strike fear in my heart as I just might not feel like returning them right at this moment. If this guy is about to shoot me in the head on Xbox Live … then no … I don’t love you right now. In addition to “I miss you” there are:
– I love you
– I’m thinking about you
– I wish you were here
– I’m horny (this is ok)
Being the brash and abrasive person that I am (all in love though) I don’t always feel obligated to return these words. And having vowed to be honest with those around me and close to me … I might not return your statement. I heard it and it’s well appreciated … but you might have to wait a day or two to get the response you were looking for (I’m pretty good with dropping the L-bomb though).
So, to the women out there who is about to call their “special someone” to share something kind with them … remember one thing: no expectations. You say it because you mean it … not because you wanna hear it back. That’s like me giving oral delights because I expect it in return #badexample.
Fellas … am I right? You ever been caught in that awkward silence because you know you just saw her? Are there any ladies who can admit that the don’t do this?
– SBM aka I literally just left your house and am in the car aka “No … I don’t!”