**The following takes place on G-Chat during a random lazy Sunday afternoon**
Wandaneesha: Hey Slim! You there?!
Slim: Indeed. What’s good?
Wandaneesha: Not much. Just got back from Golden Corral with Church folk.
Slim: Nice. Word. Yay Jesus. How was your date last night? I’m assuming you’re about to tell me anyway. No reason to fake the funk.
Wandaneesha: It was great. He’s funny. He’s cute. He has a lot going on for him. He knows what he wants and would make a good boyfriend. I might mess with him, but that’s about it though.
Slim: Wait. So he sounds like a good guy and you’d let him potentially smash, but you wouldn’t date him?
Wandaneesha: Yeah. I knew you’d say that. It wouldn’t work though.
Slim: Why not?
Wandaneesha: He doesn’t go to church or have a strong relationship with God. I need a man who’ll be there with me on Sunday.
Slim: If that’s your attitude, he’s probably better without you.
Wandaneesha: Last time I tell you anything…
**Wandaneesha has signed off. 3:41pm**
If I had a dollar for every time I read or heard something like this, I’d be able to…well…umm…buy a large 3-topping pizza and 2 liter bottle of Pepsi from Dontae’s Pizza and Pigfeet. And with each dollar earned when this is said, I cringe and die a little bit inside. Apparently it’s one of the lead deal-breakers and another hot topic on a few popular women-run blogs. I even referenced it briefly during my faith series on 3 Ways. And though I understand it, I still have to ask why do so many people say that they need a God-fearing or spiritual man/woman who’ll be in church with them on Sunday?
To those with an “active faith”, the answer probably seems obvious. It’s probably one of the following:
- People should have similar values when they’re dating. If the values aren’t aligned, it’s going to be a major fail.
- People are entitled to discriminate based on whatever criteria they deem important.
- I don’t want no heathen!
- The person needs to be able to fit into my family. My family is all **insert belief system here**.
All of those answers make sense and seem fair in some way. And with this particular issue, it probably seems to be all the more legit. However, it ends up being no different than a lot of the other frivolous criteria out there. As someone who’s been a “nonbeliever” of sorts and someone who has recently become stronger in this aspect of life, I think I’ve got to say that this can be an awful reason to screen out a particular relationship partner. It’s one thing if the person says they hate **insert higher being** and have no interest in ever dating someone who follows that faith because they’re a piece of sh*t. In that situation, nobody wants to date an ignorant fool so go ahead and screen ’em on out. But what about those who are normal, kind, and righteous in other aspects of their life?
All Most of the time when we meet people and are sizing up their potential (not that way), we’re just thinking about ourselves—rightfully so to some degree. We’re not thinking about how the person arrived at their belief system or thought process. It just becomes a matter of “He said this. I’m this. It’s a wrap. Nevermind everything else about him or her, I’m not trying to beg them to go to church/mosque/synagogue/temple with me.” As I’ve become more involved in faith, I’ve become even more open in my views of dating across faith boundaries. And one thing I have learned is that you shouldn’t need to have someone sitting next to you so that you can continue whatever spiritual growth you’re pursuing. If that person is willing to listen and try to understand your beliefs and you’re willing to do the same for them, you should be fine…within reason.
And besides, if you want someone to be there next to you just so you can appease family and friends or look “ideal” to the congregation, you’re just faking the funk anyway. I don’t say this to preach. I just say this because I see too many people miss out on potential partners because of this topic.
What about you though? Is having the same belief system a critical criteria? Do you think I’m wildin’ with this viewpoint? Can you have the same values and different faiths? Are you willing to pass up on what appears to be a good man or woman because their thoughts on spirituality are different than yours? Share any and everything. We know you got something to say.
If you practice what you preach then why not tolerance,