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I’m So Self Conscious


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The past few weeks have been pretty rough on the ladies… we know. A lot of the blogs that I we write here at SBM sometimes defend men, bash women, or are rants that are not meant to educate, but entertain. I would like to make it clear that I do believe that for every post about a women, a similar comparison can be made to the men. In 2004, Kanye West came on the scene with his second single, “All Falls Down,” about how we all have insecurities as Slim would call them. To me, there’s a few things that single, dating and married Black men and women do that we probably should own up to and work on.

Unpaid & Late Bills – I have a cousin who has had every cell phone service that ever came out. I think now she’s got MetroPCS because Sprint, Verizon, TMobile, AT&T, etc. they refuse to give her another phone because she never paid her bill. I ain’t going to lie to you, I sometimes carry a balance on my cell phone bill too. (In my defense, I just like waiting for my company reimbursement check before I pay the bill.)

See Also:  Celibacy and the Single Woman

Pop Champagne Like It’s My Middle Name – I have no idea why I buy bottles in the club. I am being perfectly honest, I can’t afford it. But that doesn’t stop me from popping a bottle every chance I get. There is something about holding that bottle of Rose in the VIP section that is so fun, I’m willing to go in debt to do it.

Everybody in the Club Getting Tipsy – I will admit that I tend to get excessively drunk as a way to not care about my surroundings. Don’t judge me either! Most of you all know that you needed to get wasted to go to college parties because if not, you realized how wack they were. Or how about have you ever went to a party, paid cover and once you were inside you realized it was dead? You know what I do? Make it fun.

Baby I’m Selfish – When I’m stepping out on the town I like to have the new new hotness on. So I’m not above of buying something and then hiding all the rest of an item in a department store. #kanyeshrug.

I Think I’m Hot Son – Secretly, even though I don’t tell anyone, I compare myself to my enemies and friends. It makes me feel like I’m doing something right, if I can find someone whose worse off than me. Don’t front, if you think I’m alone, consider this; the media benefits off the fact that everyone enjoys to hear someone is worse off than them.

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Uhhhhhh, It Ain’t My Fault – I’m not even gonna front, I blame chicks for stuff that is not even close to their fault. Women y’all do it too. Fair exchange is no robbery. So I blame women for just about everything I can. I blame them for the bad economy, I blame them for the current status of Black love, I blame them for bad children on Metro, the weather, my investment portfolio losses, and premature ejaculation or deflation.

Anyway, these are some things that I do that show me that I’m not perfect and I don’t claim to be. What about the faithful SBM massive, got a couple faults you want to get off your chest?


  1. As my surprisingly funny little sister would say #wellDAMN! I got a few faults that I don't mind sharing.

    1. "I'm too angry?! Wtf is that supposed to mean?!" – I have this temper issue.. That I'm actually trying to give up for Lent. I get easily annoyed by petty shit and I can let it lead to blind rage where I don't give a damn WHO is in my way.

    2. I know I'm right – I'm not tryna hear that noise! Lol I usually feel like I'm right and whatever you feel can wait BUT I've learned to bite my tongue, shut up and listen. And I valu what most have to say now ^_^

    3. I like it rough #pause – I'm quite the aggressive one with guys I like. I will give em a hard penis time & then eventually give in and submit. What?? I like a good ruffle and tussle from time to time so spank me daddy so sue me. 😛

    I think that's all I have for now. Pretty sure I'm not a perfect individual past these flaws … I'm so self conscious ^_^

  2. 1. "Ain't I a beaut'?" I check myself out in all reflective surfaces. Call it conceited, call it the ugly teen complex. But I am constantly checking that I am camera ready.

    2. "I smell good" I take 2 or more showers a day because I never want to be caught slipping. Before chex or that other act, I REFUSE unless I'm right out of the shower or close to it.

    3. "Graduate, ALREADY!" I am almost 30 and still an undergrad.

    4. "Are you ghey?" This is no longer a complex, because I'm no longer single. But up to almost one year ago, I was worried that my family thought I was ghey because I never brought any men around… matter of fact, I had an uncle actually ask this.

    1. LOL #4 for me as well… my mother makes little comments about how "we don't know her friends, blah blah blah".

      My little sister is now going through this as well (as I did when I was her age), because she has a lot of male friends as do I.

      I'll eventually bring someone home (on my wedding day perhaps)…

      1. Exactly!!!! But I think it's not necessary to bring them around until you are ready and it's a good established relationship.

        Othewise you will be hearing Chris (or whatever the guy's name is) for a good long minute after the relationship goes sour. They make it hard to forget!

    2. I feel your pain….

      Granny has been asking me that since I broke up with my HS sweetheart. (I'm 27.)

      She finally came out and just asked, and then when I told her I wasn't ghey, she threatened to kick me out the will if I didn't produce a hussben and offspring by 30. SMDH!

  3. Sharing is caring.

    I am vain. I tend to look at myself in the mirror regardless of where I am and who's there with me.

    I can be very passive aggressive. I do it because I know if I go full on aggressive something bad is bound to happen. My roomie accused me of it so I quit doing it so much. I think I intimidated him b/c now there are no filters. Be careful what you asked for….

    I am selfish. No one else is going to care as much about me as me. So I act accordingly.

    I can be "thrifty." Some things and people aren't worth my hard earned money. So eff you and your couch.

    I tend to tell people what they want to hear. I can tell by how they are asking me what they want the answer to be so I give it to them (pause).

  4. Lmao @ this post.

    1. I have to laugh at the 'Pop Champagne Like It’s My Middle Name' not that I do it often, but after I go to the club & pop bottles I always chatise myself. Like why did I just spend $250 on a club bottle of Belvedere when I know it's $35 in the liquor store around the corner?! & furthermore I know that I am personally only going to drink about 3 shots out of that bottle at max and the rest is going to be a 'free for all' for <del>club folk I barely know</del> my friends!!

    2. Just like Sunny… I have the “Ain’t I a beaut’?” complex. I hide it well so others don't know & I even scorn my little sister for doing it so obviously all the time. What she doesn't know is when she's not around, I stand in the same mirror/glass she was and admire myself. Lol. When I drive alone, best believe I'm driving w/ the mirror down so I can parts of myself at most times. *le sigh*

    3. Food = 1/2 My Paycheck; My mom used to say it when I was in high school, but I never wanted to own up to it. When I have free flowing cash, I eat out… a lot. I like food…& even though I don't mind cooking, someone else is already cooking, why be wasteful?

    1. "When I drive alone, best believe I’m driving w/ the mirror down so I can parts of myself at most times. *le sigh"

      LOL. U too???? 😉

    2. Whenever I'm the passenger I just cop my shades and check myself out in the side view the entire ride. Thinking, "Mmm, I'm better lookin' than I thought. Thanks, God!"

  5. #1 – I'm too honest. Was that wrong? Should I not have said that? … Well you did ask what I thought.

    #2 – I overthink…in dating… I tend to analyze and over analyze the situation or new lady prospect.

    #3 – I find faults in everybody … not that they just appear, I go looking for them and try to surroudn myself with the people whose faults I can deal with.

    Sh!t if I'm so self conscious, the least you could do is be self conscious too.

  6. in my mind i think i'm better than most people. of course i would never tell them this and i don't act like it. when i first meet a person i quickly size them up and and decide in what way i'm better than them.

    i can be generous to a fault.

    i'm vain but only my closest friends would know that. to people not so close to me i may seem a tad under confident.

  7. MY gf's pops told her I was an egomaniac. He is absolutely correct. I legititmaly think that I am better you and your being. I wont make you feel bad b/c of it.

    I am a huge flirt. I flirt w/ no intention of closing the deal. Women have gotten angry w/ me b/c I "led them on".

    I argue for fun

    I enjoy making people angry

    I enjoy making ppl feel stupid by breaking down their ideas and comments

  8. LOL I have some things that I am self conscious about, like to hear it? Here it go!

    I am so thick! I’m a “Thickums”- Translates to Omg I am so fat! I’m a “Fat-so” Telling myself that I’m “thick” makes me feel better about the extra pounds that I’ve put on. Look, it’s more to love, ok?!

    I know everything! – I like to be right! So much, that if a question is posed to me or if we are talking about a topic I’m not sure about, I remain silent in fear that someone will be able to prove me wrong.

    I stay FRESH! – When it comes to hygiene, I don’t play that! I won’t say a word to any one before I brush my teeth. I’m actually quite OCD about oral hygiene. I bathe at least twice a day. I don’t do funk, and I’ll be damned anyone look at me sideways, for being funky. So morning sex, nah go mek it… We BOF need to brush our teeth and bathe, sowee!

    I am so pretty! – I LOVE looking at myself! I wake up in the morning, go to the mirror and tell myself how fly I look for someone who just woke up (after I brush my teeth of course)! I keep an open compact on my desk, so I can get a quick glance of how cute I am; I even wink at myself, ha! Like Sunny, my visor is always down, so I can get a quick glance at how beautiful I am.

    I have more, but I’m also self conscious about being judged so that’s all your gonna get getting! 😉

    1. "Telling myself that I’m “thick” makes me feel better about the extra pounds that I’ve put on. Look, it’s more to love, ok?!"

      I need to add this to mine also!

  9. 1. I play my music to loud. Yes my two-twelves rattle my rear view mirror until nothing is visible but I wan you to hear what Im listening to.

    2. I speed to p!ss u off.

    3. I wear my fur when there is obviously no reason to. It makes my neck feel like butter.

    4. Back in the early 2000's I had the pimp walk. U know the one where one leg appeared to be shorter than the other.

    5. I act as if Im chewy gum when Im not.

    6. I very often show up on time to make myself feel entitled.

    7. When I play with my beard it makes me look deep and very intuitive.

  10. wow, that looking in the mirror thing seems to be universal! i've always done that — always — my s/o hates it that whenever we are talking in the bedroom i stare at myself in the dresser mirror while he's talking to me. he says STOP LOOKING AT YOURSELF, WHAT IS THAT!? — sorry dude it's just a habit!

    i recently went on an interview and didn't want to work there because the offices were wack and there was only 1 computer monitor on my desk (i'm a 2 flat screened gal — i need SPACE to surf the net!) — i'm obviously spoiled rotten.

    i avoid my gf's who are having marital problems…i really DON'T want to hear it. it's not my fault that they married wack men. i secretly think i married better than everyone i grew up with.

    i always have to drive a hot car — no matter what — even if it's a little out of my means.

  11. 1. It takes me like 10-15 minutes to lotion my body. I have wonderful skin by the way…I have 4 creams that I use everyday…

    ~~One base cream to hydrate

    ~~ An elastin cream to restore elasticity

    ~~ Body oil in the places that are prone to stretch marks ~~Neck and face cream…that keeps me looking like the luscious chocolate woman that I am…

    2. My reflection: If I could get mirrors above my bed…I would. My apartment is filled with mirrors and I love it. I have two huge mirrors across from my bed. When I pull out my small glam mirror everywhere that I go, people look at me, but I don't care because I'm also looking at me…

    3. I wear scarves year round.

    4. When I chew gum, I chop.

    1. lmao @ Ms. Lotus "because I'm also looking at me", oh i forgot, I use 4 different products in the shower every morning….LOL.

    2. OMG that's ANOTHER one of mine. My friends make fun of me.. I like mirrors. #NoKappa Don't judge me. I might move my shoulders a bit..just to catch another angle of how I look. How ya like me now!

  12. ROFL "Uhhhhhh, It Ain’t My Fault – I’m not even gonna front, I blame chicks for stuff that is not even close to their fault. Women y’all do it too. Fair exchange is no robbery. So I blame women for just about everything I can. I blame them for the bad economy, I blame them for the current status of Black love, I blame them for bad children on Metro, the weather, my investment portfolio losses, and premature ejaculation or deflation."


  13. Off topic: Everytime I see a picture of Kanye and Amber Rose he looks like a gay dude tryin to convince the world he's straight. I bet they climb in bed together at night….and read a good book.

    1. "Off topic: Everytime I see a picture of Kanye and Amber Rose he looks like a gay dude tryin to convince the world he’s straight. I bet they climb in bed together at night….and read a good book."

      LMAO, I thought it was just me! I imagine that man crying himself to sleep, and her reaching for a vibrator. An arrogant cry-baby? Something's amiss.

  14. 1. I can be too sarcastic, and I take it for granted that the people around me know what sarcasm is. I've been told that someone used to really think I was racist towards white folks because of a joke I made. How is it that people can't recognize sarcasm?

    2. I can make selfish decisions (see yesterday's post). I guess those same decisions can be considered self-destructive.

    3. I can definitely be too forgiving and too generous towards close friends and family, it has caused issues while in relationships.

    4. I'm not so great with keeping in touch, returning calls, etc.

  15. Well I'm not really self conscious. I think the phrase "self conscious" indicates that you have weaknesses or failings that you haven't fully dealt with. It has a negative conotation. I'm pretty much at peace with most of my weaknesses or flaws.

    One I've come to realize more and more is that I hate 99.9% of all people 🙂 Not really hate…but eventually they irritate me for a number of reasons. Usually it's because people are fake. The .1% of people I do like are people that are real and at peace with themselves.

    I wish I wasn't so easily irritated but I am. When I was young I was in a program for gifted students. The teacher told me something that has been so true throughout my life. She said it will be hard for you to fit in. I think being intelligent and gifted does isolate you. I'm basically a hermet these days and happy to be one. I'm reminded of a line from that movie Idiocracy. Mya Rudolph said, "Do you think Einstein walked around thinking the rest of the world was a bunch of dumb shits." 🙂 Now I'm far from being Einstein but I do understand where she was coming from with that line.

    1. Ooooh, this right here. I am the same way about people, at least 90% of people get on my last nerve. Okay, I actually love people, in very small doses, but I can't stand most of them for any real period of time.

      1. Yeah. I'm a little self concious about it because I wonder how other people can stand each other lol. Sometimes I think, maybe it's me. But I've been like this my whole life. People just get on my nerves except for a few close friends.

        I don't feel as bad about it as I used to. I was reading about Lions online one day. It was sayin that some Lions do not live in prides (packs.) For what ever reason they chose to go it alone. I think I must just be one of those Lions. That's how God made me.

        1. The thing is I'm an extremely social person, I love being around people. It's just that I can't stand being around most of those people for any extended period of time. It is very difficult for me to like a person enough to become true friends with them, and don't get me started on dating. It's coo for now because I have enough going on in my life that I don't need to add anyone new, but I don't want to not have any more close friends or be perpetually single because I can't stand people. I don't think God meant for me to be one of those lone wolf types. I feel like a contradiction to myself.

        2. I'm not a complete lone wolf. But in my life time I have met very few women that I would let sleep over my house for more than a weekend. 🙂 If you make it into Monday you must be cool.

        3. J, do you tell women that? I've told guys who ask me why I'm single that it's hard for me to develop any real feelings for men and they take that as a challenge. Reading your statement, I can see why they would, I would too.

        4. Same here for the most part. When I was younger, I used to want to 'fit in.' As I gotten older, I stopped caring. Lookin at these people, I realized that I didn't want to fit in with those people. lol

  16. I feel bonding refers to the emotional covenant that links a man and woman together for life and makes them intensely valuable to one another.I have had this wonderful dating experience which might be quite surprising for many people who read this.

  17. I thought it was just the Aries in me, but apparently I have plenty of company on the Vanity Express, lol. I'm in serious like with my own reflection.

    1) It's tough to shake my ego – even if I'm proven wrong I still think of it as a minor bump on my road of General Greatness.

    2) I chew the inside of my cheeks. Never considered it a problem til I caught myself in the mirror.

    3) I am the opposite of the club bottle popper – I'm usually 3 sheets to the wind before we get there if we don't end up just staying in my crib. I'm pretty sure our house party circle just grew out of folks who were too drunk/broke to make it to the club.

    4) Penalty payments: one of my resolutions this year is to avoid incurring penalties, from parking tickets to late fees. So far I've paid close to $300 worth and it's not even March yet (thanks, NYC parking nazis).

    5) I had to have a few stank experiences when I was a youngster before I realized "free weed n liqua" does not mean the same as "you should go".

    6) I encourage my s.o. to shower at work so our water bill won't be so high. Meanwhile I take 30 minute showers. My s.o. describes it something like a car wash, with several pre and post rinses.

    7) I will become physically violent if you try to take something off my plate. This won't stop me from trying to take something off your plate.

    8) I think I woke up the morning of my 30th birthday with an extra 15 pounds. See item #7.

  18. 1. I am selfish. I want what I want when I want it. I don't care about anyone else when I want what I want.

    2. I don't like talking to people, I'll text I'll email, I'll tweet, but to actually listen to your nonsense spewing, iCant.

    3. I am honest. & Literal. I don't want any confusion or possibility of paraphrasing beyond what I am saying exactly.

    4. I judge people. A lot. Because I want to know why they are not asd brilliant, as thoughtful, as____ as I am.

    5. If I don't like the way I look I'm not leaving home. You can't change my mind. However even if I look insane, long as I like I go.

    Awww…that felt pretty good…

  19. I can't get mad cuz you look at me….cuz on the real, LOOK AT ME!…

    I'm the sh*t like a quarter water, a bag of chips, 3 hot wings and dutch from the corner store…although nowadays I'm more of a Nantucket Nectar and Bluntville wrap man myself…

  20. lol at this post

    1. I am pretentious about education If you went to Cuny or any other bootleg college or university in my book you didn't go to college.

    2. I think i'm smarter than a lot of people and as such I can't stand the suto- street intellectuals. Just b/c you read The Miseducation of the Negro and a few other books doesn't mean you're educated or on my level.

    3. I don't save $. The second my bills for the month are paid i'm going out to eat, buying b-ball tickets for me and the boo, buying bull crap on amazon, or booking a mini trip somewhere. This doesn't mean my credit card is maxed out, but my debit card is on fire. I feel like i'll save when I get a job in the field I was trained in.

    4. I like having discussion about religion with people and pushing buttons deliberately.

    1. …homie, the term's "pseudo".

      Just trying to help out for next time you put someone in their place who may not be on your level. I got love for you Satya!

      With that said, I know I can be an asshole. I'm working on it, but sometimes I have relapses.

  21. Dr. J "Pop Champagne Like It’s My Middle Name "– ahhh I just got a couple of flashbacks of MLK weekend 08. Can you say EUPHORIA?! Memories….

    Apparently (according to others) I'm a heartbreaker. I'm upfront from jump w/ dudes, it aint my fault he gets attached. For a split second, I started to worry I was cupid's evil half. But then again, that's the life of a fabulous, guilt-free, educated woman. Call my lawyer if its that serious.

  22. I'm was a bit self-conscious about the intelligence I display. It kinda alienates me sometimes. Now I don't care but sometimes I still hold back. There's a time and a place for everything I guess.

    I'm self-conscious about my basketball playing skills. I often wonder how I look when I'm playing. I've had multiple people record me, but I still haven't worked up the courage to watch myself. lol

  23. I really do love mirrors. If I had a choice between a full body mirror and a ceiling mirror, I don't think I'd be happy to choose. I want both.

    I also have a thing with people replying back to my texts right away. I took the time to reply to your text.. I think it's common decency and courtesy to reply back to me. And for those of my friends that don't reply for HOURS even if they sent the text FIRST no more than FIVE MINUTES ago… Grrr >_< Ultimate Gear Grinder. I do NOT understand why people do that..

    I'm so self conscious…that's why you always see me with at least one of my watches.

  24. Been in the fell clutch today at the plantation let me spit these bars…

    1) "I will NOT lose" – I want to be victorious in everything I do. Second place is the first loser (#noshots at Deuces). Even when it comes to dating and relationships, I could see a chick turn into Titanic and I'd rather DiCaprio myself then bail, just because I believe I can do it! I've leanred to deal with this and only have this as a 'vice" in areas that will make me $$ lol

    2) When I get disintered in something, I can neglect or simply turn my attention elsewhere. This is especially the case at work. They'll have you doing BS tasks and Im like whatever…

    3)I have a cold heart and can cut people off for years if I'm done wrong… I can forgive but never forget and I can definitely go overboard. Its protection and a vice too…

    4) I always feel I can do better, even when i win. I'D make a G and say I should've made 10. Id win a stepshow and say I won't be satisfied till I win the next one, or be mad that we got a 94 instead of a 100. I guess thats called being a perfectionist? IDK

    Those are a few. Sharing is caring.

    SBM is on FIRE this week!

    1. (#3) OMGGG. I thought I was the only one that did that. When I'm wronged, I can hold a grudge FOREVER. I won't forget. It'll always rear its head up and bite the person in the ass. I can forgive but forget? <strike<An elephant</strike> Scorpios never forget lol

  25. Lol I know Seattle. One of my students came is screaming bloody murder so I had to hurry and finish typing. Hence all the typos. Ok you all have me on my toes. I shan't post the comment until I can type properly.

    * slightly salt b/c Seattle put me on blast. Makes mental note to conspire against him with Sowhatiff

  26. you guys were definitely up in that kitchen cookin up that medicine.. the blog is on point as per the usual. the new layout is crack.


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