It’s been awhile since I’ve gotten an email that I felt needed a public response, but that time has finally come again.
For those of you unfamiliar with the process, sometimes when I get an personal question I feel the need to share this person’s inquiry with the world as it may help someone else. But most importantly, the combined advice of several thousand readers (yes I’m talking about you … the SBM fam) is a lot more helpful than just me alone.
Onto the letter …
First, I must say I can’t believe I am emailing SBM and I hope that you all don’t know me lol. Second, I love the blog…entertaining yet informative.
So, I’ll try to make this short and sweet. There are 2 guys… Let’s call them Diddy and Will. First, I’ll tell you I’ve been away from home for about 5 months now and will return home in a few weeks, I am working abroad temporarily. Ok so before I left, I was dating Diddy for about 5+ months…we would go out on dates (real ones lol), most days of the week…and we were s*xually involved. Diddy is attractive physically (can be a lil full of himself in regards to his looks but I digress…)….he could be a little more mentally stimulating but you know…he’s funny and we have fun together, he’s not college educated & that bothers me a bit but I’m learning to get over it…trying….(though he was in the armed forces) I met Diddy’s family and we’re, u know.. ok. Then there is Will…met Will when I was visiting friends in another city. Will is relatively attractive, smart, progressive, open-minded…he’s attractive to me in ways that Diddy isn’t..I feel like Will is more on “my level” mentally. I could actually see him being a boyfriend sooner than Diddy…only one thing…he’s SHORT….I’m tall but not gigantic…about 5’8…and he’s about 5’6 or 5’5….Am I being shallow if this is a dealbreaker for me?. Though he stimulates me sooo much mentally…we talk about everything….and since I’ve been abroad I feel that we have gotten closer, he’s really been there for me…even closer than Diddy and I are…(but that’s another email lol) BUT I’m just not into short guys…Is that wrong to have a preference in that respect? I feel terrible writing this email…but I do need some advice.
“Why he gotta be so short?”
Don’t worry … I’m sure we have never met because you would still be horse from screaming my name all night
First and foremost, to answer your question: yes … you are being shallow.
You are disqualifying a good guy for something that he can’t control and that is merely attached to looks. I was too lazy busy to look up the definition of shallow, but I’m pretty sure there isn’t going to be much disagreement from that point.
But … everyone is shallow to some extent. It’s kind of human nature. For example, I hate weaves. A woman’s decision to wear a weave does not mean she is a bad person and does not detract from her inner beauty … but at the end of the day I don’t like them.
But just as I don’t like weaves … I’m not willing to let go the future Mrs. SBM over some horse hair (yeah I said it). It can be hard, if not impossible, to find someone who gives you that “woo woo woo” (circa Martin) feeling, and sometimes it’s worth giving up something you thought you really wanted, but really ain’t that important.
This is a classic case of the 80/20 rule. While Diddy is a “good” guy he represents the 20. It seems you like him mainly because of the s*x and his looks (your gonna fight me for saying this … but trust me!). Will (I hope that isn’t his real name) seems to compliment you on a lot more levels … and represents that 80.
20s are for jumping off and friends with benefits … 80s make husbands.
Decide what you want and choose accordingly.
But at the end of the day, its up to you. If you give Will a real chance … and I mean a real serious chance to make you happy, and you just can’t get over his height … well … dead it. If it really is that important to you, then it ain’t worth it. But I guarantee you won’t notice if after he’s proven himself.
Oh yeah … 5+ months of dating with no relationship means your getting played. That “meet the familly” isht has been a player tactic for years. Hell … my dad new exactly what his role was when a random came through the house.
SBM Fam … throw in your 2 cents!
-SBM aka I want 80% aka 1/2 of the Pop & Son Team