It’s been awhile since I’ve gotten an email that I felt needed a public response, but that time has finally come again.
For those of you unfamiliar with the process, sometimes when I get an personal question I feel the need to share this person’s inquiry with the world as it may help someone else. But most importantly, the combined advice of several thousand readers (yes I’m talking about you … the SBM fam) is a lot more helpful than just me alone.
Onto the letter …
First, I must say I can’t believe I am emailing SBM and I hope that you all don’t know me lol. Second, I love the blog…entertaining yet informative.
So, I’ll try to make this short and sweet. There are 2 guys… Let’s call them Diddy and Will. First, I’ll tell you I’ve been away from home for about 5 months now and will return home in a few weeks, I am working abroad temporarily. Ok so before I left, I was dating Diddy for about 5+ months…we would go out on dates (real ones lol), most days of the week…and we were s*xually involved. Diddy is attractive physically (can be a lil full of himself in regards to his looks but I digress…)….he could be a little more mentally stimulating but you know…he’s funny and we have fun together, he’s not college educated & that bothers me a bit but I’m learning to get over it…trying….(though he was in the armed forces) I met Diddy’s family and we’re, u know.. ok. Then there is Will…met Will when I was visiting friends in another city. Will is relatively attractive, smart, progressive, open-minded…he’s attractive to me in ways that Diddy isn’t..I feel like Will is more on “my level” mentally. I could actually see him being a boyfriend sooner than Diddy…only one thing…he’s SHORT….I’m tall but not gigantic…about 5’8…and he’s about 5’6 or 5’5….Am I being shallow if this is a dealbreaker for me?. Though he stimulates me sooo much mentally…we talk about everything….and since I’ve been abroad I feel that we have gotten closer, he’s really been there for me…even closer than Diddy and I are…(but that’s another email lol) BUT I’m just not into short guys…Is that wrong to have a preference in that respect? I feel terrible writing this email…but I do need some advice.
“Why he gotta be so short?”
Don’t worry … I’m sure we have never met because you would still be horse from screaming my name all night
First and foremost, to answer your question: yes … you are being shallow.
You are disqualifying a good guy for something that he can’t control and that is merely attached to looks. I was too lazy busy to look up the definition of shallow, but I’m pretty sure there isn’t going to be much disagreement from that point.
But … everyone is shallow to some extent. It’s kind of human nature. For example, I hate weaves. A woman’s decision to wear a weave does not mean she is a bad person and does not detract from her inner beauty … but at the end of the day I don’t like them.
But just as I don’t like weaves … I’m not willing to let go the future Mrs. SBM over some horse hair (yeah I said it). It can be hard, if not impossible, to find someone who gives you that “woo woo woo” (circa Martin) feeling, and sometimes it’s worth giving up something you thought you really wanted, but really ain’t that important.
This is a classic case of the 80/20 rule. While Diddy is a “good” guy he represents the 20. It seems you like him mainly because of the s*x and his looks (your gonna fight me for saying this … but trust me!). Will (I hope that isn’t his real name) seems to compliment you on a lot more levels … and represents that 80.
20s are for jumping off and friends with benefits … 80s make husbands.
Decide what you want and choose accordingly.
But at the end of the day, its up to you. If you give Will a real chance … and I mean a real serious chance to make you happy, and you just can’t get over his height … well … dead it. If it really is that important to you, then it ain’t worth it. But I guarantee you won’t notice if after he’s proven himself.
Oh yeah … 5+ months of dating with no relationship means your getting played. That “meet the familly” isht has been a player tactic for years. Hell … my dad new exactly what his role was when a random came through the house.
SBM Fam … throw in your 2 cents!
-SBM aka I want 80% aka 1/2 of the Pop & Son Team
"Will (I hope that isn’t his real name)"
🙂 Why's that?
"horse hair (yeah I said it). "
Don't you know most women wear other women's hair these days?!! *rolling eyes* Horse hair is so '88 …
"If you give Will a real chance … and I mean a real serious chance to make you happy, and you just can’t get over his height … well … dead it. If it really is that important to you, then it ain’t worth it. But I guarantee you won’t notice if after he’s proven himself."
So well said! If time can be wasted on "Diddy"… time can surely be spared on someone who's only issue to you (as of now) is his height.
Ok….I totally understand where this girl is coming from regarding a man's height. Lol, she is 5'8 and that's an ok height. I'm 5'11 without shoes! Height is SUCH a deal breaker for me and Lawd knows I done tried many a time to get over it, but it seems impossible. Additionally, most men who are my height become uncomfortable when I put on heels and become 6'2-6'3 to their 6'0. Honestly, I say give Will a chance. The mental attraction is fulfilling and has staying power. Just my thoughts…
PS. SBM, my eyes have just been opened to the player tactic of "meeting the fam". You have no idea how blown I am as I think back to a situation in my past. It all makes sense now.
I agree with SBM's response, especially regarding Diddy sounding more like a jumpoff or FWB, but I'm having a really hard time getting past the part about not being college educated. It's my opinion that shallow doesn't only apply to physical attributes. At least it seems you are aware of it though.
She is being shallow. I'm 5'8" too and damnit, if the guy is 5'6 or whatever,
we are still the same height in bedwe can still make it work. I've learned not to discriminate. I've had shallow moments myself when it came to height but that can be put aside for happiness or a better turnout.
I don't have a problem with height, but then again I'm 5'4, and a lot of people are taller than me. The height, well thats nature, the other dude not being stimulating…that's just him. Choose Big Willy( 🙂 )!
Sounds like there's not much of a future beyond "having fun" with Diddy…..5 months and not in a relationship is a long time to just be kicking it with someone. Will sounds like he's more on her level.
She needs to listen to that song "What if I'm the One" by Charlie Wilson and gone head and give Will a shot….sounds like he makes up for his height in other ways that really COUNT.
The height is a BIG deal to me as well but I realized that it wasn't about the number, its about the security I feel when I am with u. It was very hard to feel like a lady when ever I hug u and ur head feel in my boobage-i want to recognize and treat u like my man, not feel that I can headlock u down and maniuplate to get my way which I translated into height.
Which is way I now appreciate swagger-because there are short guys that don't give off that kiddie vibe and are strong in stature and nature so the thing is when u are with him and ALONE does it bother you? Now when u ride out in public does it bother you? Does this brother have your back no matter what? Then u are letting outside factors determine what u need to be in a relationship and not your own personal ones.
Think about if ya'll have kids his offspring will be happy as hell that u gave him a chance! They have a fighting DNA opportunity to spring up!
On the real chemistry and commitment shouldn't be overlooked. I mean it could b worse he could look like Shabba. Relax and be connected. Oh I aint even mentioning Diddy-in the build up and intro u already outline his irrelovance-Diddy serves as a back up plan–a remix if the orginal don't sell
"Oh I aint even mentioning Diddy-in the build up and intro u already outline his irrelovance-Diddy serves as a back up plan–a remix if the orginal don’t sell"
Ditto. He's good for a booty call; long term relationship–not so much.
"The height is a BIG deal to me as well but I realized that it wasn’t about the number, its about the security I feel when I am with u. It was very hard to feel like a lady when ever I hug u and ur head feel in my boobage-i want to recognize and treat u like my man, not feel that I can headlock u down and maniuplate to get my way which I translated into height."
I always wondered about this. For women, why does height translate into security? For example, would a toothpick like Allen Iverson at six feet tall make you feel more "secure" and "feel like a lady" than Mike Tyson at 5'-8"?
that's a really good question Hugh, i'm not sure why height translates into security fro most women… and to answer your question I'd have to say I'd don't know. I mean I am 5'8 so me and Mike are looking eye to eye… I think I can deal w/ eye to eye [nevermind my love of stilettos] but if he were any shorter I'd have to say Iverson at 6 ft all the way. & even then he's gettin the side eye. I'd like a nice 6'4 but hey… we can't always have what we want.
Thanks for that response, because I've always been curious about that. I never understood how someone like Reggie Miller at 6'-7" and 200 pounds translated to being some great protector. I guess if women are just as clueless as I am to the reasons for that phenomenon, I can live with it.
For myself I stand at 5'9. There is something about having to look up at a man that subconsciously puts me in a head space of being girly, being demure, and feminine. Its not necessarily about protection, because I feel a man is always stronger than me physically no matter what weight he's at lol. Its definitely about femininity, that I mentally associate with height disparity. I want to feel like a girl, just like those 5'6 ladies, and when I put on my heels too. Its not necessarily his weight that does that for me. I personally don't like uber muscular men, average weight is just fine with me.
I tried dating a really nice, but short man and it was a no go for me. Although there wasn't much mental stimulation, he was just a genuinely kind guy I just couldn't get over his height and he bored me to tears.
At the moment there is one guy who is shorter than me that I could possibly get over the shallow issue for.
eye-opener for sure. as a young man standing 1.77 metres [5'-9.5"], i guess i should stick to the shorter shorties to provide the proper masculine mate? people could hate but ill say it anyway: ladies, get over the 'daddy complexes'… 😀 luckily ive found a pretty good one. she happens to have one more centimetre than me, and i do not mind one bit. all you need is love?
"On the real chemistry and commitment shouldn’t be overlooked. I mean it could b worse he could look like Shabba."
This is phacking HIGHlarious. Why must everybody do Shabba like that? Ugly people need love too!!
I am just going to keep it 100. Yes, height should not matter. However, if it matters to YOU it can't be ignored. I to have a problem dating a short man. I just feel awkward around a short man. Physically, they don't do anything for me…I dated a short boy in my teens. Funny thing, was I hated to be seen with him but he was so nice and sweet. I just didnt want anyone to see us together. Ever since then I have never considered a man shorter than me. By the way, I am 5'5 or 5'6. So, if you are shorter than me, you are short. I know its not right but we all have our preferences. Go with your gut.
I agree but on the same note, dont be upset when you're single
Long time lurker, first time poster…Totally can relate to this. I am a little over 6'2" which makes me taller than most dudes. Of course I wanted the 6'4 dude like everyone else, but I would compromise at 5'11. Well the pool is getting smaller and smaller, and I find myself actually considering shorter guys who approach me now. I mean like 5'8" short! Yes, I admit we look weird together but I have to admit the sex has been mind blowing! When we are together one on one I rarely notice. After suppressing myself from having real feelings for short dudes I finally decided to let it go (after much prayer). It feels like a load has been lifted off my shoulders and it has busted the dating pool wide open.
I agree with the others, if they have all other good qualities, and the height is the only barrier then I would reconsider. Besides, I see way more taller women/short men couples then ever before. I don't think you will stand out as much as you think.
I agree w/you Leggz — being a six footer myself i went through the same revelations. The pool was busted wide open and guess what? My husband is 6'3" hang in there sister!
"Oh yeah … 5+ months of dating with no relationship means your getting played. That “meet the familly” isht has been a player tactic for years. Hell … my dad new exactly what his role was when a random came through the house."
I guffawed at this.
Homegirl is being shallow. Homie has all the things that matter long term and he's about to take the L because he stopped growing after 5th grade. Such is life though.
I then, guffawed at your use of the word guffaw. Lol. It was the perfect description of my action/face after I read that passage though. No lie.
is she shallow? yes, very much. is she wrong for being shallow in this instance? not at all.
i also couldn't date a woman that was taller than me. i haven't met that many in my lifetime and the only one i've met that was even close to my height that i would consider dating is candace parker.
we all have things that we look for in a mate. some may be substantial and many may be shallow. i agree with sbm. give dude a chance though. you may be able to overlook the height difference. if not don't tell you're going to stop seeing him because of that. it may crush his ego a lot.
haha @ JEssence "I mean it could b worse he could look like Shabba."
You've all pretty much hit the nail on the head with these comments…
I think you should go for Will, but if it bother's you THAT much, save yourself and Will the trouble and leave him alone.
I'm 5'9 and my current boyfriend is around 5'8 or 5'7 and I've never been happier. I don't feel any less secure with him than I would with a guy that is taller and that might be because he could chuck my skinny ass across a room if he was so inclined and it'd be damn near impossible for me to get in a head lock and i've tried. lol.
I agree she is being shallow; however I can understand how she feels. I'm 5'8 and prefer guys taller than me; but when you break it down to the 80/20 rule it shouldn't matter he's an inch or two shorter.
WHGBSS: BUT I’m just not into short guys…Is that wrong to have a preference in that respect?
No, it’s not wrong to have a preference. Men do it all the time, but remember, men are stupid. You are still in the dating stage so you have no commitment to anyone, but you sound like Will is everything you are looking for, except for his height. Men have lost many a good woman because she was a B-cup, or her butt was too flat, or something was weird about her smile, or some other trivial minutia that means very little in the long run.
Diddy may be nice eye candy. The sex may be pretty good with Diddy, but there’s the other 95% of the time to think about too. After a while, if the personality doesn’t catch up with the appearance, you’ll find yourself miserable. If Will is giving you everything else, you should at least give him a chance. After all, you may not be 100% perfect in his eyes either, and he may be compromising on some of his preferences with you as well.
Yes, she is being shallow. However it's your preference and you can be shallow if you want. 80/20…it seems you talked about everything Diddy has done as if to convince yourself because Will is really the way you want to go.
Only you can decide in the end but if Will is really all that, and you go for Diddy, pass his number onto the SBM website. I'm only 5'3. *pow*
That was a joke BTW so please don't pick Will just because it seems other women are interested…
You have to ask yourself what you are looking for. If you're looking for the right now, take Diddy. If you're looking long term take Will. You need to ask yourself, if I married this guy and he had an accident that made him incapable of having sex, who would you wanna be with?
I don't get it?!
If the 80/20 rule is soo important, why didn't anyone bring it up earlier this week when Slim was on his atheist lover post?
A good atheist gives you 80%? Isn't a christian girl dumb for passing that up? Is she not shallow?
and to answer your question, yes I am still tight about that post.
"and to answer your question, yes I am still tight about that post."
@least I aint brainwashed.
CHeeKZ: "If the 80/20 rule is soo important, why didn’t anyone bring it up earlier this week when Slim was on his atheist lover post? A good atheist gives you 80%? Isn’t a christian girl dumb for passing that up? Is she not shallow?"
It's all perspective. If having a Christian man is part of her 80%, then no, she isn't being shallow. If she has a bunch of criteria for a man, and far down the list is "I'd like a Christian man", then yes, she's shallow.
"@least I aint brainwashed."
I could get so philosophically deep on a response to this, but I'll leave it alone.
GO IN SON GO IN!!
Don't leave me hanging like the end of Season 2 of Sons of Anarchy.
Smart you maybe, and deep is your thing. But Blind faith isn't logical. Its just a series a statement that continue to make excuses for themselves. Like a cycle.
But Blind faith isn’t logical
Hold up, hold up… What faith is "logical"? Not saying I agree or disagree, saying that I'm interested in where you take this. It's all about how you defend this point.
Can't say I found one…
but it would have to be one that didn't begin with the assumption that it is correct.
It would have to first prove its statements or self.
If we are dealing with facts, a hypothetical definite is a logical contradiction. And every logical proof saying the opposite has been disproven.
I don't know about that. Reason is the basis of Logic. All you need are some axioms and then "Logically" you go from there. It makes no comment on how practical the axioms themselves are.
With the axiom, 'God is all-knowing and all-powerful' then the logical step would be that you would consult Him/Her/It in trying to gain understanding of things beyond yourself. And logic is a tool to get to the next reasonable (which would mean a step the is directly or indirectly based on axiom) step and is not in itself any demonstration of Truth. Everything is either a theorem or an axiom, and it is easy to call another basic accepted concepts illogical. The truth is that Reason is feelings based and feelings are largely influenced by our experience and or previous accepted axioms or theorems. I could go on… Sorry to nerd out on a Friday… lol
Some things are non-negotiable and for me that would be one of them. Height is negotiable.
The short guys sounds ideal. But I can also see where she is coming from regarding height. I'm 5'6 and i will never date someone shorter than I am and i dont feel bad about it- cos there are loads of guys who wont date me cos i dont have a big 'booty' (i'm slim). And living in America- I've come to realize that there are guys who wont date me cos of my dark complexion or becos of the texture of my hair. So nope- i dont think she's being shallow. But i'll advice her to try to overlook the height cos its better to be with a great guy who is short rather than a tall stud muffin who is a bloody prick.
She is being shallow. It's mad funny though. Just a few a month or so ago there seemed to be a wave of women bloggers/writers/commenters all complaining about the dating pool and the frustrations of being a successful woman without a comparable guy to date. Now we have someone who is defeating themselves in dating. Every single woman that has commented before me admitted to doing this. People seem to get this twisted. A preference isn't a standard. A preference is that I would like to have cheese on my burger. But that also means that I would still eat a burger happily without cheese. I have a standard that I don't eat pickles. So I wouldn't eat a burger with pickles EVER. See the difference?
I'm surprised noone else picked up on this fact: She'd rather treat Will's height as a deal breaker, but try really really hard to accept Diddy's non-post highschool education. More concisely stated, her standard requires a guy with a certain height, however she has a preference for a guy woth a post high school degree. Umm, priorities? In fact, she made an excuse for Diddy. What's up with that? Honestly, every time a woman complains about the dating pool now, I want this letter quoted.
For the record, I'm 5'9" and I never had a problem dating taller or shorter women. This "uncomfortable feeling" excuse is the most wikkity-wikkity-wack sh*t ever. You are entitled your "feelings" and we can say no feelings are wrong, but this falls under BS #alldayeveryday. I never been around a person who's innate or semi-permanent physical appearance made me feel uncomfortable. If I said being alone with a woman with a flat booty made me feel uncomfortable then definitely my sexuality would be questioned. If I said that women with permed hair makes me feel uncomfortable then so many shots with be fired in my direction. You know why? Because both are not only shallow, they're stupid things to even debate about. Thanks.
What can I say? When you right…..you're right. lol.
MeteorMan, your entire post receives the official Hugh Jazz stamp of approval.
good ish. i co-sign this post 1000%. the reason why #shots would be fired in your direction is because of the "hit dog" syndrome. its only funny/or acceptable until it happens to you. this is life.
People get hung up on such simple isht. Height is simple isht, esp. if it's only a couple of inches.
Not only did she say Diddy doesn't have any post-secondary education, he's full of himself and not mentally stimulating (there are plenty of stimulating people without college degrees so thats a double whammy for this dude). But she's gonna deal because he's tall and funny.
It's crap like this that allow boobs like Steve Harvey to make money…
You made some valid points. It all boils down to the persons priorities and what they are really looking for. Sometimes people say they want one thing–to be in a committed relationship when in fact, their actions show otherwise–i.e., booty call situation.
Yes, she's being a little shallow. Will's height is more of a hindrance than Diddy's lack of education. And she even tried to give DIddy a few extra points by adding that military bit.
Thing is, we're all a little shallow. People friendzone or FB people all the time b/c of some superficial attribute. If a real relationship is what you want, the choice is obvious. If you just want to get laid, I still say go with Will. The fact that he's short means he's that much closer to the goods. lol.
Shallow as hell! Height is a dealbreaker for alot of women. Cut that stuff out ladies!
"I am just going to keep it 100. Yes, height should not matter. However, if it matters to YOU it can’t be ignored."
I am 5'8 which is too short for some females. I can tell you from a guys perspective, if you have a problem with my height please keep movin and don't waste my time.
To answer the question here; yes you are being shallow. But if you are hung up on height, than you are hung up on height. Until you reach a point where physical characteristics are not that important, you will continue to exclude guys for over height.
But it's funny this came up because I recently started looking at some online dating sites and was totally amazed at how many women, no matter how short they are, want a dude that is 5'10 or 6'0. Never mind the fact that you probably just reduced your dating pool to about 20% of the male population.
And I agree with what someone else said. Girls associate height with security but there is a reason boxers are subdivided by weight. Weight is a much better indicator of strength. But I guess women are hard wired to give more points for height.
This is something that bothered me too. How are women who are 5'4 and below, talking about they need a man 6ft and up. You're short, you're not gonna know the difference between 6ft and 5'10, they all gonna look the same lol
Man I was lookin at a dating site yesterday and a girl that was 5'2 was lookin for a dude that was 6'0.
this is the flip side to the tall woman's plight: I don't know what it is about men over 5'11" and women under 5'3" – but they fetishize the hell outta each other.
LMAO, I do notice that too. I'm 5'2" and I oftentimes get approached by guys 5'10" and up. I have no preference since I'm…5'2" but I digress.
i'm 6' 5-6" and i don't really have a height preference. i would date a woman as short at say 5'2" to about 6'1". some things do seem a little awkward dating someone who is a whole foot shorter than you though. *shrug*
Tunde tall as shyt (actually knwo son in real life) so he dont got symapthy for u short nikkas lol
Anna, I never figured that out either. I've seen a lot of tall dudes with super short women.
@Tunde WORD?!?! I'm convinced men over 6" don't exist. You are officially a myth until otherwise confirmed lol!
The 5'2-5'7 woman looking for a 6'0 and up man bothers the hell out of me. Leave the tall men for the tall women….yeah I said it.
i agree! and they leave us tall women with the short men. They messing ish up! Everybody needs a four inch limit!
Dudes like the lil iddy biddy chicks cuz they can get thrown around all acrobatic and crazy. I went through that phase, but it wasn't a preference.
Well just remember ladies from a purely scientific statistical point of view:
You want a dude that is 6'0. Ok you are probably talkin about 20% of the male population.
Now you want a dude that is 6'0 and good looking. You down to probably about 7% of the male population.
Now you want a black man, 6'0, good looking, certain skin color, with a graduate degree. I think you down to about 1% of the black male population and you competing with 50% of the shallow female population lookin for the same thing.
Good luck with that 🙂
I agree with the idea that you are trying to sell but not the application b/c of 2 errors:
1) you jumped from talkin about the total population to the black population
2) You forgot that studies have shown that there is a measurable correlation between height and perceived attractiveness. So most ppl who are tall are perceived to be attractive.
I'm still w/ u though lol
you mean men who are tall are perceived attractive right? cuz i don't think most guys care that much about height.
J, your point makes sense, although the numbers are a little exaggerated. Average height for a man in the US is 5'-10", with a three inch standard deviation. So about 70% of all men in the US is between 5'-7" and 6'-1".
But again, the point is perfectly valid. It's a lot of women competing for a small percentage of men. Then those women wonder why that man finds it difficult to be monogamous and doesn't want to settle down.
The only reason the writer has a question is because she's already made up her mind, knows it's shallow and is looking for validation that it's ok to be shallow. Girl, do you. You're more attracted to Diddy, so try to make something work with Diddy #goodluckwiththat.
Meanwhile, I'll pass Will's number to someone who can give him the time of day without polling her friends, hemmin' n' hawin' and consulting strangers on the internet.
2) You forgot that studies have shown that there is a measurable correlation between height and perceived attractiveness. So most ppl who are tall are perceived to be attractive.
Sheeit. Have you seen the NBA 🙂
Good advice Herr SBM.
I wrote about personal preference (search let a man want what he wants on the site. 2 lazy to put the link), so I can't say shortie is being shallow. She has a preference and shes sticking by it. Im 6ft (no pause) and I still have some women who say Im too short for em. I say eff em and I K.I.M. but I aint mad at them for what they want, ya digg?
What is K.I.M.?
Keep it movin
"Will is relatively attractive, smart, progressive, open-minded…he’s attractive to me in ways that Diddy isn’t..I feel like Will is more on “my level” mentally."
Will is more on her level, mentally, eh? It doesn't look like it to me; he's "open-minded" and "progressive" and she's showing anything but those characteristics. Diddy has all of these deal breakers while Will's only (mentioned) deal breaker is his height. Hmph!
She should take a good hard look in the mirror, point out all of her flaws, and then make a decision from there. Chances are there's something he wishes she possessed too (like an open mind). In any event, she shouldn't waste Will's time if deep down inside she feels she couldn't deal with his height long-term.
Different things mattter to different people. At 5'5" I can afford to not date guys shorter than me because most men are taller.
If I met a great guy and he was 2 inches shorter, would Igive him a chance?
I am not sure, Hell 5'4'' or less is small for a dude!!
If I was 6' feet or more I probably would be more open to it. Cuts my potential pool down considerably.
But there are limits, what if he was a midget?
Streetz: “GO IN SON GO IN!!”
CHeeKZ: “Don’t leave me hanging like the end of Season 2 of Sons of Anarchy.”
I heard this show was good. I need to check it out, if for nothing because I hear Peggy Bundy is turning into a MILF. This is horribly off-topic, but ok. I’ll try to be brief.
“@least I aint brainwashed.”
The average atheist/agnostic/free thinker is just as brainwashed as any Christian. Most people, religious people included, do not sit down with a complete blank slate, assume nothing is “right” or “wrong”, and then develop a morality from first principles. Instead, people just co-opt the morality of the society they live in, and reject parts they do not like. Then after the fact, they rationalize this behavior and say they reasoned their way to morality. In our society, we get our morality from Christianity. The more we drift away and say God isn’t necessary, the more you see anti-Christian behavior slowly becoming accepted by society.
Anyone just blindly accepting societal morality, while perfectly understandable, is technically brainwashed. It’s no accident that the average atheist’s morality can be described as Christianity, minus worshipping and acknowledging God, and minus sexual restrictions. Militant atheist Michel Onfray calls the average atheist a “crippled Christian”, in that they reject Christ, reject Christianity, yet cling to Christian morality without anything to undergird those beliefs. That is why atheist who is “good” by our general societal standards will say a drug dealer who ruins people’s lives with drugs and murder is an evil person. But they have no response when the drug dealer says he sat down and thought of his own morality, and concluded that selling drugs is the best way for him to feed and take care of his loved ones, and if someone else’s life is ruined in the process, so be it. After all, he is not brainwashed: he has his own morality that he determined; what logical moral standard are you going to hold him to?
”But Blind faith isn’t logical. Its just a series a statement that continue to make excuses for themselves. Like a cycle.”
Christianity isn’t blind faith, it’s reasoned faith. It’s the only world religion that was predicted to happened, as the Septuagint (Greek version of the entire Old Testament) was translated in Egypt 100 years before Christ was born. There were several predictions made about Christ that Jesus fulfilled, many things completely out of His ability to do so intentionally. The Bible is the most historically reliable document we have from the ancient world, and if not for the supernatural events, no one would even think to question it. And for me personally, the Christian worldview of good and evil more accurately describes the world we see than any other philosophy or religion that I’ve studied. I always thought that was the grand conceit of the atheist: that no one could come to Christianity under logical or rational terms.
Cornell West told Bill Mahr:
"You're dogmatic in your atheism."
Meaning you claim you hate religion but you have turned atheism into a religion.
Wow. Thanks for this nerd out session. This goes well with the sushi I had for lunch. 🙂
*commence project nerd out*
The average atheist/agnostic/free thinker is just as brainwashed as any Christian.
This is false for 2 reasons:
1) Regardless of the belief system, there are members of that belief system that are brain washed. You can tell when you talk to them. Even according to your following explanation of "brainwashed," it follows that blindly accepting any set of morality constitutes as brainwashing. When so-called atheists call Christians brainwashed, they're referring to the members of Christianity that follow and pass judgment on others without any account of social morality. The so-called atheists are simply a reactionary extreme to the brainwashed Christians in question. That is all. Hence, they are equally as brainwashed as brainwashed Christians. lol
2) Agnostic believers approach faith as an unexplainable factor that can't be dismissed. They recognize that given human knowledge, they can't prove or disprove certain things. Hence, they don't reject the presence of faith in any form.
Christianity isn’t blind faith, it’s reasoned faith. It’s the only world religion that was predicted to happened […]
There's something about that (part) of your statement that bothers me. I think it's the generalization of any belief system itself being blind or not. EVERY belief system and/or faith is reasoned. There's a reason why it exists and reasons why it encapsulates certain axioms. EVERY belief system has first principles and the whole idea is that future generations will understand and carry on those first principles.
I agree with the points you drew out though: A person's likelihood to be brainwashed isn't related to the belief system they claim. In fact, in a way these co-called atheists aren't really Atheist (if people understand the definition). They're mostly anti-Christian since they're existence is blindly reactionary in nature. Good point! Well, that's at least I got from it… lol
As a person who has took the time to develop first principles for my own belief system, I don't see why everything is either 'Christian or not.' That approach really makes zero sense to me. It seems a bit one dimensional and doesn't allow for in depth discussions of the first/second principles of any belief system without name calling or someone randomly quoting scripture like its supposed to mean something to those who don't believe. There are really great questions that can be asked by non-believers of any belief system that can be asked and discussed within the realms of the axioms of that the belief system in question. And it can be done without the questioning of the practicality of the axioms in reference to some of other belief system or social morality. I don't know… Those are where the real disagreements come out, not verbal disagreements like these. Not your fault though, one can only react in the language that others can understand… using their language.
*ending project nerd out*
MeteorMan“Even according to your following explanation of “brainwashed,” it follows that blindly accepting any set of morality constitutes as brainwashing.”
Exactly, this is the point I was making. Most people don’t stop to ask where their morality comes from, and even fewer stop to try to formulate their own morality.
“The so-called atheists are simply a reactionary extreme to the brainwashed Christians in question.”
Perfectly understandable, Newton theorized equal and opposite reactions for every action. Like J said, they are dogmatic in their atheism. It still doesn’t account for where they developed their morality. We are discussing two different things.
“2) Agnostic believers approach faith as an unexplainable factor that can’t be dismissed. They recognize that given human knowledge, they can’t prove or disprove certain things. Hence, they don’t reject the presence of faith in any form.”
True. However I am referring to “brainwashed” as in adopting a morality without reason. An agnostic would say stealing is wrong. They doubtfully could give you a coherent reason why, other than, “I really don’t think you should steal”.
“Christianity isn’t blind faith, it’s reasoned faith. It’s the only world religion that was predicted to happened” […] There’s something about that (part) of your statement that bothers me. I think it’s the generalization of any belief system itself being blind or not.
“Blind” is CHeeKZ’s word not mine. Again, we are talking about two different things, so I don’t disagree with your point on belief systems being derived from first principles.
“As a person who has took the time to develop first principles for my own belief system, I don’t see why everything is either ‘Christian or not.’”
You are right; in general, it isn’t, but this is a specific argument. My point is most people say right and wrong is what society says is right and wrong. Our society received its moral direction from Christianity. Now any individual can formulate their own morality or subscribe to a different belief system, but that doesn’t change the undeniable fact of where our current moral compass is derived from, which is Christianity.
”It seems a bit one dimensional and doesn’t allow for in depth discussions of the first/second principles of any belief system without name calling or someone randomly quoting scripture like its supposed to mean something to those who don’t believe
100% correct. Which is why I didn’t make any Biblical arguments in my response to CHeeKZ. Since he’s not a Christian, doing so would make as much sense as quoting Aesop’s fables to him. I told him specifically I could philosophically go deep on his statement about being brainwashed, although I could have went biblical too.
“And it can be done without the questioning of the practicality of the axioms in reference to some of other belief system or social morality. I don’t know… Those are where the real disagreements come out, not verbal disagreements like these.”
Disagreements and ad hominem responses are usually the response of a weak intellect. One of my best friends is agnostic, and we can certainly have religious, epistemological, or ontological arguments without getting upset. Some people can’t separate emotion and logic, as you mentioned earlier.
Now back on topic: YEAH THAT GIRL IS SHALLOW!
Can we back up the apple cart for one sec?
Meteor if you are going to bring Sushi, bring for everyone.
Namely Rainbow Rolls, b/c I'm a nigger and when someone else is paying I order the most expensive thing
Hugh: SOA is a great show. Only 12 episodes a season, so each one is action pact and moves the story along. Not like the Sopranos that just had episodes of Tony's dreams.
J: Love Mahr, Like West. But he was wrong. We aren't establishing any beliefs, just taking down beliefs while being @$$holes. We do it with vigor, but according to 'better' Christians, I am only helping the grow in their faith.
Hughes: Most people, religious people included, do not sit down with a complete blank slate, assume nothing is “right” or “wrong”, and then develop a morality from first principles..
We are so close on so many point and SO far on others. I'm not going to call anyone brainwashed for being taught morals or religious practice. However when you manifest a lesson that continually STOPS you from thinking critically and challenging what you have been taught, THAN I am going to throw the brainwashed card. Just go back to the comments of the day in question, how many do you read that say 'I don't see how an believer and non believer can be?' Or 'I can't imagine making it work?' If you can't even wrap your head around a real topic of situation. When you treat normal occurrences as if they are completely inconceivable, brainwashed.
"hey reject Christ, reject Christianity, yet cling to Christian morality without anything to undergird those beliefs."
Whoa. When did Christianity copy write morality and are the other societies than existed before Christianity and even today acknowledge the fact that you are all running off your rule book. The morals that I follow are the laws of man and are universal in a civilization. Parents pass them on to children and children recognize that if they want to be a part of this civilization, they have to abide by certain standards. This isn't not even unique to our species. Instead of looking at my morality as Christianity minus the Magic stuff, you should look as your Christianity as basic morality plus an explanation on why (and I just don't by the explanation).
here were several predictions made about Christ that Jesus fulfilled
You realize I am going to claim that a certain percentage of these predictions are purely stolen stories from other religions that didn't actually happen to Christ (esp the Story of his birth which was taken from the Egyptian God Horace). The majority of it comes from Matthew who was a Jew himself so he knew what a Messiah had to be (i know the thought is offensive to some, but its what I think happened).
I guess I'll respond to this now instead of doing on the company's dime on Monday. CHeeKZ, you're giving me homework on the weekend!
”Whoa. When did Christianity copy write morality and are the other societies than existed before Christianity and even today acknowledge the fact that you are all running off your rule book.”
Christianity didn’t copyright morality, but if you are really going to posit that our societal standards here in the United States or in the Western world in general didn’t come from Christianity, I’d love to hear that case.
”The morals that I follow are the laws of man and are universal in a civilization.”
Some morals are relatively universal. For example, a variation of the golden rule goes back as far as teachings by Confucius, recordings by Herodotus, and even the Mahabharata. But while there are some similarities, there are several HUGE differences in different cultures and civilizations. There are all kinds of actions in most past civilizations that were perfectly acceptable then that we would find abhorrent today, from polygamy, to infanticide, prostitution, pederasty, and ruthless brutality that is unthinkable in today’s world. Even rape in most cultures was either not morally wrong or a very minor crime. So why aren't any of these acts acceptable in society today?
“Instead of looking at my morality as Christianity minus the Magic stuff, you should look as your Christianity as basic morality plus an explanation on why (and I just don’t by the explanation).”
I can respect you not buying the explanation. Morality certainly can be defined without Christianity, but again, people just assume certain moral truths without cause or reason. You bring up a very good point. You say Christianity gives the why (for some people). So what is the “why” for others? What is “basic morality”? Why even buy into it? Here’s an example of one man’s basic morality, who was the epitome of morality by his standard, but absolutely reprehensible by ours:
I do not agree with the view that to be moral, the motive of one's actions has to be benefiting others. Morality does not have to be defined in relation to others. … People like me want to … satisfy our hearts to the full, and in doing so we automatically have the most valuable moral codes. Of course there are people and objects in the world, but they are all there only for me. … People like me only have a duty to ourselves; we have no duty to other people. Mao Zedong
“You realize I am going to claim that a certain percentage of these predictions are purely stolen stories from other religions that didn’t actually happen to Christ (esp the Story of his birth which was taken from the Egyptian God Horace).”
Yes, I realized you might claim that (well, not Horace in particular, but some other god). People assume if there is a similarity from some other religion, no matter how obscure it was, no matter if Christianity predated it or not, no matter if the people around Israel even knew about it, Christianity must have copied them. All with no proof. I’m not really familiar with Horace, but I’ve heard of Mithra with a supposed virgin birth story, Dionysus turning water to wine, Appollonius of Tyana raising a girl from the dead, and several others. Now who’s to say Horace and the others aren’t made up? At least historically and logically, we can assume Jesus’ resurrection was true and work from there. There is little to no evidence for any of these other examples.
“The majority of it comes from Matthew who was a Jew himself so he knew what a Messiah had to be (i know the thought is offensive to some, but its what I think happened).”
And yet, Luke describes the same thing. He was a Greek, not a Jew, and didn’t “know what a Messiah had to be”. This point is a little spurious because Jesus wasn’t ANYTHING like the Jews expected the Messiah to be. They expected the Messiah to be a great military leader and defeat the Romans. Jesus came meek, as a servant to the people, and predicted He would be killed. Who would make up a messiah like that?
What if you are part of the 20% and want a 20%? Should you, for the sake of wanting to marry in the near future, look to the 80% pool and allow them to get lucky?
Not quite getting this – are you saying that the 20% is the top 20% of desireable daters? The "allow them to get lucky" line is why I'm wondering. In most cases, the more desireable person is the one with 80% of what you need, not the person with the 20%. So I'm confused, lol.
Lol – as I re-read this, it's so silly. But I'll go with it for the sake of being bored at work on a Friday afternoon.
Using this 80/20 concept, where the 20% person is perceived to be the desirable total package. I think in the example used in the blog, Diddy isn't really 20% – he's just sexy. Willi isn't 20% cuz he's too short. But in reality…there are men that have it all – and they are truly the 20% (well perhaps the percentage is even lower if they have both substance, height and looks!) I live in ATL where there isn't a shortage of quality black dudes.
Perhaps 80% is what you need, and 20% is what you want. The 20% have more options, accordingly, it takes them more time to settle down.
So if you're on the woman 20% pool and want Mr 20% – who truly has it all, but due to his limitless options he isn't concerned with settling down…should you dip into the 80% pool because perhaps they'll be so excited to have a 20% woman and be quicker to lock her down (via relationship/marriage).
Oh, ok – I think we have a totally different understanding of the 80/20 rule. Tyler Perry told me (personally, lol) in "Why Did I Get Married" that in relationships (marriages were the focus) the person you're with will only be able to offer you 80% of what you need. Someone will inevitably come along with the 20% you've been missing and the decision becomes "Do you mess up 80% of what you need over 20% of what you need?" I think it works on the premise that no person can be 100% of what another person needs.
I've heard that interpretation of the 80/20 too. In terms of the single / dating world, it means that 80% of the singles go after the same 20%. So that 20% ends up with more options and the 80% remains single.
Tomato Tomato! 🙂
I'm 5'2" and prefer not to date short guys, especially ones who are close to me in height. The last guy I was talking to is 6'8", close to 300lbs. He beat my previous record of 6'7"…but I digress.
At 5'2" tall is relative because everyone is taller than me. And perhaps its because I'm so short that I feel safer with taller, meatier guys. I also have a tendency to wear heels between 4" – 6" high so he needs to be taller than me when I have heels on. But again tall is relative…5'10" is tall to me.
Is she being shallow…maybe. I mean we all have preferences and there's nothing wrong with that. I typically don't complain when guys have prefer attributes that I don't have.
If you can, try Will. I tried dating a shorter guy once but it didnt work out. I couldnt get over the height and he was still on his ex. When I left, I felt stupid for ever looking over his height.
Hopefully, you'll have better luck.
Not to take this personal, but this female is being beyond shallow. I'm only saying this because I've dated women taller than me and I'm 5'5" to 5'6" range. Now if you are looking for a picture perfect look well then go with Diddy.
I think this woman needs to ask herself the following questions: Is height a major preference for me? Am I willing to compromise all the great qualities of a great guy just because of a physical attribute that is out of his control? If I pick Diddy, will I be comfortable with myself in knowing that I only pick Diddy because he's taller than the guy I truly liked and height means the most to me?
I could totally rock with her if she had said Will was fat too because weight can definitely be controlled. My question, to this woman is what if you asked Will if you could be his girlfirend and his response is "you're too tall" ? Think about it….
I think that its very shallow…if u put all these stipulations on love then u never really truly open urself up finding it..I met a guy who was a lil taller then me Im only 5'2 so finding tall guys is not a problem but this guy was MAYBE 5'5 and I was a little put off by the height thing but once I got to know him we fell in love now I wish I could say that we lived happily ever after but we didnt.No bad break up or anything but he moved out of state and we remain friends to this day. I learned that u never quite know what package love comes in but u have to be open to recieve it.
SO WHAT if it's shallow. It is her preference. She (not me you or they) has to be physically attracted to her significant other. I'd say she's being stupid if she is physically attracted to him, but just doesn't like his shortness – but if he doesn't turn her on…he is what we call a FRIEND.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be that friend to listent o her complain about being single, but I do understand that in order to have a romantic relationship physical attraction is the deciding factor between friendship and relationship.
Why do we push people to be in relationships that they are not attracted to for the sake of our personal insecurities?
I've tried dating men I wasn't initially attracted to…hoping that one day cupid would strike me in the crotch…but it never happened and I ended up just wasting our time. So yeah…I'm single, but I'm also not in a relationship with a man that I don't want to please physically.
I have to agree with you K.I.M. If she's not attracted to him period point blank then she would be short-changing herself. I thought she was attracted to him but just didn't like his height. I've done the give him a chance even though the physical attraction wasn't all that and like you I ended up wasting mine and their time.
"he is what we call a FRIEND"
And this is why men don't ever take women seriously when they say they want to be "just FRIENDS" with a guy.
Because by "FRIEND" you do not mean a meaningful relationship with another person, you mean actually someone you have just castrated and see as a second class citizen.
Flip the script: and this is why women don't take men seriously on the FRIEND tip. The second we get comfortable with a man as a friend his hand ends up on our booty seeing if we've finally forgiven his less fortunate physical attributes and all the sudden find him sexually irresistible.
So when men stick around as a FRIEND, they simply view the women as a piece of steak that they just have to exercise delayed gratification to enjoy.
C'mon bro – it works both ways. Even my best male friend from college (graduated in 03) hit me up talking about, "C'mon, you know you love me. Should I move down there so that we can date." I was like WTF – just a second ago we were talking about the challenges of work and whether or not to return to b-school.
K.I.M., I must still disagree
That said, one of the reasons I think women are MORE at fault for this is that they see "FRIEND" as another word for "a guy who I'd never touch now, but hope to leech off for marrying when I want to SETTLE (and when I want a FRIEND to take care of 3-4 kids I had from guys I'd actually do stuff with).
Your capitalization of the term FRIEND even proves my point. You are treating it like some brand on aperson that his existence is less valuable than other people (like I said, second class citizenship), and in your comments about "hand on the booty" you are just mad that the guy doesn't accept his lower place happily.
Just because a guy is a FRIEND, doesn't mean he lacks a sexual identity. Women, reread that last line very carefully.
Think about it this way, if I got up here on the post and said the following "Black women are nothing but FRIENDS to me because I can't forgive their ' less fortunate physical attributes.' I'd have a storm of bullets flying at my head. Short guys feel just as angry at hearing that kind of rhetoric used about them. You just don't empathize because it doesn't affect you (yet).
See, FRIENDship should be something that is valued in and of itself, something that is not just for a woman to stamp on some guy, but a serious relationship (although non-sexual). The way you and most women use the term here is that it's a punishment, a stigmatized identity that once women get their next boytoy, that FRIEND gets completely dissed until she gets stomped on by her "Diddy" and needs therapy. Or it's another way of saying "know your role, smurf."
The way I know I'm right is when I killed my simpish ways and rejected women who wanted FRIENDS. Suddenly when they saw me no longer answering their calls (after they were flaky themselves), and going after other women, they were protesting in waves, "How dare you go after white women! How dare you not be my FRIEND anymore?" and all kinds of other nonsense, forgetting the fact that they themselves had no problem dissing me for being "short."
Ditto when I'd shut down their other agenda by telling them I never intend to have kids or marry (because of this issue and other reasons—like the costs of divorce, career focus, and non interest in being the dude women "settle for"). You wouldn't believe how fast such women go from "You are just a FRIEND, don't dare hit on me…" to "OMG, black women need people like you, you have graduate degrees, you'd be a great dad….we are just growing up, be patient with us, we are just 'having fun' now." *literally lol*
Think about it this way, where do you think Lil' Wayne's "Prom Queen" lyrics and video came from?
In all due respect K.I.M., you and most of the height phobic women here should point to yourselves. You should think about the dangers of continuing that cycle, because when the consequences hit, just ask the other black women crying over a lack of 'desirable' husbands willing to marry them: it ain't pretty.
Simmer down. I'm not bashing short men, I'm bashing the concept that women need to force a relationship to a person that they are not physically attracted to. I've dated short men that I was attracted to and tall men that I wasn't attracted to.
Then I'm saying…the people that you are not physically attracted to tend to be your friend, otherwise if you were attracted to them, you would've tried to take it there. Sure there are some exceptions, but I value my male friends and they value me for our mental/emotional connections- but we're not attracted to each other. If I were physically attracted to them, I'd probably try to get them tipsy and rub on their booty *I jest*
For me it's this concept that people need to get negate the importance of physical attraction in a relationship. I'm sure men get pressure to give the Gabourey Sidibe of the world a chance. But she is more likely to have male friends than Zoe Soldana.
There's no need to do a cheap shot by being like, "simmer down." Anger would presume that I want to change the system–that's not my job as a dude–women end up suffering from it, I'm just being real about things without sugar coating.
Too many women are in denial about the consequences of their actions/ how they talk about men. Men DO get angry at the kind of rhetoric you used, and it is problematic–it just doesn't seem like it because height is accepted as a stigmatized identity.
It's a two way street. K.I.M., yes physical preferences are acceptable–but it's equally acceptable for the men you exclude to exclude you for having excluded them (in the past) when it's marriage time. You don't see short dudes, non-thug dudes, etc. on ABC News, Russian Today, etc. showing out about their problems…
In addition, your re-articulation of the nature of friendship in your recent post is completely out of line with your previous ones. But given that we are talking about how people act broadly–even if you actually personally value friendship, I have met few ladies who actually do (Again refer to the kinds of behaviors I cite earlier).
It's this seemingly well accepted notion that short = FRIEND (by default) that gets people in trouble. Yes, choose who you are attracted to, but please spare yourself the indignity of running to news shows crying about the unmarriageability problem when it bites you in the rear. Taking responsibility is key.
Again – this blog post starts out talking about the short man, I'm expanding it to any person that you're simply not physically attracted to.
I won't be on some ABC special complaining b/c I don't need a man that is 100% put together. I'm guilty of being a serial monogamous relationship person because I do recognize different qualities in different men (that I am physically attracted to). I'm not chronically single because I love a Beyonce song and need Mr 6'+ mercedez benz driving baller.
I can look back at the men that liked me that I wasn't physically attracted to and I feel just fine in being single instead of being with them. I don't think that in a year I'll be like – "Oh darn, I should just have given 6'2" Jerome a chance, even though his obesity was a turn-off to me." Because then the story becomes, "she doesn't have sex with me often enough, and when she does…she's a bit too tipsy."
You're also inadvertently taking out quite a bit of angst toward the women who don't date short men out on me. Fair enough…it's got to go somewhere. Just know that my argument has nothing to do with height requirements because as I've mentioned, I've dated short men before that I was attracted to…we just didn't have the right emotional/mental connection. And guess what? We are adult enough to recognize that we wouldn't work in a relationship and we are friends. He's not mad about being short (cuz dude has the most confidence and is steadily pulling in women) and I'm not mad either. Heck we're trying to catch up to grab drinks this week. I digress..
If a guy finds me attractive but I don't find him attractive…would it be your recommendation to not be friendly toward him at all? Quite honestly, I don't keep many guys as friends when I know that they like me and are hanging around in hopes that I'll have a change of heart. It feels disingenuous. On the flip side, there are guys that I attempted to date despite the fact that I wasn't physically attracted to them; however, we have built a casual friendship, which is more positive than me faking the funk and being in a relationship with them for the sake of being boo'd up, but not in love. I could use the hell out of guys if that's the approach I wanted to take. It ain't for me. So instead, yep – I'd rather be comfortable in being single and in pursuit than act against my values and use a person to ensure I get a diamond ring and title.
So I still don't get what irks you so much about the notion that if you are not physically attracted to a person, then you focus on building a friendship with them instead of a relationship. If your angst is the whole 'short men get no play and women who don't date them are the angry single black woman' I get it. But that's not quite where I'm coming from.
K.I.M – Speak!!
Will seems like a good possibility, if she can get over the height issue.
But how does that differ from guys that will not date a girl because she is too fat?
call me shallow. i'm 5'8 and i'll be dang if i date a man that is 5'5". nope nada no way. i like to wear 3-4 inch heels on top of my height… so while i have good friends whom are on the shorter end of the spectrum, i couldn't see myself dating them.
About the Diddy being military to justify the lack of an education. Not that it matters but I'm active duty, currently 8 years, and I graduated from Rutgers by attending after work and on weekends. The military encourages the pursuit of education. Just look at the new GI bill.
Also it saddens me when people insist morals and ethics are solely the providence of religion. My moral code is shaped by my personal beliefs which were aided by those that raised me…religion had nothing to do with it. There is a lovely quote, that I fail to remember correctly but, to paraphrase it states, "Humanity's greatest failure is that morals were subsumed by religion."
Yes, I'm agnostic…and humanist
SBM…I couldn't add anything more to your answer. However I need your help. What is dating what is relationship? I mean the writer and Diddy have been dating 5+ months which includes going out and having sex, to me I'll term that as a relationship but you guys agree it's dating. What's the difference?
Thanks by the way.
Very interesting to read the different opinions when it comes to dating, love, and height. I would have to agree with SBM when he says that we are all shallow to an extent. But then again that shallowness may be what prevents some of us from finding our potential soul mates.
What I can't get passed is that after reading the email this young lady has obviously met a person who mentally stimulates her, that she feels close to and who she is also attracted to (minus the height issue) but yet is willing to give up on a real chance at happiness and love all because he is 2 inches shorter than she is.
Ultimately she has to be comfortable with whoever she chooses for a partner. But doesn't common sense say to be with the one that makes your heart skip a beat and treats you well. This Diddy dude that she mentions sounds like she really isn't into him and is trying to convince herself that he's good for her. Whereas with Will she knows or rather feels like there is some real potential there but is scared to take it further because of 2 inches…I say maybe what he lacks in height he makes up for in length (if you know what I mean)lol.
But seriously, I'd say that she owes it to herself to at least give Will a real shot. It may turn out to be for the best and when you love someone all of their so-called flaws just seem to disappear.
tell shawty to look at it in his view. that niga prolly dont wana talk to a female taller them him as well as she dont wana talk to a niga shorta den her. so yal females need to stop being blindsided (self-centered too) by dum thangs lik that because next thang u kno it, yall talkin bout "y men aint bout sheat?", "y men are dogs & lie", "when will i find mr. right", etc. when in reality mr. right is right in yo faces givin wat u always wantd, yet u turn him down on sum bullcrap & hook up wit sum abusin mofo who u wound up jumpin off bridges for.
my point here is yall females need to stop bein so dam dum & selfish because all its doin is recruitn anotha good niga to da playa game (since bein sincere hardly works, yet bein a playa, lyin, & jus not givn a hoot seems to work pretty well…for me atleast) therefore its shatterin yo & yo female companions chances for a good one in the future..its only so many til its none left
I want a man who is tall, buff, gorgeous…and can speak/write the Queen's English properly.
Unhappy for the vast drill, but I'm really attached the new Zune, and this, as easily as the superior reviews whatsoever added people tally handwritten, leave you adjudicate if it's the alter select for you.
Ok so, I am 5'10 and for most of my life height has been a huge deal breaker for me. It was esspecially hard to let go of because I have a big family and all of my family members are tall as well, as in at least 5'10. However, I met this guy who is 5'6 which is 4 inches btw, if you cant count, and I gave him a chance. He is the most amazing person I know, and he makes me feel so special. At first its weird, and you find yourself slouching a lot. But what I learned is that guys, even short guys, love tall girls, and they think our height is sexy. I think your worried about what society thinks about tall girls dating shorter guys, more then how you feel about it personally. My advice, screw society, do what you want. Go for the guy who is going to be the man you deserve.
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