The livewire at singleblackmale.
netorg has been buzzing ever since our domain switch. We’re received numerous emails offering sex asking for our help. So, as the High Priest of Humpday, the Sultan of the #swindle, and the dude who needed this email to complete his post for the week is always willing to assist, I want to share this email with the SBMNation and see if we can solve this problem:
Do men ever fear losing a special woman or do they always feel that the next best thing is/ could be around the corner?
The short answer to this is Yes and Yes, but it depends. If I just left it at that, you all would roast me and cal me a charlatan, so let me explain further. When a man finds a woman whom he feels is special, 2 thoughts generally go through his head:
1) Is she really that special woman?
2) Am I ready to have this special woman?
Typically, the process to go from acquaintances to friends to a couple determine whether #1 is accurate. If that special woman entails being “The One” , then their time in that relationship will determine whether or not she really is THAT special woman. A mans feelings over time will tell him if his lady is a detour on the highway to happiness or the destination. When he knows in his gut and heart that she’s more important than just another girlfriend, then #2 can seep into his psyche. This fear is a mind killer, who can create hesitation, apprehension, and doubt in a man’s mind about the woman. It may cause him not to make things official, not to take the next step, or to not take the woman seriously. If the man suffered some type of serious heartbreak prior, then #2 is almost expected and a prerequisite thought process when evaluating the new lady in his life.
His actions related to thought process #2 can cause women to become frustrated, angry, and possibly walk out of the mans life. What’s funny is most men don’t ever realize they have this fear until the woman leaves him! A lot of times, whether no problems arise or the regular problems in relationships occur, a man wouldn’t feel threatened of losing that woman, especially if he’s confident in himself and the relationship. Women ending the relationship in this case would be like pulling the rug out from under men. When they hit the floor, the light bulb turns on, the ‘What the hell did I do?” feelings begin, and the recovery plan is devised to reclaim their lost love.
On the flip side, that same fear that makes men hesitant to either officially wife his shorty, marry his shorty, or anything else, may occur from a fear of the unknown. You may feel that maybe the grass is greener on the other side, and you could possibly make a huge mistake in committing/staying with your current female. These fears can either manifest through feelings or withdrawal from their prior bachelor life, if the couple has major problems (arguing, etc), if the woman has genuinely treated the dude wrong, or if the dude isn’t as focused as he or she thinks! If a man or woman is confident in themselves, they will always have it in the back of their head that they will be OK. It’s all good until you’re on the bad end of a break-up though. Hopefully you can maintain that same resolve.
I think men and women should feel that all won’t be lost if they don’t end up with “The One”. I know dudes and women who’ve had multiple “Ones” in their life. They call it fate, while Tupac and I beg to differ:
At the same time, we shouldn’t use this fear of the unknown as an excuse to give < 100% in a relationship. You make your decisions in life and unless you are psychic, you do it without knowledge of the outcome. Many times we have no problems making a bed. Ask us to lie in it, and then we start complaining. Relationships take faith, work, and commitment to thrive. Sometimes, you give that commitment and the relationship still fails. Welcome to life, kiddo. Take it from someone whose fears have led to both triumph and disaster in relationships, you can’t second guess yourself or dwell on negativity. Whether you aren’t sure if the person is the one, you’re scared, or you’re curious about what else is out there, just know that whatever decision you make, you have to live with the consequences.
I think I covered it all. What do you think. Do you cosign or no-sign? lets assist this young lady and set this blog owt like Slim and RCLS at a good bruhz function.