Coming up with ways to inform and entertain within a few words can be hard. Sometimes when I’m working hard on a post … I have to sit back and relax. As I breathe deeply and let my creative juices flow … sometimes my mind wanders. Sometimes … I fantasize about Toccarra (yes … Tocarra) in a Santa Clause outfit looking to give me a backrub daydream.
Today … I will share on of my most vivid and telling daydreams.
Suppose I, Sean “SBM” Blackman, was given power over the world. Suppose I was the one writing the rules. And suppose, I was given the task to craft the world in a light that benefited man. Suppose it was up to me to make the world a haven for men … a place that catered to us … a place that we wanted to live in. There are rules, I can’t just go crazy with it … but I can address all the things I hate.
Well … there are a few things that are on the top of the list of things that need changing:
Women are just as responsible for courting
If she wants me, she gotta work for this! Better pull out that card when the bill comes on our first date, better not be scared to ask me to go somewhere, and you better come correct with some vicious stuff that I like. Yes … I’m talking about the new Ruth Chris Steakhouse with Hooter’s waitresses and ESPN on 50″ plasmas. And if she violates my 3 date rule (meaning I need to beat within 3 dates) … then Steve Harvey told me I need to let her go. She obviously isn’t “That into me”.
Chivalry = Dead
No longer are women getting treated better because … their women. I mean, pregnant women and the elderly still get the respect they are deserved … but if you are 25 and come onto my crowded bus … be prepared to stand!
Simping will be a Federal Offense
For those that just want to hold onto those old school simping (in case you don’t know what a simp is) ways (paying for the first plane ticket comes to mind) … you will be federally prosecuted. You thought the drug crackdown of the 80’s was serious … not until you see SBM’s war on simping. But, instead of just locking up these poor simps where they will be with other simps, and simple learn how to simp better … we will have an intensive reform camp. You will be taken away from your family and friends, and reformed using shock therapy. It’s the only way …
Strip Clubs will be federally funded
The government should do all they can to send these poor girls to school. Instead of writing long essays that are all lies, their ability to not fall in tall glass heals and wax a pole with their body will be the judge of how much money they get.
Female Aphrodisiacs will be put into the water supply
There is a biological disconnect between the need and desire of men to get that dug out and women’s desire to get dugged out. The insertion of FDA approved female aphrodisiacs into the public water supply (and bottled water for those that “don’t drink tap”) will finally help close the gap. No longer will women not understand our 24/7 desire to procreate, and no longer will they have any trouble matching our drive. Balance will return to the universe.
Every woman will pay for their plane ticket to visit a guy … with no complaints
I know its a whole new week, but I’m still hot about this. If you want to go see a guy that isn’t your boyfriend and you have the money … you will buy the ticket. Period!
Engagement rings will be banished
You already know I hate engagement rings. You know I think this antiquated process is dumb, and being as extremely one-sided as it is … it will be banished.
Chopped & Screwed TV (CSTV) will replace MTV
I like Chopped & Screwed Music … you will too now!
Every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday Night will be “Men’s Night”
I want to get in the club for free. I want to drink for free. I don’t see why my male junk in the trunk should prevent me from achieving such feats.
Gag reflexes will be eliminated
My Health department will determine a small procedure which will be required by all females at age 16. If guys have to register for the selective service (and possibly lose their lives as a result) at 18 … this non-invasive procedure can be endured at 16 by women.
Oh no … my advisory board of “Urban Models” is coming in to discuss a solution to world hunger … while they clean the royal phalace. It sure is hard at the top.
Although I know these are all winners … add to the list. What would you do if you ruled the world?
– SBM aka Creating a Utopian society aka The Benevolent One