Home About Me If I Ruled the world …

If I Ruled the world …

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Coming up with ways to inform and entertain within a few words can be hard.  Sometimes when I’m working hard on a post … I have to sit back and relax.  As I breathe deeply and let my creative juices flow … sometimes my mind wanders.  Sometimes … I fantasize about Toccarra (yes … Tocarra) in a Santa Clause outfit looking to give me a backrub daydream.

Today … I will share on of my most vivid and telling daydreams.



Suppose I, Sean “SBM” Blackman, was given power over the world.  Suppose I was the one writing the rules.  And suppose, I was given the task to craft the world in a light that benefited man.  Suppose it was up to me to make the world a haven for men … a place that catered to us … a place that we wanted to live in.  There are rules, I can’t just go crazy with it … but I can address all the things I hate.

Well … there are a few things that are on the top of the list of things that need changing:

Women are just as responsible for courting

If she wants me, she gotta work for this!  Better pull out that card when the bill comes on our first date, better not be scared to ask me to go somewhere, and you better come correct with some vicious stuff that I like.  Yes … I’m talking about the new Ruth Chris Steakhouse with Hooter’s waitresses and ESPN on 50″ plasmas.  And if she violates my 3 date rule (meaning I need to beat within 3 dates) … then Steve Harvey told me I need to let her go.  She obviously isn’t “That into me”.

See Also:  Rantings of a Single Black Male

Chivalry = Dead

No longer are women getting treated better because … their women.  I mean, pregnant women and the elderly still get the respect they are deserved … but if you are 25 and come onto my crowded bus … be prepared to stand!

Simping will be a Federal Offense

For those that just want to hold onto those old school simping (in case you don’t know what a simp is) ways (paying for the first plane ticket comes to mind) … you will be federally prosecuted.  You thought the drug crackdown of the 80’s was serious … not until you see SBM’s war on simping.  But, instead of just locking up these poor simps where they will be with other simps, and simple learn how to simp better … we will have an intensive reform camp.  You will be taken away from your family and friends, and reformed using shock therapy.  It’s the only way …

Strip Clubs will be federally funded

The government should do all they can to send these poor girls to school.  Instead of writing long essays that are all lies, their ability to not fall in tall glass heals and wax a pole with their body will be the judge of how much money they get.

See Also:  Confessions of A Simp: It Happens, Learn From It, Move On

Female Aphrodisiacs will be put into the water supply

There is a biological disconnect between the need and desire of men to get that dug out and women’s desire to get dugged out.  The insertion of FDA approved female aphrodisiacs into the public water supply (and bottled water for those that “don’t drink tap”) will finally help close the gap.  No longer will women not understand our 24/7 desire to procreate, and no longer will they have any trouble matching our drive.  Balance will return to the universe.

Every woman will pay for their plane ticket to visit a guy … with no complaints

I know its a whole new week, but I’m still hot about this. If you want to go see a guy that isn’t your boyfriend and you have the money … you will buy the ticket.  Period!

Engagement rings will be banished

You already know I hate engagement rings. You know I think this antiquated process is dumb, and being as extremely one-sided as it is … it will be banished.

Chopped & Screwed TV (CSTV) will replace MTV

I like Chopped & Screwed Music … you will too now!

Every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday Night will be “Men’s Night”

I want to get in the club for free.  I want to drink for free.  I don’t see why my male junk in the trunk should prevent me from achieving such feats.

See Also:  Quirks of this Single Black Male

Gag reflexes will be eliminated

My Health department will determine a small procedure which will be required by all females at age 16.  If guys have to register for the selective service (and possibly lose their lives as a result) at 18 … this non-invasive procedure can be endured at 16 by women.

Oh no … my advisory board of “Urban Models” is coming in to discuss a solution to world hunger … while they clean the royal phalace. It sure is hard at the top.

Although I know these are all winners … add to the list.  What would you do if you ruled the world?

– SBM aka Creating a Utopian society aka The Benevolent One

Comment(131)

  1. I agree with you about women offering to pay on dates. I, personally, don't have a problem paying. I remember one instance when I was on a date, the check came and I put my card in with the bill. My date said he would pay and replaced my card with his. I told him it was okay and took his card out. By the time the server came back to collect the check, he and I were going back and forth about who was going to pay the bill. In the end, he paid it. Lol. Yes, it was a silly argument. But really, it should be something both sexes share.

    Some women talk about they're independent but when it comes time to bust the cash out, they stop dead in their tracks and look at the man. No bueno.

    I'm all for alternating/sharing.

    1. See, I did that at the tender age of 22. My date looked at me like I'd just pulled out my steak knife, cut off his family jewels and put them down as payment for the meal, lol.

      1. Your date was a punl.

        Shouldn't nothing phase you that much … def not a woman trying to pay. You just decline and keep it moving.

        1. It wasn't the offer that phased him, it was the fact that I insisted. Earned me my very first "Woman is you crazy?" side eye, lol.

          And at least my date could SPELL punk. (cue Sean Combs voice) Take that, take that!

  2. I like this post and this world (even the plane ticket lol)

    I guess since im a girl I couldnt add a rule I cant think of anything right away anyway I will just put on my hijaab,burka or what have you and when "Mr" is ready I will appear with my super h** video in one hand and travel pole in the other

  3. in my world the only things that would be similar is the men's night out and the elimination of gag reflexes. a world such as this would be boss (rick ross voice).

    since i don't frequent or like strip clubs i could care less about their well being. lol

    plane tickets still? tell em why you mad son!

    i actually like being chivalrous. yes women are equal to use in many ways but they are still the fairer sex. to me its a part of manhood. *shrug*

    also if i ruled the world:

    -there would only be beautiful people in the world. the standard of beauty would be set by me.

    -dj khaled would not be able to make money for co-signing and screaming "we the besssss!" every 10 seconds.

    -education would be free. no matter what level. why should people have to pay to learn? doesn't make sense to me.

    1. i actually like being chivalrous. yes women are equal to use in many ways but they are still the fairer sex. to me its a part of manhood. *shrug*

      THIS!! I wish more men could understand this point.

    2. Bruh, I don't know where you live, but I will send my flyest single girlfriend your way. I really like the way you think.

      1. No roo to you using roo.

        "You know what really grinds my gears…." jk jk

        But he still dont get no roo for this lol

        1. No, no, no….no oop-roo's. If I ruled the world, Deltas wouldn't exist and those salty AKA's that lost they damn minds way back when would be sentenced to death by firing squad.

          Yea, I said it…you know where I be, come.see.me.

        2. Don't try to get us all riled up, RCLS – Reecie gone smack you with the triangle fist and I'll stick my little pinkie up your nose! skee-oop!

      2. @RightCoast. clearly, I was being facetious in my asking. pre-Spring 01 I might consider it :-p. Good thing the bruh I was quoting doesn't feel that way…

        Anna, 'preciate the shout! see how they do…

  4. LOL! Pure Fantasy. The female Aphrodisiac could back fire on you my brotha. You may not be the one reaping the benefits of the aphrodisiac. Is gagging so bad? I thought men looked at that as a compliment as tho their manzilla is so big it can't be taken in whole…I don't know.

    Funny though!

    1. lol…my boyfriend loves the gagging too….like he dont already know that d*ck is big as a muthaf*cka. but i fake the gag cuz i know he likes it lol

    2. I don't see how the aphrodisiac could backfire. I don't see women cheating anymore than they already do.

      A gag reflex that prevents 100% disappearance of my big guy has got to go!

      1. LOL

        im sorry, but whenever i interact with men (in real life or the internet) and they mention their dick…i always want to know the size lol…..

        1. On the internet, I could say anything. Usually I settle this with an MMS of the object in question (been s*xting before it was even cool).

          Alas, those days are over … sorry.

        2. lol….

          lets just say im not asking…..im just "wondering"….

          im just trying to break my record for the longest d*ck ive ever deep throated…..13 being the record to beat….thats why im always so curious….

          ok, ill stop…..

        3. Lies, lies, lies….

          Do you really measure all the p*nis' you see? You know what, don't even answer that question, because I'm sure you'll give me a patronizing answer. Next thing I know you're gonna tell me you look like Beyonce and get down like Jasmine Cashmere…

        4. lmao….why do i have to be liar. just because im different than most women doesnt make me a liar sweetheart. and how disrespectful are you when i have never been so to you. where is this coming from? im confused lol….

          ive already said once before on a previous date that im more of a 7 on the looks scale….so sorry to bust that bubble.

          and no i dont measure all dicks….only the big ones that i was lucky enough to encounter…which were only 3 of them. so how did you come to the conclusion that i measure all of them. why would i measure a small one? lmao…

          do you and i will most definitely continue to do me….

        5. First off, don't call me sweetheart, I don't know you like that and ain't nuttin sweet over here.

          Second, I am challenging your claims, not being disrespectful. If I was being disrespectful, you'd know, trust. I actually just got off the phone w/ Lex and he even he thinks 13 is bullsh*t.

          Third, I'm entitled to my opinion. Last I checked, this is America. According to some, a socialist version of it, but the Bill of Rights is still in tact and blog posts count as protected speech. Yahtzee.

    3. Girl, they say they want a woman with no gag reflex. But watch their face when you take it's all the way in with ease and you have the "that's all?" look on your face…too funny!

  5. Gag reflex procedure at age 16? Well, it's your fantasy…

    I have nothing to add to that, but If I ruled the world…

    1. Men with the same education achievement would make less than women doing the exact same job.

    2. Pro basketball, soccer, NFL will play shirts vs. skins. We save money on uniforms, and increase global public interest in these sports.

    3. Female Sects Uality will be a first year course for all men at all US colleges. This course will broach such topics as the female orgasm, squirting, and how to becone an expert cunning linguist. There will also be a lab component, where there will be hands on application of the lessons taught in class.

    1. Not a bad three NIA.

      But why squirting? And who would we train with in the lab? Dolls? Street Walkers? The female student body?

      1. The professor will provide all needed equipment for that lab session. However, you won'e have intercourse in the lab. Essentially, the class will teach young brothers how to get a woman off. So, the classes won't completely focus on the physical.

  6. funny funny….

    if i ruled the world….hmmmm….yall would all be my sexual slaves lol. nah nah…..

    i would make all d*cks at least average size (7 or over) and all of them would be thick.

    all females a$$es would be phat as hell….i love eye candy…

    i agree with the engagement rings….i want a ruby though. but i would eliminate the whole tradition of weddings. i hate that ish.

    matter of fact, i would eliminate most traditions….

    religion wouldnt be so influential…especially in a country where "separation of church and state" is supposed to be practiced….

    i would eliminate poverty (lol……i had to go there)

    sooooo many things….but the next one i already know is going to get me fussed at….but here it comes.

    i would ban interracial dating….sorry i dont like it. that is my personal opinion.

    blacks would be the most powerful group, as far as resources….

    oh and trannies would have the letter T branded on their forehead like the scarlet letter A…no more deceit….

  7. (ok, i hate repeating myself lol…this moderation ish is annoying….if at first you dont succeed….)

    funny funny….

    if i ruled the world….hmmmm….yall would all be my s*xual slaves lol. nah nah…..

    i would make all d*cks at least average size (7 or over) and all of them would be thick.

    all females a$$es would be phat as h*ll….i love eye candy…

    i agree with the engagement rings….i want a ruby though. but i would eliminate the whole tradition of weddings. i hate that ish.

    matter of fact, i would eliminate most traditions….

    religion wouldnt be so influential…especially in a country where “separation of church and state” is supposed to be practiced….

    i would eliminate poverty (lol……i had to go there)

    sooooo many things….but the next one i already know is going to get me fussed at….but here it comes.

    i would ban interracial dating….sorry i dont like it. that is my personal opinion.

    blacks would be the most powerful group, as far as resources….

    oh and trannies would have the letter T branded on their forehead like the scarlet letter A…no more deceit….

  8. And we'll WALK right up to the SUNNNN Hand in Hand

    I would make Naggin a federal offense

    I would teach Women language in schools so men would be fluent and could translate all hidden messages..

    lol

    Imagine THAT

    1. Co-sign on the naggin.

      For the language barrier … I would actually make women take a class in speaking logically so they could communicate with us. It's only fair that the language that actually makes sense becomes the de facto.

  9. All Bi women would be given a tax exemption claim.

    and side chicks would have to serve time for snitching or coming out of face.

    Pre-nups would be mandatory.

    A full STD test could be both portable and instant.

    and men would be allowed to Opt out of Child Support payments at the 4 month mark and if a woman doesn't inform him of her pregnancy before than, he can not be forced by the courts to pay.

    1. Mad I forgot about pre-nups.

      The Bi tax exemption should only be granted to those women who bless their man with a threesome. If your just Bi on your own time, no tax break.

  10. So, if you ruled the world you'd be a woman? Very intersting, lol.

    If I ruled the world….

    1. Black cinema would enjoy more funding, and Eddie Murphy could make one of the funniest movies of all time without wearing a Burger King crown.

    2. As Junie mentioned above, all men would have phatties that were at least 8" long.

    3. Men would not confuse "Man Shyt" with "Simping".

    4. Men would take pride in all aspects of being a man. It's not just trying to get some beatz, watching March Madness and the big piece of chicken. It amazes me how many guys want a woman to play her position but can't play theirs.

    5. Chivalry is resurrected like the phoenix. Only this time, it doesn't assume that women are airhead gavina* zombies who need rescuing from everything and that men are needless, muscular "nepises* with pockets". (* switch the 1st and 3rd letters)

    6. Mary Jane would be legal.

    7. Engagement rings would exist. But they wouldn't cost 3 month's salary and the man would get something too. Maybe tickets to a final four game or platinum dog tags.

    8. All the great tasting foods that are bad for you would be good for you. Brussel sprouts will give you acne and make you gain weight.

    9. Bad breath wouldn't exist. Especially in the cube next to me.

    10. There would be a fine for correcting adults in public. Especially with bad breath.

    Tis all I have for now. Wait a sec….baby let that plane ticket go. Ash ain't gonna buy it, the end – lol!

    1. #6….how could i forget about my baby Mary…me and my boyfriend just had a threesome with her last night lol. great one……

    2. Can't let the place ticket go … people still commenting on the craziness of Ash's request.

      On #5, how would you redefine chivalry that doesn't insinuate that women are inherently weaker than men and need saving? Isn't that the basis of chivalry?

      Otherwise … I'm shocked at how much I agree with your list. And if you can accomplish that redefinition, I'm willing to revise my anti-chivalry law.

      1. Actually, I wouldn't re-define it. I would just make folk aware that chivalry is a 2 way street. I think the man's portion of it is pretty public – opening doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk and such. But women are chivalrous, we just don't call it chivalry. We call it "catering to your man". So if you want the "catering" at home you will exhibit chivalry in public, lol.

    3. great list.

      And as long as you see to it that the government didn't add carcinogens and toxic chemical additives that made people both ill and impossibly addicted to legalized Mary J… i'm all for it.

      man shyt is confused with simping much too often. we need to enforce this policy NOW.

    4. " Wait a sec….baby let that plane ticket go. Ash ain’t gonna buy it, the end – lol!"

      LOL! I'm not gonna buy it, but despite what people think I'm not going to write him off because he didn't buy it on MY timeline. There's a time and a season for everything, so if we're supposed to see each other, it'll happen when it's supposed to.

  11. If I could change the world, there'd be no MTA and I could fly to work.

    I'd be rich.

    There would be oompa loompas who loved to make things and they got off on making stuff and then we could go into the store and get said stuff for free.

    That is all for now

    1. LMAO! @ oompa loompas….i am too through now….

      ok, i really should be focusing on work….but yall are getting me addicted more and more each day….

        1. lol….

          i knew once i started i couldnt start. thats why i stalked you guys for a couple of months before finally deciding to start commenting lol. had to get a feel of the place to see if i could be handled….

        2. "we are harder to quit than cooked crack" – you ain't neva lied with this. I don't know what it is about SBM, but this ish is mad addictive.

  12. hmmm if Muze ran the world..

    exercise would be microwave-easy; just enter your current weight and what weight and tone you'd like to be in a week, press start and voila.

    men would need no 'downtime' between chex sessions. there would be an automatic 'pop-up' on demand until said marathon was over.

    …oh wait… that already exists. *shudders*. lol. okay… for ALL men, this would be employed.

    evil people would be poor.

    black folks would be 'the man' and get to pull any male with blond/brunette hair over for no reason, FIND some trivial cause to give a ticket, and stamp it with "DWW" in big red letters. same goes for job applications, loan apps, and college admission depts.

    graceful stiletto walking would be a required class for women 20 and over.

    every woman would have a strict 'dress for your body type' dress code. offenders would be oversized sweatsuit stricken for life.

    'no child left behind' would actually have meaning and be enforced.

    people would be able to pick the gender for every one out of three offspring.

    money would grow on trees. but only in the yards of morally sound, uncorrupt, giving people with extra special gardens.

    men would be born with a 'faithful and committed' gene that activated once they fell in love.

  13. Hilarious list!

    If I ruled the world:

    Chivalry would be a class in 6th grade. I'm sorry, but some of yall need that ish. I dated a guy I wasn't particularly attracted to much longer than I normally would've because he was chivalrous. He opened car doors, restaurant doors, if we were walking down a sidewalk, he'd gently nudge me over to the side furthest from traffic. He made me feel like a queen (and no, he didn't pay for every date, we generally went half and half after the first date). Chivalry got him muuuch more play than he would have otherwise.

    Men would buy the FIRST plane ticket. 🙂

    Men wouldn't assume that all women are golddiggers. Wanting you to take the lead and be the man does NOT mean I'm chasing your pockets. You're the hunter, hunt!!

    Men and women would all become more trustworthy. The comments on the plane ticket really showed how skeptical we all are of one another (even me). It's kinda sad if you think about it…

    Traditional gender roles would be more accepted: Women would stop hollering about being independent. And men would stop being so sensitive about a woman being independent and be the man.

    Yeah, it's great if women can pay your own bills and you're doing big things. And it's fine if a man is still trying to get his stuff together. Both situations should be understood and supported. But now men and women walking around with big chips on their shoulders about who pays what etc. Many women make their own money and want to act like a man without man reprecussions and men want women to act like men until it becomes inconvenient in a marriage where your wife is emasculating you. Both sexes must realize you can't have the best of both worlds. It's making everybody feel lazy and entitled.

    All penises would be at least 8 inches

    Dudes wouldn't wear shades in the club

    Clear shoes for women would be outlawed except in the stripclub

    Rainbow colored and otherwise cheap weaves would be banned. If you're going to have a sew-in, make sure it's quality!

    I may think of more later…

  14. Juniebug: "lol…my boyfriend loves the gagging too….like he dont already know that d*ck is big as a muthaf*cka. but i fake the gag cuz i know he likes it lol"

    Bless you, my child! I bet your boyfriend is a very happy man.

    Juniebug: "im just trying to break my record for the longest d*ck ive ever deep throated…..13 being the record to beat….thats why im always so curious…."

    Was this a human? If a man is at a legit 10, that's ridiculously huge. And again, bless you, my child!

    1. yeah that 13 inches entered only that one hole…..waaaay too big for the other hole (or holes depending on what you're into)…

      and yeah he better feel lucky…cuz im a slave to that d*ck….

      1. lol i'ma need you to start some classes or something. 13 is ridamndiculous. mine own eyes have told me that 10 is dang near impossible… so yeah. lol

      1. lol

        im only so good at it cuz it truly is my favorite thing in the world to do……i just do what i think i would want done if i were a man….

        oh and wack a$$ VA…..

        1. Southern "I'm really in the South now" VA or Northern "This really is DC, yet there aren't any black people" VA?

        2. (d*mn you moderation…when i didnt even say any bad words)

          LOL

          2 hours away from DC and 1 hour away from NC. Small little city called Petersburg

    2. thank you Hugh….

      Somebody had to say it. All these chicks running around saying "atleast 7 atleast 8. atleast ten"

      Atleast?!!?! Atleast?!? All I'm saying is don't ask for more than you can fit inside b/c my pelvic bone gets lonely when it sees the head get all the attention.

      CHeeKZ aka its not the same size everytime. YEAH I SAID IT!

  15. Anna N. "6. Mary Jane would be legal."

    I’d make all drugs legal and simultaneously eliminate 80% of violence in the inner cities. If you are stupid enough to smoke crack, then go ahead. Let's get rid of the black market that destroys the lives of several young black men. Legalize and tax it.

    LOL at gavina!

  16. 1. Women will make up their mind if they are equal or not: No more double dipping. If you want masters degrees and JDs, want to be CEOs, and talk about how independent you are, you lose the rights to chivalry. Pick one.

    2. All dr_gs will be legal.

    3. House of Payne and Meet the Browns will be immediately taken off the air.

    4. In the words of the rapper Phonte:

    The head [email protected] in charge is still dreamin

    Of an industry where hot sh!+'s rewarded

    And dope sh!+'s recorded and dumb sh!+'s ignored

    5. The last few women that don’t give [email protected] will be executed. For the ladies, the same applies to men.

    6. Magazines like Cosmopolitan and Self, channels like Lifetime, and stupid romance novels will all be illegal.

    7. Women whose bellies protrude further than their [email protected]$ts will be heavily fined for wearing clothing that reveals the aforementioned belly.

    8. Men will be heavily fined for sagging. I’m sick of seeing kids sagging, and nothing is between their bare @$$ and the rest of the world except for the thin material that their drawers is made of.

    9. There will be no more democrats and republicans. Everyone will be libertarians. Live and let live. Leave me alone.

    1. #7…you know you wrong for that one lol….booty doo

      #8….going along with this….a ban on skinny jeans….and especially a ban on sagging skinny jeans…wtf is that sh*t

      #9…im half libertarian….so i can go with that….

      1. How did I forget the skinny jeans! Add that to the list.

        10. Any man wearing skinnny jeans will be sh0t on the spot.

      1. Humph. You'll pull my chair out and like it. And once this performance review is over (where are your TPS reports?) I'll pull out a meal and your junk – and I'll like it too.

        When will y'all learn that the return on investment with chivalry is high? Back rub high. Pearl necklace high. Tina Turner "Private Dancer" high. lol.

        1. Anna N.: "When will y’all learn that the return on investment with chivalry is high? Back rub high. Pearl necklace high. Tina Turner “Private Dancer” high. lol."

          We know the ROI on chivalry. The problem is the ROI on no chivalry is pretty good too.

        2. I'll believe when I see it. From my experience the ROI is zilch. Why would the ROI be high when she thinks you are doing your job and not going out of your way to show that you care?

        3. Sorry Cheekz – I can't hear you from your permanent seat in the corner, lol.

          It's real simple – if you aren't getting any ROI, sell your stock and pick a better one next time.

    2. I'm good with your list, except #1. Why does my education and career have anything to do with it? I'm assuming that you are trying to eliminate those women that wave that "I'm independent, I'on need yo sorry @$$" flag, but having an education and a career does not necessarily include you in that club. 2 words: Michelle Obama.

      *walking away singing "The Fact Is (I Need You)" by Jill Scott*

  17. Sorry if this posts twice- I'm stuck in moderation.

    Hilarious list!

    If I ruled the world:

    Chivalry would be a class in 6th grade. I’m sorry, but some of yall need that ish. I dated a guy I wasn’t particularly attracted to much longer than I normally would’ve because he was chivalrous. He opened car doors, restaurant doors, if we were walking down a sidewalk, he’d gently nudge me over to the side furthest from traffic. He made me feel like a queen (and no, he didn’t pay for every date, we generally went half and half after the first date). Chivalry got him muuuch more play than he would have otherwise.

    Men would buy the FIRST plane ticket.

    Men wouldn’t assume that all women are golddiggers. Wanting you to take the lead and be the man does NOT mean I’m chasing your pockets. You’re the hunter, hunt!!

    Men and women would all become more trustworthy. The comments on the plane ticket really showed how skeptical we all are of one another (even me). It’s kinda sad if you think about it…

    Traditional gender roles would be more accepted: Women would stop hollering about being independent. And men would stop being so sensitive about a woman being independent and be the man.

    Yeah, it’s great if women can pay your own bills and you’re doing big things. And it’s fine if a man is still trying to get his stuff together. Both situations should be understood and supported. But now men and women walking around with big chips on their shoulders about who pays what etc. Many women make their own money and want to act like a man without man reprecussions and men want women to act like men until it becomes inconvenient in a marriage where your wife is emasculating you. Both sexes must realize you can’t have the best of both worlds. It’s making everybody feel lazy and entitled.

    All man parts would be at least 8 inches

    Dudes wouldn’t wear shades in the club

    Clear shoes for women would be outlawed except in the stripclub

    Rainbow colored and otherwise cheap weaves would be banned. If you’re going to have a sew-in, make sure it’s quality!

    I may think of more later…

  18. If I ruled the world.

    Money would be removed from politics

    Corporations would balance profits, environment, and not exploiting people.

    Every woman would be built like Serena Williams from the torso down and Toccara from the torso up.

    Black folks would accept some personal responsibility and love themselves

    2520s would come to grips with what they have done to everyone on earth that isn't 2520.

    Raekwon, Jay Electronica, etc would be mainstream hip-hop played on the radio.

    Every woman with a nice healthy backside plus a sick @ss-to-waist ratio must let me get backshots.

    It would be mandatory to give me a copy of every sport car making 400 horsepower or more.

    I would have my own highway to drive however I choose.

    tricking, simping, and gassing up chics would be a federal offense.

    I cosign SBM on the chivalry too.

    1. Cosign Humble, except I would have every woman with a nice healthy backside plus a sick @ss-to-waist ratio let me get backshots.

  19. thank the good Lord you don't rule the world. lol and even if you did someone would break the rules, rules are made to be broken…sometimes. those guys would be the one's I'd go for. 🙂 as long as there arent' any criminal offenses…I can't do jail birds.

    good comments on here. I'm cool with legalizing the mary jane, no booty doos and men wearing skinny jeans. women that don't have muffin top can still wear em though! lol

    I'd also like for teachers, police officers, social workers and people that truly shape and protect lives to get paid more than actors and athletes. oh and paying to watch people beat themselves up would be just as illegal as dog fighting.

    that's all I can think of.

    1. Those who aid and abed these simp criminals will face equally harsh punishment.

      Not only will they have to break Flava Flav off twice, but they will also have nude pictures of them posted on the government’s official “Do not simp” list.

      Maybe a Scarlett SL (for simp lover) on their forehead too.

  20. oh gee- so not going for this!

    except for the women paying on dates. I do believe that we should pay for some to half of all dates. I also support the ticket in a situation where he is not available to pay for it.

    oh and- i like my gag reflex.

  21. SBM, I KNEW you were going to add something about that dang plane ticket paying! LOL! That issue really rubbed you wrong, huh?

    Seems to me that you won't be needing "Men's Night" since it appears that it would be "a man's world" if you ruled….

  22. im about to go away from my usual outgoing, nonchalant attitude and say something once and leave it at that. and this is to whomever it may concern…..

    im a very fun person, and allow things to roll off my skin fairly easily. and people can think whatever the f*ck they want to think about the type of person i am. but dont call me a liar or a fake. trust and believe, i am neither. i dont have to pretend to be something im not on the d*mn internet, especially when ive struggled so long with trying not to care about people not agreeing with my sexuality. but to call (or think) it fake when you dont know me is silly as f*ck and quite immature. i come here to express my views…be mature enough to take it for what it is…..

    and i will leave it that and keep doing me….whether ive just p*ssed anybody off or not.

    1. Girl, DO NOT let our resident shyt starter get you riled up. I saw RCLS make a whole comment section go left because I was insulted with someone's language and he popped out with some ole – "Y'all just takin' pot shots at the white gal! God bless white women and the NY Giants!" What made that ish truly hilarious is that the woman in question was no parts of white and he knew it. But we still e-love him cuz he's hella funny, West Indian and supports the "nappy dugout" (whatchu call it? Floss?? Lawdamercy.) Same way we e-love yo freaky-deaky azz!

      May I suggest your next 3 – some? You, RCLS and Mary Jane. Oh, and bring some Parliaments in case he ain't quit that ish yet.

      1. Good memory Anna. I stand by statements, and will add a God bless to the Los Angeles Lakers and the BX Bombers.

        I'm good on the 3some cuz I'd probably smoke her under the table anyway but I'll def take a carton of those Parliaments. 'PRECIATE IT!

        Lemme guess, shorty got iron lungs too huh?

        1. A whole carton? Yo greedy azz……

          I ain't mad at Junie's story – as a young gal there was a nepis or 2 that made me *literally* pull out the measuring tape, lol. Shoot, some dudes are packing so much junk it makes you want to go to their house and slap their mamma. And then go back to your place and slap YO OWN mamma cuz she didn't tell you it could be like that, lol. Big Dyck Leon, here's lookin' at you kid.

        2. Yea man…them joints is 8-9 bucks a pop in the Empire State…I spend most of my paycheck on smokes legal or otherwise.

          To be clear, I'm not saying big 'ol things like that don't exist, but I've seen pros gag/give up after gettin' 9" down. Add this to the rest of the seemingly egregious claims, and it makes me a non-believer.

        3. 1. You better take yo behind to VA – last I checked cartons were like $35. But since you smoke bougie-boo ciggies they're probably more like $45.

          2. Ahh, now I see. You don't believe her? Well let me think – how could she possibly convince you? I see where this is going, lol.

        4. lmao

          it is what it is i guess….

          but i really did enjoy this blog a lot while i was here….and i hope you guys continue with the great topics and dialogue…..

        5. Interesting….

          So we went from having a high threshold for people's crap (which you've had since childhood in addition to that 13" deep no gag reflex) to a possible exile over a singular thread of comments…

          ::Punching numbers into calculator…::

          Yea, doesn't add up.

          #Q'sarepricks

    2. I'm sorry, but I'm really 10…

      "They're all actors/lookin at themselves in the mirror backwards/Can't even face themselves/Don't fear no rappers/They're all weirdos, Deniros in practice/So don't believe eveything your earlobe catches/It's mostly backwards/Unless it happens to be as accurate as me/And everything said in song you happen to see/Then, actually believe half of what you see/None of what you hear, even if it's said by me/And with that said, I'ma kill 'em all dead…"

      You know…for someone that doesn't care what people think, you seem be caring alot right now…#alsoverysuspect

  23. I got 10 comments into this and had to take a break! Whooo w/ the p*nis size debate.

    Gonna take a lunch break, I'll be back.

  24. I'm late.. If I ruled the world:

    1. I'll run it with a iron fist and give an iron backhand to anyone who opposes what I say.

    2. Oral s*x will be mandatory for both men and women.

    3. Sarah Palin will not be allowed to control a state, city, country, township or her mouth in front of groups of people.

    4. Bernie Mac would still be alive.

    5. I'd assign Black people an identity.

    6. I'll burn all current records of hip-hop and tell everyone to 'Start the f*ck over!'

    7. I would have a sword…

    8. There would be free internet for everyone in the world.

    9. Everyone will have health care.

    10. Crimes against people with Fro-hawks will be looked upon as a citizen's arrest. Loosing a fight to a person with a fro-hawk will yeild a hefty fine.

    11. We would have colonies on Mars.

    12. Women will be equal… meaning they will be equally treated as men. I like it when a lady holds the door for me. lol #truestory

    13. All drugs will be decriminalized, Mary Jane will be legalized and taxed.

    14. Freak-nik will be reinstated.

    That is all.

      1. I was with you… until the add on of "perms banned" WHY?!?!?!?! I've had natural hair for 6 years… and lemme tell you, it is no easy feat. I like to workout… have you ever seen a press & curl after sweating?! #nobueno

        If I can't have a perm, you can't have sex. It's just that simple.

  25. If I Ruled The World,

    1) People would stop being so damn sensitive.

    PS – The key to a great s*x life is discretion.

    I'll see y'all tomorrow.

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