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The Sacrifices of Marriage

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I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine that recently got married and another friend that has been living with his fiance for a year.  As we stood in the mall holding our SO’s purses sat at a bar chopping it up about their new lives, both gentlemen expressed their sincere blissful happiness with their better halves, but definitely miss some of the finer intricacies of being a bachelor, that they didn’t even consider would be an issue once they got married.    As the gentleman I am, I have summed up some of the aspects of marriage which I picked up from these brothers that are probably the furthest thing from a young gent’s mind when he ponders signing his life away taking that next step.

Sleeping

Clearly when you get married your sleeping arrangement will change.  What most people don’t know is that once your marriage license is on file, your municipality’s zoning officials are required by law to come to your bedroom and divide your bed into two new sovereign nations known as “my side” and “your side”.  The consequences of crossing these lines are more severe than crossing into infidel airspace.  Under no circumstances must you dare leave the familiarity of “your side” and venture in the unknown of “her side”.  So if you lose something, don’t even bother looking over on her side, because you probably shouldn’t have been over there in the first place.

See Also:  Does Submission Give Women Power or Make Them Slaves To Their Husbands?

Closet Space

Kiss this sh*t goodbye.  If you’ve made it through life managing with limited closet space you should be fine, but if you are used to having a fair amount of closet space, that will no longer be the case.  Some men and most Kappas have vast wardrobes that require a lot of space, while others prefer to use closets as hiding places storage places.  No matter which one of these categories you fall under, you can expect that space to be reduced exponentially.   You could try buying a bigger house with more closet space, but all that means is now there is more closet space for her sh*t, and the fact that there’s enough money lying around to afford a bigger house must mean there’s more money to buy more sh*t.  It’s a never ending cycle.

Guilt Free Flatulence

Gone will be the days of walking around and letting nature take its course without a care in the world.  It may be slightly humorous once or twice depending on the context, but frequently breaking wind during the middle of conversations probably won’t go down so well.  You can be guaranteed that any unwarranted flatulence will always kill the mood.   My boy said he fired a few test shots a month or two in and they were not received very well.  While you’re at it, cross using the bathroom with the door open off the list as well.

See Also:  Why Black Men Prefer to Not Get Married

Staying Up Late

This had to be funniest thing they mentioned during our conversation.  Apparently when you get married, your not issued a firm bedtime, but you can pretty much assume when she goes to bed, you’re expected to be there not too long after, unless you’re actually doing something worthwhile.  Fantasy basketball and Mafia Wars are not on the list of exceptions.  You’ll usually hear a suggestive “Honey, you coming to bed” which really means “Negro, time to go sleep”.  What you will learn the hard way is that girlfriends and FWB’s will wake up at 3am for some nookie, while fiances and wives start handing out rainchecks at 10:30pm.

I don’t know how many married folks we get coming through here, but I do know a few of you have revealed that you have been engaged or married before, so you can probably to relate to some of this.  It’s clearly not the end of the world, but a key part of any long term relationship is the ability to actually live with that person.  Hopefully I’ve provided some food for thought.  Think you can handle this?  Any folks out familiar with these situations?

…hopefully y’all paid your taxes yesterday…

Comment(56)

  1. When I was married, none of these played a factor. If one of us wanted to stay up, we did. My ex-husband never stayed on "side" of the bed. We had a double closet and both sides were the same size. As for flatulence, he hid his for all of a month when we met so it was nothing new, and I just don't. Married or alone, I really only "let one go" a handful of times a year. Iono why, but it's true.

    Then again, the keyphrase in this post it "was married"

    1. @ Sane….I too was married. We had a huge walk in closet..space was a non-issue. He had his own bedtime, if it didn't coincide..no biggie. We dated for a number of years before marriage where he would pass gas so it stands to reason, he would do it during…shrugs….It just wasn't a big deal,,,,,,,

      So, I don't know about those dudes….I guess, these things will vary from marriage to marriage..take what they said with a grain of salt….you will have alot bigger fish to fry in a marriage besides what is mentioned in the post…that is mere childs play….if that is all that they can complain about then they are doing very well indeed…..

      but again, like Sane..I am no longer married..but, I can certainly speak on it.

      1. ..Oh and what side of the bed to remain on…please….we were all over that bed…he would come over to my side…and I would roll over to his…didn't matter a bit either way…..

        I can tell the bro's you just mentioned are recently married…talk to them again in five to six years..these things they mentioned will be like reminiscing back to the good ole days….lol…I am not a cynic of marriage, don't get me wrong..but, it is a tremendous amount of work and compromise….I actually would do it again.

  2. i'm sure married life has it's benefits but i'm pretty sure that it has it's drawbacks as well. umm. i'm not looking forward to any of this ish that has been mentioned. *shrug* my sleeping schedule is sporadic at best now (seeing as how i'm up right now), so i don't like being put on a schedule.

  3. This is so funny… and scary.

    I can imagine this post is how my brothers feel and two of the three being Kappas have large wardrobes so I know that closet space thing hits home for them.

    The gas passing-

    my brother "let one go" while we were playing Scrabble and while I thought it was funny (because he tried to cover the sound by shouting for his team on the television at the same time), my sister-in-law was so upset with him and I could not understand why. *shrug*

    I'm scared to get married and become the wife that passes on sex or the wife who's annoyed often & has lost her sense of humor and even worst, the wife who's gotten comfortable and allows 15 lbs or more to attach itself to my body.

    Lots of sacrifices are made when you take that step. I'm so not ready…. don't know if I ever will be which is also scary.

  4. As a single lady in my late 20's, I don't want to make these sacrifices any more than guys do. I enjoy sleeping however, wherever, and for as long as I want on any given day. As far as closet space, I love having my own apt filled with things I love. I want him to have his own apt filled with whatever makes him happy.

    I know this one might blow the doors open (pun intended) but the ladies have flatulence too. And flatulence is just a nice way of saying we fart. Any self respecting person tries to excuse themselves, but gas happens. lol

    As far as staying up late, I tend to be a bit of night owl myself. I'm not trying to change my schedule for a guy, so I don't expect any guys to do that for me right now.

    I've got a solid, almost 2 years, FWB going and the beauty of it is that he has his own home to go to when we're done.

    I would love to have a man who loves me and accepts me for who I am, but even when he comes along, I think it might be best if we lived separately.

    For the record, I have lived with 2 guys in my past and realize after years of being single how many parts of being single I love.

  5. I am right there with them on the bed thing. Men are effing hot. Their resting body temp has to be 110! And going to bed when I go to bed? Unless something is popping off, I can pass on that too. He doesn't have to come to bed when I do. As a matter of fact, I like to get in and get in my spot and deep into sleep before he brings his nuclear hot ass in the space tryna adjust blankets and shyt! Can y'all tell this is an issue clse to my heart?

    Oh and the closets? I have an ex, who is a Kappa. He turned a bedroom in his house into a clothes closet. He also had clothes in his office closet. *sigh*

    1. How about men who sleep like f*cking children in that they roll all around the world, wrap themselves up in blankets like a damn corndog and basically keep YOU up all night with their shenanigans? SMH

  6. I'm married. I generally get in the bed sometime after my husband (can be up to 4 hours after him). It's usually cold in the house, but when I jump in the bed with him I instantly warm up (I LOVE THAT). Of course, sometimes we go to bed at the same time, but that's not a norm. Some nights he's the night owl; some nights I am.

    Closet space has never been an issue. He has his side. I have mine. We have enough room.

    He doesn't pass gas in front of me. Although he's let some go in his sleep. I might push him away and grunt. LOL He wakes up and apologizes. It's cute.

    I love being married and from what I can tell he does too. 🙂

  7. I'm engaged. I'm LMAO b/c we are apartment hunting right now and the first thing I tell the management is CLOSET SIZE…not for ME but for HIM!!! His azz is a clothes WHORE..and his shoe game..fuggetaboutit!

    Sleeping arrangements: not so much about staying on his side/her side but the quality of the mattress. He outweighs me by 100lbs and with the current mattress situation I roll toward him when he gets into bed…no bueno. Also. I set the TV timer to go to bed, he gives me the sideye for this, lol, but let me have my way b/c I got to bed much earlier than him.

    Cleaning habits …O_o…yeah. His idea of washing clothes is extremely different from mine. The cleaning products his uses have to go, you need a gas ask to use 'em. iCan'tbreathe. I clean my toilet everyday, he doesn't. His bathroom isn't dirtynastyfilthy but that's something we need to work on.

    Noise level…by day he has his "holding it down" job but he is also a musician and plays 3 instruments for 3 different churches..lawdjesushavemercyonmysoul. He has surround sound on EVERYTHING, my poor ears.

    Another little thing that we gave each other the sideeye for, paper plates vs real plates. He was raised on them, I can't stand them for everyday eating.

    *sigh* it is the little things, lol

  8. I'm not married but having lived with a SO, I'm definitely not looking forward to the sleeping arrangements within a marriage. The body temp of a man is always high so there's always a struggle of what the right room temp should be. I hate being cold..he hated being hot. ugh!

    And can someone say Snoring!!! Does every man snore?!

    I'm a light sleeper and the slightest noise disrupts my sleep but I've yet to meet a man that snores and honestly I don't know if I could live with someone forever who does.. *sigh*

      1. When you're sleeping next to a human that sounds like a bear.. how do you block that out??? lol I use to wake up in the middle of the night and shift him or purposely toss and turn so he could wake up and stop snoring just so I could fall asleep. lol

  9. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEjVnkk9ezM

    Everytime someone mentions marriage I think of this. Plus over a 26 yr period, I watched my Dad maintain 2 closets, while my Step-Mom took over 1/2 his closet, the one in the living room, the ones upstairs, several more hanging ones in our attic and then 6 more metal ones in the basement.

    Not married and the way it's looking, probably won't ever be… :0(

  10. snoring…smh. Nothin worse than when a woman snores. I snore when I'm extremely tired.

    funny shyt: I have a chapter brother who sounded like an Ork from Lord of the Rings when he snored. He could terrify lil children. Lolol that dude finally got surgery to fix it. Shyt was WILD!

    I think the side of the bed thing would be the biggest adjustment. Hate sharinthe bed and sometimes you don't want to be hugged up. You just want to SLEEP!

  11. Not married but I have lived with my S.O.-

    I've recently gotten into cuddling but only if i get to be the big spoon. I used to want separate rooms but now I'm moving into separate beds that can be pushed together 1950s style!

    I hate snoring with a passion- especially because I don't do it and we should get that deviated septum fixed or put some vicks on your chest. BLEH. That's grounds to get separate rooms- on separate floors.

    1. So u tellin me that you date little arse dudes? How the hell you gonna b the big spoon w/ a dude bigger than u? I will never date a woman that could actually be the big spoon for me, my bed probably couldnt take it.

  12. I fart in my sleep and I snore when I don't work out. Yes, even I have flaws. Its annoying b/c my SO keeps bringing it up, I don't need a 15min lecture about how I farted in my sleep when A)It was probably caused by me not farting while around you B) YOU DO THE SAME THING.

    I Dont mind the sleeping on the same side .. But we need a pillow upgrade. Sleep is an issue. I got to sleep early, I mean EARLY. 8 or 9pm. And I wake up early: like 1 or 2. Boy do I get yelled at both ways. Nothing is worse than trying to go to sleep and having your SO say "No spend time with me." Than when I am trying to let her sleep she wakes up and makes me turn off the TV, shut the light off, or stop making all that noise in the kitchen. Its not my fault you are a grad student and live in a world where you don't have to wake up until 10PM!

    I also hate the site of all white panties or light color underwear. Gross. Can't stand the fact that she just walks in the house and drops her stuff. Worst morning breathe in the world. Another than that, she is perfect.

  13. I don't imagine me and boo will have issues with sleeping. We're both night owls but on a work night I go to bed at 130. I will wake up at 3 to ask him to come to bed BC his bed is so big I feel lost in it and. We'll see if he's still a night owl when he finishes school.

    I look forward to being married one day. We don't really have any of the issues mentioned above. Separate closets is a must for us. I have a clothing rack and storage bin at his place and he has the same at mine. N if one of us is exhausted there's ample space to go on a side and stretch out.

  14. Hmmm… I guess this is a sit back & observe the comments kind of post for me. I've never been married, engaged or lived w/ an S/O so I can't really speak on those things that irk me. Lol.

    I will say that I generally drift to one side of the bed but I don't mind sleeping on the other, so it's w/e. I think cuddling might difficult — if the future Mr. FLYY is into that kind of thing — b/c I tend to barracade myself in pillows. I currently at a pillow count of 8, lmao. I mean how long are you 'supposed' to cuddle anyways? How can you keep a person up under you all night & sleep? I've had moments where I roll away from the Mr. Right Now and then snatch me up and bring me back… I can not sleep like that.

    Right now I think I should concentrate on finding Mr. FLYY before I talk about what will irritate me.

    1. some corrections (**clearly I'm still beyond DEAD from hanging out w/ Streetz & Dr. Jay at the Park last night**):

      1. I think cuddling might be difficult…

      2. I am currently at a pillow count of 8.

      3. I roll away from the Mr. Right Now and then he'll snatch me up and bring me back…

      that should do it.

      1. here's the thing – I was there! I didn't see you guys (cuz I don't know what you look like) but I partied with my girls.

        Humph – I TOLD YALL I was coming!

  15. I cosign with So FLYY; I have never lived with a SO. I know it's mostly because I'm not ready to sacrifice my selfishness in order to make it work.

    I like my closet space, I like my organized mess, I like walking around naked, I like going to bed and waking up when I damn well please and I like having personal space.

    But maybe if it was someone I could eventually see myself marrying, it could be a possibility. But if he wants to go bellyflopping all over my mattress and invading my closet, he can pack his shyt right back up. #realtalk

        1. yeah, you all can pretty much bite me. I partied so hard last night (in the same club mind you) that I went to work this morning and left an hour later just so I could go back to sleep.

          I thought y'all would be jumping on a couch or something. I was holding it down outside. If you happened to see a chocolate chick in a white tee and jeans dancing waaaay harder than anyone else that was me. Blame it on the long islands.

          WHO THE HE!LS IDEA WAS IT TO GO OUT ON A THURSDAY? DAYUM!

  16. Anyway I can take a stab at this one because my neighbor will tell you I had somebody living in my apartment before…

    It's not that bad. Consistent beats and head will kep a man focused and away from bottom b*tches. You might lose some closet space, but you really aren't missing out on anything. Honestly… i'm gonna paint a picture for you and i'm going to let you do the math.

    She just got out the shower, little water drops on her back make those nipples speak to you. She has her hair all wet, she looking at you… she got them light browns… they google fine. She just standing there, "sexy as she wanna be." You say, "I got your back." She drops that towel.

    #getitonthefloor

    #ithinkwewassposedtobesomewhere

  17. Me and my dude don't live together but he's always here so it's almost like we do. I haven't encountered the space issue but I know all about the sleeping issues. He has a tendency to shift the covers and when we wake up in the morning, he swears up and down that I did all the shift. He also swears up and down that he doesn't snore even though I've heard him snore LOUDLY. One time, he let out a snort so loud that it startled me.

    1. When I was in college my roomies s/o used to sleep over on the weekends. I could NEVER sleep b/c this man snored soooooo effin loud. One night in particular I was staring at him <del>w/ hate in my eyes</del> while he slept so soundly & he snored so damn he hit a volume that woke himself up out of sleep. He startled the sh*t out of himself. LMAOOOO. Omg, I have NEVER laughed so hard in life.

  18. Not married, or anywhere close, but I appreciate the heads-up fellow Cocksman.

    My work schedule knows no hours so that "bed time" stuff will have to be worked out. Unless my future SO wants to hear my keyboard clicking away at random hours of the night. Then again if she's really about her's, she can find a way to make me put that work down for a few.

    I know some folks mentioned snoring and that is the worst. There's nothing like hearing a lawn mower being cranked less than a foot away from your ear drums in the middle of the night.

    That about covers it. Have a good weekend peoples!

  19. I need total darkness and silence to fall asleep peacefully. When I used to live with a past SO, if he couldn't sleep he would just turn on the TV. Immediately I would wake up! He could barely hear it (guess that was him being considerate)…but to me it sounded like I was at the Kennedy Space Center…at launch time.

    I'm not married…but I do like the idea of "in-house-on-demand-wood) lol

    1. Ugh this is a problem for me too. I'm such a light sleeper. Doesn't matter how tired I am. Lights must be off and there must be total silence. The only exception is when I'm sick and that can go either way… I'll either fall asleep instantly or not be able to sleep at all.

  20. I've never lived with anyone or been married but I can only see having a problem with the flatulence/bathroom door open situation.

    Like someone said earlier, we all fart but GD you don't need to be that comfortable in front of me, some things should always be a mystery, farts and bathroom sounds/smells are one of them.

    The only issue I would have with him on my side of the bed would be if he left crumbs there (or farted there, LOL) otherwise he's more than welcome :-*

  21. You guys are hilarious!!! I have been married for almost 14 years, but regardless of being married or not, the mind of a man still works about the same. That's why I love this site. <3

    Most notable is how seriously everyone feels about sleep!

    My husband is a furnace, and in the winter I don't do well without him. In the summer, I wake him up to put a towel underneath him to sop up the sweat. When we go to sleep, when it's not insanely hot here on the Gulf Coast, he has to hold me a certain way. Then after about 10 minutes we basically sleep back to back with a good foot of space between us.

    We each snore when we are sick, and it's #2 on my funny list.

    #1 is flatulence. Maybe we are two sick Mickey Fickey's but this is the funniest ish in the world to us. Now, we don't do it at the table or anything, but have you ever been laughing real hard, and one slipped out? Ladies have you not sat down to pee in the midst of a conversation, and pooted cause you were concentrating on the topic and not the task?

    Hubby thinks it's funny as hell to blow it up before I make it to the bed, and he keeps the covers all tight until I get there. He will seriously lay as still as possible to make sure nothing leaks out until my arrival. It pisses me off, but then I laugh so hard afterward. I'm telling you Love is kissing your man good-bye while he is sitting on the thrown. You just have to hold your breath.

    Lastly, he doesn't care about closet space, as long as he is the only man in the closet. Guys, get on your grown man and get an armoire.

    While this list is funny, these are not sacrifices. Sacrifice is letting go of one of your dreams, so that you can focus on the family. Sacrifice is not sleeping much at all because your baby is in Afghanistan, and while you worry a little bit everyday you never show it because it's not right to let the kids worry.

    Sorry it's PMS, I can go from laughing to crying just that fast.

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