Today’s post is by a long time friend of the Blog and well known-author … Sheila M Goss
Before committing to a relationship, please accept the person the way that they are, not the way that you want them to be. So many people go into a relationship thinking they can change someone. For example, if the person was a hoe before you got with them; don’t think you’re the one to tame them. It’s true. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife nor a husband; so stop trying.
You get what you get. Don’t go expecting to get more. That’s why it’s important to date for an extended period of time before making a commitment. A lot of disagreements start because one or the other is guilty of trying to change their mate.
If you’re guilty of trying to make someone over, it’s time out for blaming the other person when things don’t go the way that you want. Don’t get mad at John or Jill because you expected them to change after you’ve invested your heart and time into them. John and Jill didn’t make any promises or maybe they did. If they did, don’t believe them. Some people will change just to get what they want and before long, they’ve reverted back to how they truly are.
Me and some friends have what we call the Six-Week-Rule. It usually takes six (6) weeks to make or break a habit and the average person will reveal their true colors within six weeks. If you’re observant and don’t get blinded by lust; you’ll be able to recognize whether or not, the person is someone you want to get involved with. The problem is, we don’t immediately recognize things or we make excuses, thinking we can change them.
If you neglect to accept the person at face value, you’ll find yourself taking on one or more of the following roles:
The Rescuer – Do you find yourself trying to rescue a man or woman from issue after issue but most of the time from themselves? Enough already. Some people live for drama. They want to get you involved in their drama and will do whatever they can to keep the drama going. Life is too short so unless you don’t mind playing Captain Save a (you fill in the blank), then keep playing this role.
The Nurturer – Are you his mama? Are you her daddy? No, so why play the dual role of lover/mama/daddy…sounds perverted doesn’t it…so stop. Grant it, Usher has the song, “Daddy’s Home” and Ciara sings about “You can be my daddy,” but outside of the songs, taking on the role of mama or daddy to a grown person has some sick twists to it.
The Warden – Okay, now women, don’t get mad, but having your man on a strict schedule sounds like there are trust issues. If you have to monitor his every move, then maybe he’s not the man for you. Men, you can be just as guilty. Why does she have to check in every five minutes when you know she’s at the beauty salon getting her hair done? Unless you’re a warden at a prison and dating Sheneqa that’s on lockdown; there’s no need to play the warden role.
The Dog Catcher – Bow wow…need I say more…you know he’s a dog, he was dating three other women when you met him, but you still allow him into your heart. On the flip side, men, you knew she liked to serve everyone in the neighborhood, so why are you surprised that she’s flirting with one of your boys behind your back.
The Landlord – Time is precious. Have fun, but be wise. Why let someone rent space in your heart when you know they are not the one. You can’t change the person, but you can evict them. Stop allowing the wrong people into your space. Don’t find yourself taking on any of the roles mentioned; because if you do, you’ll end up with a headache and heartache and both of those are painful. Either accept the person at face value or keep it moving. Don’t go into a relationship thinking you can change the person.
Questions for the day: Have you played any of these roles? Why do you think people feel the need to change the person they are with instead of accepting them just the way they are?
Today’s guest blogger is Shelia M Goss. She’s the national best-selling author of six women’s fiction novels. For more information, visit her website: www.sheliagoss.com or www.thelipglosschronicles.com.