I was having a conversation with a friend about what qualities my “ideal mate” would have. At first I was like “I don’t ask for much.” Then I noticed my list began to grow. As I continued to mention qualities that were important, she asked about a couple of things like education and ambition—both of which I figured went without saying. Next thing you know we’re discussing the difference between expectations and desires for a significant other…in a non-sexual way. Then she dropped the gem that spurred me to put together this post:
“I’m not opposed to striving to be my dude’s ideal woman. Growing toward greatness isn’t such a bad thing. Sh*t buckets!”
Aight, she didn’t say sh*t buckets. I just thought it was the perfect time to drop that in there. But anyway, this made the ‘lil hamster in my head take a sip of vodka gatorade and start running on its wheel. Next thing you know, I’m blurting out a gem of my own:
“I think one of the biggest downfalls of most people is their unwillingness to change.”
I specifically chose the word unwillingness as opposed to inability because I believe everybody has the capacity to change. They just don’t want to take those steps for whatever reason. And once I thought of this downfall, I thought of a few other character downfalls or tragic flaws that I believe destroy people’s ability to have a successful relationship.
Unwillingness to Change
I gotta elaborate on this one a bit more. I think the worst advice that women people give their friends is “Don’t change for no man nobody.” This seems to come up a lot in pep talks when things are going wrong or someone recently got hurt. It even comes up in proactive speeches. I think it’s foolish. Let’s be honest. Some people really do need to change for the greater good. I’m not saying a person needs to become a glutton for punishment in an abusive relationship, but sometimes people need to get rid of certain characteristics and/or traits that keep them from experiencing the fruits of their boo-ship. You can change things about yourself without losing a sense of self. Speaking of senses…
Lack of Sense of Humor
Some people just don’t have a sense of humor. I don’t even know if this is something that a person can develop over time. Nonetheless, I think it’s a relationship killer for the average Joe or Josephine. I’ve briefly dated a few women who seemed too serious all the time or they made it a point to laugh on a limited basis. I thought it was me but their Facebook statuses have said single ever since, so I guess not. Hmm, what do 2 people that lack a sense of humor do in the confines of their relationship? *Shutters*
Lack of Ability to Inspire
I believe that when people are in a relationship that they should inspire each other to be better. It seems like such a simple thing, but it often gets forgotten. This doesn’t mean that you need to walk in and give your man or chick a speech everyday on how they can change the world. It just means that your actions (and words) should make the other person want to improve in some aspect of their life. If that inspiration isn’t there in some way or other, consider it a #fail.
So yeah, these are just 3 things that come to mind for me. What do you think of these 3? What are other common or not-so-common tragic flaws that destroy relationships? Do you believe that people shouldn’t have to change for anybody or that they can’t be changed?
Change Ain’t Overrated,