As we celebrate Cinco De Mayo, I think about patron, cerveza, coronas, and SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!! Nationwide observance of Mexican heritage. I know everyone some people like to observe this day with an alcoholic beverage or 2, so I dedicate this post to everyone who likes having a good time with the homie LQ! We all have situations where we’ve had one too many and might could act in an inappropriate manner. Jamie Foxx gave us a great #swindle excuse to fall back upon: “Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-a alcohol” Genius! How better to get a Mulligan from someone who would otherwise judges than to shrug and place blame on your Uncle Wray and his Nephew for your actions. We all know it’s B.S. at times, but it’s still hilarious. Allow me to point out some situations where we use alcohol as an excuse to act up:
You ever wanted to tell a woman how you really feel, or be hella bold about your intentions but didn’t have the testicular fortitude to tell her? You ever want to tell that hatin B*tch that she aint that cute but couldn’t work up the courage? Well there’s no better remedy than liquid courage! If I had a dollar for every time I heard a drunk dial story I’d go to Jacob with $25 thou be rich. You know the friend that you have to hide their phone when they are twisted. Gmail even has a “beer goggles” extension that forces you to solve complex equations before sending an email after a certain hour! I’ve been known to be at the top of certain peoples drunk dial list (and their gonna kill me when they reads this, lol), but it’s all love! I think they semi-know what they’re doing, but alcohol is a great cop-out!
We all have the friends that can’t dance, have zero rhythm, or who couldn’t two step with 7 pairs of feet. Once they get a little Grey Goose in them, they go all Savion Glover/You Got Served on the dance floor. You can’t tell them ANYTHING about their form or rhythm, because in their drunk minds, they are STYLIN on h*es! Let em rock, it’s party time!
We have friends who are super quiet, and introverted. We have conservative friends. You know what Biggie said though “When the Remy’s in the system…aint.NO.Tellin!” They get “white boy wasted” and proceed to fondle, grope, hug, tongue down, and defile an unsuspecting target! Liquor can turn any man into Cuffy Combs from 0-60 in 3 seconds! I have too many stories to count, and what’s funny is I know we ALL have at least one story about inappropriate actions within a party atmosphere. I’ve been charged $20 once in my life too, so hey it’s whatever.
“I Love You Maaaan” EMOments
All it takes is a cup on Hennessey and people become so deep, intellectual, and reflexive. I’ve had countless “you my mans yo… like…for real…like my brother dawg!” conversations with tipsy individuals. It can be touching and hilarious all at the same time. Drunk emo moments probably happen about a million times daily, as we lose our inhibitions and want to outwardly express why the happy juice has them on cloud 9. Classic situation for a youtube moment.
People who can et angry when drunk, or irrational, or more n*ggerish when drinking are a liability to a good time. Proceed with caution, and make sure to be a good friend and stomp dudes/chicks out if he/she gets into an altercation… either that or make sure they drink water!
Questionable Sex Partners
Liquor will make some dudes think Rupaul looks like Beyonce. Nothing shames me more than to see a dude catch a massive L from sexin a wildebeest. I question their true taste, and to shrug off the sexual misstep with a “I was drunk, fcuk it” excuse doesn’t cut it. Expect to be the butt of a lot of jokes for at least 6 months. If it becomes consistent, you’re officially the “ugly friend take one for the team” member of the crew. Ladies, you are not exempt either! You going home with Flavor Flav is inexcusable. Your homegirls better roast you!
There you have it! Let me know what other situations that people blame it on the alcohol. What’s your favorite drink? Where the party at tomorrow? Let’s discuss..
Arriba La RAZA!