Home Dating & Relationships Rules of Engagement 6 ways we blame it on the alcohol – Cinco De Mayo edition

6 ways we blame it on the alcohol – Cinco De Mayo edition

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Watch the border when partying! JUEPA!

As we celebrate Cinco De Mayo,  I think about patron, cerveza, coronas, and SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!! Nationwide observance of Mexican heritage.   I know everyone some people like to observe this day with an alcoholic beverage or 2, so I dedicate this post to everyone who likes having a good time with the homie LQ! We all have situations where we’ve had one too many and might could act in an inappropriate manner. Jamie Foxx gave us a great #swindle excuse to fall back upon: “Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-a alcohol” Genius! How better to get a Mulligan from someone who would otherwise judges than to shrug and place blame on your Uncle Wray and his Nephew for your actions.  We all know it’s B.S. at times, but it’s still hilarious. Allow me to point out some situations where we use alcohol as an excuse to act up:

Drunk Dialing

You ever wanted to tell a woman how you really feel, or be hella bold about your intentions but didn’t have the testicular fortitude to tell her? You ever want to tell that hatin B*tch that she aint that cute but couldn’t work up the courage? Well there’s no better remedy than liquid courage! If I had a dollar for every time I heard a drunk dial story I’d go to Jacob with $25 thou be rich. You know the friend that you have to hide their phone when they are twisted. Gmail even has a “beer goggles” extension that forces you to solve complex equations before sending an email after a certain hour! I’ve been known to be at the top of certain peoples drunk dial list (and their gonna kill me when they reads this, lol), but it’s all love! I think they semi-know what they’re doing, but alcohol is a great cop-out!



Bad Dancing

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We all have the friends that can’t dance, have zero rhythm, or who couldn’t two step with 7 pairs of feet. Once they get a little Grey Goose in them, they go all Savion Glover/You Got Served on the dance floor. You can’t tell them ANYTHING about their form or rhythm, because in their drunk minds, they are STYLIN on h*es! Let em rock, it’s party time!

Wifin in the Club

We have friends who are super quiet, and introverted. We have conservative friends.  You know what Biggie said though “When the Remy’s in the system…aint.NO.Tellin!” They get “white boy wasted” and proceed to fondle, grope, hug, tongue down, and defile an unsuspecting target! Liquor can turn any man into Cuffy Combs from 0-60 in 3 seconds! I have too many stories to count, and what’s funny is I know we ALL have at least one story about inappropriate actions within a party atmosphere. I’ve been charged $20 once in my life too, so hey it’s whatever.

“I Love You Maaaan” EMOments

All it takes is a cup on Hennessey and people become so deep, intellectual, and reflexive. I’ve had countless “you my mans yo… like…for real…like my brother dawg!” conversations with tipsy individuals. It can be touching and hilarious all at the same time. Drunk emo moments probably happen about a million times daily, as we lose our inhibitions and want to outwardly express why the happy juice has them on cloud 9. Classic situation for a youtube moment.

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Fighting

People who can et angry when drunk, or irrational, or more n*ggerish when drinking are a liability to a good time. Proceed with caution, and make sure to be a good friend and stomp dudes/chicks out if he/she gets into an altercation… either that or make sure they drink water!

Questionable Sex Partners

Liquor will make some dudes think Rupaul looks like Beyonce. Nothing shames me more than to see a dude catch a massive L from sexin a wildebeest. I question their true taste, and to shrug off the sexual misstep with a “I was drunk, fcuk it” excuse doesn’t cut it. Expect to be the butt of a lot of jokes for at least 6 months. If it becomes consistent, you’re officially the “ugly friend take one for the team” member of the crew. Ladies, you are not exempt either! You going home with Flavor Flav is inexcusable. Your homegirls better roast you!

There you have it! Let me know what other situations that people blame it on the alcohol. What’s your favorite drink? Where the party at tomorrow? Let’s discuss..

Arriba La RAZA!



Comment(81)

  1. LMAO! I know that I've been guilty of drunk texting. Frankly, I've even been guilty of texting something while sober, and then claiming I was drunk after I regretted sending it.

    The only other thing I've been guilty of on this list is the last item. It wasn't questionable in the sense that he was looking like Flav, but it was questionable for other reasons. Well, I can really only blame the first time with him on drinking.

    Oh, and why Dora gotta be the immigrant at the border?

    Although, this does remind me of when I was out once and was slightly tipsy (not drunk, mind you) and gave my number to what I thought was a T.I. doppleganger. It was dark, and the liquor also helped me with that image. We talked quite a bit via phone for the next few weeks and he seemed pretty coo. Needless to say, when we finally had a chance to meet up, he wasn't any where near what I expected.

    1. Dora short for Computadora… she stay travellin and don't got papers…

      I'm waiting for them to snatch up Carmen San Diego next!!

      and LOL at ur entire post! T.I. though?!

      1. Dora the Explorer is clearly an illegal immigrant for the following reasons:

        1. She always has a damn back pack on…you know she's gotta be on the run when her entire life is in that b*tch

        2. She ALWAYS has a map. What you referencing on a map all the damn time? (tryna find that US/Mexique border)

        3. That backpack of hers has EVERYTHING in it! And we're talking everything! Life support, water/food, clothing for any weather, ropes, grappling hooks, shoes.. (reiterating point 1)

        4. She is ALWAYS surrounded by a host of tropical birds, monkeys, insects…what kind of LEGAL immigrant has that many pets? (and is allowed to cross any border with all of them?)

        5. She's always on an "adventure" to transport a "package" to some destination and is always being stalked by a person trying to take that package… i mean… really, Swiper is so obviously some sort of border patrol person trying to collect evidence of Dora's entire narcotics trafficking business

        **and there you have it. I've always had my suspicions about her. (Ya i've caught a Dora episode now and then with my lil cousin–judge me)**

        1. But, she stays in Mexico, so she is no immigrant.

          *I'm mad y'all got me really defending a cartoon character.

  2. Yeah, I have been guilty of the tipsy text…or two. LOL….I've had some moments in the club, where I was Ciara and a certified member of the Twerk Dancers…..back in the day…a looong time ago. Good times.

    My drink of choice is Chardonnay…I can't deal with the liquor…that will have me on my back quick! lol.

    Happy Cinco De Mayo Papi!

  3. Streetz, Dr. J, Seattle Washington, RCLS: Love you guys! Just plain love you guys! I swear, when I go to NYC I want to meet you guys for lunch or drinks and just listen to your guy's conversation!

    As far as 5 de Mayo goes, it's such an Americanized holiday, quite frankly, being a Mexican-American, we don't celebrate 5 de Mayo that much in Mexico. People constantly think its Mexico's independence day, it's not, not even remotely close. It bothers me a bit that some people use it as another excuse for drinking (hell I know I'm guilty of it) without knowing the reason behind it. The 2 dates we should really party it up is 16th of September (independence day) and the 20th of November (victory of the mexican revolution). Now those 2 days are PARTY days! People close business for 3-4 days and just party hard! Maybe I'll start something on this side of the border to celebrate!

    I heard they're looking for Diego now! LOL

    P.s.

    Lunch/drinks is on me when I meet you guys! 😉

    1. Yeah, don't just randonly ask a Mexican person if they are celebrating Cinco de Mayo. It's not the indepedence day for the entire country.

      A Mexican woman gave me quite a history lesson a few years back when I made that comment. I recompensed her by giving her backshots.

        1. "All of us look alike even when you can’t see our faces."

          You know what would solve that problem? Just sayin…

  4. Oh and to answer the questions, yes, guilty of the drunk text/dialing – always get the best of my emotions get to me and tell people how I really feel, lol, but Im getting good at it! Last time that happened was several months ago, solution? Turning off the phone and putting it away! Works like magic! Lol

    1. Gracias por tu ayuda! lol….

      Yeah we're all wild boys, and don't think Idon't see ur "let me hear their conversation" swindle to pickup tricks of the trade! (and yes Queen T everthing is a swindle :P)

      lol Seriously thanks for the love!

  5. I've had some questionable hook-ups while drinking. That said, a few of them have rocked the bones. I've sobered up the next morning and gone for rounds two AND three.

    That being said, I don't do Cinco de Mayo or even New Year's anymore. It's amateur hour out there. I'm at an a point in my life where I have no tolerance for drunken knuckleheads.

  6. Other things to blame on the alcohol?

    Peeing in random places.

    Sleeping in random places.

    Stripping in random places.

    Crying for no damn reason.

    All of which apply to both genders. Yes, even the crying . . . I've seen it lol.

    1. I've done all of the these. Yep. i'll admit it. I once got into a fight, didnt get hit, and sat there crying b/c I was so angry. I was schwasted though

      1. Don't feel bad. I also got in a fight, didn't get hit once, and ended up in tears. Granted, I wasn't drunk and I was crying because I had the nerve to feel bad for beating that b*tch's a** (old roommate, actually).

  7. I don't drink so I can't say any of this applies to me, but when I was in college too many girls I knew would give me this line days after a party…

    "I was just talking to that guy over there and I think I slept with him, but I was so drunk at the party last weekend I don't remember."

    So add blaming alcohol for not 'remembering' who you slept with to this list.

    1. Your comment reminds me of college. Women will not remember sleeping with a guy, and at times may wake up in the morning and say to themselves, "Did I have sex last night?" Meanwhile, they are butt naked and not in their own bed. The other thing that escapes them is often times how the events transpired.

      I was just telling a friend a story the other day about why I decided to stop having sex with WASTED girls. A week later shorty gave me the side eye and gave me that look like she thought I was "grimy." I finally just confronted her about the silent treatment and side eyes. I asked her what do you remember about that night? And she said, I don't remember anything. I was like, well just in case you get any ideas do you remember this?

      me: You're wasted go home.

      her: I'm fine.

      me: Are you sure?

      her: YES!

      me: [Roommate] please ask her if she's fine.

      Roommate: Are you wasted?

      her: I'M FINE!

      Roommate: OK, get your friend, we out.

      Happy Cinco de Mayo!

    2. Skye is speaking from experience, don't let her fool ya!

      She is the "other girls" she referring to in her story 🙂

  8. LMAO @ every point and I will neither confirm nor deny my involvement with ANY of them. hehehehe

    Uhhmmmm my favorite is:

    Telling "secrets" while drunk. Just tellin' ERRYthing…hilarious.

  9. I'm with Jupiter Calhoun, I won't be doing the 5 de Mayo events today but next year I'll be throwing a soiree at my place. Makes it easier for nights w/ the youngins are out…

    Anywho… I AM CUFFY COMBS. Lmbo. Actually I'm not really that bad… it only happened twice. And let me preface… Cuffy Combs = Kissing a 'stranger'. *ahem* Once, we were both twisted in the VIP, an outsider would have thought me and this dude had been together for some time & that we were truly happy. I mean hand holding, kisses, slow dances… all of that. Lmao.

    The 2nd time, I can't eeeeem blame in the alcohol. I had 1 drink. Lol. But I will say the bartender was heavy handed… that count? Anyways he was throwed so I guess he can't be accountable for cuffing outside the club.

    Happy 'Jose Cuervo' Day!!

  10. First, let me say, TheMostInterestingManintheWorld officially approves of Cinco De Mayo celebrating. Interesting fact: I actually fought with Mexico in the Battle of Peubla – not on purpose though, I was dating a Mexican woman at the time.

    Anyways, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't guilty of some the above, and some of what folks have said in the comments. The game is to be sold, not to be told though – so I won't be sharing any stories.

    I will however, give you the all time worst "Blame it on the Alcohol Statement":

    Wake up in a random woman's bedroom and have to ask yourself: "Did I strap up?"

    and with that… 2 Words #I'mGone…

    I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis… Happy Cinco De Mayo my friends.

    1. Yanno what Most…I think you drink it more than you're letting on…I've heard you mention Dos Equis quite a few times sir… I'm just sayin'… Haaaaaaaaaaaaa

      1. Lol Seven – typically, I'm a Kettle One guy. I drink that almost exclusively when I'm out. Every grown man should have his "drink" and that's mine. But, if I happen to be in the mood for beer – I prefer Dos Equis.

        1. Kettle One…I could've guessed that. 🙂

          Dos Equis…every blue moon..yeah yeah yeah I know. I wish I could send you a case of it. LOL

        2. Do people really think Ketel One is a good vodka?

          I always thought of it as something to get for the chicks to have vodka whilst not popping magnum bottles of Goosey to watch it go bye bye after one round.

        3. Actually Padawan Jax, it's the opposite. Grey Goose is for chicks, and Kettle One is for men – if you want to put it in those terms. If you wanna put it in drinkers terms, Grey Goose is a vodka for people who don't like the taste of Vodka and Kettle One is a Vodka for people who love the taste of good Vodka.

          Grey Goose as a brand, has only been around about 10 years. It was made specifically for the bottle-service oriented club scene here in the United States. It's distilled with wheat, rye and barley. The rye and barley give it that tasteless taste (if that makes sense) that make the flavor more palpable for non-vodka lovers who wanna drink Vodka. Goose is meant to be mixed with fruity stuff. Because of the way it's distilled, you'll taste whatever you're mixing it with more than the vodka itself. Perfect Vodka for chicks.

          Kettle One on the other hand is like a couple hundred years old as a comapny. The vodka itself is distilled in these little copper stills that help maintain a smooth yet really strong taste. Also, they throw away the first and last third of each batch they distill because those parts of each batch will be a little weaker and a little less smooth than the center part of the batch. It's that sort of attention to detail that makes Kettle One different than Goose. Kettle one should not be mixed with anything fruity, if you're gonna do that, you might as well drink Goose. At most, you can mix it with something like sprite which has only the lemon/lime type flavor.

        4. Factually incorrect. Dos Equis.

          The reason why I said you get Ketel One instead of Grey Goose is because chicks drink vodka like water in the club. And to them, if it's free, they'll drink it. Instead of spending $350 on a bottle that you got for chicks, spend $200 on a bottle that the chicks will drink anyway.

          Now about your stuff about the Vodka, it's up to the drinker. I prefer my vodka, ice cold and very smooth. One of the things that you mentioned about Goose is slightly incorrect, you don't lose the taste of vodka, you get a different much more smooth taste of vodka. I don't even drink Grey Goose so i'm not going to defend it, but I will say that Ketel One ain't top of the line either. The only vodka I will actually defend in 2010, is those new flavored Ciroc joints because they are truly crack.

          You can tell a lot about the alcohol you drink by how your body reacts to it in the morning. As it pertains to Smirnoff, Absolut, Svedka, Effen and Ketel One, when you wake up the next day your inside hate you. (But I will caveat that anything you drink too much of will do this to you, except Henny.)

          Next time you're in DC, we're going to check out this place called Russia House. They have some good ish there.

        5. #ComeOnSon – If you're buying bottles in the club for chicks then you should buy Grey Goose because it's more palpable to their taste. If you're budget can tell the difference between $200 and $350 when you're in the club, then, you shouldn't be buying bottles period.

          As far as the taste and preference is concerned you can put it in Asset Management terms… Grey Goose is like the Goldman Sachs of Vodkas, Kettle One (and Jewel of Russia) are like Bridgewater.

        6. I'll have dark liquor with a Cigar every so often, I think we all develop our tolerence based on what we drink most often. I can drink Kettle all night and still be nice enough to drive safely. 2 shots of Remy and I'm done.

        7. Every and any day of the week my drink of choice is Jack Daniel's on the rocks. If I venture off of that island, it's only to go to Scotch-Land to visit my two friends Oban and Balvenie. I used to swear by Glenlivet 'til I crossed paths with those two.

      2. @Most

        I fux with both. Grey Goose can be "for chicks" but I love that shyt!

        Kettle One is "Fcuk u up juice" for real. I might peruse it more to seeif it was a one time occurrence, lol.

        Ciroc Red Berry though? Classic!

        1. honestly my favorite vodka is stolichnaya (stoli). the russians invented vodka and they still do it best. yeah i said it.

          this coming from a guy who drinks his vodka straight up. stoli has the smoothest taste. goose is garbage. kettle one actually isn't that bad.

          now a little hidden gem is: CooranBong Australian Vodka. 10x distilled and its no joke.

          http://www.cooranbong.com/

    2. One time, i only found the elastic part of the condom. I was more than confused. Where did the rest of the condom go? Did it disintegrate?

      1. OK, this is something that always baffles me about dudes… If you come out the poon, sans condom, or with just the rubber ring on, there's only but SO MUCH that could have happened.

        Remember this, "The threat of pregnancy can have a strange effect on your sobriety."

        You look around, you LOOK around, and if you still don't find it, check the ceiling… and if it's not there, you gotta go deep sea fishing, because it's probably in there.

        1. I am a first time commenter but a lurker of a year or so. I am in the library pretending to study for finals while really perusing blogs and this made be laugh out loud for real. That's all bad. This is a new one, just the elastic, how does that even happen? Having read some of Peyso's comments on other posts, I'm scared to ask.

          And I may have made a few calls in my day.

  11. I've done all of them on the list. I've drunk dialed. I've been too drunk to dance. I've been so drunk that I started setting out hops in the club. I've wifed in the club and been so drunk that some not good chick cuffed me in the club. I've gone all emo #pause. I've fought the world (no literally the world i was like a one man wrecking machine) and i've been taken advantage of by a sober Precious (the condom got lost inside of her and she said that she pulled it out like 17 hours after we did the deed). These are the types of events that make great stories.

    Also, dont forget the new number in your phone. You wake up the next day and ask yourself who the hell is this and why was i talking to them

      1. #nohomo I'm going in…

        "Where is my car?" – After the club. Or in the morning when you realize that you were so wasted you caught a ride home, but not cause you're wasted, because you forgot you drove.

        "I'ma just pull over and take a nap"…. hours later you awake and have no clue where you are.

        "How long have I been at this light?" – You fell asleep at the wheel, that or, you're high and don't realize it's a stop sign.

        Or….

        [phone rings]

        her: Hello….?

        him: What's up, what you doing?

        her: I'm sleep.

        him: Oh…

        her: Where are you, and why is the wind so loud?

        him: OH SH*T I'M DRIVING!

        (He just found out he's driving down BW Parkway at 90 MPH on the cell phone)

    1. "Also, dont forget the new number in your phone. You wake up the next day and ask yourself who the hell is this and why was i talking to them"

      You have no idea how many times I've had unidentifiable phone numbers in my phone.

  12. When you're a non-drinker such as myself you never have an excuse to act silly in these ways. Or any other ways for that matter. This is one of life's little tragedies.

    The bright side though is that you have a ringside seat for all the foolishness and you know the details the hip hop drunkies can't remember. Or wish didn't happen.

    1. I'm not a drinker, so I can't blame my shenanigans on the alcohol. But, I get to witness everybody elses. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's not.

      It's hard being the girl that has to rangle her friend from that table top (or hood of somebody's car or some guys back). And assure her homegirl that though she took her shirt off and made out w/ 2 guys at that house party, people don't think less of her now, lol. And, it definitely sucks to be the person that saves your drunk butt from getting jumped b/c you sounded off on that chic for "looking" at you.

  13. all this is funny and all but there is no reason a grown person should use alcohol to engage in questionable behaviors. not saying that i don't engage in some questionable behaviors because i do. i just own up to my actions. lol funny list though.

    i think i've done maybe all of them except the fighting. who wants to fight when they're drunk? not i said the cat.

  14. TMIMITW: "Lol Seven – typically, I’m a Kettle One guy. I drink that almost exclusively when I’m out. Every grown man should have his “drink” and that’s mine."

    My man!

    Dr J: "Do people really think Ketel One is a good vodka?"

    He11 yeah! Although I'm partial to Effen as well.

    1. Interesting Hugh, Effen's a really good vodka, but it's more along the Grey Goose line than Kettle One Jewel of Russia line. It's another Vodka that was made for people who buy bottles at the club. Good choice though.

  15. Drunk texting and tweeting should be added to the list. Possibly as a sub-topic for the drunk dialing. I've had my phone taken away..shut off ect. while drunk. Drunk tweeting is the worst though..because I do nothing but tweet either ratche-tness, emo-ness, or subtweets. #epicfail

    Don't drink and use a phone! lol

  16. While I don't fight when i'm drunk, I do turn into a bit of a Randy Moss with a water bottle. I just get annoyed by things and will do dumb things to people on the sly that are very childish and immature.

    I once threw a chick's shoe in the trash can across the street from the club.

    I stole a chick's drink.

    I put wet toilet tissue on a chick's heel.

      1. As she should've been hot. Spitting on someone is an offense that without hesitation can have you chewing teeth and gasping for air.

        1. Naahh…I wasn't thinking of her doing it. I was thinking of a male relative/friend…and not even that night. A night later down the road just when he "thought" he got that ish off on her. Right. Now that is funny.

  17. We need more space to talk about liquor.

    I like to drink beer, i'm a Sam Adams man, but I appreciate all beers.

    Other than that, it's #allhennyeverything. I know what you mean when you say two shots of Remy and you're done, because I have some friends who have showed up to my place and asked for coke for the Henny and I looked at them like, "Why do you need coke?"

    "All henny tonight, no chaser." I can drink a fifth, if I have a good meal, about a half of fifth, if I haven't eaten.

    However, Henny is like fried chicken. So when i'm not just around Black people, I drink in this order…

    1) Johnnie Walker

    2) Jack Daniels

    3) Captain Morgan

    I know you think I missed something, I didn't. I always keep a little Brugal in the cereal cupboard or the glove compartment of the whip.

    1. Like I said, I'm not much for dark Liqs. But, if you're buying Cognac fro the crib, you don't really wanna go below that Henny VSOP. Anything less is uncivilized. It's good to have a decent bottle of Cognac for cigar smoking though. The Martel Cordon Blue is a good look, as is the Remy Martin X.O (extra old) and the Henny X.O.

      If you're really ballin, you can go get that Louis XIII #FTW. But you should be shot if you mix that with Coke or something.

      I'm not a big fan of Scotch Whisky – but, a friend of mine works for Diageo – she put me on to Johnnie Walker Blue when it first came out – wasn't bad. Again – not to be mixed. Speaking of Diageo – I also really like Tanqueray as far as Gin is concerned – probably my second favorite spirit after Kettle One.

  18. i'm a drinker.. but only when the mood hits me.. and it's not often.. i've never been drunk, HOWEVER i do get courtside seats to all the tomfoolery that people indulge in..

    and that's worth the clear mind to me!!

    BUT i did hear an "EMOtional" moment when this dude was all poo-faced then was like "seriously, you're gonna be the best man at my wedding.. i love you.." all this came AFTER he threatened to beat up said "best man" because he was getting beat at Spades.. WTF!?!

    there's this chick that would only kiss a man when she was drunk, then the next morning when he brought it up, she'd be all like "what are you talking about?? i don't remember that.."

    that ain't the conversation i wanna have with ANYONE!! #sorrycharlie

    1. No…I don't really indulge Cinco De Mayo..but, I used to. I can't drink like that anymore..Im sure you will be out and about….:-)

    2. i'm bout to hit the first of 3 different mexican restaurants. then a mexican themed get together and a meharry student's house. i've easily drunk 100oz of water today to compensate for later.

  19. My worst drinking stories involved vomit or me peeing in wrong places. I was on my way home one night and reeeeeally had to go, so I pulled over on what I thought was a quiet corner, opened the front and back passenger side doors for cover and did the dew…..then looked over my shoulder and realized I was in front of the DC jail.

    Then there was the heavy handed bartender….I ordered a second drink and started trippin' because I thought I'd lost my credit card…..but I had actually given it to the bartender to pay for the second drink.

    Ya girl has NO tolerance, lol.

  20. I now have a new rule for drinking. Don't consume any liquor that has an ad firm hyping it. Trust me, you're life will be more adventurous.

    I'm currently drinking a dark rum called, I kid you not, The Kraken.

  21. Once upon a time at a NYC club called Bentley's a naive girl who can normally mix drinks like a muhf*cka w/ no problem made the mistake of partaking in the Berry flavored variety of the liquid crack known as Cisco (along with her usuals), the result…

    Drunk dialing/beeping

    Drunk wallet dropping in the phone booth during said drunk dialing/beeping thus losing every piece of ID she had but strangely enough picked up every dollar, cent and credit card she owned

    Drunk dancing for sure

    Drunk peeing with the toilet lid down

    Drunken blackout (she was conscious, she just doesn't remember anything after a certain point)

    and whatever Drunken nonsense happened during said blackout period

    Thank God for good friends and the early 90's wardrobe staple "The Anti-Easy Access Cat-Suit" cause without it there would have likely been some Drunken Questionable Sex to add to the list…

  22. @Seattle Washington: you're welcome! Hopefully one day soon I do get to meet you guys and just pick your brains apart.

    xoxo

    Lola

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