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The Pursuit of Foolishness


**** Admin Note ****
A few weeks ago we brought you an unknown poster. He’s got a name now and I’m happy to bring back “Cashmere Jones” for his next contribution to the the entity that is SingleBlackMale.org.  Enjoy …


I’m assuming that most folks who follow this blog, live here within the US of A like myself. Here in the US, the Constitution protects white men and sometimes the rest of us from certain unalienable rights, most recognizable of which are “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”. However, Thomas Jefferson and Co back in the day definitely didn’t get together to wrap their brains around foolishness, which is what a lot of folks out here seem to be doing. Let me talk to ya’ll real quick on the subject…..walk with me.

I know it’s 2010, and plenty of folks are hooking up online. I heard a stat that one in five relationships these days, originated from online meetings and evolved from there. That’s 20% of folks out there in relationships, who put the wheels in motion with the speed, grace, and correct spelling from stroking their keyboards ever so gently. I’m not knockin this at all, but I am hoping to knock some sense into those who use this new medium as a new avenue to pursue foolishness.

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Case 1: I know of a Homeless Vietnam War Veteran, who upon first glance isn’t setting the world on fire. However, once you talk to dude you realize he once studied to be a minister and can quote the bible like he was there back in the day writing that joint like “I got you King James, this book is gon be FIYA”. Anyways, he meets some poor unsuspecting woman online in a prayer group. With his mastery of the holy text, he was able to rope this woman in and on the strength of their online interactions and eventual phone conversations, she invites and pays for dude to move to Texas (from the east coast) to live with her and her 14 year-old daughter.  That’s right…sight unseen, she invites this dude to come live with her and her child. Dude moves down, and proceeds to not work at all or lift a finger around the house. She gets him a dog and a new wardrobe and proceeds to take care of this dude (“let me, let me upgrade you” … right). Eventually, her finances slowed down (the recession is real just like “The WIRE”) and she wanted him to get a job and he was like “how you gon’ come at me wit that get a job bullisht?!” After a few more months, the party was over and he had to move out, homeless once again, until he can find the next fool to prey on.

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Case 2: Single black female, with a 3 year-old daughter. continuously links up with these cats FRESH out the pen.  As in, meet me at the gate with some clean socks and draws out the pen. These dudes tell her what she wants to her, tells her she’s the reason they were able to survive, and gives her all that I been locked up for too long vitamin D affection and attention she can stand for about 2 weeks. From then on it’s coming in at all times of the day and night, calling her all kinds of b’s and hoe’s, and even beating her. Now I can understand once going down this route cuz hey, ya live and learn, but not 5 times.  Once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern but 5 times….hat’s straight FOOLISHNESS! No chaser.

Now bear in mind, just because the case studies I’ve presented today involved foolish women, don’t twist that as Cash saying there’s no foolish men out there cuz we know there are plenty of em…..a couple of self explanatory ones just for sh*ts and giggles…George W. Bush, Kenyon Martin, Wocka Flocka Flame, the list goes on. So with this post, I guess what I’d like to get at SBM fam, not that I feel any of you are fools, but if ya’ll could answer this question for me, maybe I can help seemingly intelligent and down-to-Earth folks, avoid this pursuit of foolishness.  WHY??!! (shout out a Jadakiss)

See Also:  SBM Answers: Am I being shallow?

Am I alone? Is this foolishness justified?  Share your (or your friend’s) story of foolishness. You know you got one!

– Cashmere Jones


  1. Ummm, I'm pretty sure no female posting here (at least in the last few weeks (shoutout to CD)) has ever done any of this foolishness. In fact, I guarantee it.

    That said, my sister is more or less in a constant rerun of the first example. She just doesn't meet them online. I can't speak for every female (or even her, I guess), but I'm sure she does it because she is afraid to live alone. The men are paying in their own way as she is not the perfect woman by any stretch of the imagination, but they are sure not paying rent. The sad part is that my nieces get attached to these guys and every 6-9 months, they have to deal with them leaving.

    So, I think it's just that some people can't being lonely and will sacrifice logic, reasoning, and sometimes sanity to not have to deal with loneliness.

    1. First of all, Good Morning, and Thank you for the comment to my first official posting at SBM.org. And for the sake of all writers and readers of this site, I'd hope that no woman here would participate in the pursuit of foolishness to this degree. I've seen several situations, but loneliness tends to be a catalyst for this type of nonsense………another is just plain ol' bass-ackwards logic (keepin it corporate firewall friendly). Fresh in from a probate and now time to pass out.

      1. All the foolishness that women I know participate in is primarily reasoned away by not wanting to be lonely. I can understand to a degree. Sometimes I even get the urge to give more chances to what amounts to the bottom of the barrel just because I am sick of being alone. However, I get over that urge. Not everyone does.

        Oh, and it's only 10:30 here, so good night.

  2. Aww man. I've been gone for a while & now that I comment, the foolishness is about me. Long story short, boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy faster and feelings grow. Boy has ex. Yadda yadda. Girl sticks around…for 3 years. (#FAIL) Boy & girl go through ups & downs. Boy hurts girl intentionally (not physically) once…twice…thrice…(how do u say 4x and more?) and girl sticks around. Umm where am I going with this? Anyway, three years of ABSOLUTE foolishness. >_< Headaches, tears, time that can't be rewound. The madness should end. Glad it did.

    I agree with what SaneN85 said. People can't deal with this loneliness. I couldn't. So I was too foolish. Might happen once more but I shan't let it go on for long. ^_^

    1. WELCOME BACK!!!!

      Oh, I guess I have participated in some foolishness. I was so infatuated, I not only walked into being played, I did it at the expense of my morals and values.

      I just like to forget all that nonsense.

      1. Same here. And thank you. It feels great to comment again. I love this blog, don't know why I stopped. But foolishness *sigh* such is life, right?

  3. @ Sue: Welcome back Sue. Sorry you had to tough it out but like the song goes, everybody plays the fool………but damn 3 YEARS?!!…….ya live and learn I suppose.

    @SaneN85: My momma told me that when folks show you who they are, believe them. A lil Mom's early Mother's Day prelude (Big Up to to Mama Jones)

      1. I'm feelin' that too……can't front though, I'm guilty of giving folks the benefit of the doubt once or twice

  4. Congrats on being official Cashmere!

    I would add to previous comments that foolishness is not just shown by pursuing/staying in clearly bad relationship situations, but also by staying in relationships with folks that are clearly not right for us; anywhere from weeks….to years. I've participated in this type of foolishness and have regretted it, both for wasting my time and that of former SO's. I'm all for sticking it through if you feel it's worth it…..but if you know it's not but stick around anyway for fear of loneliness or hurting feelings, it's best just to move on and not waste your or your SO's time.

    btw Cashmere, random question: how does a Homeless Vietnam Vet get access to the internet? lol

      1. LOL thank you ladies for the warm welcome. And I was wondering if anyone would ask that question. Long story, but the homeless Vietnam Vet had some other fool (who we'll refer to as 'smart dummy') that let him live in an office space of his since said homeless vet would do little odd jobs here and there….hence, the steady internet access for Digital Pulpit Pimpin

  5. Welcome Cashmere, I'd say insecurity, fear of being alone, and not knowing your own self worth. Seeking validation for yourself though others instead of knowing what your true worth and value is.

    May women fall into this category, many men are predators seeking just this type of woman.

  6. Shout out to Cash.. glad you popped up..

    this foolishenss is not justified..

    i haven't participated in any of this madness.. i HAVE met a few people online.. now, one of them is walking me down the aisle (whenever it happens!) .. but all that ish you just outlined!? that's a negative!!

    my ex-boss is the BIGGEST (literally and figuratively) example of #1 i've EVER seen.. she found this dude sleeping on someone's FLOOR with no shoes!! picked him up, cleaned him up, moved him in.. NOW, he's cheating on her (she knows it) and cussin out her kids like they work for him.. i just don't understand it!! she spends all her time hacking his facebook and email.. reading his messages.. i'm with Sane when i say that the b*tch is insecure.. and she basically wants to "buy a man".. then gets mad when he's not contributing to the house.. you aint' ask him to do that before! NOW, he's moved in his children AND the baby mama.. if you think he ain't hittin that when you carry your heavy a** to sleep, YOU'Z A FOOL!!

    that ish is outta control!! i mean, i know on a certain level all of us and one point or another participated in some mentally questionable behavior.. but DANG!!

    1. I agree that she is probably insecure.

      But does she have a reason to be?

      Is she that ugly? Or fat?

      Keep it real Nick.

      1. She could be Jabba the Hut and there would still not be enough reason in the world for her to put up with that nonsense.

        BTW, nice to see you back after going MIA for a second.

      2. yes.. she IS that fat.. (i saw a pic, she was actually fatter).. let's put it this way.. she could've auditioned for the role of Precious.. except her accent got it in the way..

        it's the most horrible situation i've seen in a while..

        @Sane.. thank you mama!!! my brother looked at cooter (use your imagination) and crashed my computer.. i finally got it back but it just ain't the same!! i was like "who went to Miami..?" cuz that's how we say Miami down this way (M.I.A.) then i got it!! i'm hungry, i was having a dumb moment..

        1. LOL! My little brother has gotten my PC a couple viruses from coming over and looking at cooter (not much imagination needed). That's why he doesn't go near my laptop.

    2. @Nick_L_Odeon……Thanks for the co-sign. I agree, we all have our random excursions into the realm of foolishness, but generally speaking most folks have a line. On another note, if she found him sleeping on someone's floor WITH shoes on, would that have made him more attractive?? Inquiring minds would like to know lol.

      @ RedLady……..At certain ages, you can definitely see the signs of this type of behavior for sure, but when on the hunt for a quick win, lions attack the weak and fragile first……see what I did there, nice lil analogy for ya 😉

      1. i realized how that sounded.. because honestly, who sleeps with shoes on??

        what i meant to say was.. "he didn't own a pair of shoes when she met him.." he had to borrow shoes from other people…

        so yes, he was catapulted into the stratosphere of the repulsive…

        1. LMFAO…….he had to borrow shoes……naaaaaaaah maaaaaan. I'm reminded of a skit from Yeezy's 'Late Registration' Album……..WE BROKE BROKE BROKE PHI BROKE SO WE AIN'T GOOOOT IT!!!!

  7. Hello and welcome back!

    I can get with this post….The net is a fools paradise. You can really get yourself caught out there meeting guys on the net. You have to be really careful..the net is definitely ripe for a swindle (shout out to Streetz:-)….lol

    I have played the fool role in unhealthy relationships in my past….I dealt with a really controlling husband for years, I was a fool. I thought that marriage certificate meant I had to put up with foolishness but I didn't. Nobody has too….I promised myself I will never go thru that kinda relationship again..and I won't. If I even sense tomfoolery I'm out….you just have to be okay with being alone and on occassion lonely…but thats where good friends and family come in to play……

    Good Post.

    1. @MadScientists……..generally speaking this is a good thing, but when you don't know fools of such caliber, you can't tell others and watch their reactions from hysterical laughter, throwing up holy hands, smh, or interesting posts on SBM.org

      @QueenT……..happens to us all, but we live and learn (most of us atleast).

  8. My best friend is a fool. He is 24 but somehow only dates 18year olds or 40 year olds. He finds many of the chicks he talks to on BLACKPLANET!!! He then wonders why he cant find a "wifey type joint" and why he has to deal w/ all types of crazy things

    1. 24 with 18yo aint that bad.

      I know 24 year olds who do ALOT LOWER! SMH at the stuff that happens in the hood.

        1. It makes my head hurt to even think about being with anyone under 20 years old. Why would any reasonable man over the age of 25 want to get with a teenager?

        2. 24 yrs old dealing with anyone under the age of 21 is a FAIL in the book of Mr. Jones. Now there are exceptions to the rule, but if you meeting high school chicks on Black Planet (let's be real) as a grown ass man, your picture should be in the dictionary right next to the definition. If I had a friend like that trust, I'd have ya'll rollin' on the regular with a recurring theme I'd call "Episodes in Random Foolishness".

    2. i know a dude that's 30-something.. yet only loves to date 23-24 year olds.. then gets annoyed when "she's loud and immature.." he wants them "smart" but dates idiots so that he can flex HIS knowledge.. then he'll call me, and when i make him look like an idiot, he gets upset.. you ARE an idiot!!

  9. *Le Sigh* So, let me tell you a story… – keep in mind this is allllllll fictional –

    Once upon a time there was this girl named… uh… Too Flyy… & she met this guy named <del>Decepticon</del> Jacob via the most poppingest web portal @ the time MyPlace. Flyy & Jacob spoke all the time for weeks, exchange fone #s yada yada ya… 1 day while Flyy & Jacob were on the phone they realized they were at the same place. Good thing Flyy w/ was a good guy friend of hers b/c reggins are crazy. Flyy & Jacob met & hit it off. They began meeting all the time, going out on dates, etc. 1 day while Flyy was bragging abt Jacob 2 a co-worker, the co-worker decided to check Jacob's MyPlace profile. & what do you know? Jacob was pictured w/ some chick… his GIRLFRIEND. Now Flyy being the <del>fool</del> that she was needed to confirm such w/ Jacob after all he nvr metioned it. Long story short… Jacob says gf, Towny, cornered him in2 being in a relationship & he was going to end it soon. He just couldn't b/c he'd picked the cherry off her tree & he didn't wanna be insensitive.

    Jacob continues to tell this story to Flyy for two long yrs. & Flyy continues to believe Jacob really doesn't want to be w/ Towny… after all he spends so much time w/ Flyy, & all he does is complain abt Towny. Towny lives far away so it's nothing 4 Jacob to spend all his free time under Flyy & go visit Towny once a month. 2 yrs roll by & Flyy wisens up when Jacob & Towny split, & Jacob makes no moves to be w/ Flyy. She is crushed, but she dusts herself off & gets on w/ life.

    Flyy spends another yr, off & on contact w/ Jacob & still tries to be his friend. Of course Jacob, wants that old that back but Flyy does what she can to resist. Flyy realizes how she played the fool… and shouldnt be allowing Jacob w/in 50 ft of her. Poor, poor Flyy.

    The moral of this story: "…when folks show you who they are, believe them." – Mama Jones

    1. So, if you, I mean… "Too Flyy" met Jacob on MyPlace, how come you, I mean "Too Flyy" didn't see the picture that your co-worker disscovered?

      Did you not do MyPlace due diligence?

      1. She probably didn't feel a need to check his myplace….things were seemingly going well, etc…it probably didn't occur to her..leave it to a friend to say "hey let's check his myplace"…lol…smh…but, good thing she did…but, why do people post incriminating things on myplace in the first place? Hmmmm?

    2. That hypothetical was quite….umm….detailed. I guess it's a testament to how Flyy you are with the imagination. As for Jacob, as Hov said "damn he's missin the days when you needed the D".

  10. What kind of woman engage in this type of foolish mess?! These chicks need help. Yes, I have met ppl online. One such meeting didn't go anywhere cuz one dude looked nothing like his picture and pretty much sucked at life being all creepy and ugly. And the other one was on some BS. I've also used a certain online website to re-connect with someone from my undergrad. That has been my best experience online to date, even though we're just really good friends. The type of mess from the "case study" though, never happened to me!

  11. Foolishness is my word! SMH! I have to use it too often for my liking.

    I pray to God every night Ms. Berriblk doesn't fall prey to any of the foolish trappings and thank fully she hasn't yet. I like to learn from the mistakes of others.

    Welcome Mr. Cash!

  12. mmmmnnnn yeah these are quite interesting. I've hooked up with a guy from a social networking site. He was a great guy, really nice, was into sports very intelligent…etc. Things just didn't workout he was a Jock and an Omega…and had plenty of women after his ass. I eliminated myself from the competiton LOL.



  13. looks or not there is no justifiable reason for staying with someone who has absolutely no respect for you. I see it as an indication that you have very little respect for yourself.

    It's funny though- to see that what some women will put up with for a man they wouldn't do for family. **true story**

  14. Thank everyone thus far showin love and speakin their mind on the post. A little caught up with j-o-b today (yes Cash is gainfully employed) so catching up on the comments

  15. @lawchick12: Good job, keep it up. Question………r u a lawyer chick, hoya chick?

    @Berriblk: Glad to see I'm not the only one calling' a spade a spade out here. Keep up the prayer…….God is good.

    @SincerelyGo: Another good job goes to you as well Miss Lady

    @LittleMissSunshine: I agree, but in these specific cases looks had nothing to do with it (BELIEVE YOU ME)

    Finally, all caught up………let's keep it goin folk

  16. I met my husband on BP some years ago… been happily married for 3 years now.

    ~Shrugs, kisses my man, and walks off into the sunset~

    1. Welcome and ish!

      There are quite a few happy endings that come from meeting online, but there are also a large number that don't end up so happy. I'm always glad to hear a happy story, because if I'm still single in 5 years, I'm gonna be seriously considering meeting someone online.

      1. I think there's too much focus on the online element of the post, and less focus on the degree of foolishness of the folks' involved actions. Not knockin online hookups, rendezvous, get-togethers, and whatever else Nigraz are calling these type of things at all….just the foolishness that took place within these coincidental online experiences. I'm glad you and your hubby are going strong……..be careful out there in the sunset and have a good weekend………oh yea, Welcome and ish!

        1. Is that an official request to be on the welcoming committee, sir? I can't keep up with them all.

          I should let you know that these men here are refusing to give me a salary, which means you won't get one either. It's a tought job, but somebody has to do it.

        2. @SaneN85……..ha, I get no salary either here. I'm the young hungry rookie lookin' to take somebody spot. Who want it wit Cash?!!!

  17. Unbelievable but true! My co-worker's brother [ex-druggie, no job-havin bum] had two women fighting over him on some sight called choclate singles. One of them was a journalist for the BBC. She flew this fool over to England, fed and clothed him and paid his way. He eventually found his way back to the crackpipe and now she's stuck with him living in her house because he won't leave.

  18. @SaneN85…..I don't get paid either so we already in the same boat.

    @Eddie Brock……Soledad O'Brien should do a story on that. Peep the one she does on orphaned kids in Haiti tomorrow night.


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