I believe in honesty …
I mean really. I think that honesty is great. People’s ability to handle “the truth” is significantly better than it was back in the day. While our parents may not have been able to handle statements like “I’m still dating other people” or “I’m doing me” and be able to cope with it properly, we have gone through the hell that dating has transformed into and learned to handle these harsh truths. Pat yourself on the back right now … because its not easy.
Sadly … there are just somethings that you need to keep to yourself. If you really love someone, there are things that you do not need to tell them. You are not doing them any favors and you are not helping them. Instead, you are being mean and thoughtless.
So I present … SBM’s List of Things you should never tell your significant other
You were my second (or third/fourth/80th) choice
When you are “getting to know” someone, you may very well be dating other people. You may be truly interested in more than one person, with an obvious “winner”. But sadly, life doesn’t always go the way we want. Your #1 may have shown his a$$ or smashed of her baby’s daddy leaving you with no option but to take them out the running. Your #2, when given the chance, may have proven his/herself to be everything you wanted and more. Now your with the person, so it doesn’t matter. You should never ask someone this question … EVER! And if your asked, lie … or better yet be honest and say “What the f* does it matter … I’m smashing you now aint I?!”
Your not the best lover I’ve had
I don’t care if they are a friend with benefits, cut buddy, or love of your life … this one is just mean. Do you think you are doing them a favor? Do you think you are motivating them to try harder? Or are you just being a mean motherf*er? I see too many men and women claiming that “must let them know.” And to you I say STFU. They already know they might not be your best, but it doesn’t matter. The best ain’t here now.
Your friend is really sexy
Think it to yourself, say it to your friends, but there is no need to have your girl side eyeing you every-time she brings her big booty friend around and there is no reason to have your man trying to keep Tyrone and you in separate rooms every-time he comes over for dinner.
I remember the last time I smashed *insert random ex* and boy was it good
This is how guys get cut and girls get slapped. I don’t condone either one … but I’m telling you how this sh*t goes down. S*x and an Ex … STFU.
I am going to kill you
This should be one of those surprises. You don’t want them beating you to the punch and you end up suffocated the night before their car is set to explode. Now everybody is dead … cause you couldn’t keep your fool mouth shut.
I poked holes in the condom
At this point I think you hear the Mortal Kombat “Finish Them” voice in the background and I think, according to my lawyer friend, you can literally rip their spine out and face no legal recourse. ***for legal reasons, SBM cannot confirm this information***
I touched the iceberg and my finger is a little cold. What are some other key things you just should never say to your significant other? Men? Women?
– SBM aka “Finish Him” aka I better not get asked any of these questions later