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Great Relationship #Swindles

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– SBM
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The official SBM.org #swindle shirt

It has happened to us all.  Sometimes we were quick enough to catch it before it occurred, but sometimes you heard it and still managed to get your a** caught up.

They say “Fool me once, shame on me” … well I say f* that.  I have no desired to be shamed, so “Fool me once, and I’m coming for your throat.”

Sorry … I digress.

I’m going to take today to share a long list of things that you or one of your friends have heard before that are nothing more than a #Swindle.

“I’ve never done this with any guy before” – Then how come you do it so well?  Whether it’s sleeping with you after 5 hours, 2 long islands, a rose, and some smooth words?  Or, if she is saying she’s never slobbed a knob before or that she never swallowed anything that comes out of a man before … its lies.  Don’t believe that sh*t.

See Also:  Why Sloppy Public Drunkenness Isn't The Business

“Huh … a condom … I always use one, but we don’t need one” – Guys can #swindle too.  Every man knows the exponential increase that un-gloved love brings … but a blood test and pill are the best way to get there … not this classic #swindle.

“I have a headache right now” – WTF is Tylenol and Excedrin for? Since I can forgo some head, I don’t even need your head involved.  This #swindle has been around since women got clubbed on their head and drug home. We did away with that practice … so stop the #swindle.

“She is just a friend” – Yeah, cause all my female friends leave little loving messages like “my back still hurts from this weekend and I can’t wait until next time” on my facebook wall.  And no … they weren’t lifting heavy boxes.

“I’ve never been played, ho’d out, or #swindled out of the cooch” – Youz a gotd*mn liar!  Every woman has been convinced by someone to give up the cooch even though they shouldn’t have … its part of life. If she says she hasn’t, she is lying to herself, or just lying to you.

“I would pay for dinner, but I forgot my purse” – A woman’s purse is more closely guarded than her goody box.  Have you ever let your girl/FwB/jump off put her purse down for you to watch, and then you walk away? She left it because she is not trying to pay, but wants to earn some points for suggesting.

See Also:  Why Are So Many Black Men Single: A Different Take on an Old Topic

“You’re too perfect to be my girlfriend. I would mess it up” – This is a tricky one, but 8 times out of 10 it’s a straight #swindle.  There is a very good chance that she would be the perfect girlfriend, but he’s not scared. Women don’t intimidate us! Honestly, he just doesn’t want you as his girl … doesn’t really matter why.

“No, I won’t think your a hoe for sleeping with me on the first date” – Uh … yes … we will.

“It’s not you, it’s me” – It most likely is you.

“My mama is living with me temporarily” – Naw … you live with your moms.  Man up to it … it is what it is.

“I’m just doing me right now” No … your doing him, him, and maybe a her. You just need a reason to justify your promiscuity. If a girl tells you this, she is f*cking around and can’t be honest about it.

“If a man can do it, so can I” – If you’re not a man … no you can’t.  While I am a huge fan of equality and I believe a woman can be president, CEO, and more … you can’t be like a man when it comes to dating and love.

As great as I am, as deep as my wisdom, as infallible as my advice … this list is far from done.  What #swindles did I miss?  Which ones need to take out?  Which ones just make you mad at yourself?  Speak on it …

See Also:  How Not to Cheat: A 5 Step Tutorial

– SBM aka “Girl, I’ve never done this before” aka #swindle t-shirt wearer

Comment(145)

  1. I've never understood the "Girl you're too perfect to be my girlfriend. I would mess it up". What if it's not even intimidation? Then what is it!?

    Oh and them shirts… yeah I'm placing my order! Good job guys!

    1. What's not to understand? It means "I want to keep effing but I dont want a title. You may actually be a nice girl/quality wifey material but b/c I'm not looking for that, I wont BS you"

        1. 1) i really dont understand why women think that they handle the absolute truth well?

  2. lmao @ I can forgo some head, I don’t even need your head involved… reminds me of what a friend of mine use to say ‘entry points are many, opportunities are not few, so put up and shut up’

    Most women that say 'if a man can do it so can i' still want to be treated like a woman when it comes to relationship or love…unless maybe she's a lesbian…frankly i don’t want to be the one carrying the condom…paying for flights or dinner but i always go out assuming that i will be…if he says i got this…i know chivalry isn’t dead and that warms my heart.

    1. You hit the nail on the head (Couldn't think of a better cliche to use … sorry). Women want to be treated like women, so I can't help but give a O_o to all those breaking their necks to be more and more like us (and are not lesbians).

  3. hold on….soooooo…as for the very last one…u support double standards…….to me..both guy and girl are hoes if they sleep around…so why can't a female do what a man does and be on the same level…..I know realistically this is impossible but just for the sake of the argument can we not say "If a man can do it, so can I"…..when it comes to love and dating, I know many females who take on the role of the guy…….

    and I would love a shirt like that as well…..lol

    1. Guys and girls are both ho3s if they sleep around. But there is no backlash for a guy being a ho3

    2. I am a firm believer in double standards. While there should be equality in certain aspect, women should not be acting like men and men should not be acting like women. The only way to enforce this is with double standards (men and women judged differently on the same thing).

      Don't fear double standards … they aren't all bad.

  4. I have used that "I've never done this before" #swindle a time or two. I don't do it much anymore, but oh man….that ish works like a charm.

      1. Maybe some of the time yeah. But other times it was a little more altruistic (ha!).

        It's like this – you know when someone wants to show you something you've never seen before and they're so excited because they just know it's going to blow your mind? And how much of a letdown it is for them when you say "yeah – I've already seen it"?

        I was just trying not to kill his joy.

        1. What kind of emo men exist up there? I don't know why he came at you all "excited" in the first place.

          Real N***s don't say anything, they just leave you dizzy and breathless. #RealTalk

        2. Word…

          If I wanted to "show you something" I would. Its not like you say "Hey Maxie Im about to put you in a handstand and bang it out hanging upside down. I call it the Peter Parker position. Its uber sexy!!!!! Are you excited?!"

          NOO!

          I would just flip you over and show you how my spider sense tingled. Period. If you got your Mary Jane on before, this one will be equal or greater experience, at least thats what Im thinkin.

        3. I'm sure you guys don't come with this kind of lame sh*t, but it's been well-established that you're in a special class.

          Sometimes when a gal's dealing with these mere mortals, a little #swindle goes a long way.

    1. I dont know how that works. Simpin must reign supreme in the North, lolol…

      practice makes perfect and if your a 10 that means you started from a 1… and if you have natural talent then your skills have been further honed!

  5. SBM, I wrote out three times what I wanted to say about this post..and then deleted it. First of all, I think these are just lies women and men tell..in my mind a swindle involves a more complex and intricate plot or maybe I'm wrong…

    I really felt that there was a slight tilt in favor of men when you wrote this…

    I also couldn't relate to most of these..because I have never said any of these things to a guy..the only one I have ever heard is "she is just a friend"…"you're too perfect to be my girl"…huh? Who says this? lol…."I would pay for dinner but I forgot my PURSE"? women aren't saying this…I assure you….how many times have you heard that said fellas??

    I wish you had went deeper. That is all.

    1. I also couldn’t relate to most of these..because I have never said any of these things to a guy..

      #swindle you never said you had a headache T? Cmon son… headache was what "Im on my cycle" is now..lol

      1. If I say I have a headache..its because I do actually have one..not to get out of having s*x…..and being on my cycle isn't an excuse either…unless the dude has a problem with it….I have always had a very very light cycle. (dont judge me).

      2. i can't use the "i'm on my period" swindle.. because honestly, i'll let you know when it's comin.. that's my code for "let's get it in before i get in this week long drought.."

        i'll teach ya how to read the code on my calendar and everything..

    2. Well … there was probably a male "tilt" because I'm … a male. I've heard more #swindles than I've dished, so that's what came to mind.

      I will say that #swindle is Streetz official word, so maybe I'm using it wrong … but I would like to think its multi-faceted like that.

      You have never heard a woman complain about a guy saying "she's too perfect". Wow … I think that has even been said on the Lost island.

      1. The usage of swindle has many variants, adjectives, and synonyms,

        Swindle = lie = exaggeration = act of deceit = "trying to g some1"

        You're using it correctly son, lol.

      2. I was speaking from my own personal experience…I've never had it said to me. I'm sure it gets said…..

        1. You said "who says this?" … implying that you find it hard to believe that there exists anyone (or a significant number of individuals) who are using this line.

      3. yes, I do find it kinda hard to swallow that dudes are saying dumb isht like this..but, I don't even watch Lost so what the H*ll do I know….lol.

        1. You find it hard to believe that men would say something that "dumb" … Bless your heart.

          But really, it's not that dumb. It can actually be a powerful #swindle and sometimes it's actually true. If I want to be a man-ho he-whore, I don't need Ms. Wifey coming up and messing up my fun.

        2. “I do find it kinda hard to swallow that” – #FTSWINDLE!

          That would kinda be funny on a shirt.

  6. Huh. I've got a few:

    The "Do as we unmarried men say or else you'll die alone covered in cat fur. Never mind the fact that we'd gouge our eyes out before we put a ring on it because we're still riding the wave of our overinflated egos and perceived number advantage. In the meantime keep jumping through our hoops." #swindle.

    The Wifey #swindle. Some poor girl is cooking, cleaning and having babies with no ring and the title of "wifey" right now. Closely related to the:

    I'm just not ready yet #swindle. Ninja, it's been 8 years. You own property together, have kids together and if you lived in a different state she'd already be your common law wife. Quit it, Gene Simmons.

    *Oh, and for the record – "I've never done this before" is totally on point. Just be glad we're kind enough to lie to you about it. Would you rather "it" be bad so the lie is more convincing?" lol, y'all are too much.

    1. Omg… that first one is sooooo on point. That is the swindle of the century. Maaaaaaan, ever since the SBM has realized the numbers are in his favor… & don't let him have a college degree/career/be about something… then the swindle is expected. "Jump through hoops girl cuz if you don't the next one will & I might <del>but probably won't</del> choose her instead of you. And you know what that means? Cat lady."

      1. Yo, the fist one is not a swindle, it's truth. I was talking to my wife the other day about how way more of my guy friends are either married, engaged or in committed LTR's than her girlfriends. Most of her female friends are attractive and about something, and most of them are single. While, most of my – cream of the crop guy friends are either married, engaged on in LTR's. You'd think it'd be the opposite since she's a female. But, what we realized is that for every one of my guy friends who's either married or engaged – there are like 4 or 5 other girls in their past who honestly thought they'd be the one to end up with the ring. It is what it is… #NoSwindle

        1. Most,

          Now you know I think you're the sugar honey iced tea of commenting, but I specified that the swindle comes from the SUPER SINGLE men – who have no intention of settling down – trying to dictate the actions of marriage-minded women (because I guess we only come in "marriage-minded", lol). You and your set of unicorn friends do not come into play.

        2. @Teflon

          Aren't most men at some point "Super Single"? Aren't there a lot of guys who are currently married, but were fighting the idea of marriage like a crackhead trying to take your donut? Are these "Super Single" wannabe playas only 3 dates and a smash away from getting caught up and suddenly eloping?

    2. LMAO.

      47 Points for some great #swindles.

      Although I'm gonna need you to be a little more impartial. "Overinflated egos and percieved number advantage" … cmon now. You gotta throw imaginary shots in with your swindles?

      1. Shots? Moi? Never! #blinkingeyeswindle

        And to your above comment – of course everyone is single at some point. But some folk (and I'm lookin at men on this one) will build the looongest list of requirements for a woman to meet – only they have no intention of settling down anytime soon. Sure a lot of women do it, too (he must be 6'14 with one hazel eye and a millionaire)…but I'm not dating them, lol.

        1. You're really going to use unrealistic lists of expectations as a knock against men? C'mon son … women created and popularized that process. The number of men employing that probably couldn't fill up the empty seats at a black republicans meeting.

  7. “It’s not you, it’s me” – It most likely is you.

    I use this one often too many times to spare men feelings. I think it's one of the oldest Jedi mind tricks in the book…yet it never fails……

  8. Hey there has been one time in every girls life that she could honestly say, "I have never done this before". By the age of 30 years though, you need to let it go, lol. And um, no glove gets no love!

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

    Tiffany

    1. I'm sure there are really women who have "never done this before" … just as sure as for every one woman telling the truth there are 5 others that did it 3 times in the past 6 months and said it every one of those times too.

  9. A few of my favorite swindles..

    * I just want to take things slowly because I fall really quickly and it usually ends badly. So, lets just take this slowly so it can last forever. Translation- I have a bunch of women and am trying to figure out how to fit you in the rotation.

    *I'm a lot to handle, I don't know if you can keep up with me. Translation- Bend over backwards, sideways, frontways doing things for me to prove you can in fact handle me, just to stroke my ego and get great meals, sex, gifts attention etc.

    *Say my first name with his last name, to get me thinking that he is thinking of me as a potential wifey-Ninja please, we have been on two dates stop it.

    1. As someone who has said #2 with validity (I'm really down with some off brand isht) … I cannot cosign that as a #swindle.

      #3 will earn you some points though.

    2. I've been reading the site for awhile now, and it's my first time commenting…but I swear, I have heard the "let's take it slow" swindle way too many times…JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN! Lol, it gives me the chance to figure out if I actually WANT to stick around or if I can go take my time elsewhere…

  10. I've done the "He's just a friend" #swindle. In my defense, he was just a friend since I was currently dating someone else. So, not really a swindle… lol.

    This guy I was "dating" in undergrad did the "I'm not ready for a gf, but I would still like to see you." It didn't work. I guess I didn't like him as much as I thought I did.

    And, "I'm doing me" doesn't mean she's sleeping around. It could just mean she's not doing you/has no interest in you.. As in, "you don't have a chance in hell, and I would rather lie about my situation than give you false hope just b/c you bought me a drink."

    1. Whew Lawd… ya'll hitting the spot this morning. That "I'm doing me" you listed NIA is what I used the last time. I didn't want him to think he had a chance b/c truth be told: He didn't. But he was a good friend so we hung from time to time… it backfired though. He got mad & accused me of wanting him to wait around forever. Ninja, who told you to wait?! I told you.. "I'm doing me."

        1. I see where you might be going w/ that except per your definition of hobbying:

          My dude has a stable of women, a girlfriend, or c) both a) and b), but you are like his crown jewel

          This dude: No stable.

          #simptastic

    2. I think my definition of "I'm doing me" is much different from mine. I usually hear women chant this anthem to justify the fact they are simultaneously sleeping with several men with reckless abandonment without making any moves to settle down.

      Basically "I'm doin me" is the ho anthem.

  11. I don't know if this is a #swindle but this is some f*ckery, so you tell me:

    #swindle? : I've getting it in with every big-booty ho on the block… but now I don't trust you so Imma be on top of YOU like a hawk.

    Shall we call that the paranoia-under-the-guise-of-love swindle?

  12. The absolute worst swindle of all time is the #I'mLate Swindle aka the: #Gimme$300 Swindle.

    I shouldn't have to say more.

    Also, the male converse of that is pretty bad too, that's the #SoWhatWeGon'Do Swindle and the #ItAin'tMine Swindle

      1. I'm sure the guy who finds out in ONE day that he has six new kids and four new baby mamas isn't applauding sh*t.

    1. LMMFAO.

      sad thing is? I know girls that have pulled that we need to go halfsies on a "schmaschmortion" #swindle MULTIPLE times on the same guy, KNOWING their womb is empty as a muhfucca.

      SO grimy.

      1. Yo, are them joints still 3 hundo? Inflation has effected everything except the price of the "schmaschmortion".

        That's how you know it's a swindle. They been 300 since I was in High School…

    2. Ooooo, that is a good one. I would also add the "it's your baby" swindle. Knowing dayum well you've had a party in your panties and just picked him because that's who you WANTED to be the father.

      #snuffed

        1. I about damn near had that almost happen to me. Chick thinking that maybe she's preggo, knowing that she told me another dude let off in her raw a little over a month before. Best believe I was glad Publix was open 24 hours b/c 30 min later she bought the good ole E.P.T.

    3. We don't get to pull the I need $300 #swindle here because it's covered.

      But I have witnessed the train wreck of "it's your baby don't worry that he looks exactly like your homeboy" #swindle soooo many times.

      Oh and the convenient "miscarriage" #swindle where she loses the baby 0.05 seconds before he insists she take a pregnancy test. I've witnessed that one a few times.

      1. "But I have witnessed the train wreck of “it’s your baby don’t worry that he looks exactly like your homeboy” #swindle soooo many times."

        &

        "Oh and the convenient “miscarriage” #swindle where she loses the baby 0.05 seconds before he insists she take a pregnancy test. I’ve witnessed that one a few times." – There is a special place in nutty hell for these nutty jawns

        1. Her: I’m Late… like… late late… (#Swindle)

          Him: So what we gonna name it if it’s a boy?

          *all while hoping & praying it really IS a swindle and her answer won't be…*

          Her: Let's call him 17% of your pre-tax salary

        2. @HM – 17% o pre-tax salary? Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!

          "Lil' 17%, you betta get ova here and pick up your toys!"

        3. @ TT – and this shall be known as the #wecanmakethisashorttermswindleoralongtermswindleyourchoiceSwindle

  13. I'm guilty of 1) Ive never done this before #swindle only bc I like to seem innocent. It suits me. 2) it's not u, it's me: because I hate to hurt people's feelings and 3) I'm just doing me: bc I'm young and started dating late so I'm not ready to settle down.

    1. So you want to seem innocent but your also using the "I'm doing me" #swindle … you know contradictions like this will eventually make the universe implode on itself? #NoLie

      1. U wouldnt find owt i was greek until both of our shirts were off (hopefully this commenter is a woman)

      1. In my experience…before the club/bar, I hate Kappa's or you are the only one I like but I don't like them. Once in the club/bar having the same woman start shimmying all on and over me like it IS the move that will make the panties drop. #swindle

  14. In my oh so humble opinion, #1 has an interesting dynamic of power play. What is so sweet and sexy about tainting someone innocent? Reminds me of some ole Britney Spears in school girl costume video ish. That's kinda disturbing. I WILL say that I didn't always think like that and this is just me venting instead of just lurking.

    …now I have said that, "it isn't you, it is me" ish before…and it was a mixture of truth and lie.

    This was a nice list!

  15. wait, so

    “No, I won’t think your a hoe for sleeping with me on the first date” – Uh … yes … we will.

    not saying that i've had a lot of first date sex in my life but there have been times that it just happens. matter of fact i would say that some guys have gone on to wife chicks that they had first date sex with. *shrug*

    1. I would hope that other men would have the maturity to realize that just because something may pop off on the first date…does not a ho make. I mean sometimes the chemistry is off the chain, the timing is perfect..and it is what it is…why I gotta be a hoe..this is why women say "Ive never done this before"…cuz ya'll are so judgemental….smh.

      1. It doesn't mean you're a hoe, but, the jury is still out, we'll have to wait for the defense to present evidence to the contrary. And I am passing judgement if you let me smash on the first date – I'm passing judgement on you and me. If the chemistry is great, and the timing is perfect, and you STILL make me wait, I'm going to respect you more because you're showing me that it takes more than good chemistry and great timing to get in your pants. If the chemistry is great, and the timing is perfect, and we do the do – you're not relegated to jump of status (yet), but were I making a list of potential wifes in my life – you'd end up lower on the list than the girl who made me wait – all other things being equal.

        1. i'm glad you said you were going to pass judgement on her as well as you. there have also been times where i've said to myself "why did you do that"? ehh. *shrug*

        2. I feel you.. I smashed my current SO on the first date..but, we had been talking on the phone for three months steady via LONG DISTANCE……Ionno, it just depends.

        3. @QueenT

          I can't speak for everyone, but talking Long Distance and then smashing does not count in what I'm saying.

          To get all specific n sh*t … if the time from first meeting to first beating is less than 2 dates or three weeks (whichever comes first) … then you might be a garden tool.

          After talking for 3 months, that's not really even a first date.

      2. If the first time I meet a person and I smack the dog piss out of them, 95% of the time, I'm a violent person. Maybe 5% of time "the time was just right" or there "was crazy chemistry"

      3. However, to be fair, it depends on alot of stuff. If I've known you for a minute and we kind of already know each other but this is our formal first date, then aint nothing wrong but if I met you on Monday in the coffee shop and we have a first date on Fri and we get it too popped, then you might be a schmeez

        1. I usually don't agree to a first date until I have talked to a guy on the phone for awhile…..but, I am not meeting you on Monday and smashing on Thursday..that is not me…for those who will..to each their own. No judgements.

      4. As its been mentioned, I think most men are afraid or concerned about wifying up the Neighborhood block head.

        I'm not sure it's that sleeping on the first date is soo detrimental, but it's that holding out some more is just SOOOO much better. Erases a lot of doubt, concerns, and makes me think higher of you.

        Same reason I'm not coming at you on Day one flopping Magnums on the table and winking. It says something about me …

      5. If'n I were the type to smash on the first date, it would be because ole dude has said/done something to take him out of s/o running. But I still want to get to know the bulge in his pants a little better, lol.

        #Here'slookinatyouZacktheBananaSack

        1. I wrote about this one before. I got hit with that "You're too good of a guy for me to let you in my box this early, but you can take me on another date". I know she was right, and she was smart to do it, but I hate being denied the draws … for whatever reason.

        2. that's where i'm at with it. if i think that you have longevity in my life i wouldn't even want to smash right away. i figure that i'd have time for that later anyway. i want to get to know her for her. wait, did i just type that? what's wrong with me? lol

    2. I would also say to me a first date has to be built up upon. I think judgin occurs more on the "i just met you today and we jumped off in < 24 hours" as opposed to a first date, depending on whether or not u got to know the person. Either way we're grown and we do what we do. Just know whether consciously or not, judging might occur on both ends. I dont agree with it, but hey…

  16. Swindles I'm aware of

    – You told me that you didn't want a serious relationship, so I stuck around and still tried to push you to do more things with me in the guise of being a couple. When I developed feelings and you didn't do the same, I was hurt. #Campingoutswindle.

    – I like you a lot and we've been kicking it every now and again, but…I forgot to tell you I was in a relationship with this guy, even though I used to come through. I didn't want to lose your friendship and he turned out to be a jerk. #Neverthinkyourespecialswindle.

    – You should do X, Y and Z because I have a vagina and I'd like that. #Onlyworksonthirstydudesswindle.

    1. But how come the first one is a #swindle? If he says he doesn't want a serious relationship and continued to not want one, where's the #swindle?

      1. The swindle is that she stuck around, got feelings, and then got hurt although she was told well before hand.

        It's like touching a hot stove (knowing its going to burn you) and then getting mad at the stove for being hot … even though you already knew the stove's agenda.

        1. This is actually a double swindle backfire (think Sub Zero in MK).

          He told the truth and swindled herself into thinking it was false. What a conundrum!

  17. Have we discussed the crying after sex swindle?

    Because that's taking the hood by storm right now. Chicks think if they cry after sex the guy won't think you're a h*e. Not knowing the following quote will still be said the next morning.

    "Then this h*e started crying…"

    1. Crying after s*x … the f*?

      I've never even heard of someone hearing about that?

      So, you beat early, then they cry saying "I don't want you to think I'm a h*e?" Is that their line of thought?

      1. This is a close relative of the "I've never done this before" #swindle. She gives up the a$$ and then she cries because she's "not that kind of girl" and she doesn't want you to think she's a h*e.

        I hate a crying h*e!

  18. Ha, great read, SBM! Though as soon as I saw #swindle, I thought Streetz wrote it. lol

    Per the advice of max (heyyy girl!), I'm adding a #swindle I happened to write about today:

    The Hat Trick. Makes a brotha approach-worthy and extra scrumptious. Then he takes off the hat…

    o_O

    It's a strange occurrence, but it occurs.

    #shamlessplug – http://pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com/2010/05/hat-tr

    1. As a member of the voluntarily bald man's club … I take offense.

      While I don't really wear hats, I think this no worst than weave wearing … YEAH … I SAID IT!

      1. SBM you got the game all twisted… nothing wrong w/ a bald head… something about a hat that can hide a seriously effed up hairline, a lumpy head, a huge head… hats do wonders for the <del>not so</del> beautiful people. I know a guy at the gym who works out in a fitted. I should've known!! Accepted a date from the brother, I open my door… and tears start to form in my eyes. Why he chose that day not to wear his hat, the world shall never know.

        So a voluntary baldy is not the point, even an unvoluntary bald… it's when you are hiding hideous things with that hat that it becomes a #swindle.

      2. "As a member of the voluntarily bald man’s club … I take offense."

        Don't. lol

        I put my baldy disclaimer. It's not that I hate bald men (LOVE them actually), but not all men can rock a baldy, sorrykbye.

  19. Great job with this site.

    Quick question for the SBM massive –

    Is the "I'm waiting until I'm married" line considered a #swindle (coming from either a male or female)?

    I haven't seen this discussed on the site, and I've been wondering, have any of you been in a fulfilling relationship where there was (intentionally) no sex involved before marriage?

    1. If she is a certified V-card carrier … than I say it is not a #swindle. If she had been f*cking without remorse for all her life and suddenly decides now that she wants to wait … #swindle

      1. Awww come on why does it have to be a swindle *stomping and pouting*

        Why can't I just have realized that God was right when he said "wait for marriage"…

        I have been seriously considering this no-swindle-intended life change

        1. If its right for you then its right for you … but I know it would be a very tough, jagged, broken glass filled pill to accept if it was told to me.

        2. Not that I've been effing without remorse, or true feelings for the man but you know….

        3. HeadMistress,

          I feel you on the whole God's intent thing, but I've spoken to a few of my female friends that feel guilty about premarital sex, and they say the same thing about God saying "wait for marriage," but they can't really cite exactly where God said that, or anything concrete about that being God's intent.

          The scriptures that they often cite are a little bit hazy and open to multiple interpretations – much like scriptures that say at one point wine is good, but in a separate verse that wine is a mocker and basically bad.

          If I found scripture that was actually solid about that approach, I as the man would actually implement the no sex before marriage rule in my relationships. Unfortunately, I haven't found the doctrinal support, or any men, even in the church, that are currently married that followed that approach prior to getting married.

        4. @ HTK – your friends must not know how to google….

          1 Corinthians 6:9-10 "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God."

          1 Corinthians 6:13b "Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without (outside) the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body."

          Fornication is defined as "voluntary sexual intercourse between persons not married to each other".

          Pretty simple there

        5. @ HTK – as the daughter of a "There's a Scriptural Answer To EVERYTHING Man of God" I'm sure I could make a phone call and get said scripture if not whole chapters devoted to the subject but the risk of him getting excited while believing me to be reformed is too great a risk to take "See daddy, sinners got soul too" (Shug Avery voice)…besides it's not really that deep for me, I'm just tired of bein swindled out of of my VS's 🙁

        6. Thanks Peyso! You'll never know what it means to me not to have to talk to daddy about biblicalities

        7. Peyso,

          My friends definitely know how to do a google search, and they might have done the same google search you did, since they've pulled some of the same verses you just did.

          I think part of the problem, just touched on by HeadMistress – is that there's a scriptural interpretation to everything.

          So, while one version of the scripture might read the way you transcribed it, another version might leave off the part about fornication and replace it with "sexual immorality" NIV version of 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.

          Also, 1 Corinthians 6:13 in the NIV, reference is simply made to "sexual immorality" and says nothing about fornication. This is arguably splitting hairs, but with something as big as the decision not have sex, I'd prefer a little more clarity than ambiguity.

          Also, the danger in interpreting scripture literally could leave you with your eyes gouged out, so that's why I look at the practicality of what is being proposed by the interpretation of the scripture and whether or not people have been able to live out those exhortations. An example is most Christians being able to live out the command "Thou shall not kill" vs. the struggle that many Christians have living out the the abstinence before marriage issue.

        8. @ HTK – I didn't say "scriptural interpretation" I said "scriptural answer"…there is a difference

          Also I'm pretty sure God is not the least bit concerned with what is "practical" for us when he put his commandments out there.

          There is "do" and there is "don't" – whether you do or don't for whatever reasons you do or don't when it's contrary to what He says will be inadmissible in His Court of Judgment..be a willful sinner if you must but don't kid yourself.

          FTR: I'm not preaching because I am that willful sinner but I will not be so bold as to try to change the meaning of what He says. You can eff around and convince someone else of your lies/justification if you want to, you'll end up responsible for their sinning soul as well as your own when the day comes – Google the scripture that speaks about the consequences of being a stumbling block to one of his sheep!

  20. I believe Yeezy said it best on Late Registration "Why you actin' all, shy and all, why is ya'll, lyin for".

    Good post…….another one that I've heard is "I can't have any kids" and dummies believe this without any proof or medical evidence and end up celebrating Father's Day.

  21. This was absolutely hilarious. I think I laughed harder when I read one I've even said or heard.

    One I dont agree with tho is the "I wont think your a ho if we have sex" cause I honestly dont. I was actually in a relationship with my last one night stand for 3 years. Cant stand the trick now though.

  22. Hey SBM, I haven't been here in a while so I was perusing your archives. This is a classic entry. I was lmao at the comments. Great job. and I too love the shirt.

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