**** Admin Note ****
I want to take this post to officially announce the grand opening of the SBM.org shirt store!!! Come get your brand new shirt at dirt cheap prices. And even if you don’t like it, get one for your friends to support the site. Support us!
It has happened to us all. Sometimes we were quick enough to catch it before it occurred, but sometimes you heard it and still managed to get your a** caught up.
They say “Fool me once, shame on me” … well I say f* that. I have no desired to be shamed, so “Fool me once, and I’m coming for your throat.”
Sorry … I digress.
I’m going to take today to share a long list of things that you or one of your friends have heard before that are nothing more than a #Swindle.
“I’ve never done this with any guy before” – Then how come you do it so well? Whether it’s sleeping with you after 5 hours, 2 long islands, a rose, and some smooth words? Or, if she is saying she’s never slobbed a knob before or that she never swallowed anything that comes out of a man before … its lies. Don’t believe that sh*t.
“Huh … a condom … I always use one, but we don’t need one” – Guys can #swindle too. Every man knows the exponential increase that un-gloved love brings … but a blood test and pill are the best way to get there … not this classic #swindle.
“I have a headache right now” – WTF is Tylenol and Excedrin for? Since I can forgo some head, I don’t even need your head involved. This #swindle has been around since women got clubbed on their head and drug home. We did away with that practice … so stop the #swindle.
“She is just a friend” – Yeah, cause all my female friends leave little loving messages like “my back still hurts from this weekend and I can’t wait until next time” on my facebook wall. And no … they weren’t lifting heavy boxes.
“I’ve never been played, ho’d out, or #swindled out of the cooch” – Youz a gotd*mn liar! Every woman has been convinced by someone to give up the cooch even though they shouldn’t have … its part of life. If she says she hasn’t, she is lying to herself, or just lying to you.
“I would pay for dinner, but I forgot my purse” – A woman’s purse is more closely guarded than her goody box. Have you ever let your girl/FwB/jump off put her purse down for you to watch, and then you walk away? She left it because she is not trying to pay, but wants to earn some points for suggesting.
“You’re too perfect to be my girlfriend. I would mess it up” – This is a tricky one, but 8 times out of 10 it’s a straight #swindle. There is a very good chance that she would be the perfect girlfriend, but he’s not scared. Women don’t intimidate us! Honestly, he just doesn’t want you as his girl … doesn’t really matter why.
“No, I won’t think your a hoe for sleeping with me on the first date” – Uh … yes … we will.
“It’s not you, it’s me” – It most likely is you.
“My mama is living with me temporarily” – Naw … you live with your moms. Man up to it … it is what it is.
“I’m just doing me right now” – No … your doing him, him, and maybe a her. You just need a reason to justify your promiscuity. If a girl tells you this, she is f*cking around and can’t be honest about it.
“If a man can do it, so can I” – If you’re not a man … no you can’t. While I am a huge fan of equality and I believe a woman can be president, CEO, and more … you can’t be like a man when it comes to dating and love.
As great as I am, as deep as my wisdom, as infallible as my advice … this list is far from done. What #swindles did I miss? Which ones need to take out? Which ones just make you mad at yourself? Speak on it …
– SBM aka “Girl, I’ve never done this before” aka #swindle t-shirt wearer