Home Dating & Relationships Rules of Engagement Yes … I have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Yes … I have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend


As with 75% of my posts, this post was inspired by interactions between me and a female friend of mine.

Female Friends (that is a female friend of a heterosexual male that you aren’t trying to sleep with and *heres the kicker* wouldn’t sleep with even if given the chance, unless your both drunk and the titty makes an appearance) are good for a very narrow selection of things:
– Emotional support … because we damn sure can’t call one of our boys talking about our “feelings”
– Insights into why women continually remain crazy in blatant disregard of the rest of society (e.g. men)
– A source of inspiration for male relationship bloggers as we are asked seemingly easy and obvious questions that confound and confuse them

This fine friend of mine was happily in a relationship with a boyfriend that she loved (and I approved of).  As with any attractive female, she often found herself approached by men at work, the metro (DC subway), happy hours, and well … everywhere.  Specifically, she found men she worked with or had to keep a professional relationship with trying to get at her.  So, she came to no other than me looking for advice.

Ms. Defying the Single Black Female Stereotype: “How do I tell these guys at work I have a boyfriend?”
SBM: “The f*?  You using up my daytime minutes for this?” *this was before these rampant unlimited minute plans*
Ms. DSBFS: “I’m serious. How do I fit it into the conversation?”
SBM: “How about ‘I have a boyfriend! Get your hand of my thigh.'”
Ms. DSBFS: “I have to work with this person everyday. I can’t just make a spectacle of him.”
SBM: “Call me back when you have something worth my $0.40 a minute.” *click*

See Also:  Chivalry is Alive, But Accountability is Dying.

To be honest, I am writing this post to see if this is a real problem faced by the .5% of women (according to CNN, Helena Andrews, and Dateline) that have serious boyfriend.  Usually I am here to drop nuggets of information and make our gorgeous female fans moist entertain you behind your desk … but I’m just curious today.

The Solution:
Bring it up in casual conversation!

There is something you talk about that your boyfriend likes, has done, or has thought about.  When having to bring up my SO in conversation, it is rather simple.  Unless your Significant Other is some lame who doesn’t go out, doesn’t have a life, and is in the running for the “Kill yo self” (cite: Three 6 Mafia) designation for not providing any utility to anyone, this is easy.  If s/he is this person … kill yo self in order to save yourself now.

You need examples? Really? *sigh*

Him: “So there is this great pizza spot around the corner we should hit sometime after work.”
You: “My boyfriend is obsessed with chicken pizza. Do they have that?”
Him: “Oh sh*t. I got a meeting in 30 seconds.”

Her: “It’s a shame there aren’t more sexy, educated, and employed men like you out there. So what do you usually get into after work?”
You:The warm goody goodness that lies in between my girlfriend’s thighs Me and my girlfriend have been trying out different sushi spots in the city. Do you like sushi?”
Her: “Is someone hitting me up on Blackberry Messenger?” *walks away*

See Also:  Black Love And Growing Up

Him: “Do you have them notes from the meeting?”
You: “Step the f**k off! I got a man and he got his name written all over this kitty kat!!!”
Him: “This is why I date white women …”

BTW … I’m not saying telling this guy you have a man will stop the advances.  But I will say for a real man, with a real job, and who isn’t looking to stop his CEO tracked position with a sexual harassment suite … it will work.  If you work at McDonald’s and the Asst. Manager is trying to holla … you might need something stronger.

So, was I wrong to dismiss my friend’s question as a waste of time and daytime minutes?  Is this really an issue?  Is it just me who has had more than one female friend approach him with this exact same problem?  How do you handle letting some co-worker, mentor, or other type of professional individual know that your spoken for?

– SBM aka I got unlimited minutes now aka #3 was a joke! #YouMad?


  1. I’ve never been approached like that by anyone in a professional environment (except when I was 15 and worked at McDonald’s, and I briefly dated that co-worker), I have pretty much always worked with older white folks. It’s mostly random ninjas that holla when I’ve been in a relationship. Considering that when you tell them you’re attached they get all, “Oh, I wasn’t calling you Redbone and telling you how sexy you were because I was trying to holla. I just wanted us to go to the movies as friends because I don’t have enough friends, you sure do think a lot of yourself.”, I would think it would be difficult in a professional setting.

  2. Years ago I had this happen, dude knew I had a bf (I had pictures of us in my office) and didn’t know how to take no for an answer… So I got really b*tchy on him and told him if he approached me again he’d hear from our HR dept and I would be submitting a complaint for chexual harassment… Next day dude would go out of his way to not even walk in the same hall way as me…

    The words HR and chexual harassment are super effective! Lol

  3. goodness me…are you psychic?

    i need advice on this cos i just got this e-mail: ‘Seriously, I don’t care if you’ve got a partner, boyfriend or live-in lover, whatever really (except a husband ofcuz)…meet & f*ck is for adults,& that’s what we are, we don’t need to qualify it, let us do want we want when we can’

    he’s not taking no for an answer… we’re in the same business but luckily not the same company (like sane i work mostly with white people who scurry back when I throw them a side eye)… not sure what else to do/say so this guy understands that it’s not on.

      1. Cosign Peyso – my exact thought. Pass the contact info to you’re S/O – he should know exactly what to do with it.

        Unless of course – you’re considering taking this dude up on his offer.

        If that’s case… that’s a topic for another blog post…

      2. Y’all trying to get her man arrested, lol. I think she should shut him down, and stop being polite about it. We ladies know how to cut a man’s balls off and hand them to him on a paper napkin.

    1. This depends on what level you are with your man…

      if yall are on the no secrets level, this should be told.
      If you aren’t doing anything wrong, no need to hide it from him.

      I’m not saying you have to tell your man about every guy who hits on his (esp here in NY. Its not that interesting) but those who you have more that street contact with should be on his radar so he knows to mush them.

  4. #3 made me laugh.. and it was the kind of laugh that i wasn’t ready for.. that starts in the back of the throat.. (pause)..

    i don’t have this problem.. as even if i’m TALKING to someone and they’re not even my man, i’ll drop their name into conversation..
    if i knew Will Smith, i wouldn’t drop his name as much as i honorably mention the man i’m feelin.. (literally and figuratively)
    it’s not that hard.. AT ALL!! and i don’t understand the issue.. i find that people that have this problem usually do so because they want to keep options open should they want to get into “late night tomfoolery”.. or they like being flirted with because it reminds them “i still got it”
    i’d rather shut it down early than play along because i don’t wanna “embarrass him” when it comes up later on.. and you’re out there lookin like “booboo the fool” because you never mentioned it.. it’s alright, anyone can assume i’m single.. there’s no embarrassment in that.. it’s when it isn’t said upfront that the issues commence..
    oh.. i am single.. so i really don’t have these issues now.. ugh!

    1. “or they like being flirted with because it reminds them “i still got it”’

      WORD! CO-SIGN!
      A real wifey never lets them get confidence.

  5. Ok, I had to come back and mention a recent experience. Now, this wasn’t in a professional setting, but boy (and he is one more or less, even at 22) is my softball coach’s son and is on my team. His dad coached me when I was yay high (picture whatever height you please) and I went to school with his sister (we’re still semi-decent friends too). His mom and dad are people I could always count on and have known forever. I had to see this sucka a couple times a week at practice/games.

    Anywho, he approached me on Facebook one day talkin bout hooking up (and since he knows I’m single, the usual “I got a man” lie I use when I’m not interested wouldn’t work here). This kid is very juvenile, someone who was always the annoying little brother, still somewhat with his baby mama, and the most gingeriest ginger you’ve ever had the misfortune of laying your eyes on. Needless to say, I was not down with “hooking up”. This little sh*tbird would not leave me alone for the longest. He actually got into his sister’s phone to get my number, would harass me at games, etc. It got very weird and intense for a minute there. That is, until he got arrested for having a dirty UA while on probation, haven’t seen him since.

    I guess this wasn’t really helpful at all. I just was (and still am) highly amused that CarrotTop Goes to Jail thought I’d give him the goods.

  6. Shubby, I would write back letting him know once again that you’re not interested, and that if he can’t accept that, any and all future correspondence needs to be about business only. Make it a point to say in the most cordial way possible that you’re starting to feel like it is bordering on harrassment. This guy sounds like a DB (that term seems to fit well here) and if it’s not your first time telling him “thanks, but no thanks”, I wouldn’t feel bad implying a vague threat about authorities and whatnot.

    Then again, I could just be cranky.

    1. Cosign…sounds as if this is a reoccuring thing. You may have to be pretty direct. No laughs, smiles…straight to the point. Tell him you’re not flattered, and that you’re actually quite offended. If you are.

      If that doesn’t work, you may need to contact the authorities…or homie from back in the day who “takes care of things” when needed.

      It’d be better if you worked together…sexual harrassment is real. I know…I’m dealing with a situation like this now. You get one pass…after that, you get to hand over your badge.

      1. @sane lol…you aint cranky…i’ve had to report another dude before…dont know how he got my number…never found out who it was but his lewd mssgs and phonecalls were coming at me thick and fast…and i had proof so i reported him to police and gave them his number..after that #slience

        @tiffnicky – there were never any laughs or smiles…i’m just miffed that this came to my personal e-mail after someone copied him on an email i sent from home

        1. See, that right there is nuts. The evil in me says to call his job and tell his people he's harassing you. But he might be crazy. I'm with the fella's let your man handle that…or real talk, tell him you have no issues with contacting your building's security and telling you he is harassing you.

  7. Nah, never had this problem…I have always worked in a predominantly white environment…Im with Sane, I get negroes off the street while I am out and about trying to holla….and I usually keep it 100..If I am in a relationship, I say that, I don’t sugar coat it for them……

    For the sake of this post though…IF, I was getting hit on in the workplace…I would simply let the guy down easy…I would say “You know, I am in a relationship and I am very happy, but you seem like a really nice guy, I may have a friend I can introduce you to, if you’re interested”.

  8. Had to respond to this one because this is a pet peeve of mine. It all boils to women being afraid to be “the bad guy” because of what other (wo)men will think of them. In the end, the TRUTH is always the best way to go. I would rather be the bad guy and be truthful on critical things versus lying about it and having the rocks cry out later on.

    1. Welcome! I’d just like to say that it’s more likely that the woman (or man in some cases) just don’t want to hurt the other person, don’t know how to approach the subject, or just don’t want some sh*t to pop off (see Shubby Doo’s problem) than them being worried about how people see them.

      1. Maybe how u’re viewed does plays a part…i think (that we think) men still believe that we’re going to mistake a joke for a harassment case…women in the workplace will generally speak up against such things; if not directly to the guy involved then to their managers… but office politics (at best) are tricky…our HR is great but our male managers have a very chauvinistic take on things…@ work i’ve known a male senior manager chase & snog a graduate…which he finally did publicly at the office xmas party. There might be more to the story that i don’t know but what i do know is that it was the poor girl that was called into the director’s office and reprimanded cos the manager was married…

  9. Well, some of the problem (especially with randoms on the street) is that if you tell them you have a man they:

    1. Flat out don’t believe you. After all, you’re a Black Woman – shouldn’t you be feeling blessed to have Lil’ Ray Ray blocking your path and trying to holla?

    2. Don’t care even if they do believe you. That’s when you get the “Well, you can still have friends, right?”, “Whats your man got to do with me?” or some other nonsense that indicates he just wants to butter you up, eat you and toss you aside like a Memorial Day corn cob.

    As usual, it’s a problem because wack dudes make it such. And they continue these methods because – somewhere – a wack azz girl is giving them head while on the phone with her “boyfriend”. smh.

    But if you’re serious about your woman and want to cut down on a lot of this ish….put a ring on it. It’s Reggin Krytonite.

    1. YUP!

      OR by your own fake engagement ring.

      My cousin purchased a nice cubic zirconian ring to ward of undesirable attention from men…she wears it to the club and anywhere she think she may get approached…it works like a charm! LOL

      I wouldn’t go thru all that but it is a clever idea.

      1. I don’t know if this is drastic but sooooo many times I’ve thought about doing just this. Saw a cute lil “engagement” ring for myself the other day. And while I think this might be a successful deterrant of tomfoolery it could also deter men who are about something… then again, when do you meet those types in the club *purchases ring*

    2. *clap, clap bravo*

      I agrees 1000% w/ the Temptress. Reggins NEVER believe the “I have a BF line.” The next thing out their mouth is “Well, you can still have friends, right?” or “If I were him, you wouldn’t be out here this late…” REGGIN please! But as with what was said on Friday, you gotta use your reggin spidey-sense and give that fool your number if he got the crazy twitch coming.

      In the workplace I understand how it could be an issue for your friend especially if she has to work closely with him. I work in a team environment so I completely empathize with her not wanting to let his face smack the pavement after she carries (DC slang for insult) him. It could be kind of strenous on the team. & if you use the words “chexual harrassment” on the right fool around here… don’t EVEN wonder why your promotions stop coming or raise aint higher than standard of living increases. Maybe it’s only where I work but these fools are tight… If I were her & it’s possible, I’d have my BF show his face around the job place. Por ejemplo, come pick me up after work once, or come scoop me for a lunch date. Not to mention, I’d have a pic of him up in my office.

    3. Teflon: “But if you’re serious about your woman and want to cut down on a lot of this ish….put a ring on it. It’s Reggin Krytonite.”

      Funny, it’s just the opposite with men. A wedding/engagement ring on a man’s finger is a chick magnet. At least that’s what all my married friends say.

      1. I read an article that said (the condensed version): So many women are looking for a stable, dependable man… and what else says you are consistent, stable, dependable & able to love but a wedding ring?


        1. Women who approach men with wedding rings are simply looking for the ego boost. They want to play the hot vixen who pulls a man away from the frumpy wife.

          Homewreckin’ is hot in the streetz I suppose. *lookin’ at you, Li-Li and Gabby*

        2. So FLYY: “I read an article that said (the condensed version): So many women are looking for a stable, dependable man… and what else says you are consistent, stable, dependable & able to love but a wedding ring?”

          Silly br0ads. Don’t they realize if he cheats on his wife with them, he is no longer “consistent” and “stable”? In the words of the great band Mint Condition, “what kind of man would I be if I lived unfaithfully?”

        3. RIGHT! That’s what I tried to tell a girlfriend of mine.
          It’s simple logic… no emotions, just reason. If he left his wife for you it is obvious that his vows don’t mean much. So whyyyyyyy on God’s green Earth are you so pressed (DC slang for obsessed) about him making the same commitment to you?! Girl bye. I know that people and circumstances change but if he hasn’t had a life altering-near death moment or suddenly found JESUS in a strip club most likely… you gon be in SAME shoes as the ex.

          *in my Hugh Jazz voice* Silly br0ads.

      2. On the other hand, I got approached a lot when I was married (and rocking the ring) and the usual response to me saying I was married was something along the lines of “how long you had that problem?”. I also have a ring that I wear a lot of times on my right ring finger that tons of people (read: men) mistake for an engagement ring. Those same men still approach.

  10. I think… le sigh…

    There’s several things that go on here… one men assume that we’re the only people that will go out of our way to not tell a woman we have a girlfriend. Women do that ish too. “How do I tell him I have a boyfriend?” That’s a wad of crap, if you wanted him to know, he would know. Women claim to be so superior to the male mind and able to control his thoughts, and then want to play victim here… No, if you wanted him to know you had a man he would know. Sometimes, women just like the attention or the benefits.

    Now yes there are some men who won’t respect your boyfriend and that’s different. You have to figure out how to deal with this. If this is at work, just report him. You may teach him a lesson by pulling him to the side, but think about all the women out there who will have to deal with this dude too. If this is outside of work, maybe you have to distance yourself from this guy. (This means that, no, in life you can’t just do whatever you want to do. You can’t go to his favorite bar and sit on the opposite side and think you are getting away from him. This means, you HAVE to stop going to that bar.)

    I’ll leave you with the advice I give a lot of my coachees, “In your relationship, you’ve got to evaluate which doors you are willing to open. Whether you enter them or not, it’s up to you to decide if it’s even worth opening.”

  11. This can be an issue, especially if you work in an office with mostly men. I can understand wanting to let him down as easy as possible. It can become an even bigger issue if the man pursuing you is in a higher position in the office. if you’re in a larger office, then it become much easier to let a guy down. However, if you’re in a small office with that good ole boys thing going on, then you have to tread carefully.

    Honestly, if you’ve never been in the situation of being hit on and pursued by men at work, you probably have no idea how you would react. Trust me, it’s not as cut and dry as your examples suggest. Though, they are good examples of how tho deal with (wo)men who are more concerned with their career than a piece of tail at work.

    1. About the person’s of higher position. 100% agree.

      About not knowing how to deal with the situation until you’re in it. Truth.

  12. being as i don’t have a job i don’t have to worry about women approaching me in the professional environment. i don’t see why anyone would try to get at someone they worked with. the rules are don’t mess with anyone you work with or live near. don’t sh*t where you eat.

    anyone who doesn’t pay attention and run the through obvious signs of someone dropping hints about their s/o is either dense or doesn’t care. either way it’s a bad look on their part.

    1. I completely agree. And sadly, I work in a building where I am one of 4 people that actually follow this rule. That's why I'm for written policies. Things get real messy. I work in HR, so I'm almost always pulled in when things go bad. I just want to say…"I told your dumb behind…he ain't even that cute!"

      No one is worth my paycheck.

  13. Usually just dropping my bf’s name in every other sentence helps. No man wants to hear another mans name 8 times in 2 minutes.

    For the super pushy crackhead, immaboutta blowup rappas that pursue, i just keep walking

  14. I think a lot of women entertain this because of the ego boost. Ive seen this many times. In fact I’ve witnessed women take it to that borderline before playing the “damsel in distress” as if the man is coercing her to leave the dude.

    I don’t know… If you have a bf and don’t want problems, say it, repeat it, and stay true to it. Simple, yet effective.

      1. You haven’t noticed that the men around these parts (save Tunde, Dr. J and Peyso(and even that one is all mysterious)) tend to shy away from putting up their pics? Infer what you will with that.

  15. Dudes still try to talk to my wife, despite the HUGE rock and band I put on her finger.


    Alot of times they’ll start off not noticing it (dique) and then when she says she’s married, they’ll be all “damn girl… he’s lucky… I hope he appreciates…blah blah blah.”
    It is what it is.

    On the flipside, for guys… The wedding ring is definitely a beacon to women. Gotta be very careful wearing it. Chicks do dumb stuff like stare at you really hard on the train to see if you’ll check them out so that they can have the mometary satisfaction of knowing, for a moment, they took your attention off the woman that’s at home, and had it on them.

    That’s why, when I notice a woman doing that, I find the one part of their body or their attire that they’re self-conscious about that day (or should be self-conscious about) and I’ll take a slight but noticably judgemental glance at that and maybe raise an eyebrow, then go back to reading the paper on listening to my music. That usually stops the games pretty quick.

    Where I work, there are very few attractive, young black women, so – I don’t have that problem.

    1. Sidenote: I watched a movie this weekend that had a little rip on The Most Interesting Man in the World and I immediately thought of you. If you ever get around to watching The 41 Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

        1. Oh, this is just one movie spoofing on all those others. I went in hoping more for a Don’t Be a Menace or Scary Movie 1 (and I sort have to watch these movies for my job and all), and while it wasn’t great, there were a few bright spots. I’m not sure what TMIMITW had to do with the Apatow movies, but they went there anyway.

    2. Go for it, Most! Inspire the men to put a little bling on it. Not to float off topic, but it amazes me how many dudes expect a woman to hold him down for years (and in some cases, decades) before he lets the world know her azz is taken.

      Personally, I couldn’t get a drink of water in the bar if I was on fire now that I have a ring. If a dude is talking to me I can tell the exact moment he sees it – the tone of his conversation gets real chilly, followed by a swift exit.

      As for the women, please keep doing what you’re doing. The only reason folks continue doing dumb ish like that is because somewhere it has worked for them. Shut ’em down.

    3. That’s why, when I notice a woman doing that, I find the one part of their body or their attire that they’re self-conscious about that day (or should be self-conscious about) and I’ll take a slight but noticably judgemental glance at that and maybe raise an eyebrow, then go back to reading the paper on listening to my music. That usually stops the games pretty quick

      That is mean, and oh so funny! 😆

      I bet it’s effective too.

  16. One disturbing trend that seems to be reoccuring in this post is running to HR. Cut that sh!t out. You are running the risk of ruining someone’s career when all you have to do is tell them to kick rocks, or have your SO do it for you.

    Don’t be a kid and tattle to “daddy”. You’re supposedly grown. Handle that situation yourself.

    1. This is one of the few times I’ve disagreed with something you’ve posted. There are circumstances when you need to report something to HR. If you’ve indicated you weren’t interested, and the come-ons persist. HR is a viable option. I don’t think a woman should do it at the first drop of interest shown, but, if she’s made it clear she’s not interested, she gotta do what she gotta do. Look at the flipside… did you see Obsessed. Report that chick to HR, then fill out a restraining order. And keep your S/O posted on the happenings so your S/O doesn’t end up knocking this chick out in your attic.

      1. I believe that there are situations, but verbal advances isn’t one of them. Unless he groped a woman, he shouldn’t get fired because he made her feel uncomfortable. She’s strong and independent, Miss Upwardly Mobile, but she can’t tell some loser to get lost? Maybe I’m just saying that because I hate HR.

        And I’ve never have, and God willing, never will, see Obsessed.

        1. Dudes need a warning before H.R. but if you are such an jerk that you don't listen.. maybe you don't deserve a job.

        2. Hugh, we know this just goes back to your distaste for women in the workplace.

        3. There are very few reasons to see Obsessed and I will list them here for you in order of importance…

          1. For the ladies, Idris and all his beautifulness.
          2. For the men, Beyonce and Ali Larter’s assets.

          Anywho, what’s your issue with women in the workplace, Hugh?

        4. Teflon, I have no distaste for women in the workplace, especially attractive women whose pants suits are heroically restraining their assets. I just think most HR departments are nosy busybodies with no idea of what goes on but yet has the ability to interfere with day-to-day operations. Most HR people are drunk on their own power.

          Sane, what Mrs. Temptress was referring to was a previous comment I made in a post about about gender roles and income, when I said that additional women in the workforce meant reduced pay for everyone.

        5. I was just playing (and assuming that she was playing), but I vaguely remember you posting something like that. I also vaguely remember thinking it made sense, but still didn’t account for all the unhappy housewives that would be wandering around (ala Mad Men).

    2. I disagree. And Hugh Jazz will have to just listen to this. If you choose to work at a company you sign a very detailed Sexual Harassment policy. You sign it! In it, and you can take my word for this because i've drafted them, it says in so many words, "anything that makes a person feel uncomfortable." Listen here people, you should not be sh*tting where you eat. You shouldn't be hollering at your coworkers… you signed the policy, you know the rules.

      However… people do it. There are no rules or courtesies for the heathens. "If you get on that horse, you gotta ride it." – GW Bush. A woman doesn't have to let you know she's reporting you to HR before doing so… Here's what happens if she is wrong, you just prove her wrong. This world is so messed up anyway with making someone prove that they've been sexually harassed or assaulted anyway. But no… there's no warning. If you don't know where the line is, then i'd suggest you air on the side of caution.

      1. "If you choose to work at a company you sign a very detailed Sexual Harassment policy. You sign it! In it, and you can take my word for this because i’ve drafted them, it says in so many words, “anything that makes a person feel uncomfortable.” Listen here people, you should not be sh*tting where you eat. You shouldn’t be hollering at your coworkers… you signed the policy, you know the rules."

        I know what it says, that doesn't mean it's not BS. How is the rule based on the nebulous standard of "anything that makes a person uncomfortable"? How do you prove the person wasn't uncomfortable? Two men can say the exact same things with the exact same mannerisms and non-verbal communication, yet one is harassment and one is a cause for a delighted phone call to her friends.

        But you are right, I never mess with anyone I work with. Then again, I'm an engineer, and most female engineers…umm…lack the softer qualities that men look for.


        1. 'most female engineers…umm…lack the softer qualities that men look for'


          er…erm…*raises hand*…female engineer here…got no probs saying my qualities are tempered just right :P…ok so maybe what hugh jazz says isnt actually that bad because when i think of Lakers' play last night, i think of that as soft… lol

        2. No offense. Trust me, I've met some female engineers so beautiful that they could have most men proposing to them on the spot. But they are the exception, not the rule. Just as most male engineers are stereotyped as scrawny toothpicks, which for the most part is true. I certainly don't fit that mold.

          And the Lakers played very soft. Maybe it's just me, but that was one of the worst officiated games I've seen in a long time. The refs were very whistle happy on both sides.

        3. Just watched the clip. Hilarious! So wrong, but sooooo right at the same time. You may be a male mud duck if…..

  17. This is so funny because my kids dad and I worked together while we were dating and I had the guys after me and he had the females after him. He would go nuts when I would be in my cubicle and one his friends would be standing over me talking. Now everyone there knew we were together and still tried there best to pull somebody. Most people will walk away but some like the chase knowing that maybe they have a chance to pull you from your man or lady. Hell I wish it would have worked on me, lol.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  18. I have this very problem. Mrs CHeeKZ behind is too big and ninjas thirsty. Plus she is just too nice I actually hate the way she approaches men. I know what it is like to get turned down that isn't what she is doing … it may be what she thinks she is doing… but that isn't what she is doing.

    She is giving them that "I have a man. But if I didn't I would entertain your advances crap." THAT DOESN'T WORK! These men are sharks and once they smell a drop of blood in the water they are going to attack you.

    I will tell you the one line that always works. It will keep them away and make your man happy that he wifed you.


  19. OK. Here’s a doozy.

    You get approached by a married man of pretty significant political power in the work place–I’ll stop there.

    This goes beyond informing them you have an SO. Obviously they did too, and didn’t give a gatdamn.

    Could get HR involved…But would’ve become a public scandal if said person was sacked.

    What would u do?

    1. Wow…that is a doozy. I would be real clear that nothing, I mean NOTHING is happening HERE and I would hate for him to get into any trouble…wink, wink….with people in power positions like that you have to remind them of what they stand to lose……

      1. Very true Queen. But one has to wonder if such a person doesn’t already realize this. Who raised such a person? lmao.

        But I think that you give a person a lot of status and their habitual line stepping (#seewhatididthere) takes off.

        I suppose HR would be a good route…but who is willing to let their face get attached to such a scandal?


        1. That’s a tough one…with these economic times quitting may not be a solution.

          You know what I would seriously do…I would go deep into prayer on this one. Sometimes, you have to go to God…..

      1. Lmao. Maybe at a later date. Did you miss not wanting to be scandalized? I’m not a minor lol.

        @Queen as wonderful of an opportunity it was, I resigned because there were no other actions I was willing to take at the time. Where I work now–there are no men in my department though the birds come through from the other floor’s to make their passes lmao.

  20. I hear a lot of ladies saying that them letting guys know they have a man doesn't discourage suitors. You're right, it doesn't. It's actually a good thing for some dudes. They figure, if you have a boyfriend, or, better yet fiance/husband, and you let them smash – then they know there won't be any drama or strings attached because you're already in a happy relationship. Chances are, they have girlfriends too.

    When I was engaged, and almost at the wedding date, one of my old heads, who's married, sat me down to school me. His advice was this: If you're going to cheat, it should either be transactional, or, it should be with someone who has as much to lose as you. So, that means, it's either a 1 off thing when your traveling without the wife, or, it's with someone who is in a relatively happy marriage. Now, of course, I'm a good dude, so, none of this really applies, but, the point is well taken. Sometimes for some guys, you being attached is a good thing.

  21. I actually hate when chicks bring up their boo in conversations that have nothing to do with relationships. When I come over to your desk to ask you about the printer, I don’t need to know that your boyfriend is good with technology. What the f*ck do I care? I don’t want your hot-breath, deodorant clumped under the arms, lazy ass anyway!

  22. When I was with my ex (literally, he was standing right there), a friend-girl of his approached me about getting together. Something about ice and a candy store… #scurredofthat

    Obviously she knew I had a man. Didn’t matter to her, cuz I guess… girls don’t count? I of course politely declined her offer. So I guess letting them know you have a boyfriend means… well, nothing.

    My suggestion: let em down easy, if that doesn’t work, let em down hard. If all else fails, give em a fake number…

  23. It’s been my experience that mention of a boyfriend will not deter most men, it actually encourages them – maybe that whole “men like a challenge” thing, idk. So I just let them know in no uncertain terms that I am not interested with no mention of a man.

    They usually assume it’s because there is a boyfriend in the picture and ask “why, you got a man?” and that’s when I let them know again that I am just not interested in them – apparently there is something about a single woman specifically not wanting their a$$ that drives the point thru their ego like a hot knife home

    1. Exactly @ HeadMistress.

      Most dudes don't care about a woman having a man or not. When I used to try to be polite about it, I'd get any of the following ignorant questions: "But are you happy though?" "But does HE have a girlfriend though?" "Why hasn't he put a ring on your finger?" etc. All they really want to know is can they get in regardless of what you have going on. So why bother explaining all that? Waste of time.

      1. Yeah – the questions/statements that they come up with in an attempt to undermine are hilariously ridiculous

  24. I'm rude with zero patience and less tolerance. I never have this problem. I just tell 'em point blank to back up off me, in so many words, and then bless 'em with a mean glare.

    No, J, I don't think you were wrong for hanging up. She needs to stop being so dang nice. Time is money!!

  25. 1. It's on women to work in the boyfriend/husband when they feel the convo going in a certain direction.

    2. Men need to man up and respect the rejection. It's part of the game. Sometimes it'll make you look even better because more often than not someone else is watching.

    I have a cousin that moonlights as a barmaid. She's married and makes it known. Still dudes offer to oil her scalp.

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  28. Well I'm a woman (single) that works around 95% men 5 sometimes 6 days a week. When I first started working there, A LOT of the men, whether married, living with the mother of their child, separated, or older enough to be my father, tried HARD to talk to me. I didn't feel comfortable at all because every day different ones would come up and try to holla. Eventually, all got the point except for one older guy and it burned me to the core. I didn't want to go to H.R. because I didn't want to get him in trouble over something maybe I was being a little too over the top about but this guy didn't grasp how much I HATED seeing him walk toward me with this little smirk on his face that just screamed "hey boo/baby" Of course he couldn't have known because I didn't come out and exactly say that, but I would think me constantly telling you "no you can't have my number" and my short, dry answers were enough. I even pulled back so much he even thought I started to be mean when all it was that he couldn't talk to me without being annoyingly suggestive and on top of all that had a woman at home. I think your friend is one of MANY who go through the constant battle of UNWANTED men coming after them. I know guys tend to think a woman has no problem clowning a man she doesn't want but there are some out there that don't know how to let a guy down easily especially when you work together because now it's the awkwardness that's always in the room when the enter. One guy actually got mad at me for turning him down and told everyone he was sad by me not excepting his offer. I could have punched him in the face not considering how that makes me feel in an office full of people I really don't know me at all.


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