Home Featured The Chris Brown(@Chrisbrown) theory on forgiveness

The Chris Brown(@Chrisbrown) theory on forgiveness


So many of us watched the BET Awards. I have to first tip my cap and say it’s probably the best one since the last one with  MJ and James Brown. Speaking of Brown, it was definitely the comeback show, as Chris Brown performed and the THE MJ tribute we all wanted to see. The defining moment was when he broke down while singing Man in the Mirror. I never saw a collective swoon from the social media community or a universal reaction since the infamous #KanyeShrug. Many people say Light Skin Nation Chris Brown is back and all can now be forgiven. Others were quick to state that Breezy is far from done, can’t and should never be able to live down his mistake, and should be roasted every change they get! I’ve felt a way about these and other “judging” sentiments and finally saw the opportunity to drop this blog, so lets talk about forgiveness:

People shouldn’t have to suffer for a mistake forever

It is truly incredible the amount of backlash that I see when people in the spotlight commit some transgression. Some people seem to be relentless in bringing up these issues (jokes aside), and continually dismiss anything positive they do because of one eff up. I’ve had situations where I refused to forgive people. Others would interject and tell me that “Everyone makes mistakes”. A criminal who serves a prison term did the crime and did the time, so s/he should be acknowledged for their steps towards rehabilitation. It takes a big person to admit their faults, and a wise person to better themselves. If they complete these tasks, why continue to diminish their steps towards redemption? At some point people need to get over issues, release grudges, and move on… especially if the person’s actions did not directly impact your life in a negative manner!

Those who live in glass houses…

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My homie Miss Jenkins wrote a post about people who are quick to judge. She used a specific situation. I’ll be a bit more general. I hate hypocrisy and holier-than-thou thoughts. It’s one of the things I despise about sites like Twitter. Everyone has an opinion, whether it’s actually warranted or not. People engage these social networking sites and pontificate about the next person’s fault as if they’ve never committed sin. I understand the initial apprehension about Breezy crying on stage. I had to watch it a few times to see if the #swindle was upon us. However, I understood where son was coming from, and was proud he had his moment, when secretly MOST people were rooting for him to overcome. Which leads me to my next point:

Have you ever needed forgiveness?

These same members of the Church of  Twitter-Day Saints, who preach about other’s issues, act as if they’ve never needed forgiveness. As if they never did anything in life which they regret and requested penance. As if their lives are free of iniquity and transgression. Take it from a venomous Scorpio like myself: I understand the desire to hold a grudge, spit on the ground that foul people walk upon, and curse them to the Netherworld. However I also understand as a Christian and a reflective individual, that WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES! I can forgive but choose not to forget. I also can go on with life without the need to constantly bring up a person’s eff-up to keep them down.  I wonder if these same people who shoot down Chris Brown, A.Keys, and Pontius Pilate, would  feel like  they don’t deserve to move on with their lives if they commit similar acts. Serious question!

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I can see both sides. Where do I stand? Well, if you are that judgemental that no one in your eyes deserves forgiveness if they commit certain acts, then please don’t live a double standard when you lie, cheat, steal, commit adultery, etc, and no one wants to forgive you. The public eye holds much scrutiny, but they are people just like us and deserve the same chances at redemption.

This may be a hot button topic, so let’s press that b*tch and MOVE!


P.S. In case anyone gets it twisted, I don’t condone anything Chris Brown did in that case. This post is about whether or not to forgive. I see the swindle like I’m clairvoyant. Ms Cleo.


  1. This is a great post. I don't condone his actions either but i think that the issue has continuously come up so much that it has gotten ridiculous. Domestic Violence is very very real but there are even more severe cases than what Chris has done but its out there because of his celebrity status (that is not a condoning statement but just simply stating a truth, people have DIED in domestic violence situations). I believe that he can still receive forgiveness but it doesn't necessarily have to be forgotten either. Being that i grew up in a domestic situation that was less than pleasant, if i can let it go, why can't others? *shrug*

    If God can forgive us for our transgressions, why can't we? None of us are above whatever higher power we believe in and to think so is blasphemy.

  2. It's unfortunate that I grew up thinking that what Chris did was pretty much the norm. I also know quite a few men that would be really great people… except they have a propensity to get violent when drinking*. When these men are in volatile relationships with women who have no problem hitting a man (no, I'm not saying that's what RiRi did), they've been known to hit back.

    It's because of this being almost normal to me that I "forgave" (not that it's my place to) Chris fairly quickly. I thought his behavior that night was reprehensible, but I've witnessed too many situations where I questioned whether I would be able to control my temper. So, to me, unless I was there, I couldn't judge too harshly. Especially considering the mistakes I've made that others judge quickly on, like in Ms. Jenkins post.

    I realize that this is an issue. There should never be normalcy to a situation like this. It's probably a big reason why so many young women stay in relationships that have turned violent. I'm just glad that I have enough strength and recognition of what's wrong to not have been one of these women. I would never in my adult life let a man get away with putting his hands on me

    I also usually forgive pretty quickly, because I always TRY to empathize and see where a person is coming from. This has caused me a large number of problems in my life, but I'd rather that than be stone cold when it comes to forgiveness.

    *Disclaimer: I 100% think these men are wrong and would never consider these men to be friends.

    1. It’s probably a big reason why so many young women stay in relationships that have turned violent.

      ^^^My mother left but it took a LONG time for her to do so…and i ended up going back for the sake of stability since my mother was moving around so much and every other night was a nightmare, I went to school quite a few days with tears in my eyes because of something said or something that happened prior to my arrival.

      My best friend's father was abusive under the influence of alcohol and when her mother was on the brink of leaving, he stopped drinking but she didn't want to leave because they had 5 children together.

      For me, it was the norm as well as my best friend but my other friends didn't seem to have the same situation growing up…but you never know whats going on outside of your social circle.

    2. I’m not going to comment on this chris brown & Rhi Rhi thing as I haven’t seen the BET clip so I reserving my judgement but I know I’m going judge it hard when I see it. I get that everybody’s human and thus fallible but people need to realise that in the public eye you’re gonna be judge harder…1) there’re more people looking at you and 2) there are a lot of impressionable people out there than you know that will use your mistakes to continuously justify theirs #StupidButTrue.

      I grew up with witnessing domestic violence…my dad beats up my mum…unlike what Sane said it never felt normal to me…emotional it got to all the kids. Right now my younger brother hasn’t seen or spoken to my dad in 2 years…not since the last time he beat my mother to a pulp. She was 59.

      I wrote a post about it here: http://shubbydoo.blogspot.com/2008/06/blow.html

      When it happened I asked my mother to leave him again. She didn’t. She wont…she wants to be with my dad but not his fists…unfortunately it comes with the package. I realised I couldn’t help her if she didn’t want help. I don’t hate my dad but i dont speak to him much anymore. I've lost respect for him. If he’s around when I’m visiting, I acknowledge him with an hello but that’s it. He went into hospital last year and my mum was their with him throughout…but she didn’t dare ask any of us to come… but I went…my eldest bro was there too but not my other two brothers… but soon as I heard he was on the mend and it wasn’t critical anymore I took off…

      People say forgive and forget. I’m gonna add another …learn to let go. The latter can be mutually exclusive from forgiveness and/ or forgetting. Fight your corner but don’t dwell on things that will hold you back as a human being and take it up as a stupid cause just to prove a point…it limits you and highlights the fact that you’re actually still the one that is bitter and twisted #truth

      I might hold grudges for a time #SueMe but i always find a way to resolve things inwardly if I cant do it personally. I value my peace of mind above the hate…

      1. Let me try to clarify what I meant here. When I say that this type of thing seemed normal, I mean situations where the man seems to just lose his temper with a women who is provoking him in some way (which I believe to be the case here, although I have no proof). I am not referring to the situation you were in. Unfortunately, I was in a number of foster homes where I was victim/witness to the same abuse that your mother had to deal with and to me that is a whole different ball game. To me, that is less about losing your temper than needing to have power over a "weaker" human being.

        That said, I still believe forgiveness is possible in those situations. The event that caused the ball rolling towards me and my siblings being in foster care was my sister's father launching me (a 1 and 1/2 yr old at the time) down a flight of stairs, putting me in the hospital. (Spoiler Alert…. I survived). This same man came back into our lives when I was 19 after serving time and turning to God. We now have a pretty great relationship and I think I'm a better person for being able to forgive him.

        That said… I hope your mother one day finds the courage and right circumstances to leave that situation. When/if she does, I know you'll be there for her.

      2. Fight your corner but don’t dwell on things that will hold you back as a human being and take it up as a stupid cause just to prove a point…it limits you and highlights the fact that you’re actually still the one that is bitter and twisted #truth

        ^^^Words to live by!

        I might hold grudges for a time #SueMe but i always find a way to resolve things inwardly if I cant do it personally.

        ^^^If you are human, you hold grudges…i do it a lot & i don't hide the fact that i do!

        A lot of what my mom dealt with was behind closed doors & i only heard things. What i dealt with was behind closed doors too but i always told my mom…she begged me move with her but Long Island was all i knew & i wanted to finish up with my friends. I went away for school to get away.

        @SaneN: i'm glad you survived cause you're pretty freakin awesome! =0) (Smiley face amongst the dross conversation!)

  3. How can you forgive someone who has done that kind of ish if you've never lived it?

    I unfortunately can not forgive Chris Brown for what he did. Now let me get this clear: yes he is an amazing artist. I recognize that. He was the only person out there who could had pulled it off perfectly. Like I said on Twiter, Chris redeemed himself. As an ARTIST.

    Why I don't forgive him? Well that's obvious. No not cause they say I'm a messikan version of Rihanna… I've been a victim. And I can not forgive a person who can cause that much kind of physical, emotional, and abusive pain in another being and not just a woman.

    I don't harbor such kinds of sentiments towards no one because I believe it is a sentiment that sucks life out of you, but there is only one person that Lord forgive me, I wish death upon. And that is the person that hurt me, her, and her.

    1. Do you honestly think that by saying "Lord forgive me" excuses you for what you said? I can't be too sure myself but a sin is a sin no matter how small or big it is. You HAVE to forgive him and anyone else simply because it's not for them, it's for you. Stop holding on to that pain and grief because you won't be able to live a healthy and prosperous life doing so. I forgive him AND Rihanna for what happened that night. They BOTH made mistakes but honestly in this world, the man is going to suffer the repercussions far more than the woman and since he's a young black man who seemed innocent and kind from the get go, now he gets slapped with the out of control, bitch, little boy profile. My only thing is that this is a little boy compared to what Charlie Sheen, Wesley Snipes, David Justice, James Brown, Ike Turner, Omar Epps, and many other twice grown folks who knowingly knew the consequences of their actions but beat their women anyway. So don't ask God to just forgive you for what you said, ask God to forgive him and all people who suffer from this problem and pray that he may remove the spirit of fear, anger, depression, etc. from them.

  4. well i feel that there are a lot of hypocrites in this world so no ones opinion should really be taken completely to heart..not only that….but this entire chris brown situation is ridiculous to me….yes what he did was wrong….however no one knows what went on during the relationship…..or the actual events that lead up to that night…so therefore…no one should speak on it…because of his status its going to be blown up…no one is perfect in this world.. no one is innocent either….on a brighter note…that performance was brilliant…and genuine..mj was one of his idols and to not be able to celebrate his life and mourn his death when he died..im sure was heart breaking…this was his chance to do so…

  5. Lol, I just commented on this issue on another site so apt moment for me to delurk :p

    Could you expatiate on where Chris Brown has taken steps to redeem himself (apart from the court-ordered steps)? Was it him smiling to the paps on a jetski days after he beat up his girlfriend? His sporadic twitter outbursts that reveal an entitled and "i-thought-i-already-said-sorry-damn-it!!!!" attitude? His crew going in on his abused girlfriend on twitter? His consequent contrived interviews which fell flat? Singing at a boxing match? What exactly has Brown done that, in the public eye, could allow him be perceived as someone who is truly remorseful? (The BET 'meltdown' does not count).

    It's easier to forgive someone who you perceive to be remorseful than not (the word 'perceive' is key because after all, perception is reality). It's like trying to forgive a sincerely remorseful 'other woman' who your SO cheated on you with versus trying to forgive a blatantly unrepentant 'homewrecker'.

    If anything, I say that it is the consequent stupid actions Brown had made (which might not even have been malicious on his part but do not seem remorseful in the least), and not the initial DV incident, that have kept him nailed to the cross he is now hanging on.

    Right now, fate has it that Chris Brown is now the scapegoat representing the millions of abusers that have gotten away lightly with their atrocities.

    Unfortunate, maybe but hey, forgiveness doesn't mean that we don't get to deal with the consequences of our decisions and actions, however mild or severe they may be. Life in a nutshell for you.

    1. Allow me to expatiate (I'm stealing this word btw. Effin awesome)!

      #1, for you to say his BET "Meltdown" doesn't count is funny. That means you think it's a swindle, which is your opinion. Remember the acts leading up to him doing this tribute. Getting shunned last year, the song he sang. I just dont think hes a good enough "actor" to fake that. Could be wrong though.

      #2 we all agree that CB's PR team sucked. no arguments there. However he did serve his sentence (and is still serving it). He's taking steps to rehabilitate. He apologized. My thing is what MORE do you want?

      #3 The underlying message of this blog wasn't so much about CB as it is this question: Wouldnt you want that same forgiveness and would you be content if no one offered it to you?

      1. "He’s taking steps to rehabilitate."

        the question is…how do you know this? or is it just assumed that he is. a lot of ppl say this in his defense, but where is the proof of this?

        this is coming from someone that has no opinion on forgiveness because as a casual listener to his music I don't think I need to forgive him. its not my place…

        1. He hasn't done it again!

          Everyone talks about being sorry and blah blah blah. Rehab for beating a chick. Some kind of reverse pimp school.

          B.S. Sorry is in his actions and his actions have kept his hands to themselves. That is good enough for the crimminal justice system, its good enough for me.

        2. @Cheekz also I never said he needed to be rehabilitated. it just irks me that that comes out of everyone's mouth/type and they have no evidence of such taking place…none of us are his therapists or counselors, if he has any (which is my point).

          just say the man has moved on, because that we DO know…

        3. @Cheekz but that's the thing…who needs evidence? Oh that's right! Fickle fans need evidence! I swear once your on top they love you but make one mistake and they're kicking you while you lie on the ground (not necessarily directed at you on anyone on this comment section). It's ridiculous.

      2. Yes, the word 'expatiate' is quite gorgeous, innit?

        1. I don't think his tears were contrived. I just think they were self-indulgent and I have no patience for people who have victimized another person trying to make a victim of themselves.

        2. As Reecie pointed out, what steps exactly has Chris taken to rehabilitate himself that the public has 'seen'? For him to ingratiate himself into public opinion, he needs to make some of those steps visible. Court some good PR or just sit down altogether for a little while which he has refused to do.

        3. Of course, I would want that same forgiveness but I'd also do well to remember that others aren't exactly Jesus Christ. I've been in situations where I wasn't forgiven by others and all I could do was suck it up because my actions caused the need for forgiveness in the first place! Besides, let's keep it real – the only reason Chris wants 'our' forgiveness is so we can buy his music and keep him in the bank. Otherwise, he'd have told us to go screw ourselves :p

        @Sane, thanks for the welcome. Feel free to go in. I have a thick skin 🙂

        1. I could say that Chris wants us to buy music but you know what? That would be an assumption too. Two wrongs != a right.

          His conselling and community service are stringent definitions of rehabilitation. I dont know of anything else, but when you go to jail,. when you serve terms, those are steps to rehab in the laws eyes.

          Counselling is suppose to be rehab right?

          Other steps I dont know. @Reecie I do agree to say hes moved on also.

        2. @ Streetz, community service and counseling are part of his sentence, but doing those things does NOT guarantee rehabilitation. There is a difference. of course I am of the school of thought that incarceration doesn't rehabilitate either. I just don't think its accurate to assume that because he does what the law mandates that he is "rehabilitated."

        3. @Reecie,

          I said rehabilitation not rehabilitated, meaning that I think its a continuing process. Definitely respect your views on :the system"

          I lived the life of watching people try to rehabilitate and overcome demons and I can tell you its a day by day struggle. So I don't think hes 100% but hes a younger male who has the opportunity to let an early transgression in life be the foundation to be a better him. I hope he takes that. Puffy Combs

        4. "Court some good PR"

          But then you would just say he courted some good PR. None of this really matters because some people with forgive him and some will not.

          I have never been abused, but I have a HUGE problem with it. However, I can (sort of) give him the benefit of the doubt. If he does it again, shame on me.

        5. @streetz you're right I meant to edit. point being its not something YOU can assume is going on or will ever happen, serving your sentence does not equal rehabilitation. that is all. 🙂

          I just want people to deal with the facts. facts are we don't know all what happened to either of them, we don't know whats going on now (internally), we don't have the power to make an impact on either of their lives thru forgiveness.

    2. Thanks for delurking. Welcome! I appreciate your valid points about Chris' rehabilitation.

      You will be my first and last welcome of the day, because this is a touchy subject and I don't want anyone to feel like they're getting "attacked" for their opinion on their first time commenting.

  6. "I can forgive but choose not to forget. I also can go on with life without the need to constantly bring up a person’s eff-up to keep them down." <– *applause*

    I know men who verbally and physically abuse their wives, girlfriends, and children mercilessly . .. no remorse, no regret, no rehabilitation (even after being jailed for the crimes). I can never forgive them b/c they've made no strides to be forgiven. And some of them I'm supposed to love because they are family. But, they are monsters IMO.

    I think one of the issues is that we take the hate for people that have abused us and/or our loved ones and placed that hate onto CB. That's easy to do but it's not fair. We can't place the crimes of every other abusive person on his back. We can't hold him responsible for the public and what they do. I can't hate Chris Brown because of how my uncle used to beat my aunt senseless. They are not the same person. I can't hate Chris Brown because my cousin's fiance smacks her around and verbally terrorizes their children. They are not the same person.

    Chris Brown appears to be working on himself and trying his hardest to get better. I can't make him the face of evil. I don't condone what he's done but I can't banish him for it either. He's trying his damnedest to earn the forgiveness of people who he honestly doesn't owe an apology. The issue lies between he and Rihanna. He may live his life in the public eye but he owes the public nothing. Nothing. Yes, we were all shocked, disgusted, disappointed, etc but it's time for people to move on. If Rihanna can move on, so can the rest of the viewing public. You don't have to forgive him, but get over it. What does he have to do to prove to people that he's doing better? Provide face to face apologies? He served his sentence. He's been in anger management. He's staying out of trouble. Live and let live. One day you may make a mistake. If you work to become a better person, is it fair for others to continue to throw that in your face?

    The thing about life is that people make mistakes. They do bad things. They make terrible decisions. And, sometimes, they change and do better. And, it's my personal decision to forgive him. I won't forget what he's done and I'm sure he'll never forget either. I've moved on.

  7. This post will definitely hit a soft spot with A LOT of people and will also bring out their ignorance. I'm going to say my few words and watch the comments roll in.

    Re: the could-have-been-BET-ter awards, Chris Brown did that performance JUSTICE. My friends and I were talking & it's like it was made for him (cuz Usher is too old to even try and move like that). I gotta admit, I forgot he beat Rihanna (not that it wouldn't make me still move to all those songs, eehee!). But he was making me pop & lock, like I'm doing now. THEN, Man In The Mirror came on.

    -_____________- That song makes me sway and his crying disturbed me a bit. I didn't WANT him to cry because…it was too much for me. Not that I cried. Hell no! (lol) I felt it was extra-ish. I know MJ meant a lot to him. He friggin CALLED CB on his 16th birthday!! Yup! I was hating!! But still…. sheesh. =/

    Now about the topic at hand, he did a bad thing. He messed up. We are ALL aware of that! With the physical on Rihanna and anyone who does that is pretty much in the wrong BUT as Streetz clearly pointed out, he did the crime & did the time. I'm saying we should all move on. I mean, after all, Chris Brown IS human. I won't say I'm picking sides. I'm sure HE has to live with his mistake whenever some reminder comes up or someone brings it up. I'm sure he wasn't waiting for the moment to hit her.

    And I bet you it's a lot of people in glass houses throwing stones too. Hypocrites. Hmph. He's gonna live with that mistake forever because no one will ever really let it go. Give it up though. There are other stars out there doing f*cked up sh!t and this is all people can focus on? #MovingAling I know I'm no saint [but I WAS born on All Saints Day – November 1st] because I've definitely needed forgiveness. So I NEVER jumped in any CB-R argument, talmbout "BUT he HIT Ri! He hit her! He's the devil." WHO am I to judge? #sukishrug

    If he were any regular dude that beat his girlfriend, it really wouldn't be THAT big of a deal. But I guess since he's in the public eye and people looked up to him… yeah, you know where I'm going with this. And I do not condone physical abuse. I feel everyone has to make that disclaimer. It's a given.

    With all of that said, CB did MJ justice with the performance. That's about all I really wanted to comment on but as you see ^^ SDot is never satisfied and always has more to say. 🙂

    Streetz, I commend you. *slow clap*

    1. There are other stars out there doing f*cked up sh!t and this is all people can focus on?

      ^^^It's not just stars but people who aren't famous too! Let a celebrity kill someone in a domestic dispute & the eyes will be turned to that person. If people are going to keep talking about it, why not also talk about the reality of domestic violence at the same time. That's not what I'm seeing happening when people talk about him. This is still going because he is famous & has been since he was a bit younger & i guess people expected him to be above such acts when in reality, no one is.

      Everyone falls off their pedestal sometime, even MJ did (no disrespect, R.I.P.)…and it didn't seem like people didn't truly let it go till he passed. Is that whats going to happen with Chris? Is so, people are going to be harboring however negatively they feel towards him for a LONG time.

    2. I for one actually believed CB crying- ever since he showed up on the scene he was talking about how MJ was his greatest influence. He even cried when the man called him for this birthday so to say that he HAS to be (without a doubt) crying fake tears when performing that mans song is ridiculous. I saw people who only liked MJs music crying. bah.

      1. Oh no, I knew the tears were real. It just didn't sway me any different to see him cry. He reminded me of Trey Songz's crying. BUT that's another story.. 😀

  8. I'm not condoning his actions but people need to go vomit to get all that anger off their chest. Yes he was bawling, and he may have revived his career. Even if you've been a victim of domestic violence, you can not compare your situation to breezy and Rhi. I can't judge his over circumstances that I'm not fully aware of every detail, even though Rhi went on tv trying to win pitty–but that's another story. What he did was wrong, but should you go on everyday of your life being reminded of a mistake, or should you be encouraged to revamp yourself:#lethimlive!

  9. I said a couple of days ago that if ppl knew the magnitude of fukkery that I did behind closed doors when I was his age, some of my closest friends (that sing my praises) would still be shunning me today.

    Every day of our life is a journey. Its an opportunity to use your mistakes to not only better yourself, but also help others.

    As far as Chris Brown goes, I have absolutely no idea if he has had a spiritual/emotional change of heart. But I allow him the space to redeem his reputation if he chooses to do so.

    1. "Every day of our life is a journey. Its an opportunity to use your mistakes to not only better yourself, but also help others."


  10. I don't condone what Chris Brown did but I am also a child of God who can forgive one for one's mistakes. Chris has been punished behind what was done to RiRi and he apologized over and over again and did his time. For those that can not forgive is not a child of God because He forgives us for our sins constantly. Those without sin shall throw the fisrt stone.

    So now no one is without sin?? GTFOH with that. Move on and let Chris move on. There are many others in Hollywood that does the same thing Chris does on a daily basis….Chris got caught so now he must suffer. He suffered enough, let it go and move on. Welcome back Chris Brown.

  11. i dont know why everyone is going on about a freaking performance, yes, it was good but i dont buy that crying BS it was such a publicity stunt.
    i cant forgive chris brown and i dont care about all these people saying 'you dont know the circumstances leading up to the event—>ahhh, black people.always justifying beating up a 'bitch'.
    and to that person saying 'rihanna went on tv'..ummmm…i guess you skipped the part where chris brown went on TONS of interviews talking about it.
    do you know that domestic abuse is more frequent in black families?why?because you guys freaking condone it.forgiveness my ass.like if riri was your daughter, you'd want to forgive.
    what will you tell your kids when they put on the tv and see chris brown, 'oh thats that boy who beat up a girl and hes a super star so its alright for you to do that too and be famous and be rich'.
    mschewww, yeah right, forgive.
    and how exactly did he show remorse?all his outbursts on twitter?posing for the paps a day after he beat rihanna?tell me exactly how has he shown his remorse.
    mscheww, black people.

    1. Two words: Shut up!

      Oh and two more words: Dumb ass!

      Wait, here go three more: Kill yo self! LOL.

      That is all. Ignorant ass.

      1. Two words: Shut up!

        Oh and two more words: Dumb ass!

        Wait, here go three more: Kill yo self! LOL.

        That is all. Ignorant ass.

        ^^^How did i miss this?! iDIED!

    2. But no, really, aren't you black? Nigerian, okay. So you don't consider yourself "black" because you don't do what "black people" do… But… ugh >_<

      *says to self* Don't do it Sukez. Don't do it…

      RCLS, kudos on your research, btw lol

  12. Thoughtful topic, time to come out of stealth mde.

    I joked with my friends that if I had the singing/dancing abilities of people like Usher and R. Kelly, I could pop-lock, moonwalk and sing my way out of all the dumb ish I've done over the years. A few tears and emotional breakdown on Live National TV and bam! I'm free.

    It is not my job to judge CB and since none of us know what happened that night, it's unfair to take a side, but so is life and Breezy is learning the lesson the hard way. If he's had a real change of heart, suffered and ready to move on, more power to him and Rihanna.

    The only forgiveness he needs is from God.

  13. Man, the massive been on some other ish this week, I have to say, i'm not ready to comment just yet. I just want to say, a lot people sound so stupid when they talk about this situation. "I don't care what the entire situation was…" That's dumb. Your entire opinion about the situation might change if you knew the entire situation. Being someone who actually sat and researched all that I could do about the Rihanna/Chris Brown situation, I will say that both of their behinds was wrong. And so it was a wash to me.

    Case in point, people should keep their hands to themselves. I am not going to engage in a conversation about what's worst a man hitting a woman or a woman hitting a man. The thing is women and MEN die from domestic violence in homes around America. EVERYONE should keep their hands to themselves.

    However, everyone of us has lied, cheated and stole. If not but for the grace of God we would have been dead and gone. Lastly, no one should ask you to forgive Chris Brown to be real, 1) Chris Brown doesn't need your forgiveness, he needs his family and Rihanna's. "Forgive us our trespasses and trespassers." Who cares if you forgive him or not? 2) A lot of people disagree with his actions, but he didn't do anything to you, so i'm sorry CB don't owe you squat, 3) Since when did you become greater than God, who forgave people who murdered, adultered, and cursed his name…. yet you canNOT forgive Chris Brown. Y'all know i'm working the door in heaven and i'm writing everyone name down who's comment is talking about not being able to forgive.

    1. "The thing is women and MEN die from domestic violence in homes around America. EVERYONE should keep their hands to themselves."

      ^^^If I could bold, underline, italize and increase the font, I would cause this the TRUTH! *pounds gavel*

      "3) Since when did you become greater than God, who forgave people who murdered, adultered, and cursed his name…. yet you canNOT forgive Chris Brown. Y’all know i’m working the door in heaven and i’m writing everyone name down who’s comment is talking about not being able to forgive."


      And they are right, you did comment! lol

    2. "Damn these n*ggas got me, I hate these n*ggas more than the Nazis." – Kanye West.

      So maybe I did comment.

      But I didn't comment on the post that was written, that's what I meant.

  14. Rihanna has moved on, can we all follow suit.

    Its funny how people are continually judging Chris Brown….and guess what…they did the SAME thing to Michael Jackson. The media buried MJ so far in the ground with lies, judgement, jokes,etc. Enough is enough…there's only one God, and he's a forgiving God

    He's already been to trial once…let Chris Brown live.

  15. Are you f***ing kidding me? Fame nor excess riches are a necessity in life and as such, when you decide to batter the hell out of a woman, rape/assault a woman, etc., then you should lose your right to positive public sentiment that provided you such fame/riches. It's not for me, you or anyone else to 'forgive' Chris, but as a discerning member of society, I have the right to throw my dollars behind people who share a common sense of decency that doesn't include beating the shit out of someone for looking at your phone. Further, leaving the toilet seat up is a mistake; Beating up your girlfriend isn't. Why the hell are black people always trying to condone and excuse shit that their is no excuse for? We have allowed the likes of Ike Turner, Mike Tyson, Kobe Bryant, and now Chris Brown to do some unforgivable shit and then try to turn a blind eye. How many white celebrities out there have the kind of violent assault records against women as these men? For shame.

    1. I don't think any of us are condoning his behavior..it was wrong. This post is about forgiving those who have done something wrong.

      Have you ever done anything wrong that you wanted someone to forgive you for?

  16. Can I pose a question…

    Is it just me or are black folks way more critical and unforgiving that white folks? I've noticed on twitter that we are the quickest to tear each other down when ish happens.

    1. I don't know about that….black folks may be the most forgiving people…we forgave Marion Barry at least three times…re-elected him twice..and we are working on forgiving him a fourth time….we forgave OJ for turning his back on his people and then embraced him when he tried to come back and re-claim us….and alot of black folk said OJ didn't kill that woman…which is poppycock…we forgave Bill Clinton for what he did with Monica..and would've singlehandedly re-elected him if it were not his last term to serve….we forgave MJ(RIP) when he turned White on us and kept being brought up on charges of child molestation…..

      We forgive alot. lol.

      1. I agree w/ Queen but I also acknowledge what you're saying Slim — we as a people may be quick to forgive but we will chop a situation to pieces in the baber/beauty shops. Black folk will talk/critize you til the cows come home but do generally forgive a lot.

    2. We may be very crtical of each other, but like Queen said, we are very forgiving. And as a whole, we are much more accepting of bullshiggidy within our community than our white brethren. Personally, I don't think we are critical enough about the right things. Eff Chris Brown! What's the point of criticizing him when the whole block knows RayRay beats Gina's a$$ everyday, and no one will do anything about it.

      1. "Eff Chris Brown! What’s the point of criticizing him when the whole block knows RayRay beats Gina’s a$$ everyday, and no one will do anything about it."

        Real talk! This is why I have such an issue with people harping on it like it's a Chris Brown issue. No it's a people issue…white, black, brown, it happens everywhere.

        IMO it's not fair to continue to make him the poster child for DV. How many NFL'ers have been arrested for DV? Athletes in general, that we have allowed to come back. Yes, he did a bad thing. But, he paid his debt to society. RiRi got a platinum album out of capitalizing on her being a victim…and no I'm not judging, I'm stating a fact…as someone that's experienced my own similar situation, I know what it's like. And I also know how to use it to my advantage…I just don't.

        I'm glad the situation brought to light that it's happening to younger women everyday. But rather than talk about CB and tarnish his career, why are we pushing for more education on the subject? Why aren't we looking into why so many people are becoming abusers?

      2. "What’s the point of criticizing him when the whole block knows RayRay beats Gina’s a$$ everyday, and no one will do anything about it."

        ^^^And that's a sad reality…

    3. Black folks are way more selective in who we forgive. We are also "band wagon" riders in that we jump on trends as flavors of the week, without a lot of rhyme or reason. IMO.

      1. For the record, I never jumped on the OJ bandwagon..you will never hear me say.."OJ didn't do it". I did vote for Marion Barry the second time..because "that bish set him up" and I wanted to see him redeem himself…still not sure about MJ and those charges…but, it doesn't matter anymore…

  17. While I don't condone what he did, Chris had no reason to apologize to any of us. He made a mistake, a huge mistake and hopefully he learned some valuable lessons and will think before he let's his emotions get the best of him (well he didn't do that the other night when he went into the ugly cry). None of us has a right to say a dayum about ish that other folks do because I am sure our closets are full of stuff we would like to put into the past. There are plenty of people beating up their girlfriends and most of us would walk right on by and not do a damn thing, but because it's Chris Brown we have to ask for his head.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate


  18. You have to forgive people who ask to be forgiven (and even if they dont–do it for YOURSELF). If Jesus can forgive me of all the things I have done and said in my life…surely, I can forgive. Who am I not to forgive this man….Yes, he was wrong. He knows it…lets allow this man to move on….

    Forgiving a person is not allowing that person to still have emotional power over you…I have forgiven the most hurtful of things, I forgave my ex-husband for running off with another woman..I forgave the other woman..not because she asked me to..but because I chose to not continue to hold that bitterness inside of me..because while you are not forgiving someone..they're moving on with their life and enjoying it….now will I have them over and break bread NO…will I FORGET…heck NO…but, Forgiveness is about YOU not the other person…..

    "He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass" – George Herbert

    1. Well said. This is how I feel about a lot of things in life. Who am I? It's not about me. When someone asks for forgiveness, we should give it to them. Especially, when we want to be afforded the same kind of treatment.

      It takes a lot of effort to hold a grudge, more than it does to release all of those feeling. I'm not one for carrying around extra burdens. Especially, for a situation that doesn't directly involve me.

  19. I am happy to say I've NEVER gotten into a Chris Brown/Rihanna discussion. Although we share the same last name (lol), Mr. Brown is of no relation to me & neither is Rihanna. With that being said it is none of my business & only God can judge. People love giving an opinion about other peoples situations that don't even concern them. Get a life! God Bless 🙂

  20. Since this blog is about forgiveness I will stick to the topic at hand.

    I think that I am a very forgiving person, I don't hold grudges and even when someone does something clearly wrong I try to understand the motivating factor behind what they did and then mentally reconstruct it in my mind.

    As far as being judgemental, I think that everyone can be judgemental, but that is a symptom of human nature. People are always using other people as a measuring stick to how high or how low they are in their lives.

  21. The Bible says, how can you say that you love me [God] whom you've never seen and don't love your brother whom you break bread with daily? [paraphrase]

    “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” – Bryant H. McGill

    I most certainly love God & therefore I will show love to all my brothers in this life — Chris Brown included. In that, I forgive him. Chris doesn't owe me anything & he most certainly doesn't need my forgiveness but because he asked for it, it is his. I've done wrong and if my sins were aired on national Tv I might be asking ya'll for forgiveness for some isht ya'll don't have nothing to do with.

    Last but not least… one of my favorite quotes:

    “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi

    1. “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi

      ^^^Wise words from a decent man! (He has the best quotes EV-AR…sorry, I'm a fan)

  22. I just want to say that Chris does not owe any of us an apology.Like anyone on this earth,he needs to redeem himself to God.It is not our place to judge his heart or what he has done because we are ALL SINNERS!

    Some say Chris needs forgiveness from Rihanna.How do you know it's not vice versa…….Rihanna has a history of abuse she even admitted in 2007 in Complex Magazine to bashing her own brother in the head with a glass bottle.There have been several incidents where she has hit Chris on other occasions.In the initial report,it was said that "she was the aggressor".Rihanna is not the innocent victim she is portrayed to be….

    This issue is beyond domestic abuse because frankly I don't see this situation as anything except a fight that got of control when Rihanna checked his text messages and started hitting Chris in that car.

    No this issue is about The Deceptive Media……….The same media that report misconceptions about Chris is the same media that seem to minimize the REAL ABUSE history of Charlie Sheen and then inquiring minds should WONDER WHY IS THAT!

    In closing…..Chris was wonderful at the Tribute! I wish him all kinds of positive energy.

    1. I'm sorry….but it seems like you may be inferring that RiRi caused herself to get beat-up..or that she started it…either way, a man should never put his hand on a woman…for the simple fact, a man is stronger than a woman physically…in such instance…a man simply needs to walk away. There is no need to try and go toe to toe with a woman under any circumstance…..

      I mean we forgive Chris and all but let's not turn this into a situation where we blame the woman with the bruises and the busted lip….yeah, she may have gotten out of character but all he had to do was walk away..I read the incident report..and he was trying to knock her block off in the car.

      1. I think that men and women should be held equally accountable. In no way is it ok to lay hands on anyone in a means to harm another human being. Say the tables were turned and Chris was the one in that picture? what would the response be then? Not saying its alright but this is where double standards come in…women are just as capable as men once angry enough…

        1. But he wasn't. Why are we bringing up hypotheticals just for the sake of it? This whole thread makes me sad. I can't decide if there is just a ton of immaturity a foot, or if we have become the type of society where we not only make excuses for terrible behavior, but try to place blame on the victim simply because the abuser has some kind of "talent."

          I find it hard to even put the Chris Brown situation under the context of forgiveness b/c I think forgiveness implies someone doing wrong against you. Chris Brown didn't wrong anyone but Rhianna. However, by the public continuing to support him, we send a message to his fans (mostly young teenage girls) that this type of behavior is acceptable within a relationship and that there is a possible justification for a man savagely beating a woman and choking her till she loses consciousness. To me, its not even about do I forgive him or not, its about why as a community we find it hard to speak out against things that aren't right, such that those younger and more impressionable amongst us aren't caught up in irresponsible behavior.

          I'm all about forgiveness. But there are just some things that shouldn't be forgotten (i.e. R.Kelly's predilection for VERY young girls) and/or swept under the rug.

        2. The only job of an entertainer is to entertain. If a girl is taking her cues from the RiRi/CB mess, then she has other issues that need to be dealt with.

        3. "But he wasn’t. Why are we bringing up hypotheticals just for the sake of it?"

          @Avery, You clearly didn't see the point, the hypothetical question was to bring the realities of domestic violence to light. It doesn't just happen to women, it happens to men too! Both sexes need to be held equally accountable for being abusers. Women are NOT as weak as they are perceived to be just as men are NOT as strong as they are thought to be. I do not condone domestic violence in any way, i grew up in such an environment, but its something that people need to be real about and know that both sexes are capable of such violence if pushed enough.

          @saneN that is SOO true! If they think that their relationship is a prime example of a healthy & successful one, they definitely need to turn off the tv & observe those older couples that walk around holding hands.

  23. Good post, Streetz!

    I missed most of the CB tribute to MJ because I was watching True Blood. priorities, People!!. However, I did turn to see him breakdown during Man in The Mirror, and I wasn't moved. I know that sounds harsh, but it is what is. I'm over the whole CB/RhiRhi saga.

    As for forgiveness, CB doesn't owe me anything. I wasn't a fan, and I've bever purchased any of his music. The only people he needs forgiveness from in Rihanna and God. And if he has truly repented, I have no qualms with that.

    A part of the problem is that CB has a lot of die hard stans who have sought to excuse what he did ever since it happened. A lot of young men and young women don't think he did anything wrong, and have slandered the victim. Personally, I think these people are idiots, and should be ignored. Am I judging these people? YES!! However, I am also critical of us as a community. We have normalized domestic violence and sexual violence against women and children to the point that many of us have no problem rationalizing those actions.

    Anyway, I hope both CB and RhiRhi are receiveing psychiatric help, because they both need it.

  24. I disagree with people that say Black people in general are very forgiving.I find there are many Blacks that are very forgiving of others but when it comes to Black people,they will be the first to judge you like no other.

    The comical thing is many profess to be Christian but I feel that is something many hide behind.

    I pray that Chris is strong…

  25. Actually…I think part of the problem is that whole story has not been told……

    The truth is that no matter what those that feel they can judge Chris think about him,Rihanna's history need to be exposed as well because again she is not a saint and she has a history of abuse whether those of you that like her make excuses for her or not.

    It's detrimental to hit someone whether they are male or female………You can't cry victim just because you are a woman if you hit a man first.A man is a man not some unfeeling robot…….

      1. ooops got a little over-zealous there.

        What I was going to say is that I agree that it's wrong for anyone to hit anyone in a relationship. Women don't get a free pass just because they're physically weaker. You reap what you sow is gender-agnostic. So if you sow a box upside the head should you really be surprised if that's what you reap?

        1. #Agreed!

          "It’s detrimental to hit someone whether they are male or female"

          ^^^Agreed as well

  26. Sigh. I loved this post but all the Chris Brown and Rihanna talk gives me chest pains. Our collective interest in the lives of celebrities just makes me want to put my head down on my desk and cry.

    But I forgive you all for it…hahaha

    I'm a forgiving person. With only one exception I have forgiven every wrong done to me; if for no reason other than the fact that holding in anger gives me stomachaches and no one is worth that to me.

    1. i've never commented this much on Chris/Rihanna cause it wasn't of that much importance to me cause it didn't directly effect me…i wish that people will make it more so about the realities of domestic violence more so than about the celebrity status…

  27. Quick Biblical note – God's forgiveness and grace, if you believe in it, means he no longer punishes us for our sins the way he did in the Old Testament. It does not mean we are not held accoutable for our wrongdoings. In the OT, if you did something wrong, not only did you bare the worldly consequences of your sin, but, you were also punished by God in that you were separated from him. Examples of this are Adam and Eve, Sodom and Gomorrah, and Samson and Delilah.

    In the NT however, God sent his son to bare the weight of human sin. So, he no loger punishes us, and our sin doesn't mean we're separated from God (so long as we ask for forgiveness). If you ask for forgiveness God will forgive you and he won't punish you. Now, just because he doesn't punish you doesn't mean nothing bad will come of your transgressions. You'll still have to deal with any worldly consequences of your wrong doings.

    If you shoot someone and then get caught, and then find true faith in God, and therefore realize the depth of your transgression and therefore ask God to forgive you… He will… but you still gotta go to jail. If you run up in a prostitute raw, but then find faith in God, and therefore apologize and beg for his forgiveness, he will forgive you, but, if you caught an STD – he's not taking that away.

    Just wanted to add that to the mix. I think it's relevant when we talk about how we forgive one another. I know not everyone is of faith, so, if you're not, you can disregard this post. But for those of you who are, keep that in mind when you think about how your forgiveness should reflect God's.

    1. I agree!

      Clearly, Chris Brown has been held accountable..he was indeed convicted and he is still reaping the fruits of what he has sown……I will go on to add that when God forgives US he actually blots out our sin..it is as if it never occurred. It is completely FORGOTTEN…now if only MAN could come to that level of forgiveness that would be great…..

    2. This is a good point, and I agree with you. Ask for forgiveness, and repent of your ways, and you are forgiven. As people, we strive to be forgiven by the ones we hurt here on Earth. However, once God has forgiven us, whether or not they forgive us dosn't matter. By asking for forgiveness, we have done what God requires us to do. If that person chooses not to forgive, it's between them and God, and God will judge them accordingly.

  28. I too agree you can't punish the boy forever.. not saying that what the boy did was right but le.sigh.

    My main issue with my twitterati was how the same people who were talking about crucifying Chris Brown were the same people talking about how they wanted Tyrese to Jodi them up against the wall. Ummm that man beat his pregnant girlfriend but I guess all is forgiven right? gtfoh.

  29. I said it. I said it. Can't ever talk about a topic like CB & RiRi without people showing their @$$. Carry on. And this is in general. Please, shall you proceed? Yes indeed!

  30. You know something?

    F*CK this whole "Black people this and that" EXCUSE!!!!

    What if I told you I was white? Then what?!


    If some of you saw my DISCLAIMER I SAID I don't condone what he did!!!

    Furthermore in my gchat status I said that people wouldn't answer the main question about forgiveness and would just hop on the Chris Brown topic. My My My was I right. Should I blame BLACK PEOPLE for that too?!


    You social media sactified individuals amuse me. Shyts disgusting B

    1. Its a hot-button topic Streetz, that is for sure…my brother is a scorpio so I know this side well….lol. 🙂

      …let's all breathe, please. 🙂

    2. LOL..

      I dont have an issue with yall discussing CB. Too many people are using the #BlackPeople cop out.

      Had to address that because as a black man I dont like my words undermined by a racial crutch. You know Ive gone at commeters since I was a commentor myself. My posts aint for the sensitive

      Discussion is good but let's not act like I said "I agree with CB" or any shyt. Lets read and respond people!

      Im actually willing and ready to ether all hypocrisy with Michael's Sword and Jesus's sandals on. Whats good?

  31. Between the people who want to see Chris Brown incarcerated (which SHOULD have happened), and the plethora of soulless, futile fans claiming CB could "hit me any day," everyone's opinion is pretty redundant.

    People commit crimes of lesser/higher degree all the time. Is it really about them being criminal or about you being harsh and wanting to cripple them? I can't imagine why so many people feel inclined to pass judgment and expect remorse. It's okay to think he was wrong. It's okay to wish the judicial system should have been more consistent. It's even better to engage yourself in attacking these issues. You can't demand remorse!

    I also don't believe it's okay to assume you understand his/the situation, or even speak as though he has taken steps to be a better person/bf etc. Very few of us know how to best handle these situations and the people in them. Thus far, most of what Chris has provided (as an apology, or bettering himself) has not been good enough for many. When will it ever be? Answer: never. Point: let it go.

    All I'm saying is, I certainly would hate to have the general public judge my mistakes. They are merciless when it comes to others. I say spewing hatred and lacking forgiveness is the absolute worst way to help 'mistake-makers' change their ways. We are just further stifling his healing process.

  32. First, I have to say Chris Brown is an amazing dancer, and dances almost too well for a straight man. I love my brain too subject it to watching the BET awards, so I’ll have to YouTube the performance.

    For people saying they can’t forgive Chris, I’m sure he pleads the fifth against you. Not the self-incriminating part, but the double jeopardy part. He served his punishment. He was undoubtedly the “Next Big Thing” in music, and now his ceiling is a good R&B artist. He did the crime and the time, so he doesn’t need you re-trying him. He never did me or you wrong so he doesn’t owe me or you any apologies. I hope his fans welcome him back and he has an opportunity to turn his career around, although like before the incident, I have no desire to purchase his music.

    I haven’t really followed the whole saga, as my family and friends have enough drama in their lives to keep me entertained. I don’t condone hitting women, but from what I heard, Rihanna was physically abusive, started the situation, and she pushed him too far. I have no more sympathy for her than when Steve Irwin was fatally pierced by a stingray or when idiot kids mimicking stunts on [email protected] get killed. Some people look at Rihanna and see a victim of domestic violence. I see someone who suffered the consequences of her actions. She was the instigator, and she still has her career, so I see no reason to continually vilify Chris.

    1. she was physically abusive?do you know that for a fact?or are those just rumors his fans have decided to cook up after the whole 'she gave him STD BS didnt sell?'.

      so lets see, from the police reports, that wasnt the first time he hit her, she has filed complaints like three other times prior to the grammy incident.

      so lets see:

      fact:he beat her and has been beating her

      your verdict: i dont feel sorry for her.

      i laugh in french.

      typical african-american BS.

      1. Not to belabor on this CB/Rihanna incident because it really needs to be sunsetted, but @Leggy:

        1) There were two incidents in which Rihanna either hit Chris or destroyed his property in Barbados.

        2) There was an incident in Europe in which Rihanna had to be asked to leave his tour and escorted home by her mother because she hit Chris.

        3) She herself admitted to hitting Chris, and also hitting in her past relationships and breaking a bottle on her brother's head.

        4) Because the picture of Rihanna leaked early the LAPD put a squeeze on all other information about the case after the initial affidavit and picture leaked. But please keep in mind, you need to read the affidavit very carefully.

        4b) "She put her back to the passenger door and proceeded to protect herself by pushing her legs towards Brown to keep him away." – Excuse me, you mean she kicked the ish out of him repeatedly?

        5) In the report that didn't get released from the search of CB when he was arraigned, it mentioned the "mysterious gash on his lower thigh". Yes, she was wear 6-inch metallic metal heels that night at the party and she stabbed him in the leg with those while he was driving.

        6) In her own words when asked what part she had to play in it, Rihanna replied, "Does it matter what I did to him? Does that give him a right to do what he did to me?" Basically, if she wanted to, she could have squashed it right there, but she didn't she side-stepped and gave a PC answer that women took and ran with.

        CB made it very clear that he wasn't going to tell his side of the story that he just wanted to move on. So we don't know but from what the evidence shows us what happened. Now the previous 6 points I gave you can be found by searching the internet and looking at affidavits, interviews and news articles. Facts is facts.

        The real issue as i've indicated before is that as we sit here and debate this amongst ourselves, somehow I find it hard to spend time trying to convince one of you grown women who knows that DV is wrong about the case. What you should be doing is talking to those 16 and under who idolize the CB/Rihanna relationship and think it's perfectly normal. That's who needs to hear the dialogue.

        Aside, i'm still not willing to believe they didn't have their PR folks set it up from the jump so they could come back and make an album about it and make guap. I'm sorry but Rihanna was about to be out of hip hop and Rated R sold 3 million copies. It was NOT that nice. It was all about her abuse.

        Speaking of abuse, why it seem like every so many years…

        Ike and Tina

        Whitney and Bobby

        Mary J and JoJo

        That's kind of crazy.

        By the way, Whitney and Mary forgave. I think they realized they was just as hot a mess as their men.

        Streetz post was about forgiveness in general, to bad we ended up speculating on Chris Brown.

        1. how come i cant find anything you said on the internet?can you reply me with a link cos all i see is 'allegedly' or 'possibly'.

        2. @Leggy:

          "I ain't gonna spell it out for you motherf*ckers all the time

          Are you illiterate n*gga? You can't read between the lines

          In the bible it says, what goes around, comes around,

          Homie shot me, three weeks later he got shot down"

          – 50 Cent

          I hate when Curtis speaks the truth.

          Funny how this quote pertains to the original post too.

      2. Leggy: "she was physically abusive?do you know that for a fact?…

        fact:he beat her and has been beating her

        your verdict: i dont feel sorry for her.

        i laugh in french.

        typical african-american BS."

        Do I know that for a fact? No, I went by what was reported. Just as you don’t know that she wasn’t.

        As for your verdict, I laugh in English and Ebonics. So basically, although Rihanna was physically and emotionally abusive and therefore partially responsible for what happened to her, she still has her career intact, and few people cast any aspersions on her.

        So here we have a woman thinking women can do what they want with impunity and don’t bear any responsibility for their actions…nope, never seen that one before! Clearly you completely missed the point of me mentioning Steve Irwin and kids doing stupid stunts.

        To paraphrase you, typical female BS.

        1. you said:although she was physically and emotionally abused she still has her career intact'

          so you are saying abused women should be punished for getting themselves abused?oh i get you.very nice dont you think?

        2. Leggy: "you said:although she was physically and emotionally abused she still has her career intact’

          so you are saying abused women should be punished for getting themselves abused?oh i get you.very nice dont you think?"

          No I'm not saying that. I guess I need to spell it out. The reason I said I don't feel sorry for Steve Irwin is because if you want to swim with sharks and stick your head in the mouths of crocodiles, I don't feel sorry for you when you get an arm bitten off. As the saying goes, don't start none, won't be none. If Rihanna was wholly innocent, then yes, I would feel sorry for her, and when she told her brothers and they beat Chris to look like her LAPD picture, I wouldn't feel sorry for him.

          The point is Rihanna is not a victim! You can't be a victim when you are engaging in the act as well, and especially if you instigated the act. It's like feeling sorry for a drug dealer who gets shot in a deal gone bad. Not the same as a little girl sitting on her porch, playing with her dolly, that gets shot in a crossfire.

        3. I think Mr. JayJack's list was quite conclusive. If she said she did, why would I think she was lying?

          I'll play your game. If Rihanna didn't hit Chris and was not abusive, then I feel sorry for her and Chris deserved a similar beating. That doesn't appear to be the reality of the situation though.

        4. i googled what the J person said and all i can see are a bunch of 'allegedly's and 'possiblies'.i just asked him to send me a link of where he found all that.

      3. "i googled what the J person said and all i can see are a bunch of ‘allegedly’s and ‘possiblies’.i just asked him to send me a link of where he found all that."

        So guilty until proven innocent beyond a shadow of a doubt?

        1. yup.i dont believe hear-says.thats how they came up with the whole STD story that turned out to be very wrong.you do have a point but i cant not feel sorry for someone who hasnt been proven to be abusive.

        2. Leggy: "yup.i dont believe hear-says.thats how they came up with the whole STD story that turned out to be very wrong.you do have a point but i cant not feel sorry for someone who hasnt been proven to be abusive."

          From your comments, I assume you're not American. You're certainly entitled to your opinion, but "guilty until proven innocent" is the opposite of how we do it in this country.

  33. I want to forgive Chris Brown. In fact I do forgive him. But the thing is, with domestic violence, only time will prove whether or not you have changed. But Chris, because of his career, never took any time off to really demonstrate that he has changed. He really should have but I suspect his management was hoping things would blow over. Abusers are kinda like pedophiles. Usually they don't change. So it's just hard to accept his apology and move on so soon after the incident. Chris Brown could have been the most amazing entertainer since Michael Jackson but unfotunatley he messed it up. He is gonna have to live with that. You will never get all your fans back or be as big as you could have been.

    Now for the other part of your blog posting. I've recently come to realize that being judgemental might be the #1 character trait I hate. It leads to so many other ugly characteristics. And it is running rampant in the black community. What ever happened to compassion? When I meet judgemental people I just want to kick the [email protected] out of them and then say "I guess you should have studied martial arts a little more." (Get it….I'm judging them) 🙂

  34. This is for streetz so he'll stop being emo…

    I think forgiveness… true forgiveness is the toughest thing to master. I forget whether it was hear or 3ways but there was a discussion on not bringing up the past in an argument… I've been in arguments were I've wanted to say something from the past and that reminds me that I haven't truly forgiven someone for their transgressions.

    I think as I grow I want to learn how to get over the short term forgiveness for a true "i won't ever think about this again" forgiveness. I'm not saying things should be forgotten but there has to be a point where you won't feel the need to use it as ammo if you've already really forgiven someone for something.

    1. It was here you saw that. And you're right, true forgiveness is as hard to do as hell is hot. And hell is really hot.. from what I've seen…in cartoons.

      It's hard to forgive someone for something that was done, especially when you consider the degree of wrongdoing BUT I'm no angel (yup, I had you all fooled). I can't live with a chip on my shoulder, big enough to feed Cambodia. Live and let live. (I think I said that wrong on Twitter. Whomp.)

    2. Im the furthest thing from emo sweetheart. I just get tired of people's cop out and generalizations, so I express them here in an entertaining matter.

      Thanks for answering the main idea tho 😀

  35. When I was younger, I forgave nothing. I remembered every transgression ever committed against me. Everything! And If I saw that person or saw something that reminded me of that person, it just reminded me how much I hate him, and that I would never forgive him. I was miserable living this way.

    When you hold grudges, the only person you hurt is yourself. You walking arould hating that person, and they have already moved on, and probably forgotten about the situation. So what if (s)he doesn't come to you personally to ask for forgiveness. It is up to you to forgive that person, and seek God's fogiveness for harboring unforgiveness in your heart.

    With that said, it is always better to forgive. You don't have to forget, but you shouldn't dwell on it either.

    Build a bridge, and get over it.

    1. This is so true! My father doesn't remember any of what he put me through but i remember just about everything…and it hurts me more than it does him…

  36. suffer forever

    glass houses

    needing forgiveness

    I think that you pay a price for everything you do. Things in the dark come to the light. Respect to the court of public opinion, but you got to know how to move on. I don't think people should suffer forever unless that's their punishment. Many people make mistakes everyday. If a man is a deadbeat dad for 18 years and then steps up and wants to establish a relationship with his son. He should be given the opportunity to. However, that doesn't mean things will be peachy on day one. It will take time and a concerted effort to gain that relationship. But we shouldn't expect him to suffer forever.

    I think that we all live in glass houses. I was just talking to Max about this yesterday. A lot of times, especially with Black women, they think that just because you don't know about it, it didn't happen. They will call a girl a ho for sleeping with a dude on the first night they met. Because you don't knwo she slept with Dexter on the first night they met in Jamaica. People feel like only material entered in as evidence is to be judged. As a life coach and a confidant of a many of my friends, many wonder why I shrug my shoulders a lot. It's because I know that everyone has secrets and like Quentin said in the Best Man, "YOU DO DIRT TOO!"

    Everyone has needed forgiveness before, and if you haven't you will. I know that sometimes I get wild, I push people away, I say things I don't mean. I go into my self-destructive diva mode. I kick people out my house, I call girls ho*s for absolutely no reason at all, I may even pour some cristal on white b*tches head, I wake up the next day and I need forgiveness. I am glad that people know that when I ask for forgiveness it's with the intentions of never doing it again and that my heart/mind is in the right place.

    Speaking of forgiveness… anybody on here work at Sallie Mae? or Visa? #imjustsayingtho Sallie Mae you've made mistakes too, help a brother out.

    1. Speaking of forgiveness… anybody on here work at Sallie Mae? or Visa? #imjustsayingtho Sallie Mae you’ve made mistakes too, help a brother out.

      ^^^And a sista out…i'mma be Sallie Mae's b*tch for the rest of my life!

        1. she is a cold hearted b*tch that continuously increases her interest rates as each year passes! I hate her but i still need her…#gradschool

    2. "People feel like only material entered in as evidence is to be judged."

      Excellent point and why I want Dr.J's babies!

      Case in point – a post that could have led to a discussion about things we've done that we received forgiveness for or egregious acts that we can't forgive has turned into Chris Brown's mock trial.

      It's so much easier for us to cast our judgment on other people's actions rather than offering up our own for scrutiny.

  37. *break out in Liberian Girl VERY LOUD too*

    Naku penda piya. Naku taka piya. Mpenziwe!! Liberian Girlllll…. you came and you changed my world, a love so brand new :-X

    … with two lovers in a scene, and she says, "do you love me?" and he says so endlessly, "I LOVE YOU!! Liberian Girl!!! All the time!!

    Naku penda piya. Naku taka piya. Mpenziwe!

    I'm sorry. I was feeling a kinda way.. #CarryOn

  38. none of us REALLY know what happened in that car. let them live.

    i forgive BOTH of them, it's rare that someone gets hit for NOT talkin' sh*t…

    1. oh, so you are saying, 'i think its okay to beat someone if they talk shit'.ha ha ha ha.this is why the african-american race isnt going anywhere up the ladder any time soon.

      1. If you think Domestic Violence is major problem in the black community you must not know any black people…

        400 years of slavery gets traced back to a couple of pimp slaps?

        Where they do that @?

        1. just like an african american to keep blaming slavery for every damn thing!and yes, domestic violence is more prevalent in african american homes, pick up a book or better yet google is your friend.

        2. I'm fairly certain CHeeKZy didn't blame slavery for anything. Please read his comment again.

        3. just like an idiot to not understand the point I am trying to make…. I'll type in caps.


          Just b/c it is more prevalent doesn't mean its the cause of our plight. In fact a more clear head would point out that DV would be more of a by product of more important social issues (such as poor family base and the inablility to communicate).

          and just to continue this schooling. There is actually no police report from a prior attack. Chris Brown actually had a clean record at the time of his attack.

          And more school. I'm not african american.

        4. Leggy for all that.. you still didn't get it straight.

          What I am trying to say is that stupid people ruin a community not simple mistakes.

          So having a Hitler type opinion is doing worse for the community than the actual crime of DV.

          SMB needs to put an IQ test on the site before you are allowed to comment.


        5. oh..so all DVs are simple mistakes?got you.

          and maybe your just dumbing me down and everytime i read one of your silly comments where you try to sound smart i loose IQ points.


        6. LOL…

          Cheekz…shame on you for arguing w/ a 12 year old.

          Leggy…go play somewhere, Cheekz is busy.

          Yes…I'm old and ignorant and all that is wrong w/ the Black race. I've accepted that.

        7. um…leggy spelled "offense" wrong…#imjustsaying.

          Jesus be a spell & grammar check for leggy…

        8. @ SDot and LDejean:

          SHE'S 12!!

          @ Streetz:

          I remember being that age thinking I knew everything. Then I started blowin' L's and forgot that I even cared.

          Wait….what were we talkin' about anyway??

        9. WAIT! I'm having an OD blond moment (no offenSe) but where was her age mentioned? I'm scanning the page with Ctrl + F and can't find it. Lmao Cheekz you really argued with a 12 year old? Tehehe

        10. I don't think she needed to mention it…it's totally obvious.

          No offense – I know you're a pup too.

          Once you pass the age of 25 you can spot the young ones a mile away.

        11. She didnt mention her age…just click on her blog. (iRead) If you get to talking about the difference between being asked out by upperclassmen and underclassmen boys, I'ma just assume you're 12 or in that range.

          Anybody seen Juniebug lately??? O_o

        12. ROTFLMAO! I love the people posting in this thread!

          I'm 24…i'm less than a year away from being able spot such things!

          SDot, you are forever my homie *dap* for the errors count! lol

  39. nice article.

    i've been hesitant to say anything about this…but in short…he did a great job. i dunno if his PR team picked the song, or him…but it went with the flow.

    that being said, i already buy his albums (when i can – member of Broke Phi Broke), however, i don't know HIM as a person. i don't know CB's and Rhianna's situation, at all. all i know is that he was arrested, he was sentenced, and he fulfilled the sentence (or is still in the process). so for me, it's between him, God, his family, Rhianna's family. otherwise…


    i don't know what would make others feel better about Chris, maybe folks wanna beat his *ss (pause) to release their rage…or maybe things have happened in their life, that allow them to put themselves in Rhianna's shoes.

    i think the lesson learned is that EVERYONE needs to keep they hands and feet to themselves. also ANYONE has a potential to acts of violence/assaults/random moments of f**kery. even the most chivalrous man, pushed to extreme levels, has the potential to snap back like a rubberband.

  40. This is a really great post. Forgiveness in its true form is something that a lot of people have yet to master and I am no exception to that.

    I think that it is human nature to classify one transgression as being graver than another when the Bible clearly says that there is no sin greater than the other. Wrong is wrong period. There really IS no hierarchy of sins if you believe in God. I think that's one tough pill to swallow though, but that's just what it is.

    That being said—forgiveness is not a favour you are doing for the transgressor. Forgiveness is for you. So that you may move on with your life and not hold on to any malice towards that person because in the end you are going to be hurting yourself. Double double–holding a grudge is ALSO a sin so you're gonna end up reversing roles and being the one asking for forgiveness as a result.

    From a non-religious stand point and simply from a moral one–we've all done things we're not proud of. I cannot get with sanctimonious attitudes of people (some have been displayed today on this site). Humans are not infallible. We all slip up and we all require forgiveness. If you've ever required forgiveness then I sure hope that you can give some too.


    I just had to say that

  41. as far as forgiveness, chris brown doesn't need any from me. forgiveness should come from people who actually care and are invested in his life or the situation in question.

    people (on this blog and all over the world) talking about i can't forgive kill me. i'm sure both rihanna and chris brown won't die if they don't have your forgiveness. o_0

  42. When RhiRhi first gave Breezy a second shot at Diddy's beach house all these gossip queens stuck their noses in and said "once a beater, always a beater".

    Well its been a year and a half and Chris has had several relationship since than…. I see no sign abuse?!?!? Could it be that a black man actually learned his lesson?

    Maybe he wasn't a beater and was just a kid who lost his temper which happens to 19 year olds all the freaking time! (not beating a chick up, but losing their temper).

    Unless someone can show me intent to beat Rhianna, I am not going to ruin someone's life over losing their temper. Its easy to play the 'male should never hit women card.' Ask yourself this, have you EVER lost your temper in anyway. If not, I respect you. If you have, ask yourself, would a simple social rule have stopped you? Maybe you are just lucky you have never been in a position where you had to lose your temper with a person protected by such a rule. Its really something 'men' have to deal with.

      1. You're so right – that was a great comment! Too bad it – like the original point of the discussion – has been overshadowed by someone's um…antics.

    1. He definitely intended to beat RhiRhi, whether it was self-defense or he just got angry because she looked at his phone. The intent was to beat her. Now, I don't think he planned to beat her in the car that night. I doubt there was any malice aforethought. I'm not an expert on abuse, but I would think most physical and verbal abusers respond to an external stimuli that provokes them into irrational behavior. Unfortunately, that stimuli can be anything. Now, I don't know what happened in the car that night, but yeah, I think he intended to beat her. He responded to a certain form of external stimulation in the way he was taught to respond.

      By the way, I am not a psychiatrist, so this is all conjecture.

    2. And I have lost my temper. However, it's not in my nature to be violent unless it's a situation of self-preservation. Hell, I've only been in one real fight in my life with someone other than a sibling, and she was a bully that pushed me first. After that, she never bothered me again. lol.

      "I ain't a killer, but don't push me."

    3. I've lost my temper once, and only once. I gave that girl a good old-fashion, passionate ass-whoopin. And, then I felt really bad.

      On one hand, I've always felt that men get kind shafted in this regard. I've seen plenty of buck-wild women hitting men and them having no choice but to basically let it ride. On the other, y'all wanted to have all the power. With great power comes great responsibility. I just look at each situation individually (if I know the players) and stay out of it if I don't. However, I won't sit and watch a man hit a woman in my presence whether she was out of pocket or not.

  43. It's not even 2PM yet. Streetz has YET to REALLY comment. This post is going in the wrong direction. I'm not being a damn mediator. But this is getting nutty. =/ Hmmm

    But with that said.. *skips along* Carry on.

  44. Pain and forgiveness are such universal experiences in relationships that I had to delurk and give my 2 cents. It's helpful for me to separate the issue of forgiveness and boundary setting.

    Forgiveness IMO is the *process* of choosing to not hold a grudge against someone who harmed you. By grudge, I mean the feeling that a person has some debt to pay through proof of rehabilitation or by doing some sort of "good" as a recompense. The truth is once people harm us they can never undo the damage they caused. And that's what makes forgiveness beautiful and gracious…it is freely given and undeserved. What is more, is that forgiveness heals the harmed party as much as the perpetrator…it frees them from constantly reliving and ruminating about what they experienced. Anything less is not forgiveness in my book. And yes, we all know how difficult this can be…so it has to be a conscious moment by moment decision to forgive, and eventually we move on.

    Boundary setting is a completely different matter. Boundaries protect what is precious and highly valued, are acknowledged by respect, and only relaxed through trust. *Healthy* relationships built on trust and respect don't show patterns of entitlement or disregard for others' boundaries. Once a person has violated the sacred trust and respect that hold relationships together, the harmed party has every right and self interest to end/limit the contact, relationship, and this choice is separate from the process of forgiveness. I would agree with those that a display of contrition is not the same as a commitment to deal with one's flaws and grow as a person.

    I can't speak on the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation…didn't watch the award show and don't know the details. But I will say that we all desparately need to receive and grant forgiveness, especially because it allows us to move on with our lives.

        1. You can't see it, but I'm stickin my tongue out at you.

          I wanted to see you on Twitter, but more specifically I wanted to meet your challenge and I failed. It was a public failure at that. *cries*

        2. How could you be so mean, didn't you see me tears? All I learned was to not accept a challenge that relies on more than 10 people.

          Random: I wonder if Chocolate Drop/Junie Bug sees all the random mentions she gets.

    1. If this was prior to December 09, i was under a rock in Alabama…and not on twitter myself! I'm down with that campaign though if you wanna get it back started! lol

  45. Have you ever thought that the saying "God will forgive me for my sins if I repent" allows people to KNOWINGLY (key word) continue their sins (big and small, socially constructed) and throw rocks at the same time?

    1. Well, in case someone does feel that way:

      Romans 6:1-2 – What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?

    2. the key word in your statement is "repent.."

      true repentance is acknowledgement of a sin.. and then turning from it..

      continuing to do the same thing over and over knowing that God will forgive you is not true repentance..

      and it gives more and more opportunities for God to use a different way to get your attention so that you TRULY repent and turn from it..

      God isn't your pimp daddy..

      but i know the mentality that you think of.. i've been guilty of it for a long time..

  46. i'm late.. sue me..

    and DANG @Dr. J for doing all that research!!

    i know it's been mentioned upthread.. but honestly, can anyone judge?! God says he's forgiven.. that's good enough for me.. (if i cared..)

    if i can ask God for forgiveness daily (cuz i sin daily) then who the h*ll am i to withhold it from someone else.. that's hypocrisy..

    Rhianna's moved on.. and she was the one that was affected the most (other than him..) he didn't do anything to me, and i'm gonna hold on to it?! i'm sorry folks, but i got bigger fish to fry..

    when i was 10, i saw my father beat my mother with a butcher knife.. if i can forgive him.. (cuz the God in me is just that great) then i'm not gonna afford Chris Brown's transgressions any of my headspace…

    enough already..

      1. Whats good SDot? I don't think this post will inspire a blog about orgasms…(*Trying to lighten the mood in here*) lol

        1. LOL! but can we talk about how this baby is drooling all over my arm? i'll forgive him but this feels super gross (#seewhatitriedtodothere?)! lol

  47. You ever notice that women say women mature faster than men, but it's always some 20-24 year old girl on here talking nonsense?!

    Let me take this time to say that I forgive @ChocolateDrop or whatever her name is; I think SBM.org would welcome her back with open arms.

    Someone brought this up earlier with Black vs. White, but to be real let me ask this way.

    Who's more forgiving men or women?

    Personally, I think men forgive, but we don't forget. Women they ain't giving you a second of rest, you not forgiven. Remember what Chris Rock said about when you get caught cheating?

    1. I think this is a weird comparison to make because of the "typical" way that men and women handle disagreements.

      Men are more task-oriented in solving problems so once you've dealt with an issue you move on from it whereas women see big picture problem solving, and will tend to bring things back up to make the big picture make sense (psych research paper in undergrad). So I think women are more inclined to bring it up as an example of the whole picture which wouldn't necessarily mean that they didn't forgive you.

      Not my full opinion but an interesting note on the topic.

  48. You cant be devoid of forgiveness if you’re a loving human being…it stunts you…& you miss out on other experiences becos you are 2 busy being angry but I do believe in holding people accountable for their actions so they understand they musnt do it again…#ImmaMakeYouLearnThatLessonWell…Call it my civic duty… LOL

    Saying that, most times, for smaller indiscretions, I let bygones be… because in the scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. However, because I’m so loyal if you betray me then just know it’s not in my nature to forgive. I recognise that forgiveness is the oil of relationships…it keeps things moving…so if you want us to salvage it then meet me halfway by apologising and taking measures to really atone…if you do that then our relationship has a more than a fighting chance at getting back on track but if you think you can swindle me with a half ar$ed apology and a quick succession of empty promises then please take your nonsense out of my life. AND STAY OUT.

  49. I guess we all have things that happen to "set us off" based on our experiences that today we'd find down right repulsive. This is why we have the reactions to C Breezy and Rhianna, Jeffrey Dahmer, rapists, thieves, major manipulators, liars & cheaters, etc.

    Forgiveness helps you to let go and move forward and frees others. It is also a choice.

    In this life you're going to have offenses and you're going to offend. Even when you think you wont. You will.

    Bottom line: No one is perfect.

    No, Chris didn't commit murder, but from those who aren't in his favor, you would've thought he slapped a whole region of women as mental damage had surely been done in the minds of several because of "experiences."

    We all have our flaws, this is why there are undoubtedly personality clashes of opinion….the strong vs the weak, the proud vs the humble, the achievers vs the master minds who craft masters. Mos Def.

    Back to the topic: Forgiveness. I forgave him when I heard the news. I was pissed about where his career was headed soon afterward, but I believe his experience will make him appreciate life more and make a conscious effort to begin to take several factors into consideration before making decisions that could affect him, his family and his career.

    We all need a little bit of dirt to grow. Mary Mary.

    1. How old are you? I'm only 23, so you may not be. Shame on this Leggy person for making the youngsters look bad, lol.

      1. I'm 24…we aren't far off in age…this leggy person just all sorts of tore up written English language…smh!

  50. Off Topic News flash…….I'm officially pissed for the remainder of the day. Zoe Saldana is marrying a white guy. Offically moving Nia Long back to the top of my "Black Women I Love" list.

  51. Fact: Neither Chris Brown nor Rihanna owe me anything.

    Fact: Chris Brown did an excellent job at the BET awards.

    Fact: I can support what I want to and Chris Brown does not have my support.

    That's all.

  52. Forgiveness. I don't think I ever really sit down and make a conscious decision to do that. I just move over and then on. Side effect of being selectively emotionally detached.

    Anywho…regarding Chris and forgiving him? As crass as it may sound, he didn't beat my ass soooo that's none of my damn business.

    Also…if a woman slaps a man she shouldn't be surprised if she gets slapped back. He is a grown man…not your ill behaved child. Keep your hands to yourself. On the other hand…let a negro EVA lose his mind and put his hands on me…he better sleep with one eye open. I'm just sayin'.

  53. You know If the people throwing stones and who cant seem to find forgivness for him could channel that energy into their own familys and communities where their voices and accusations can be dealt with through the proper proceedures of justice. We are all 5 degrees of seperation and if you dont have a girlfriend you know is being beat or you know your hommie is a lil heavy handed or even if your family members have problems keeping there hands to themselves In most states now it is a federal offence You see a b– getting the pimp hand Call the cops take pics Or shut your fr–kin faces on the whole situation Play your part or Stay in your lane but come from behined you screen names and Do something and make a difference where you are effective

    Stop being capt sav a hoe online And do something

  54. Fans of the brand also enjoy expressing themselves through tattooed clothing instead of having to tattoo their bodies. For women the brand offers a tough but feminine look, while men appreciate its edgy rock star appeal.


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